Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read


Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 11-25-2013, 07:35 AM   #16
chicagodisneyfan
Peace
He looked ridiculous - but it gave me the giggles for a month
 
chicagodisneyfan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: Chicago, IL, USA
Posts: 2,904

Quote:
Originally Posted by niceblueeyedgirl View Post


I just remember my mom sitting down and having a very serious conversation with me about expectations. If you only have a bachelor's degree, it is unfair to expect the guy to have a doctorate. If you have jacked up teeth, it is unfair to expect the guy to have perfectly white, straight teeth. If you have some extra pounds, it is unfair to expect the guy to be slim and trim.
Your MOTHER is the cause of a lot of your insecurities - that is just awful what she told you.

She basically implied you have to "date down".

That is toxic and I believe colors a lot of your self worth.
chicagodisneyfan is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2013, 07:59 AM   #17
niceblueeyedgirl
Earning My Ears
 
Join Date: Nov 2013
Posts: 66

While I am NOT the poster in question, I am very glad I decided to keep my identity hidden, especially considering how keen the responders have been to try to call out someone by name who has clearly expressed desire to keep his/her identity private. As it is, they are wrong, so they look foolish, but I digress.

Moving on...

I would like to thank Dawn and encourage you all to review her post. She explains it much more adequately than I did...what she found is men who don't have a college education, but expect their woman to have one....and so on and so forth. This is the kind of thing I am talking about. It's not about dating down. It's not about being desperate. It is about having realistic expectations, and also being open-minded enough to explore different kinds of people. Like, again Dawn, said...sometimes someone you may not be initially interested in can charm you once you get to know them. That's why I am personally as open-minded, not desperate, as I am.

For those who suggest meeting men in a different venue, I will definitely take your suggestions into consideration. Like I said, I have not met any men in traditional ways. Friends haven't set me up with anyone. That's WHY I took to online dating...I thought it would be easier. Boy, was I surprised! I just don't know why my friends would push me toward online dating, if it is actually harder.

And, no, I don't have any problem with my weight. If I did, I would be exercising and eating salad. As it is, I am not exercising and drinking chocolate milk. And perfectly happy doing so. I only included the weight part because 1) I thought it may be relevant 2) The guys I am messaging are my size or larger.
niceblueeyedgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 11-25-2013, 08:35 AM   #18
aaarcher86
DIS Veteran
 
aaarcher86's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Columbus, OH
Posts: 8,070

If you're not getting any interest anywhere I imagine it's something you're doing or putting out there. Honestly, the first post was kind of off putting. We get it. You think you're great and can't imagine why anyone, especially people less great, aren't chasing after you.

I'm going to take a guess and say that your desire to be in a relationship is coming off as semi needy when talking to someone of the opposite sex and when it doesn't end up in a date you get get irritated.

If you're as happy with yourself as you'd like us to think I'd suggest not worrying about getting into a relationship, enjoy your life with your family and friends, and let the chips fall.
__________________
aaarcher86 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2013, 08:50 AM   #19
Mkrop
I just cant go on demand
Hi my name is Mkop and I am a cart leaver!
 
Mkrop's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Philly Suburbs!!!!
Posts: 10,701

why nor try those dating sites that have places you can meet up, like cooking classes etc. I see commercials all the time and the name escapes me now. The guys can see you AND get to know you while making the meal or whatever the activity is.
__________________
DH Me DS16 : DS11
2002 Contemporary
April -May 2007 Contemporary
June 2008 Contemporary
Dec 2008 Boardwalk Inn
June 2009 Disneyland Hotel and DCA
Jan 2010 DVC Boardwalk Villas
Dec 2010 DVC BLT
July-Aug 2011 Disneyland Park Vue Inn
Dec 2011 DVC BW
July 2012 DVC BC
Dec 2013 DVC AKL/BW
Aug 2014 DVC DCA
Mkrop is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2013, 08:52 AM   #20
mrsklamc
I apologize in advance, but what is a click clack?
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Husker living in Hoosierland.
Posts: 9,524

