Becoming More Social?

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by MissMichigan, Feb 19, 2013.

  1. StitchesGr8Fan

    StitchesGr8Fan DIS Veteran

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    I'm an introvert and don't care for small talk. But as Leonard has to tell Sheldon on Big Bang Theory - it is a non-negotiable social norm.

    Just like extroverts have to learn to relate to introverts, introverts have to learn to relate to extroverts. It's all about compromise, compassion, and understanding.
     
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  3. Nette

    Nette DIS Veteran

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    Agreed... but it sometimes seems like a one sided deal... and the introverts get the raw deal.
     
  4. dmiller64152

    dmiller64152 Mouseketeer

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    SO TRUE! :scratchin
     
  5. Liberty Belle

    Liberty Belle <font color=green>I was going to reply, but I see

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    Well, that's true. You hear people saying "Don't be so shy!" all the time and they seem to think it's perfectly fine. You never hear anyone saying "Stop talking so much! Pipe down!"
     
  6. Agri

    Agri DIS Veteran

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    Here's the thing - everyone has their dealbreakers and not everyone knows what they are until they are confronted by them. Should someone just go "I'm breaking up with you because of _________" or be up front and tell them what the issue is so the person has a chance to fix it?

    As a relationship grows and changes, the people in the relationship grow and change and what each person needs from that relationship changes as well. Once the "honeymoon" phase of a relationship is over, the work begins. The rose-tinted glasses are off and flaws are seen. Adjustments need to be made or the relationship fails. It's perfectly okay if a relationship fails, however to think that someone should just accept someone 100% of the time is the only way to show that you love someone is a bit narrow-minded, imo.

    I think your analogy is a misleading one as someone could be concerned about a person's weight from the point of view that they find it difficult to cope with a partner who isn't leading a healthy lifestyle. A concern about someone's weight does not have to be superficial at all. Nor does a concern about perceived shyness.

    I would much rather be with a man who could sit down and TELL me what he feels are problems/issues in the relationship rather than be called a fat cow or a weirdo in the middle of a heated argument. I'd rather have a civil discussion than be dumped and find out that it was due to an issue that was fixable if only he said something.

    The OP has stated several times that she feels her inability/fear negatively impacts her life and has for quite awhile. That should be enough for ANYONE to be supportive of someone trying to make themselves a better person rather than telling them "No, you don't have to change." SHE wants to. Even if a person might fail, if THEY want to try to be a better person, the right thing to do is encourage and support them. Whether they fail or excel, they'll still learn more about themselves in the process and still become a better person even if their results don't match their initial goal.
     
  7. Ginny Favers

    Ginny Favers <font color=green>I told my husband I think they m

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    I agree 100% that bringing up his concerns was the right thing to do. Obviously keeping them bottled up and then calling her names in the heat of an argument, or breaking up with her without giving her a reason would be worse.

    However, I maintain that giving her a nicely-worded ultimatum is NOT the right thing to do. Saying "you embarrass me, change or I'll leave you" (of course, in a nicer way) is NOT the support a shy person needs to break out of that shell. Not only does it imply she's defective, it's strongarming and threatening, dressed up in a sweet "I'm only saying this to help you!" package. It's wrong. Much more inspiring would be something like, "I know you want to change, I see you putting in effort, and I want to help you. I will be with you and support you, no matter what."
     

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