Advice on introducing a new sport to 11 year old

[sharona]

I completely understand where you're coming from OP. My DD12 has also tried many different things - swim team, basketball, soccer, gymnastics, softball, dance... She is not passionate about any of them. She enjoys basketball and softball but is not a natural athlete and is not willing to put in the practice time to get there. Like your DD she is almost at the age when the rec leagues will be done and she will have to "make" a team in order to continue to play a sport. I don't see that happening with either of her current favorites barring some growth spurt or sudden epiphany. I know that she will miss the camaraderie of being on a team and the new friendships (DD is also a bit introverted) so we've also been considering other options, specifically golf or tennis. Currently, we together decided that she would participate in at least 1 sport and 1 cultural activity (music lessons, art classes, drama club) per season for Fall - Spring for as long as possible. If she doesn't find something that she wants to do, I won't push her to continue sports beyond the rec league age if she doesn't want to. Although I do agree with you that, for girls in particular, team sports can be very important to their self esteem and success at school, I think forcing it on them will pretty much eliminate any benefits that would have been derived.

Some great suggestions in this thread. DD is interested in volleyball but it doesn't start until high school. That would be great as my SIL played vball for junior olympics and could really help her!

Re the swim team - my DD loves to swim and enjoyed the lessons and the team practices but hated the competitions. If she is not into it, I would drop it - it's a huge time commitment!

 

[SEA333]

This X1000 times

She's not opposed to being on a team. She has been on the ultimate "team" sport since 1st grade. She is scared to try something new because she might not be the best.

 

[Mizzoufan]

Not a sport what about band

 

[Dawnlight]

I think getting her into running would be great. Have her start with the Couch to 5k program, register her for a 5k when she's ready, have her do that for a while if there is no track & field or cross country in middle school, then see if she'd be interested in joining either of those teams in HS.

Running is a year-round sport. While there is a team element in MS and HS, it's still very much an individual sport where each member works to improve their personal best.

It's also a great way for introverts to have that quiet time to think; I'm an introvert and really enjoyed running when I was able to.

 

[SEA333]

I completely understand where you're coming from OP. My DD12 has also tried many different things - swim team, basketball, soccer, gymnastics, softball, dance... She is not passionate about any of them. She enjoys basketball and softball but is not a natural athlete and is not willing to put in the practice time to get there. Like your DD she is almost at the age when the rec leagues will be done and she will have to "make" a team in order to continue to play a sport. I don't see that happening with either of her current favorites barring some growth spurt or sudden epiphany. I know that she will miss the camaraderie of being on a team and the new friendships (DD is also a bit introverted) so we've also been considering other options, specifically golf or tennis. Currently, we together decided that she would participate in at least 1 sport and 1 cultural activity (music lessons, art classes, drama club) per season for Fall - Spring for as long as possible. If she doesn't find something that she wants to do, I won't push her to continue sports beyond the rec league age if she doesn't want to. Although I do agree with you that, for girls in particular, team sports can be very important to their self esteem and success at school, I think forcing it on them will pretty much eliminate any benefits that would have been derived.

Some great suggestions in this thread. DD is interested in volleyball but it doesn't start until high school. That would be great as my SIL played vball for junior olympics and could really help her!

Re the swim team - my DD loves to swim and enjoyed the lessons and the team practices but hated the competitions. If she is not into it, I would drop it - it's a huge time commitment!

Thank you!!!

That is exactly what kind of advice I needed. I asked DD if she was still interested in trying tennis and she said yes, that she wanted to give it a shot. (she asked a couple years ago, but she was so busy with cheer and dance that year that she didn't have time).

Time commitment doesn't scare us if they love what they are doing....football and cheer is 5 days/week, 2 hours/day in Aug, then 3 days/week, 2 hours/day plus a game or competition on one of the weekend days. DH and I both coach. Time commitment is cool with us, and the kids, as long as they WANT to do it.