Quote:
Originally Posted by niceblueeyedgirl View Post
While I am NOT the poster in question, I am very glad I decided to keep my identity hidden, especially considering how keen the responders have been to try to call out someone by name who has clearly expressed desire to keep his/her identity private. As it is, they are wrong, so they look foolish, but I digress.
I would encourage you to look up her posts. She was in a similar situation and got lots of great advice, but chose to ignore it because it wasn't what she wanted to hear. If you're more open to wise advice than she was I'm sure some of it can be helpful to you.
mrsklamc is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2013, 08:56 AM   #21
CupcakeKelly
This sleeve of Thin Mints IS my breakfast
 
CupcakeKelly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: MA
Posts: 668

Do you have any male friends that could look at your profile and the pictures on your profile? In general, there are that women think are attractive that men just don't get. I had my DH look at some potential profile pics for a friend of mine when she set up a dating site profile. He had some comments (on pictures we thought were great) that we hadn't even considered. Also, like others have pointed out, you may be putting a vibe out there that you might not be aware of. On those dating sites, all you have is a picture and a few words to guide you, even one off phrase in your profile can be the difference between a message and passing by your profile.
__________________
Me (31) DH (33) DD (3) Puppy Princess And new puppy

2014 Reading Challenge - Goal: 25 books
Completed: 6 of 25 - #1 Uglies ~ #2 The Maze Runner ~ #3 The Scorch Trials ~ #4 Matched ~ #5 Crossed ~ #6 Reached

Currently Reading: The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot
CupcakeKelly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2013, 08:59 AM   #22
laura.anne
Mouseketeer
 
laura.anne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 209

I'm overweight, and when my boyfriend of three years and I broke up in September, I made an account on OkCupid (free site) just to see what else was out there. I ended up dating a guy for about a month, and he was much bigger than I am, but right now I'm dating this absolutely wonderful guy who's fit and athletic. My ex boyfriend was also a little overweight, but not by much (maybe 15 pounds). So I've been with guys from across the spectrum - not everyone is picky. When the right guy comes along, he will like you for who you are.
laura.anne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2013, 09:07 AM   #23
bethy
I love Disneyland best at night
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Walt's Park
Posts: 1,501

Quote:
Originally Posted by chicagodisneyfan View Post
Your MOTHER is the cause of a lot of your insecurities - that is just awful what she told you.

She basically implied you have to "date down".

That is toxic and I believe colors a lot of your self worth.
I agree with this.

I also have no problem with a poster posting under a new name to protect themselves regarding a sensitive subject.

I feel like what I've learned over the years of knowing hundreds and hundreds of women is that beauty is only about 20% actual physical characteristics. The other 80% is attitude and also maintenance and effort. I know some women who others regard as GORGEOUS but who don't technically meet the typical standards of cover girl beauty. But they are healthy, confident, dynamic, have great social skills and spend a decent amount of effort and money on their appearance. (Far more effort and money than I ever have, btw) Their outfits are always pulled together, they know what looks great on them and what does not, they maintain a great hairstyle, they always have tasteful make up on, their nails are groomed, they wear accessories and jewelry, etc etc.

I spend plenty of time online and have met real life friends on the internet. But if I were wanting to meet a nice marrying kind of man then I would be putting my out there in person in the community - not *just* to meet men but also just to invest in myself and for personal and professional growth. My standards are very high and I would want a quality man. I married a quality man who is still out in the community making a difference every day, connecting with people. (not that you are not, not that all men on online dating sites are not. But day to day actions speak much louder than words.) And a quality younger man who will go far in life only has minimal time to spend on online dating sites in my humble opinion.

Good luck to you! Keep up your faith in yourself! If what you are doing now isn't working then try something else!
__________________

Last edited by bethy; 11-25-2013 at 10:01 AM.
bethy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2013, 09:24 AM   #24
Colleen27
DIS Veteran
 
Colleen27's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 16,801

I think to some degree this is just part of the "meeting guys online" experience. Yes, there are some good ones out there but there are also a lot treating it as a virtual meat market. Back when I was single a friend and I decided to sign up for Match.com as sort of a goof, just because we wanted to meet some new guys beyond our usual social circles. Yeah, that was a disaster. Between the two of us, we met three married guys looking for something "discreet", a 300lb guy who decided he wasn't interested in 150lb me because I was "so heavy", a guy who worked at Valvoline who wasn't interested in my friend because he was "looking for a woman with a career" (she was temping and going to college), and quite an overabundance of marginally-acceptable men who were holding out for a lonely Victoria's Secret model just looking for someone to spend her money on.

