Julie sent me to Target to buy a pregnancy test. I think she was punishing me.
It was 3 weeks before we left for Hawaii. This was not part of the plan. But there I was crouching in The Dreaded Aisle, the one where you get the knowing looks from passers-by while you try and determine if you need the Name-Brand Urinate-On-A Stick, the Target brand, the digital readout, the one that makes blue parallel lines, the one that makes a + sign
This is all located right next to the items you buy in order to keep from having to buy a pregnancy test later (take it from me: they're only 97% effective), which earns you even more knowing looks. I hate this aisle.
Anyway, I grabbed the $5.98 Target brand (nothings too good for my baby). In an effort to camouflage it at the register and avoid more knowing looks from the cashier, I grabbed some sunscreen for our trip and a toilet brush. Im not even sure we needed a toilet brush. I also got some baseball cards for the kids. Then I decided I was being ridiculous and that I should just own it. So I put it all back except for the pregnancy test and sunscreen.
The test says you should wait several minutes for a result, but we only had to wait about 4 seconds.
Just like that, we had a stowaway on our trip. Needless to say, this threw our lives into chaos. Julie had worked hard to get back into teaching and had spent the past year as a long-term substitute at my kids school. They loved her and were on the cusp of offering her a permanent position. We thought wed have a second income and would finally be able to turn a financial corner, and now
this. Back to square one. There were a few tears, not necessarily joyful ones, as we mourned the loss of our plans for the future. You've heard of the 5 Stages of Grief. With unexpected pregnancies, it's more like the 10 Stages of Numbing Shock. I can't name all of the stages, but here they are in emoticon form:
But eventually we understood the phrase Man plans, God laughs and began to embrace our little stowaway. The only right attitude is a positive one, and this little guy/gal just means well have some more adventures. And lots of Baby Cletus stories.
On top of all this, I had an interview for a promotion right before we left for Hawaii. It was literally the last thing I did at work. So after all that, you could say that we needed a vacation.
Tuesday, June 18
Note: I took along a series of guidebooks by Andrew Doughty called the
Hawaii Revealed series. They printed one for each island we visited: Oahu, Maui, Hawaii, and Kauai and were absolutely worth buying. Not only are they well-written and entertaining, but they have excellent maps, which proved to be vital. Many local restaurant reviews as well. Highly recommended.
Note 2: Nobody likes that guy who comes back from foreign travel and starts using foreign words you don't understand just to prove how cultured he is. So I'll try not to be That Guy, and give the English translation for Hawaiian words whenever I have it, like this: Aloha ("hello" or "goodbye"), Mahalo ("thank you"), and Humuhumunukunukuapua'a ("I fell on the keyboard").
We had driven down to my aunt and uncles house in the D.C. area the night before, as we were flying out on an early plane out of Washington Dulles International Airport. How early? Well, we had to get up at 4:00 a.m.
This wasnt as hard as youd think. Next to Christmas Eve, we never sleep very well the night before a vacation anyway. Theres just too much excitement. Also I probably shouldnt have had all that coffee.
In any case, my parents dropped us off (avoiding long, long-term parking fees) and we hauled our bags to the check-in desk. Here, I must acknowledge my wife as the Packing Goddess. We were spending approximately 2.5 weeks in Hawaii and somehow she managed to do it with 2 checked bags. And they were both under the 50-lb. limit. I dont know how she does it (I'm pretty sure it involves voodoo curses), but yeah
shes good.
We had our first overpriced meal of the trip at the airport Dunkin Donuts. As we waited at the gate, I noticed our seat assignments on the 2nd leg of the flight (San Francisco to Honolulu) were different from what I remembered on our reservations. I had originally reserved 2 seats in one row and 3 seats directly behind, both with window seats on the left side of the plane so we could get glorious aerial pictures of Oahu as we made our final approach. Our new seat assignments had us in the middle aisle of the plane.
I went up to the gate agent and asked about the seat assignments. She apologized, but said there was nothing that could be donethere werent any available seats to re-assign. She said it happens sometimes when they cancel other flights, or change the assigned plane, etc., etc. I asked why the airline lets me choose my seat if they have no intention of letting me sit in it, but she just shrugged and apologized. I didnt give her too hard of a time because it wasnt her fault. But it was still annoying, and I was frustrated that I wouldnt get my glorious pictures of Oahu.
The disappointment didnt last long. We were headed to Hawaii!
Our chariot awaited.
There isnt much to report from the flight to San Francisco. I mean, I guess I could describe the vomit bag for you if youd like, but that's about it. I sat with Scotty while Julie took the two older kids. This particular flight charged us for movies and I'm too cheap for that, so we just read our books.
At one point, the kid behind Scotty started kicking his seat. So Scotty started heaving himself backwards into his seat in retaliation. Made me kinda proud, actually.
