7 months pregnant and husband having an affair...what now?

Discussion in 'Community Board' started by TRK0011, Sep 27, 2012.

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  1. Liberty Belle

    Liberty Belle <font color=green>I was going to reply, but I see

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    I think the safety of herself and her child should come first. Her parents are in Canada. She is a Canadian. I'm thinking it shouldn't be too difficult for her to find a job once there and she has her parents to help her until she can.
     
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  3. Tuffcookie

    Tuffcookie Enjoys an early hour of peace. Is a smart cookie.

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    She will be living with her parents, who will undoubtly welcome her & her baby with open arms.

    She can work the rest of the details out later.

    TC :cool1:
     
  4. EMom

    EMom <font color=red>Comes from a long line of all fork

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    The number one question I would ask the atty on Friday is, "Can you give me a very strong reason that I should NOT return to Canada and have the baby there, because I can think of MANY reasons why it is better for the baby to be born in Canada instead of the US?" Unless the atty has some compelling reason to stay here, I would put the baby above finances, job, insurance, EVERYTHING and go to Canada. Your husband can make it a living hell for you to ever set foot outside the US if you have that baby here. Also, I would want as much mileage as possible between my baby and that psycho of a girlfriend. She is dangerous.

    Slightly elevated BP should not keep you from going to Canada UNDER THESE CIRCUMSTANCES. There is a threatening woman involved with your husband, a man who has admitted he doesn't want you OR the baby. This has got "bad news" written all over it. I'd put distance between us for the sake of my baby.
     
  5. EMom

    EMom <font color=red>Comes from a long line of all fork

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    Once the child is born, I would give him every chance to sign away his rights to the baby. Forego child support and make sure this man never has contact with the child he so clearly does not want. If for no other reason, to keep the baby away from the psycho GF.
     
  6. punkin

    punkin <font color=purple>Went through pain just to look

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    I am not sure she would be uninsured. But even if she is, that is short term. Being stuck in the u.s. for the next 18 years is a bigger problem.
     
  7. ForAandA

    ForAandA Tiggerlicious

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    OP, I have gone through this personally. I am going to PM you. Sending tons of hugs your way.

    That being said, please put a pin number or a lock on your cell phone. Your husband WILL try to get your phone and delete those messages. He brought it up in conversation, asking why you were keeping them. They are worrying him, he KNOWS his little wench is going to get into a heap of trouble for them. Do not put it past him. He will try to get that phone and delete evidence.

    This is the hardest thing you will ever go through. I am not going to sugar coat it. It WILL get better though, I promise. Keep your head as level as possible, let him leave on his own. If he leaves, he is abandoning his home, and that will work in your favor.

    I would also tell everyone under the sun. His parents, her parents, etc. I am spiteful like that ;)
     
  8. courtneypumpkinroll

    courtneypumpkinroll courtneypumpkinroll

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    Hey I know this is a really late response. I agree with this ^.
    1. You don't deserve anything that is thrown your way right now.
    2. Leaving always sucks simply because you think they will change. I have one thing to say, once a cheater, always a cheater. My mom has been cheated on one too many times. My father has done her dirty. It was either leave him and do what was better for her two kids even though it would be tough being a single mother, or make us all miserable and torture herself. She found an amazing man who stepped in and we now call our father and they had a baby together and we are a big happy family.
    3. Get out as fast as you can because once he has something to get his way he will make your life a living hell.
    4. I believe that something good, believe it or not, will come out of this. You need to get away from the stress. Being in that house will just suffocate you and fill you with stress, depression, and anger. None of which is good for your baby.
    5. Don't fall for anything he says to get you back if that ever becomes an issue. Think about how bad this feels if it does. If he does it once, he will do it again.
    He is not being a man, he is being a child. I believe that there is someone incredible who will love you and your son out there somewhere. But for now you need to think about what is best for you and your child.

    Best of luck!
     
  9. ForAandA

    ForAandA Tiggerlicious

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    Incredible first post. I couldn't have said it better myself.
     
  10. jodifla

    jodifla WDW lover since 1972

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    No, it's best to follow the advice of her doctor (who told her not to fly) and her attorney (who she will see Friday).

