I am NEVER up at 230AM! Yet, here I sit. I had my 4th treatment of rituxan today for Non Hodgkins lymphoma. I see my oncologist in March, and I am praying for remission. I don't know if I'm not sleeping because of the rituxan or the steroid I had before the rx. It could be that I slept a couple hours from the benadryl during my rx. A question for those who have been in remission or are a cancer survivor. I will now be "living my life" waiting for the next appt to see what the outcome is. (I hate that part...I had been in the "watch and wait" period for TWO years before treatment was started...therefore I "lived my life" just waiting for those every 3 months appts) Can anyone understand what I mean? (I think I have rituxan brain right now) Will it ever be a distant memory? Can you ever just push it out of your mind? Right now, I just tell myself to take one day at a time.... Hugs and prayers to all that are going thru difficult things. I know there is a plan and God has control. I must say, in a strange way, cancer has been good for me. It has made me a better person, made me appreciate what I have. I really want for nothing...my sister said I have the "content" gene....she does not. I have not worked FT since mid December. I am an RN, just working 1 day a month. I had given up my FT RN position to watch my 2 year old nephew this past year. I'm hoping to be able to watch him at least 1 day a week eventually. But, surprisingly, we are managing...and my DH just got laid off (Always expected, he is a landscaper...so he snow plows when he can, but until these past several weeks, no snow) So, life is good, even tho I can't sleep and I'm rambling in a major way!