When we got over California, I thought I might have spotted Yosemite National Park. It looked like there were two peaks overlooking a valley like El Capitan and Half-Dome. But looking at the pictures now, I'm not so sure. So, here are two possibly random peaks in the Sierra Nevada!
And I also thought I might have seen the abandoned air base that the Mythbusters use near the San Francisco Bay.
After 5 excruciating hours wedged into a coach airline seat...we were halfway there.
We landed in San Francisco and had a very tight layover: 40 minutes. Naturally, the plane sat on the runway after landing for a while. Then we finally pulled into the gate...and sat again. Nobody opened the doors. Then, an announcement: "Folks, we're about 6 inches short of the gate and they'd like us to pull forward. Please stay seated with your seat belts on..."
They finally started letting us off and by the time we got off the plane, we had 20 minutes to spare. We got off at Gate 75, and our next plane was at Gate 62...naturally, all the way down a different wing of the airport.
I'm not proud of this, but I made a pregnant woman sprint. So she made me carry her bag. Seemed like a fair trade.
We were the last people on the plane, but we made it. We settled into our middle-aisle seats for yet another 5 hour flight.
This one had free movies. But nothing good except for Monsters, Inc. Our kids watched that and then became fascinated by the map showing the plane's position, airspeed, distance to Hawaii, altitude, etc. Ok, fine: I was kind of enthralled by it too.
And considering the lady in front of me racked her seat so far back I could have given her a dental exam, I pretty much had no choice but to be enthralled by the screen.
I got regular updates from the boys about how close we were to Hawaii. After another 5 hours or so, we finally flew into Honolulu. I'm sure the view was glorious from the window seats.
Travel tip: If you're a Costco member, use
Costco for your car rental. When I originally booked a car, it was through Avis, and they wanted $140 for 4 days/3 nights. As our travel dates got closer, the companies kept dropping their rates and Costco's deals kept getting better and better. I wound up with a car on Oahu through Enterprise for $72. Using the same strategy on all of the islands, I saved about $500 total for the trip.
We got a Chevy Impala (yes, our bags fit in the trunk) and piled in. Amazingly, our bags had made the flight in San Francisco, which was a minor miracle. We then discovered the First Rule of Driving in Honolulu:
Rule #1: You can't get there from here.
There was not a single sign directing us to the airport exit. There were plenty of signs for places like "Auolele St.", which was as helpful as posting signs in Klingon. The interstate highway, H-1, was above us. We just couldn't find a way up there.
Side note: why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? Because, as the guidebook says, otherwise they'd have to pay for it.
We circled the airport roads for a bit (possibly driving on a runway as well) before finally finding a ramp to the highway. We were finally on our way! Where do you think this family of Disney nuts wanted to go first?
A bonus point for you if you guessed: the donut truck. Hey, we were hungry.
We'd wanted to eat one of the famous malasadas (Portuguese donuts) from
Leonard's Bakery in Honolulu. But we didn't want to drive into Waikiki Beach. Fortunately, they had a truck located on the way to Aulani in the parking lot of a shopping mall.
Yes, we got lost. I had looked up the location a couple of months before but hadn't had time to refresh my memory before we left. But as I drove, I was confident I'd find it even without asking for directions for the following reasons:
1. I'm a guy.
After 15 minutes of aimless wandering, we'd given up and gotten back on the highway, only for Julie to spot the donut truck--
...as we sped past the exit. No problem, we'd get off at the next exit--
...only to find that it wasn't as easy to get back on H-1 in the opposite direction. 5 more minutes of wandering and illegal turns got us back on track. With all the effort we expended, these had better be the Greatest Donuts Ever. By the way, the correct exit is Exit 7, in case you're taking notes.
We finally got to the truck. Malasadas are puffier than normal donuts and are best served hot, since they don't re-heat well and get chewy and doughy later. But man, they're good when they're fresh. We got cinnamon, sugar, and chocolate-filled. After 10 hours of flying, they didn't last long.
So, our first food experiment was a success. It was finally time for these Disney nuts to head to...
Costco. You didn't expect us to pay for Ama-Ama, did you? We're the pigs-in-a-blanket family, remember?
At this point, it was getting close to 3:30 p.m. local time. We'd been up for 17.5 straight hours and we were getting grumpy, tired and snippy with each other. Grocery shopping with the family is annoying on the best of days, and we were not at our best. But we got our shopping done, and piled back into the car. We may or may not have needed to pack the food on the kids' laps.
We were on our way. We rounded the turn at Kapolei and headed up the west coast. We climbed the hill as the resorts of Ko Olina began to come into view. And then, like a shining beacon on a hill, we finally laid our eyes for the first time on...
Coming Up Next: Aulani. Duh.
You do realize there are easier ways to delay future trips long enough for your budget to recover from the just completed one, right??? 
Scott! No generalizations about people named Scott are intended in this TR.
