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Old 10-04-2013, 08:46 AM   #91
luvsJack
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I have 3 children--my sons are 2.5 years a part, dd is 14 years younger than her youngest brother. So, I sort of ended up with an "only w/siblings"!

Going from one child that was 2 to a toddler and a infant just wasn't that hard to me. Maybe the oldest being that young made a difference.

When dd came along, her brothers were in all sorts of activities and sports. We just packed up the playpen, toys, and all the rest and set up camp at the baseball field or where ever. So, even then I didn't find it harder.

I used to be afraid that she would never really know her brothers but I couldn't have been more wrong. All three are very close.

OP, you and your dh have to make the decision. Its not about how hard it is (obviously everyone has different experiences) or if they will be close. Some siblings get along great and can assist each other in taking care of an aging parent, some will fight all the time and be resentful. All of those things are dependent on the personality of the children not on how many siblings there are.
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Old 10-04-2013, 10:43 AM   #92
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I know a couple of families that probably should have stopped at one. It is so obvious that they adore one child and just tolerate the other child, for whatever reason. Their favoritism is quite apparent.

A very good friend of mine admitted that if she had delivered her children in reverse order, she would have stopped with one. She worships her daughter and constantly compares her son and daughter, finding much frustration with her son. I feel so sorry for him.

People probably don't readily admit that if they could turn back time, they would choose to not have a second or third child. But I don't doubt that there are many people out there who feel that exact same way.
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Old 10-04-2013, 11:57 AM   #93
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1- If you only have one child, why did you decide to (assuming you had the choice which I know is not always the case)? How is it raising your only?

I have an only. Officially, we didn't try for another because of a medical issue (with me) that we only found out about after I was already expecting DS. We might have been able to have another, but it was kind of risky, and we just decided to look on the bright side of having one.

One turned out to be right for our family. We've been able to give DS opportunities that we wouldn't have been able to afford if we had more. I've never had to decide between the equally important needs of two or more children, when those needs conflicted with each other. I am also very much an introvert, and cannot imagine never being able to take a breath in the social atmosphere of a large family.

DS has close cousins, including a boy only a year behind him in school, and two girls just a couple of years ahead. They live near enough that he gets to spend a lot of time with them.

2- If YOU are an only child, how was your life affected both as a kid and as an adult? (This is one thing I struggle with...DD being alone as she gets older and we do as well...)

I'm not an only, but neither DH nor I wanted to duplicate our own sibling numbers. I grew up as one of two, which I found competitive at the time, though we get along well now. DH grew up as one of three, and felt someone was always left out. (Ironically, neither of us were the "victims" of these set-ups, but we still didn't like them.) We knew four was too much for either of us, so one made sense.

3- If you have more than one child, did you ever have this issue, debating #2? How did you handle it?

This one doesn't match my own situation. But in general, I really think both parents have to be ready. I know people who split up after having a "surprise" that one wanted and the other wasn't ready for. If your marriage is already not quite where you want it to be, then I don't think it's fair to the child you already have to risk it.

And you can always add another child later (even much later by adopting an older one) but you can't undo having one. The less permanent decision is "no, at least for now".

4- Is more harder than just one? We have our hands full with DD, she's a spitfire that's for sure. DH is concerned that having #2 will not help and possibly cause DD to be "worse" (I hate that word but for lack of better...)

I definitely think it's harder. I have friends who are constantly on the go with their various children's activities. They are amazed at (what I consider little) things I do with or for DS, because they just don't have any time.

5- What's the age difference between your children along with the pros & cons?!

Since I have no age difference to tell about, I'll use this space to say my DS does not fit the type-cast of an only. He's actually very social - because he had to go and make friends in order to find someone to play with. He "reads" people far better than I do, and is extremely compassionate. I've always thought he was more willing to share than kids I know with siblings, precisely because he didn't have to do it all the time.
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Old 10-04-2013, 12:09 PM   #94
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Dh and I oth are from large families and we both all along have wanted 2 ( I always joke that's how many hands I have so how many kids I want). Turns out we had fertility issues and it took a lot of $ and effort to get our two boys, who are the light of our life.

I don't believe in stereotypes. I have known too many families with large # of children families an one children families and everything in between and know that each child is a product of genetics and environment and not #

OP. This is an important choice and don't make it lightly. 1 child or 20 children. The work and the money and the love will work out. You could get children that get along or don't. Outgoing or shy. Good luck!
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Old 10-04-2013, 01:22 PM   #95
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You know this is such a personal decision. There are days where I say, ok DD is going to be our only child but then on other days I think, I want her to have siblings. She's only 4 months old so we aren't thinking about another one in the very near future. We both come from large families and I'm not sure if I want that many. We'll see what God blesses us with!
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Old 10-04-2013, 02:22 PM   #96
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We have two DDs who were born less than a year apart. We knew we wanted more than one child, but didn't expect #2 to come along so soon.

We never looked at it in terms of giving DD#1 a sibling. We looked at it in terms of having the family that we always wanted. Yes, I had some reservations while I was pregnant. And I wondered how hard the decision to have a second child would have been if it had not been made for us. But it all worked out, and we are very happy with our family.
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Old 10-04-2013, 03:08 PM   #97
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My only child is now 28. I divorced her father when she was a pre-schooler. Since she was an only child, I was able to do more activities with her than if I'd had to budget both time and money for two children. Disney trips, 4H, Band, Choir and other things would have been out of the question. As for playmates - cousins, school friends, etc. Before you have a second baby, stop and really examine WHY you want another child. Will you be able/willing to offer equal time, opportunities and most important of all - LOVE to each?
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