    If I were OP I'd also ask her folks to check in with a Canadian lawyer, to see what he has to say about having the baby in Canada and her rights.

    I'm not sure that it will really help her with the passport situation; I imagine Canada will have similar laws about obtaining a passport for a child.

    Her best bet is sole custody and/or for him to terminate all his rights.
     
  11. SaraJayne

    SaraJayne <font color=red>Stop moving those smilies! <img sr

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    Yes, but once she's *in* Canada, passport laws don't matter. That is why she should go now, before the baby is born.

    Once that baby is born, she may be forced to stay in the US. Before the birth, she can go where she pleases and her piece o'excrement DH has no legal say in where she goes.
     
  12. lizabu

    lizabu Disney Maniac

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    I live in Canada and I got passports for my kids without their Father's signature but I have full custody and I had to show court papers proving it.

    I think it's really important this child is born in Canada because if he is born in the US you might lose living in Canada with your child as an option. Or it will at least make things more complicated. If the child is born in Canada you could probably live either here or there. You will have more options. I would never suggest a pregnant woman go against her Doctors advice. You can ship your cats and belongings to your parents and take a train to your parents. They have really nice trains where you can have a cozy room where you can sleep and shower. At 7 months pregnant such a long trip requires some extra thought to comfort.

    The insurance has to be sorted out. If you need to be in Canada 3 months that isn't going to work. Maybe your current insurance will cover you or as mentioned before there are companies that sell insurance for gap periods like this one.
     
  13. bankgirl05

    bankgirl05 DIS Veteran

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    Still thinking of you...

    Will your current insurance cover you if you are just on a "visit" out of the country? If you happen to go to your parents house for a visit, and stay for an extended period of time you may be able to have coverage this way.

    I hope you are safe, and taking care of yourself. :hug:
     
  14. jodifla

    jodifla WDW lover since 1972

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    Unless she actually ever wants to go back to the U.S. She is a U.S. Citizen and has a life there. And a good job.

    If it were me, I'd just wait for my lawyer to help me sort out the details. I'd also probably have BOTH my parents come stay with me, and hopefully chase him out.
     
  15. StephMK

    StephMK DIS Veteran

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    I agree and hope your lawyer is able to give you advice. You definitely want to keep your options open and it sounds like having the child in Canada provides you more choices. Even if you don't want to think about down the road, at least protect your child by having him in Canada. Then if you decide you'd rather live in the US, you have that option.

    Please be careful about sharing anything with your DH. I think things will go much smoother for you the less he knows. He may even try to be charming to get info out of you but please, please keep your son in mind and your safety. Sharing any of your plans or meetings will give him time and information to make his own plans. You want him in the dark as much as possible about what you might want to do while you figure things out.

    Please take care of yourself. :grouphug:
     
  16. jodifla

    jodifla WDW lover since 1972

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    I'm curious what the reasoning is behind this. They'll have to do whatever a judge says, right?? If the judge says she needs to live near her husband to make joint custody, it won't matter that she returned to Canada.
     
  17. punkin

    punkin <font color=purple>Went through pain just to look

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    Let the DuH just try to assert custody over a Canadian citizen across an international border. It would be different if OP has the baby and then takes him to Canada...that's kidnapping, but if she takes her pregnant self, then it is up to DuH to go up to Canada and assert custody there. No Canadian Judge is EVER going to let DuH take the child out of the country.
     
  18. SaraJayne

    SaraJayne <font color=red>Stop moving those smilies! <img sr

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    The OP has dual citizenship. And it won't matter what a judge says, she is free to live wherever she pleases.
     
  19. abdmom

    abdmom DIS Veteran

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    She is free to live wherever she pleases. She is NOT free to take a U.S. minor out of the country without the other parent's consent.
     
  20. sandynd

    sandynd Rookie Desperado

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    Exactly why the baby should be born in Canada, becoming a Canadian citizen. Then a U.S. judge will have no jurisdiction about where the child travels.
     
  21. SaraJayne

    SaraJayne <font color=red>Stop moving those smilies! <img sr

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    Which is exactly why so many are urging her to go now, before the baby is born.
     
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