Funny Professor Quotes - The DIS Discussion Forums

Stitch_lover_Sith · 03-02-2005, 05:28 PM

I want to start a thread were people can post their favorite Professor qoutes.

I will start today in war in the western world we were given an example exam question that read.
Clausvitz? So What? Must include Shakespear.
-Dr. Coogan

Megster · 03-02-2005, 05:51 PM

My calc professor when giving an example:
"The car and either either either either speed up or or or speed speed down"
(an no, the repition of words is not a typo)

BluesTravlr00 · 03-02-2005, 06:22 PM

I have too many to list them all off the top of my head. Seems that in order to be a law professor, you must also have a degree in stand-up comedy.

Civil procedure professor talking about contracts professor:
"Oh yea, I'm sure [Professor] Maggs is loaded. Look how he dresses - if I had that much money, I wouldn't give a s**t what I looked like either."

Criminal procedure talking about police conduct after searching a residence:
"What do you want them to do? Close their eyes and get out the seeing-eye dogs?"

Advocacy professor talking about putting a positive spin on your case:
"So maaaybe the company you represent makes rat poison, and maaaaybe the poison caused some people cancer. But in the scheme of things, they were providing a service and giving jobs to their employees. And hey, think of all the dead rats!"

SyracuseWolvrine · 03-02-2005, 10:45 PM

One of my friends computer science professors:
Hi, I'm Dr. Smith, I'll be your professor for this semester. Your TA's name, well, don't even attempt to pronounce it, you won't be able to. Instead, she has requested that you call her "Kay"

WDWprincessloyola · 03-02-2005, 11:23 PM

OOoooo I have a lot of them!

McGettigan (philosophy): Someone stop me! Save me from myself!
And what is beyond Chicago? Wasteland!
So if there is no truth why learn anything? Because I said so.
Reilly (Statistics commenting on bachelors and strippers): So I guess I have
to get that darn Carmen Electra's stipper video and start
practicing!
Tardy (Juvenile Justice): Some boot camps work, keeping people from crime.
Otherwise you just end up with criminals who are stronger, faster
and can get up earlier to commit crimes!

Hippychickali · 03-02-2005, 11:29 PM

I have a lot of funny quotations from a lot of different people. I write them down, in fact. Off the top of my head, I have one from a recent theological class. "So, this is what you do if you want to talk like a Bible . . . "

I have much better ones but I can't think of them off the top of my head. One that I remember from my high school sociology professor is: "Good morning class. What a beautiful morning! You can hear the birds screaming in the trees because they have been frozen to the branches all night. Spring has sprung."

I'll have to go look some more up. I know I have a pile from my high school days.

Ali

Hippychickali · 03-02-2005, 11:45 PM

Here are some from my high school days. Brought back a lot of memories digging these out. Makes me want to start more threads about quotations. I have a lot.

Grade 12 Biology Teacher: "You couldn't make a celery desk, now, could you? Let celery die and try to sit on thet."

Grade 12 Biology Teacher: "Your heart doesn't usually explode when you run. Take that into account."

Grade 12 Biology Teacher: "What happened to the other hydrogen atom?"
Chemistry Teacher: "It's gone."
Grade 12 Biology Teacher: "But where did it go?"
Chemistry Teacher: "...Away."

Debating Coach/Vice Principal: "Karl Marx had little to say about the Canadian Wheat Board."

Debating Coach/Vice Principal: "Time to get passionate."

Debating Coach/Vice Principal: "I don't do anyone's ding-a-ling."

Physics Teacher: "A straight line is a curve that isn't curved. It's a straight curve. It's a special curve."

Physics Teacher: "When you all have found the point of incest..."

Grade 11 Economics Teacher: "Another name for water: land."

Grade 11 Math Teacher: "I am twice as old as my mother."

Ali

MinnieM21 · 03-03-2005, 04:45 AM

jimmybop · 03-03-2005, 11:53 AM

My theater Prof Fresh. year... "That is how theater began.... with a goat and an orgy"

Stitch_lover_Sith · 03-03-2005, 01:44 PM

They cannot play sport this is war.
-Dr Leedom
I have like five pages of notes just with what my two professors say that cracks the class up.

Stitch_lover_Sith · 03-03-2005, 03:24 PM

A Haiku is a five stanza poem.
-Rasparda

Even I know that is not the case and she is supposed to be our teacher.