I will be honest and say that it's hard to walk away from the time and money and emotional investment a kid has put into something (tumbling/cheer, and swim in DD's case) and start over. Obviously, their happiness is most important, but just having her walk away as an 11 year old without guidance from someone who can help her see the big picture would not be very responsible on my part as a parent. She *wants* to cheer in high school, but she will not make the team without being able to tumble, and cheer is really the only sport she has ever focused on. She is not opposed to being on a team, she is opposed to having to be on a team where she thinks she will not be good enough.

 

[SEA333]

Not a sport what about band

I have always loved your posts when I read them, so trust me when I say that I am NOT trying to be difficult on purpose! LOL

She chose cheerleading over band. She doesn't have time to do both.

She does want to join choir in Middle School though...they meet in the morning before school.

Thanks!

 

[sharona]

Thank you!!!

That is exactly what kind of advice I needed. I asked DD if she was still interested in trying tennis and she said yes, that she wanted to give it a shot. (she asked a couple years ago, but she was so busy with cheer and dance that year that she didn't have time).

Time commitment doesn't scare us if they love what they are doing....football and cheer is 5 days/week, 2 hours/day in Aug, then 3 days/week, 2 hours/day plus a game or competition on one of the weekend days. DH and I both coach. Time commitment is cool with us, and the kids, as long as they WANT to do it.

I will be honest and say that it's hard to walk away from the time and money and emotional investment a kid has put into something (tumbling/cheer, and swim in DD's case) and start over. Obviously, their happiness is most important, but just having her walk away as an 11 year old without guidance from someone who can help her see the big picture would not be very responsible on my part as a parent. She *wants* to cheer in high school, but she will not make the team without being able to tumble, and cheer is really the only sport she has ever focused on. She is not opposed to being on a team, she is opposed to having to be on a team where she thinks she will not be good enough.

Our town has 2 options for cheering - Cheer and Competitive Cheer. Girls have to join both if they want to be on the Competitive team but they do have the option (in Middle School at least) of just cheering for the MS teams without being on the competitive team. Maybe try to start something like that in your town if there is enough interest... IDK what they do at the HS level here as my DD is not interested in cheering.

 

[pumpkinmomma]

Thank you!!!

That is exactly what kind of advice I needed. I asked DD if she was still interested in trying tennis and she said yes, that she wanted to give it a shot. (she asked a couple years ago, but she was so busy with cheer and dance that year that she didn't have time).

Time commitment doesn't scare us if they love what they are doing....football and cheer is 5 days/week, 2 hours/day in Aug, then 3 days/week, 2 hours/day plus a game or competition on one of the weekend days. DH and I both coach. Time commitment is cool with us, and the kids, as long as they WANT to do it.

I will be honest and say that it's hard to walk away from the time and money and emotional investment a kid has put into something (tumbling/cheer, and swim in DD's case) and start over. Obviously, their happiness is most important, but just having her walk away as an 11 year old without guidance from someone who can help her see the big picture would not be very responsible on my part as a parent. She *wants* to cheer in high school, but she will not make the team without being able to tumble, and cheer is really the only sport she has ever focused on. She is not opposed to being on a team, she is opposed to having to be on a team where she thinks she will not be good enough.

If she likes cheer but doesn't enjoy tumbling, have you looked into pom, flag corps, or dance teams at the high school level? if she enjoys the routines and performance aspect of cheer, this may be a good fit for her.

I'll be honest, I think you are overthinking things a bit right now. She may very well end up aging out of her current activities, but it's not unusual for kids to do so. She has a few years before high school, she may very well decide to get more serious about cheer on her own in the next couple of years, or she may decide to do something else entirely, but it's really best if she comes to it on her own.

 

[wishesuponastar]

My kids didn't really start tennis until they were around her age. It's a great sport because it's an individual sport done with a team.

Fencing is another sport that may hold interest, but it wouldn't be offered in middle or high school teams, you'd have to find a club around you.

But, sports is not the only way to feel invested in your school. There will be plenty of other clubs she can join that might be a better fit for her.

I agree that sports is not the only way to be involved at school. My middle daughter is in the orchestra program, actually wants to be an orchestra teacher. She is also a member of 3 Honor Societies that keeps her busy with volunteering and meetings.