We both ended up meeting and marrying guys we met through real-life situations - her through a volunteer organization and me the brother of a friend of a friend. I'm sure that colors my opinions but I do tend to think that's how the best relationships start - with a genuine connection, rather than through specific efforts to find a romantic partner. And I do think attitude is everything; I've never been thin or "ideal" in terms of body type, but I never lacked male attention and I've been told by several close male friends that there's just something in the way I carry myself that makes guys want to know me. Be confident, be interesting, and the rest will follow naturally.
__________________
~~**Colleen & Crew**~~
POR 10/05 ~ BC 08/07 ~ WL 01/08 ~ CBR 12/09 ~ POP 03/11 TR/ DR
POP 1/12 TR ~ ASSp 5/12 ~ CSR 3/13 ~ POP 4/13 ~ ASMu 12/13


Colleen27 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2013, 09:39 AM   #25
Gumbo4x4
Note to the ladies who forgot to check - we don't mind. Signed, "The guys"
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Missouri, USA
Posts: 14,067

Speaking from the guy perspective, you have to carry yourself well and show some confidence. I'll admit a preference for thin women, but I've seen MANY "chubby" girls who were just stunning because they knew how to dress, had the right hair style for their type, and carried themselves with confidence. Never come off as desperate.

Also just my own experience as someone who didn't date a lot, I found it a lot easier to meet women when I wasn't really "looking".
__________________
Gumbo4x4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2013, 09:53 AM   #26
Surfinpiratee
DIS Veteran
 
Surfinpiratee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 1,428

Quote:
Originally Posted by kimblebee
Look at your own attitude...if I'm not even good enough for a chubby guy... You think chubby guys should have lower standards.
I was kinda thinking the same thing. No matter what the guy looks like, he has his own vision of what's attractive. It's not like good looking people only date good looking people, chubby people with chubby people, etc. Maybe try for the brad Pitts on the site also, who you think is a 'brad pitt'/good looking guy, is not going to be the same as other people.
__________________
Trip Report: WAIT. IS THAT THE SWALPHIN?!

Next Disney Vacation in the works!


Current PTR: We must return to the magic!
Surfinpiratee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2013, 10:10 AM   #27
ZephyrHawk
I can nicker too, but I'm not nearly as embarrassed about that
Please don't ski with your kid on a leash
I firmly believe in ghostly figments of my imagination
 
ZephyrHawk's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 4,821

My suggestion would be to stop trying to date (especially online) and stop being a party girl. Get a hobby instead. Men also have hobbies. You meet them, and become friends. You already have something in common to talk about. Once you are friends with a guy, it doesn't much matter what you look like, or what he looks like either. Things tend to fall into place after that.

I never met a guy at a party that I wanted to date. Drama club. Science Olympiad. Fencing club. That's where I met my boyfriends and husband.
__________________

Polynesian Village (1983), Polynesian Village (1986), Grand Floridian (1989), All Star Sports (1997), Disneyland (1998), All Star Movies (2000), Port Orleans - French Quarter (2001), All Star Music (2002), Disneyland (2004), Wilderness Lodge (2007), Pop Century (2010), Saratoga Springs (2013), and Disney Land and Sea Extravaganza - Fantasy/Villas at Wilderness Lodge (coming Dec 2015)
ZephyrHawk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2013, 10:21 AM   #28
Hrhpd
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2,766

Quote:
Originally Posted by niceblueeyedgirl View Post
While I am NOT the poster in question, I am very glad I decided to keep my identity hidden, especially considering how keen the responders have been to try to call out someone by name who has clearly expressed desire to keep his/her identity private. As it is, they are wrong, so they look foolish, but I digress.

Moving on...

