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Old 01-26-2014, 11:40 AM   #1
BensWife
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Feeling guilty about not taking the kids

DH and I are having our 10th anniversary this coming September and have planned a DL vacation since we love all things Disney. We have rented DVC points and have a studio at the Grand Californian. Being it is our 10th anniversary trip, we are going just the 2 of us. I think we are going to have a grand time. No naps or cranky tired kids to deal with, and really the freedom to do grownup things - like stay late and have a drink or two! That being said, the Mom in me is feeling terribly guilty for not taking our boys. We did just take them to Disney World this past June, so they did just go, but they both keep asking when we are going back because they both want to go back so badly. They know we are going and my 6 year old keeps asking if we would "pleeeese" take him. I feel so selfish since I know they both really want to go. I'm a softy when it comes to the kids (I guess that is why I am a teacher). DH, on the other hand, really doesn't want to take them and wants to have some time to really enjoy the parks in a way we can't really do with the kids there. I keep telling myself that we wouldn't take the kids with us if we were going somewhere else like Vegas or one of those Sandals places, so it shouldn't matter where we are going. We are going to celebrate "us" and 10 years of marriage which in this day and age is a pretty good accomplishment. It would add quite a bit of cost to take them since then we would need 2 more plane tickets, 2 more park tickets, and more money spent on food and other incidentals, etc. We might be able to save up and take them at Christmas in 2016, but that seems so far off. They would be 9 and 7 then. Ugh, don't know what to do. I feeling like a big ol' meanie!
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Old 01-26-2014, 11:48 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BensWife View Post
DH and I are having our 10th anniversary this coming September and have planned a DL vacation since we love all things Disney. We have rented DVC points and have a studio at the Grand Californian. Being it is our 10th anniversary trip, we are going just the 2 of us. I think we are going to have a grand time. No naps or cranky tired kids to deal with, and really the freedom to do grownup things - like stay late and have a drink or two! That being said, the Mom in me is feeling terribly guilty for not taking our boys. We did just take them to Disney World this past June, so they did just go, but they both keep asking when we are going back because they both want to go back so badly. They know we are going and my 6 year old keeps asking if we would "pleeeese" take him. I feel so selfish since I know they both really want to go. I'm a softy when it comes to the kids (I guess that is why I am a teacher). DH, on the other hand, really doesn't want to take them and wants to have some time to really enjoy the parks in a way we can't really do with the kids there. I keep telling myself that we wouldn't take the kids with us if we were going somewhere else like Vegas or one of those Sandals places, so it shouldn't matter where we are going. We are going to celebrate "us" and 10 years of marriage which in this day and age is a pretty good accomplishment. It would add quite a bit of cost to take them since then we would need 2 more plane tickets, 2 more park tickets, and more money spent on food and other incidentals, etc. We might be able to save up and take them at Christmas in 2016, but that seems so far off. They would be 9 and 7 then. Ugh, don't know what to do. I feeling like a big ol' meanie!
Buy them a couple neat presents to bring home. Don't tell them where you're going just that you're going on a trip to celebrate. You deserve it......
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Old 01-26-2014, 11:57 AM   #3
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Dont feel guilty. Take this time to focus on you and your DH. All parents need a little time away without the kids, and what better time to do it than on a very special occasion like your 10th anniversary. Congrats on that by the way. Enjoy the parks stress free. Have a nice dinner. Have some adult fun time in your hotel room.
Explain to your kids that this trip is just for mommy and daddy and they can go next time.
One thing you can do is start a Disneyland jar to start saving. Get them involved so they can help, get excited about it and realize how much it is. We did this with our son for our first DL trip. He would put he extra change in and we would put some money in. After our first trip he was so excited to go again, he took a chunk of his money he had been saving for a special toy and started a new DL jar for the next trip. He also started asking family for bottles and cans to return to put towards it.
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Old 01-26-2014, 11:59 AM   #4
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You are exactly right, you wouldn't feel bad not taking them to Vegas, so try and brush that guilt off! I understand wanting to give your kids what they want, fun experiences etc, but this is your ANNIVERSARY which is about you and hubby. I don't think you need to hide it from them. I think it's good for kids to see 1) life isn't always "fair" 2) not everything revolves around them and 3) I think it's great for them to see parents taking well deserved "me time"
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Old 01-26-2014, 12:02 PM   #5
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Have you made up your mind 100% you are not taking them? Is this an on the fence kind of thing? Do you think you will miss them when you get there or once you are there you will really enjoy it just being the two of you?

That is how I like to make decisions, which of the two option will I regret more? Going without them or taking them?

I personally would not be able to do a DLR anniversary vacation - not until the kids are maybe out of high school. The place would just remind me of the kids too much. But we could totally do a vacation without the kids, just more of an adult destination, like a ski vacation.

If you think once you get there you will have a great time celebrating your anniversary knowing your kids will most certainly be fine without coming with you, cause they will, then relax and stop beating yourself up.

If you think once you get there you will experience guilt that will ruin your trip - then that is another story.

Just be honest with your feelings, that is all I can say. Everyone is different and if you would enjoy a trip to Disney without your kids, there is nothing wrong with that!!
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Old 01-26-2014, 12:03 PM   #6
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By investing time in your marriage you are investing in them, the alone time is important and don't feel guilty you chose Disney as the place to enjoy it. 10 years is an accomplishment so don't let that be overshadowed by guilt. Can you plan something really fun for them at home while you're away? I know my kids absolutely love time with my Mother so when she comes to watch them they could care less where we go.