 

[SEA333]

Our town has 2 options for cheering - Cheer and Competitive Cheer. Girls have to join both if they want to be on the Competitive team but they do have the option (in Middle School at least) of just cheering for the MS teams without being on the competitive team. Maybe try to start something like that in your town if there is enough interest... IDK what they do at the HS level here as my DD is not interested in cheering.

Our league is in conjunction with our football league, so the girls do both sideline and competitive rec cheer on the same team. We sideline and do a halftime show at one game/week, and compete at 4 competitions per season. (I coach DD's team)

Our middle school does have sideline cheer for basketball, which DD will most likely make if she wants to try out. They do not compete, tumble, or stunt, so she won't have to worry about that.

At the high school level, winter cheer is sideline for basketball PLUS competitive cheer for competitions. DD has the sideline (easy) part, but since it is combined with competitive in HS, she will have to try out and show that she can tumble because the HS competitions feature a LOT of tumbling. It's not to say that she *won't* make it with just a round-off back walkover , but our HS team is pretty good and most of them can do running/advanced tumbling. They will take those girls over DD because they can get more points at competition if everyone can do a tumbling pass.

So, we have Middle School cheer covered at least!! (if she wants to do it)

 

[SEA333]

If she likes cheer but doesn't enjoy tumbling, have you looked into pom, flag corps, or dance teams at the high school level? if she enjoys the routines and performance aspect of cheer, this may be a good fit for her.

I'll be honest, I think you are overthinking things a bit right now. She may very well end up aging out of her current activities, but it's not unusual for kids to do so. She has a few years before high school, she may very well decide to get more serious about cheer on her own in the next couple of years, or she may decide to do something else entirely, but it's really best if she comes to it on her own.

You are right...I probably am overthinking. DS15 (we all know how it ends up being the gospel according to whatever your oldest did! LOL) found his passion early and stuck with it. He is focused now on training to play at a collegiate level. He sacrifices every day in order to do this, and loves every minute of it.

We don't expect DD to do this. It's perfectly fine with us that she doesn't. We just don't have any experience in where to go from here with her.

 

[luvsJack]

I have always loved your posts when I read them, so trust me when I say that I am NOT trying to be difficult on purpose! LOL

She chose cheerleading over band. She doesn't have time to do both.

She does want to join choir in Middle School though...they meet in the morning before school.

Thanks!

Does the high school she will attend have a choir? I ask because dd sort of started choir (it was showchoir) in middle school and will have been in choir all 4 years in high school. Its not a sport, but if she likes it and strives to be good at it, its a lot of work and can be a lot of fun. And for dd, the choir becomes their "group" to hang out with at school and afterwards. They are almost like a family.

 

[SEA333]

Does the high school she will attend have a choir? I ask because dd sort of started choir (it was showchoir) in middle school and will have been in choir all 4 years in high school. Its not a sport, but if she likes it and strives to be good at it, its a lot of work and can be a lot of fun. And for dd, the choir becomes their "group" to hang out with at school and afterwards. They are almost like a family.

Yes, and they went to Disneyworld last year

I was in choir in high school and loved it. I would love for DD to do it too...I miss Christmas concerts!!!

 

[bsblady01]

don't push her, let her come to you if she want's to try a new sport.

 

[luvsJack]

Yes, and they went to Disneyworld last year

I was in choir in high school and loved it. I would love for DD to do it too...I miss Christmas concerts!!!

I thought choir was going to be soooo boring (my sons played baseball, football and soccer) but its really a lot of fun. We went to WDW last year, sang at DTD. This year they will be going to San Antonio TX.

 

[SEA333]

don't push her, let her come to you if she want's to try a new sport.

We have always taken the stance of "We will introduce it, they will decide if they love it or not" with our kids. We have seen too many kids miss out because their parents have asked them: "Would you like to try such-and-such, little Tommy?" Tommy has no idea what it is, and says no, and that is the end of it.

To us, activities are like broccoli: you have to try it at least twice before you decide that you hate it. Case in point, DS15 was introduced to football at 8 years old. He didn't love it the first year and said he didn't want to play again. His coach saw something in him, and asked us to talk to DS about trying one more time. He is now a a HS sophomore who, on his own accord and wishes, trains year-round, and lives, breathes, and loves football so much that he not only pushes himself and sacrifices to get better, but his serious career goal is to become a coach at the college or NFL level. Of course he would like to be a player, too, at those levels. but he sees an even longer-term goal in his area of passion. This, from the kid who would have said no had he not been pushed by his coach and parents to try something at least twice.

He played baseball and hated it after 3rd grade. He saw no point in standing at the plate with balls whizzing right by his head wildly pitched by other 9 year olds LOL. He hasn't played since. We were OK with that. It was his choice after he tried it for a couple seasons.

We won't make our kids do something that they obviously hate, but we will never stop introducing/encouraging them to try something new, at least twice

 

[cabanafrau]

You are right...I probably am overthinking. DS15 (we all know how it ends up being the gospel according to whatever your oldest did! LOL) found his passion early and stuck with it. He is focused now on training to play at a collegiate level. He sacrifices every day in order to do this, and loves every minute of it.

We don't expect DD to do this. It's perfectly fine with us that she doesn't. We just don't have any experience in where to go from here with her.

It doesn't sound that you are truly fine your DD hasn't found her niche yet. You say you don't expect her to follow her brother's pattern, yet you can't let go of the fact she hasn't.

If you've got an older kid you know that HS is the time when the opportunities open up more fully. What about drama, the musicals, yearbook, newspaper, dance team, golf team, archery club, key club, volleyball, etc., etc. She's eleven, you're pushing way too hard for her to have a plan mapped out.

 

[puffkin]

My DS9 is a very gifted competitive swimmer since age 6. He sounds a lot like your daughter in that he has to be the best always at everything he does. While often times he is the best in his league and he puts in a ton of time and effort, he will never be the best (well its 99.9% unlikely), especially now that we are starting to hit the state and zone meets. There will always be someone better than him which doesn't take away from his accomplishments and he is still successful if he keeps dropping time, regardless of what the other kids do. He can't control that.

We have been hammering that concept into him from day 1. Swimming is very goal oriented and time oriented. He can only control his times, not what the other people do. Sometimes that means he comes home with the trophies/medals, other times he doesn't (especially at the bigger meets or if he just ages up to a new age group). Swimming is VERY rewarding at all age levels if she can understand that concept. If she can't, especially at her age, it probably isn't the sport for her. She will probably need about 2 years to get up to speed with peers her age who have been swimming competitively since age 5/6. It can definitely happen, but she has to know that up front and not get discouraged.

I agree with the previous poster about looking into diving. If she likes swimming but more action, have you looked into water polo as well? My DS just started and is really enjoying it. Nice break from doing laps for him!

 

[kimblebee]

Stop forcing her to do things YOU want her to do. It sounds like you are planning her life out and she isn't getting much say. It isn't the worst thing if she isn't in a sports activity, there are lots of other activities for her to choose.

 

[SEA333]

It doesn't sound that you are truly fine your DD hasn't found her niche yet. You say you don't expect her to follow her brother's pattern, yet you can't let go of the fact she hasn't.

If you've got an older kid you know that HS is the time when the opportunities open up more fully. What about drama, the musicals, yearbook, newspaper, dance team, golf team, archery club, key club, volleyball, etc., etc. She's eleven, you're pushing way too hard for her to have a plan mapped out.

Well, I have to be fine with it if she hasn't, right? But, yes. Very intuitive. I am starting to worry that she hasn't. I will admit that. It's because, in our community, if you haven't played/done something since you were 6, you don't make the team once rec league is over. I just don't want her to wake up one day and find out that she has been left behind. I am pretty proactive...if there is something she wants to try now that can help avoid this, I will do it. That's where I need all of your help - in getting ideas on what to do/how to do it when it comes to this, since my first kid didn't go through this at this age. It's like I'm a first time mom here in this area.