Adoption story that needs to be said and stopped

[bcla]

In Maryland the father has to consent to being named on the birth certificate, even if the mother and father are married. I would be willing to bet many states have this law to prevent women from naming anyone they choose as the father.

A husband is a "presumed natural father" in California. That was a big story with a certain person who was famous for being famous. She was trying to get a divorce before the kid's BC would state that he was the father instead of the biological dad.

 

[rigs32]

Court rulings do unspeakable things that should not be. But one day they will answer for it.

So if I, as a judge, apply the facts of a case to the existing law of my jurisdiction and you don't think it's the proper outcome, I should go to hell? That's how I read this post.

I've working in the criminal justice system my whole career and I know of no one looking to screw people over just because.

 

[mom2rtk]

I have three main reasons for saying no they should still have to pay.

1) As much as it sucks that mom can get an abortion and Dad can't there is a life that needs to be cared for. If you didn't want to have to deal with this you shouldn't have participated in the act that created the life.
2) I don't think Parents should be able to foist the responsibility for paying for a child they created on the tax payers just because they want nothing to do with the child. Someone is going to end up paying for the child. There is already a system where you can sign away rights if someone else were going to adopt the kid (when a step father wants to adopt the child) but then you still have a second person that is now agreeing to support said child.
3) Unfortunately I think if offered the choice of signing away parental rights or paying child support more parents that would have spent at least some time with their kids, would sign away their rights. I don't think have a policy that is going to leave more children not knowing their parents is a good thing. I know someone that is a good Dad now, but when he was teenager and the baby was born was incredibly immature as was mom and there was a ton of drama about everything. I think he may have signed away rights at that time if he could have... That baby is now an adult though and has had a great relationship with her Dad.

I agree. I think the ability to sign away rights to save money would have a terrible impact on our society. I think once you create that life, you should not be able to bow out so easily.

 

[gwynne]

So if I, as a judge, apply the facts of a case to the existing law of my jurisdiction and you don't think it's the proper outcome, I should go to hell? That's how I read this post.

I've working in the criminal justice system my whole career and I know of no one looking to screw people over just because.

I understand your point. I'm not dipping my toe into any discussion about the afterlife.

That said, you must be aware the laws in Utah are very, very strongly skewed in favor of the birth mom and adoption agencies. I think bad publicity has had an effect. There was a slight change in the Utah adoption laws in 2014 relating to out of state birth moms.
It will be interesting to see the outcome of this case.

 

[NHdisneylover]

So if I, as a judge, apply the facts of a case to the existing law of my jurisdiction and you don't think it's the proper outcome, I should go to hell? That's how I read this post.

I've working in the criminal justice system my whole career and I know of no one looking to screw people over just because.

I agree it is not the fault of the judges that the laws the judges are sworn to uphold are bad laws.

 

[mom2rtk]

http://kdvr.com/2015/11/22/dad-says-baby-put-up-for-adoption-without-permission/

A man whose ex girlfriend had a baby girl the father had been raising her alone for two weeks when the mother put the baby up for adoption without his consent. The scumbags adopters use the police to take the baby from her loving father this needs to be given as much publicity to shame the courts to return her. This is not a dead beat dad, this is not a man absent from being a dad this father was raising his daughter. The child does not need to be taken by such scum as the paps.

What a heartbreaking story.

I must have missed the part that confirmed the adoptive parents were scumbags though. Do we know that they knew the father was raising her and did not want to relinquish his rights?

 

[handinpocket]

What a heartbreaking story.

I must have missed the part that confirmed the adoptive parents were scumbags though. Do we know that they knew the father was raising her and did not want to relinquish his rights?

The child would be with the father right now if they were not scumbags.

 

[wilkeliza]

What a heartbreaking story.

I must have missed the part that confirmed the adoptive parents were scumbags though. Do we know that they knew the father was raising her and did not want to relinquish his rights?

Depending on what report you read they were under the assumption the father was aware of the adoption and did not do his legal right to stop it or they knew the father knew but assumed he had signed away his rights. I think the fact they had to get the law involved to come get the baby is a big warning sign. Usually when there are these types of adoptions and everyone is okay with it the baby is handed over from the bio parents to the adoptive parents or it happens at the hospital (some states do not allow it to happen at the hospital anymore).

 

[kamik86]

I have to wonder why an adoptive parent would want to start this fight though. If you had to be police involved to get the child in the first place that would be a huge sign that something is wrong with this adoption.

YOu hear horror stories of moms that change their mind, Dads that all the paperwork wasn't in place and they find out after the adoptive parents had the child for months and want the kid back, etc. I wouldn't want the heartbreak of getting the child only to have the courts still be fighting it if I knew before I ever got attached to this particular kid.

Now if the adoptive parents were just sueing to get back adoption fees paid for this failed adoption this I could understand.

 

[gwynne]

I have to wonder why an adoptive parent would want to start this fight though. If you had to be police involved to get the child in the first place that would be a huge sign that something is wrong with this adoption.

YOu hear horror stories of moms that change their mind, Dads that all the paperwork wasn't in place and they find out after the adoptive parents had the child for months and want the kid back, etc. I wouldn't want the heartbreak of getting the child only to have the courts still be fighting it if I knew before I ever got attached to this particular kid.

Now if the adoptive parents were just sueing to get back adoption fees paid for this failed adoption this I could understand.

edited due to further information...

 

[wilkeliza]

And not just the adoptive couple, the agency as well. The agency had to know where the baby was. They also had to know the baby's father wanted to raise her. (He was caring for her.) Sending law enforcement to physically retrieve the baby for the agency/couple is the part that is really shocking to me. This baby is a newborn. It appears to me this agency/couple was trying to rush things through.
I have a hard time believing the agency didn't tell the couple what the situation was, (loving involved father) and what the proposed solution was to remove the baby from her father (law enforcement pick up).

There was no agency involved. The PAP are family friends of the bio-grandparents and based on what the bio-dad is saying they are very well connected to some adoption judges in Utah and this was all quickly passed through the system in hours instead of the days/weeks that it normally takes.

 

[gwynne]

There was no agency involved. The PAP are family friends of the bio-grandparents and based on what the bio-dad is saying they are very well connected to some adoption judges in Utah and this was all quickly passed through the system in hours instead of the days/weeks that it normally takes.

Thank you! I missed that part. I couldn't see how quickly this zipped through court...

 

[mnrose]

Pathetic. I don't need to know ANY more about the adoptive parents to know they are scum. Anyone who would involve themselves in an adoption where it takes police to get the baby from the bio father, well, that is a scum as far as I'm concerned.

I understand, deeply, the pain involved in wanting to be a parent. and I've known several couples (personal friends) who've had babies placed in their homes only to have the birth parents change their mind. It's awful. But, those are people who entered into parenting a child when they *thought* all parties had fully consented to the adoption....this is wildly different from that. These adoptive parents KNOW their is something "not right" and they still persist in doing the wrong thing. Pathetic.

That child will hate them some day when it grows up and understands what they did.

 

[Gracie09]

Pathetic. I don't need to know ANY more about the adoptive parents to know they are scum. Anyone who would involve themselves in an adoption where it takes police to get the baby from the bio father, well, that is a scum as far as I'm concerned.

I understand, deeply, the pain involved in wanting to be a parent. and I've known several couples (personal friends) who've had babies placed in their homes only to have the birth parents change their mind. It's awful. But, those are people who entered into parenting a child when they *thought* all parties had fully consented to the adoption....this is wildly different from that. These adoptive parents KNOW their is something "not right" and they still persist in doing the wrong thing. Pathetic.

That child will hate them some day when it grows up and understands what they did.

but all you "know" is what you read from the father's point of view. Adoption proceedings are closed. Unless you are in the courtroom, you have no clue as to what is actually the truth. You don't know what the adoptive parents were told about the birth father. You don't know what their attorney has told them to do. So to classify someone as a scumbag based on a one sided news report seems extreme.

I hope this gets resolved quickly for everyone's sake, but especially the child.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

On the surface, it doesn't seem right to take a baby away from a loving father who probably just didn't know what he was supposed to do. He's only 20, just a kid, and I imagine he was a little overwhelmed at the time. Sad situation.

He shouldn't have to do anything. Having your child put up for adoption is something you should have to opt in to, not opt out of.

 

[kamik86]

but all you "know" is what you read from the father's point of view. If you read my daughter's birth mother's position on my daughter's adoption, you would think I stole her from her arms. That is the furthest thing from the truth. Adoption proceedings are closed. Unless you are in the courtroom, you have no clue as to what is actually the truth. You don't know what the adoptive parents were told about the birth father. You don't know what their attorney has told them to do. So to classify someone as a scumbag based on a one sided news report seems extreme.

I hope this gets resolved quickly for everyone's sake, but especially the child.

Yes the one blessing in this case is this child is an infant. HOpefully this is fully resolved quickly so this child never remembers this fight.

 

[kamik86]

He shouldn't have to do anything. Having your child put up for adoption is something you should have to opt in to, not opt out of.

The only reason we say he would have to do anything is that there does have to be something for proving who is the father in cases where the mother is contesting it. It doesn't sound like this is the case here but it has happened that a mother would state she didn't know who the father was in hope of getting the adoption through with Dad never even knowing she was pregnant.

 

[wilkeliza]

Went ahead and deleted as I have spoken with poster I quoted and now understand their situation and don't want to cause further issues during ongoing battle for daughter.

 

[Gracie09]

I'm confused in your situation and I mean no disrespect but if your child's birth mother wants her back then why is it a court issue? I know at least in the one state I've experience an adoption of a close family member they had 90 days to come back for their child. My cousins had the baby from day 1 but still until those 90 days were over they knew their child wasn't theirs. They said whole heart they would have given their little boy back to his mama if she changed her mind and that of course they would have been heartbroken but he wasn't theirs until the judge said he was.

 

[wilkeliza]

Deleted at request of poster for privacy sake during ongoing matters.