A Perfect Gift ?

Discussion in 'Camping Community Board' started by Pirate-Jeff, Jul 28, 2008.

  1. Pirate-Jeff

    Pirate-Jeff DIS Veteran

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    Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.

    A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket taser for their anniversary submitted this:

    Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.
    The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.
    The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

    WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
    I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
    I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

    Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that
    it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There
    I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little
    soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
    needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must
    admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and
    thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give
    this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want
    some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt with my reading glasses
    perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand,
    and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would
    shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed
    to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second
    burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a
    fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting
    the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about
    5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded
    with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
    What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
    I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side
    as to say, 'don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such
    a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a
    one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked
    thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS
    OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .WHAT THE HECK!!!
    I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up
    in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over
    and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
    with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, chest on fire, with my left arm tucked under my body in the
    oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing
    sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above
    the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body
    flopping all over the living room.

    Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note
    of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap
    yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your
    hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst
    would be considered conservative?THAT KNOCKED THE FIRE OUT OF ME, THAT HURT
    LIKE HECK!!

    A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
    that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
    surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the
    mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about
    8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh
    and my chest were still twitching. My face felt like it had been
    shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had
    no control over the drooling.
    Apparently I soiled myself, but was too numb to know for sure and
    my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my
    head which I believe came from my hair.

    P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
    'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'
     
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  3. 2goofycampers

    2goofycampers Sounds like something a camping trip could cure!

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    I want one. Sounds like a fun Saturday afternoon. ;)
     
  4. Gatordad

    Gatordad <font color=blue>Hates WDW<br><marquee behavior=al

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    don't tase me bro
     
  5. ntsammy5

    ntsammy5 DIS Veteran

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    didn't that happen in your neck of the woods?
     
  6. Gatordad

    Gatordad <font color=blue>Hates WDW<br><marquee behavior=al

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    nope, don't know what you are talking about..... might have been someone else you are thinking of.
    :rolleyes1
     
  7. TxTink :)

    TxTink :) LONE-STAR'S DW

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    :rotfl2:That is hysterically funny! :rotfl2: and a good lesson too! Well, now he knows it works. :)
     
  8. HappyCamper87

    HappyCamper87 Mouseketeer

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    Thanks for the story Jeff.

    My boss is in his office like this :rotfl2:
     
  9. des1954

    des1954 DIS Veteran

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  10. Born 2 Fish

    Born 2 Fish I'D RATHER BE FISHING.

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    I WANT ONE TOO !!! Wouldn't it be great to get the whole neighborhood to get these things and go out to the woods and play Taser Tag !


    Jeff , that is way funny !:rotfl2:
     
  11. Pirate-Jeff

    Pirate-Jeff DIS Veteran

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    How about we all get them for the Halloween GG it could be Fun......

    I have the Deluxe thats takes a 9v battery
     
  12. clkelley

    clkelley <font color=purple>I squealed really loud!!<br><fo

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    From the name of the pawn shop, it sounds like that story came from Huntsville. "Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop" That place has been an institution here forever, and I don't think it's a franchise.
     
  13. LONE-STAR

    LONE-STAR <font color=green>1000 miles to far from Disney<br

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    Wow was that guy clueless or what??
     
  14. RvUsa

    RvUsa <font color=blue>John, the special Dis'r formerly

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    OMG I am crying, that was so funny. I know that the description is accurate, I have 2 family members that are police officers, and they both had to be shocked, one is a local patrolman, and one is a seargant in the ohio stat police, and he gets to do it to rookies once a week.

    They both said, that a 1 second blast is the most intense thing they have ever encountered!

    Thanks man, I needed that.
     
  15. Pirate-Jeff

    Pirate-Jeff DIS Veteran

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    Could be my MIL sent it to me. I had to clean it up a bit for the boards
     
  16. kc5grw

    kc5grw Musket Mickey's Motoring Maniac #1

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    I should give one to my son. He and his friends can be just stupid enough to make a game of that.

    That story was just too darn funny.
     
  17. BigDaddyRog

    BigDaddyRog <font color=red>Ask me about my cartoon pitch<br><

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    Thank god these things weren't readily available in the 80s....your son & his friends sound a little like me & my gang of overly intelligent intellectuals!!!:sad2:
     
  18. kc5grw

    kc5grw Musket Mickey's Motoring Maniac #1

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    Yup. They be havin "Don't Tase Me Bro" parties. :rotfl:
     
  19. AuburnJen92

    AuburnJen92 DIS Veteran

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    my mom bought me one of those things back in the 90's when i was in college (back when that horrible man was at florida doing those things we shall not go into here)

    i only had to use it once in my lifetime...

    and no rog and pete, it wasn't on chris...:lmao:
     
  20. Pirate-Jeff

    Pirate-Jeff DIS Veteran

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    How did it work ? and has Slacktester been the same since ?
     
  21. AuburnJen92

    AuburnJen92 DIS Veteran

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    Nah, it was on an old boyfriend...it is actually broken and in the garage, one of the wires needs to be soldered back on

    It is neat though...it is actually a billy club that has the whole end of it with a metal end so if you grab it, you get the business end just like if you got hit with the two prongs on the tip of the club...pretty wicked!
     

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