I would like to thank Dawn and encourage you all to review her post. She explains it much more adequately than I did...what she found is men who don't have a college education, but expect their woman to have one....and so on and so forth. This is the kind of thing I am talking about. It's not about dating down. It's not about being desperate. It is about having realistic expectations, and also being open-minded enough to explore different kinds of people. Like, again Dawn, said...sometimes someone you may not be initially interested in can charm you once you get to know them. That's why I am personally as open-minded, not desperate, as I am.

For those who suggest meeting men in a different venue, I will definitely take your suggestions into consideration. Like I said, I have not met any men in traditional ways. Friends haven't set me up with anyone. That's WHY I took to online dating...I thought it would be easier. Boy, was I surprised! I just don't know why my friends would push me toward online dating, if it is actually harder.

And, no, I don't have any problem with my weight. If I did, I would be exercising and eating salad. As it is, I am not exercising and drinking chocolate milk. And perfectly happy doing so. I only included the weight part because 1) I thought it may be relevant 2) The guys I am messaging are my size or larger.
Perhaps it might be helpful if you post a sample of how you are messaging the men you are interested in.

That way we can see if maybe it is coming across differently than you think it is. As we all know, without human clues such as body language and tone, the written message can be perceived completely differently than you intended.

I also agree with just dumping the online stuff would be even better and try real life situations. As the pp mentioned, volunteering is a great opportunity to widen your social circle. It is the holidays right now and there are plenty of organizations that need help. Just don't bring up dating immediately, that would make you look desperate. Let things just happen. It may take awhile, so don't think you need a date on your second day at your volunteer job. You might even make some new girlfriends that introduce you to someone.
Hrhpd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2013, 10:53 AM   #29
NHdisneylover
Lanyards are taking all my poor organizatioanl skills
mice and such creatures tend to like to travel aorund
 
NHdisneylover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Heidelberg, Germany (formally from New Hampshire)
Posts: 14,215

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsklamc View Post
I would encourage you to look up her posts. She was in a similar situation and got lots of great advice, but chose to ignore it because it wasn't what she wanted to hear. If you're more open to wise advice than she was I'm sure some of it can be helpful to you.
This
__________________
Hadley

My blog about my wanderings and ramblings in Europe, Disney and where ever else life takes me:

http://hadleyswanderingsandramblings.blogspot.de/
NHdisneylover is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 11-25-2013, 11:17 AM   #30
Sultana
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 161

Quote:
Originally Posted by niceblueeyedgirl View Post
Let me introduce myself. I didn't want to be seen as pitiful, so I did create an alternate game. I hope you guys understand. I am a young single female. I have a lot of really nice qualities, and at the risk of sounding like a braggart, I won't list them. But, they are good! I consider myself a pretty person, and have been told so. I'm not stunning, but I am no hag either. I am on the chubby/overweight side, but am by no means obese or morbidly so. And, I know that chubby girls face an uphill battle when it comes to men, but I also know different people like different things.

I have had little success in the real life dating scene, so I was coerced to try some online dating sites. Well, I feel more disheartened and hopeless now than I've ever felt in the real world. I have messaged, winked, liked, a combination of hundreds of men. Men of all shapes, sizes, colors, and creeds. My response rate is disappointingly low. I have tried many different sites: Christian ones, match.com, eHarmony, etc etc. I find myself with the same frustrating non-responses.

Here is my beef. If you could see the list of men I've messaged, you would see....they are not the Brad Pitts of the world. They are not the hottest men on the site. They are perfectly average men. More often than not, they are men with some extra weight themselves. Some are even very overweight, but seem nice enough, so why not give them a chance? Imagine how shocked I am when I see a 300 lb man whose preference is Slender or Athletic and toned. And even those who don't indicate a preference don't reply to me. Now, I think I'm great. But, if I am not good enough for chubby men...clearly something is wrong. Has anyone had experience with men's psyche, as far as what they desire in women, how someone who doesn't meet these expectations stands a chance, what a girl like me can do?
Re: the bolded: Condescending much???

I'm fat. I highly doubt George Clooney would ever notice me. But even if he'd love to date me, and he turns out to be boring, I will not go for a second date. Nevermind I'm fat and thus should only "take what I can get".
Sultana is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:42 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

You Rated this Thread: