I am going to try and keep my own emotions and opinions minimal and just ask, what would you do? We are a family of 6 (see tag below) I brought the 4 children into the marriage, and we have been married for 3 happy years. It is a solid relationship. For the past 4 years, we've gone to DHs uncles house for Christmas eve. We give gifts to the children there, which would be his 2 young cousins (9&10 y.o.) and his 3 adult cousins kids. His aunt does the same for our children, but his cousins never do. For our DD's birthday, we invited the in-laws. Cousin "A" and her DH and DS came, and again brought no gift. They also let thier DS peel the rubber duck wall decals off my bathroom, and throw rocks in our in-ground pool. Well, now it is cousin "A"s 30'th birthday, and she is throwing herself a party at the local pub. Really, just bringing a cake and some snacks, I'm quite sure she didn't rent the place out, and she probably is not providing the alcohol (I'm guessing..but I'm pretty sure.) She has already sent around an email invitation, and a follow up email to get an accurate count, and to say that as far as gifts go, "gift cards, or anything you think I might like" would be good. Would you go? Would you gift? Would you continue to invite them to your own kids parties? ________________________________________________________________ Onto the sister in law. Another gem. Every year, for the past 4 years, we have also exchanged xmas gifts with the brother and sil at his parents house. Adults and children. This past year, since no one said any differently, we spent about $65 on them, and we received a home printed picture of the 2 girls in an acrylic (think $1) frame. The brother and sil live 2 hours away from us now. It is thier DDs 9th bday. They are having a Memorial/Bday party for her, and like every party sil ever hosted, she asks that everyone bring a dish to share. I don't do this. If I host a party, I provide the food. It would be totally different if it were a joint idea, or a bbq on the 4th of July, but if it is for your own child, I don't think the guests should have to bring food. Not only that, but just to attend would cost us 4 hours driving time and gas, plus a gift. Plus food? When is enough, too much? I could go on to discuss the parents, who showed up at my DDs 21st Bday with ..... *ta-da!* NO GIFT. Same people who constantly refer to themselves as having "3 grandchildren." I guess non-biological children are not real children, or they don't count..or what? Please talk to me ppl. It's been building up over quite some time now. Since before we were married, and my children and I were officially/verbally excluded from the family photo because we were not married (we were engaged, and living together) When DHs grandfather died, the grandmother went back 3 years to dig up that photo that excluded us. Plenty of pictures at the wake, but not one pic or mention of my children. I've been letting it slide, but I'm hurt, and that hurt has turned into bitterness. How would you feel? What would you do? Thanks, in advance. By the way, we are all pretty much equal, financially. No one sticks out as having substantially more or less to me.