I also agree with planning another trip in the future that they can look forward to. Could be Disney or another place they enjoy.
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Old 01-26-2014, 01:07 PM   #7
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I felt guilty the first time I went without DD. I felt guilt when DH and I left DD at home to go again on our honeymoon. But, as a previous poster pointed out, it does kids good to see mom and dad taking care of their marriage, and that the whole world isn't always a perfect fairy tale where they are the prince/princess and every wish is instantly fulfilled.

The relaxing and refreshment that comes from DH and my getaways are a fresh face for our whole family. And while DDs may not "get" it now, they will when they are working 50 hours, or have special needs foster kids, or even just need a break from the daily rigors of family. I know one DD gets it already-- but she's 21 with 2 toddlers
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Old 01-26-2014, 02:02 PM   #8
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Go and have a wonderful time! Bring them back some presents, but the best present you will be bringing them back is 2 parents who are more connected and refreshed!

Since you just took them and you are planning to take them again I don't see the big deal. Leave the guilt at the door and go. Go hold hands with your hubby, laugh together, make memories together, rediscover each other. Your kids will be just fine without you!

Have a magically romantic time
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Old 01-26-2014, 02:17 PM   #9
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I agree with others here - it's important for the kids to see you two taking care of your marriage. They may whine or be a little upset about it, but it's important for kids to understand that sometimes it isn't about them. If you're planning for a future trip with them, I like the suggestion above to create a savings jar. That worked well for my kids when they were young. Every time they say "mom, PLEASEEE", you can remind them that they will be able to go once there is enough money in the jar. Delayed gratification is a great lesson!

Enjoy your trip!
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Old 01-26-2014, 04:06 PM   #10
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This is why you just tell the kids the are going to "the mountains". You don't mention the mountains are Space, Splash, Matterhorn, etc. I felt a little guilty, but it turned out for the best they were not with us on that trip. We had 2 grad nights, and our experience with the seniors was not a good one.

I did show them the pictures of "the mountains" when we got home. They thought it was pretty funny (they were 11 & 7).

Have a magical trip and enjoy your time together!
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Old 01-26-2014, 04:39 PM   #11
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I would echo everyone else here and say "don't feel guilty" though I'm sure that's easier said than done! I agree, though, that you should take advantage of this trip to do the things that you may not do on a trip with the kids.

Good luck and congrats on your 10 years!
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Old 01-26-2014, 05:13 PM   #12
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I will offer a different perspective.My parents never took us anywhere.I swore when I married and had children we all go everywhere.I have pretty much stuck by that.I took them to Disney many times over the year and Las Vegas and several other places.The kids grow up too fast and soon they all go their own ways.My son is a CM in California and I miss him soooo much today.My friends are in the park today and I would kill to be with them and my son.

Honestly I would take the kids and we would work in a few days in Las Vegas as well.Thats just my personal opinion.We all go or nobody goes.I realize others may disagree.But you asked.Half the fun is the adventures you have along the way together. I love my family and would not consider going without them.
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Old 01-27-2014, 02:54 AM   #13
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We struggle with this constantly! DH and I are dying for a grown up trip to Disneyland. There is so much that we want to do that the kids don't- mostly eating! Every time we plan a trip we back out because we feel too guilty. For us, we have decided to just wait until they are older before we take our solo Disney trip. Although I'm sure we'll keep revisiting the idea.
I say go and enjoy! 10 years is such a milestone! Honestly I don't think you'll be 100% guilt free but I think you will have a great time. Buy some souvenirs for them while you are there and maybe even take note of things to do with them next time. Enjoy the quiet time. As parents we all know this doesn't happen often!!
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Old 01-27-2014, 09:04 AM   #14
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I would feel guilt because of their age and the fact that they Disney is one of their favorite places. I would wrack my brain to find a place dh and I wanted to visit that they didn't care about. Maybe I would have gone without them knowing. I can imagine that I would have trouble when, in the moment at DL, I saw something that reminded me of the kids.
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Old 01-27-2014, 09:21 AM   #15
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Originally Posted by Barry Browning View Post
I will offer a different perspective.My parents never took us anywhere.I swore when I married and had children we all go everywhere.I have pretty much stuck by that.I took them to Disney many times over the year and Las Vegas and several other places.The kids grow up too fast and soon they all go their own ways.My son is a CM in California and I miss him soooo much today.My friends are in the park today and I would kill to be with them and my son.

Honestly I would take the kids and we would work in a few days in Las Vegas as well.Thats just my personal opinion.We all go or nobody goes.I realize others may disagree.But you asked.Half the fun is the adventures you have along the way together. I love my family and would not consider going without them.
I totally understand this perspective. And my parents waited until we were "old enough to appreciate" going to Disney, which for me was in 7th grade. I feel I was too old and missed age where it was still "magic", even though I had a good time and it was a quality family vacation.

The difference in the OP's case, IMO, is that they've taken her kids to Disney and they plan to again. So it doesn't sound to me like they are skimping on family time. And if Mom and Dad are taking an adults trip they should get to choose their spot. I think for people who are lucky enough to go to Disney regularly (meaning every 2 years or more) this equation is very different than for those where any Disney trip is a once every 5 years (or lifetime) experience.

We solve the adults only dilemma by bringing along a MIL. That at least buys us a couple nights out. But its really not the same as an adults trip and there are a few adult things I wish we could do, but I figure there will be time later.
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