I've been putting off writing this post for awhile now. I've been trying to pretend and ignore the facts leading to the necessity for this post, thinking that if I don't actually type it out it's as if it's not true. But really that's just lying to myself. So here goes the truth.
I have done zero training so far in preparation of my half marathon.
None. Zero. Zilch.
I didn't intend for this to happen. Earlier this year when I registered for the Disney half I also signed up for a local 10k race with my brother and SIL. I made up a training schedule and all was good. I let a few sad excuses take over my pysche and did nothing. The stupid race is this Sunday and I've not prepared for it at all. Needless to say I won't be running it as planned. Still I signed up for it, and paid for it so I'll be participating. While my SIL is running, I'll be walking the 6.2 miles. The course has the same time constraints as the half marathon going on at the same time, 3 hours, so I feel pretty confident that I can walk 6.2 miles within that time frame. I can usually walk about 3 miles leisurely in about an hour or so.
I hope.
In all honesty I've been in a funk since my vacation in December. I came home in a Disney feeling unhappy and discontent, and if anything the feeling has been getting worse. My full time job has been getting progressively more stressful and difficult. I lost my part time job, causing some financial difficulties, and I've been feeling more and more lonely and disconnected from everything going on around me. In retaliation I've been turning to what I always turn to - food, which of course only serves to make me more unhappy. When I was packing for my March trip to Disney I was a bit horrified to find out that things I had been wearing on my December trip, less than 3 months earlier, no longer were fitting. None of the summer clothes I've been pulling out lately have been fitting either. When I finally weighed myself a couple of weeks ago I realized that I had put on about 20 lbs since I has last really weighed myself about a year ago. I'm guessing that the bulk of those 20 lbs have been put on since December.
I was doing a bit better on my eating, and then I went to help chaperone my niece's 9th birthday party. I love and adore both of my nieces, but sometimes being at their events is really rough on me. I see all these kids, and their families and all I keep thinking about is how that's never going to be me. In those moments I feel utterly alone. Again, I found myself thrown into a tailspin with my eating, and in functioning in general. I've been finding it hard to even get myself out of bed of off the couch to do normal activities, forget about running. All I've been wanting to do is to curl into a ball and do nothing.
I didn't mean for this post to end up being this forthright, but it's why I'm finding myself about to do a race on Sunday that I haven't prepared for at all. I'm doing my best to try to snap myself out of my malaise and get back on track with my training so the same thing doesn't happen before the half marathon. I'm determined to complete this half marathon, no matter what.
The good thing is that the half is not a lost cause quite yet. I have at least been doing Zumba several times a week, so at least I've been getting in some exercise and that's a pretty aerobic activity. I did some research online and found an 18 week half marathon plan, that's a bit longer than the plan I was intending to follow. I like it because it builds a bit slower, and there is one less running day during the week. It's replaced with a cross-training day. I'm going to start with that plan, and see how I like it. The runs start with a mile and build from that point to the 13. Later on I can always switch back to the plan a friend of mine gave me that she followed for her Princess half training. It's the one that she was given through the Team in Training.
That 10K this weekend though, another story altogether. I'm just really disappointed with myself for falling apart so badly, but hopefully walking it will get me going in the right direction again.