DaisieJ225 · 03-04-2005, 07:44 PM

My Sociology professer Mr. Altman likes to use the quote, "oh no saber-tooth tiger breath." that's my favorite one so far.

Tink the Rock Star · 03-07-2005, 01:37 AM

Math- Mr. Cooley: "Whatever creams your Twinkie..."
Adv. American Lit.- Mrs. Rose: "So basically Hester was just waiting to jump Dimsdale's bones..." ---Yes she was talking about the Scarlet Letter.... she's just a bit crazy.........

Stitch_lover_Sith · 03-07-2005, 11:43 AM

The Progressive movment was not a movement but a set of movments of sheep.
-Coogan

So we have movments of sheep in American History.

DisHornFan · 03-07-2005, 02:32 PM

Today in Bio:

"Never Fear, Dr. Skipper is here!"

He was talking about how he calculated all the net products of anaerobic glycolysis for us. It was just as interesting as it sounds

.

03-02-2005, 05:28 PM	#1
Stitch_lover_Sith Mouseketeer Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Pennellville, NY Posts: 211	Funny Professor Quotes I want to start a thread were people can post their favorite Professor qoutes. I will start today in war in the western world we were given an example exam question that read. Clausvitz? So What? Must include Shakespear. -Dr. Coogan

03-02-2005, 05:51 PM	#2
Megster Mouseketeer Missed all the good stuff while pretending to watch Extreme Home Makeover when the Tag Fairy knows she was just checking out Ty Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 923	My calc professor when giving an example: "The car and either either either either speed up or or or speed speed down" (an no, the repition of words is not a typo) __________________ DD of NHAnn proud ALUM and hockey fan of UNH "I make mistakes. I am out of control and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best." -Marilyn Monroe "Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country." -Hermann Goering, Nazi leader, at the Nuremberg Trials, April 18, 1946

03-02-2005, 06:22 PM	#3
BluesTravlr00 Mouseketeer Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 300	I have too many to list them all off the top of my head. Seems that in order to be a law professor, you must also have a degree in stand-up comedy. Civil procedure professor talking about contracts professor: "Oh yea, I'm sure [Professor] Maggs is loaded. Look how he dresses - if I had that much money, I wouldn't give a s**t what I looked like either." Criminal procedure talking about police conduct after searching a residence: "What do you want them to do? Close their eyes and get out the seeing-eye dogs?" Advocacy professor talking about putting a positive spin on your case: "So maaaybe the company you represent makes rat poison, and maaaaybe the poison caused some people cancer. But in the scheme of things, they were providing a service and giving jobs to their employees. And hey, think of all the dead rats!" __________________

03-02-2005, 10:45 PM	#4
SyracuseWolvrine Hockey Fanatic Is he a bigger hockey fan than a Canadian? Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: Somewhere Posts: 3,155	One of my friends computer science professors: Hi, I'm Dr. Smith, I'll be your professor for this semester. Your TA's name, well, don't even attempt to pronounce it, you won't be able to. Instead, she has requested that you call her "Kay" __________________ -Eric The opinions and comments in the above post do not necessarily reflect the views, opinions, policies or procedures of the Walt Disney Company or any of its subsidiaries or affiliates, including but not limited to the Walt Disney World Resort and all areas contained therein. This post was written while off the clock and off WDW property. Any information or advice in the above post is subject to change at any time without notice. Tampering with, disabling, or destroying lavatory smoke detectors is prohibited. This post may contain nuts or be written by someone who is nuts. In case of fire, use stairs. The moving walkway is moving at the same speed as you. Your mileage may vary.

03-02-2005, 11:23 PM	#5
WDWprincessloyola Mouseketeer Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Chicago, Illinois Posts: 177	OOoooo I have a lot of them! McGettigan (philosophy): Someone stop me! Save me from myself! And what is beyond Chicago? Wasteland! So if there is no truth why learn anything? Because I said so. Reilly (Statistics commenting on bachelors and strippers): So I guess I have to get that darn Carmen Electra's stipper video and start practicing! Tardy (Juvenile Justice): Some boot camps work, keeping people from crime. Otherwise you just end up with criminals who are stronger, faster and can get up earlier to commit crimes! __________________ If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is because everything would be what it isn't. And contrary wise; what it is it wouldn't be, and what it wouldn't be, it would. You see? I am an angel of music living in a Wonderland Mother: If you are a princess you should be looking for prince charming. Me: Well, shouldn't prince charming be looking for me?

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03-02-2005, 11:29 PM	#6
Hippychickali Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 3,616	I have a lot of funny quotations from a lot of different people. I write them down, in fact. Off the top of my head, I have one from a recent theological class. "So, this is what you do if you want to talk like a Bible . . . " I have much better ones but I can't think of them off the top of my head. One that I remember from my high school sociology professor is: "Good morning class. What a beautiful morning! You can hear the birds screaming in the trees because they have been frozen to the branches all night. Spring has sprung." I'll have to go look some more up. I know I have a pile from my high school days. Ali

03-02-2005, 11:45 PM	#7
Hippychickali Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 3,616	Here are some from my high school days. Brought back a lot of memories digging these out. Makes me want to start more threads about quotations. I have a lot. Grade 12 Biology Teacher: "You couldn't make a celery desk, now, could you? Let celery die and try to sit on thet." Grade 12 Biology Teacher: "Your heart doesn't usually explode when you run. Take that into account." Grade 12 Biology Teacher: "What happened to the other hydrogen atom?" Chemistry Teacher: "It's gone." Grade 12 Biology Teacher: "But where did it go?" Chemistry Teacher: "...Away." Debating Coach/Vice Principal: "Karl Marx had little to say about the Canadian Wheat Board." Debating Coach/Vice Principal: "Time to get passionate." Debating Coach/Vice Principal: "I don't do anyone's ding-a-ling." Physics Teacher: "A straight line is a curve that isn't curved. It's a straight curve. It's a special curve." Physics Teacher: "When you all have found the point of incest..." Grade 11 Economics Teacher: "Another name for water: land." Grade 11 Math Teacher: "I am twice as old as my mother." Ali

03-03-2005, 04:45 AM	#8
MinnieM21 I've been to Disneyland a billion times but I don't even know what WDW looks like! (psst...there are tons of pictures of WDW on the Internet!) Loves to ride Bud Light with her mom Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 6,046	__________________ Last edited by MinnieM21; 03-03-2005 at 05:22 AM.

03-03-2005, 11:53 AM	#9
jimmybop WDWCP Spring '02 + Fall '05 Alumni + Campus Rep + Fall 06 CP + Spring 07 AI Join Date: Jan 2001 Location: In the Big Blue World Posts: 2,882	My theater Prof Fresh. year... "That is how theater began.... with a goat and an orgy" __________________ WDW Mail Order: Phone: 407-363-6200 Fax: 407-363-6200 E-mail: wdw.mail.order@disneyworld.com

03-03-2005, 01:44 PM	#10
Stitch_lover_Sith Mouseketeer Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Pennellville, NY Posts: 211	Funny They cannot play sport this is war. -Dr Leedom I have like five pages of notes just with what my two professors say that cracks the class up.

03-03-2005, 03:24 PM	#11
Stitch_lover_Sith Mouseketeer Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Pennellville, NY Posts: 211	A Haiku is a five stanza poem. -Rasparda Even I know that is not the case and she is supposed to be our teacher.

03-04-2005, 07:44 PM	#12
DaisieJ225 Mouseketeer Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Pittsburgh, Pa Posts: 244	My Sociology professer Mr. Altman likes to use the quote, "oh no saber-tooth tiger breath." that's my favorite one so far. __________________ Jillian Let's go Bucs!

03-07-2005, 01:37 AM	#13
Tink the Rock Star Twitterpated.... Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Washington state Posts: 146	Math- Mr. Cooley: "Whatever creams your Twinkie..." Adv. American Lit.- Mrs. Rose: "So basically Hester was just waiting to jump Dimsdale's bones..." ---Yes she was talking about the Scarlet Letter.... she's just a bit crazy......... __________________ Waiting for PI news and graduation. I think a Mad Tea Party would do a bit of good right now. Mmmm tea

03-07-2005, 11:43 AM	#14
Stitch_lover_Sith Mouseketeer Join Date: Feb 2005 Location: Pennellville, NY Posts: 211	United States Survey II The Progressive movment was not a movement but a set of movments of sheep. -Coogan So we have movments of sheep in American History.

03-07-2005, 02:32 PM	#15
DisHornFan Seasonal CM - WDW Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: My heart is in Orlando Posts: 210	Today in Bio: "Never Fear, Dr. Skipper is here!" He was talking about how he calculated all the net products of anaerobic glycolysis for us. It was just as interesting as it sounds . __________________ WDW CP Spring 2008 Attractions- Space Mountain

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