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Old 09-29-2013, 12:33 PM   #16
LisaR
 
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Cemeteries are great! My DD struggled in a large, empty parking lot. It was very hard for her to judge things since there wasn't a single car in sight or line on the road. I was deathly afraid to take her on the road since she could barely handle a parking lot. Someone suggested a cemetery and it was perfect. DD had a road to follow, curves, occasional cars and people, and it just worked so much better than an empty parking lot.
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Old 09-29-2013, 12:33 PM   #17
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We used an empty parking lot as well, followed by back roads.

In the parking lot, have them practice pulling in and out of spaces, backing into spaces, emergency stops, parking along a curb, parallel parking, etc. Feeling like you know how to "maneuver" is a really big confidence booster.
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Old 09-29-2013, 12:34 PM   #18
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Between DH and me - I did most of the behind the wheel instruction in our home. DD preferred that - I will make a statement and move on. DH on the other hand lectured constantly.

DD's first driving attempt was in the parking lot at the county fairpark. It was a much better parking lot than the schools. Really - the next night we were out on the roads.

While I realize the function of new drivers being able to parallel park - it just isn't necessary to do where we live - so I just do not parallel park. EVER. (OK - maybe once every 5 years I need to do that.) DH is much better at that than me - so he worked with DD on that skill.

And - since we live in the country - with no curbs about anywhere - it was challenging to find a spot - we used a church about a mile away from our house. Worked perfectly - we took both cars over, and then I walked the dog while they practiced.

I still laugh at my DH. (DD has had her license now for 3.5 years). When she had her "learner's permit" DD drove when we went up to my parent's house for Christmas - 4 hours away. It was slightly icky with some snow, and a little bit of ice. DD was driving nicely. DH lectured her for 90 minutes. (Do this, watch out for that etc FOR 90 MINUTES.) I finally told DH - she probably tuned you out in "first town 10 miles from our house".

The difference in my style - I would make 1-comment, and be done with it. I really wanted DD to know that if I made a comment - she really needed to listen to it, and digest it.

But - I am glad DH was able to handle the parallel parking!
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Old 09-29-2013, 12:35 PM   #19
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Oh god, don't yell. Or do the grab the thing every time you're in the car.

My dad (former coach) broke out coach voice whenever I messed up. Took me 6 months after getting my permit to drive again because he would break that out and it would scare me.

My mom was the one who would grip the arm rest and the center console, both eyes closed muttering "oh lord" the whole time.

Neither of those things were helpful. They made me more nervous to be in the car and drive. Just remember to control your emotional reactions and treat them like an adult.

Also invest in driving school. NJ requires it so I had 6 hours of someone who wasn't a family member before I went out with my parents.
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Old 09-29-2013, 01:00 PM   #20
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I just went through this with my oldest DS. It took him a year and four tries to pass his drivers test. My advice is to keep him in a large parking lot until he is comfortable with the next step. Then make him drive EVERY time you go somewhere, whether he feels like it or not. And lastly, know when to throw in the towel and get him private lessons.
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Old 09-29-2013, 01:17 PM   #21
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I just thought of something else that made it go smoother for us. DD wanted us to give her direction and not just wait until there was a problem to say something. It was hard at first to do that...telling her it's time to slow down for the stop that is coming up...telling her to anticipate what that car that's turning is going to do... telling her that in another couple blocks we're turning so she can start looking to get into the left lane...etc. Part of what made it hard is that driving is so natural to me now that I've been doing it for so long...I don't think about all the steps involved in getting someplace. So, I started thinking about my own driving more and imagining what I would say to her if she was the one driving. I was able to tell her more of the steps that I don't even think about so much anymore and she appreciated the tips as we went along. As she got more comfortable/skilled, she didn't need/want so much direction all the time.
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Old 09-29-2013, 03:33 PM   #22
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We're in the middle of this. Dh is doing most of it as he is much calmer. One problem they had is that dd has my sense of direction, which is to say I can get lost in our driveway. Dh was expecting she'd know how to get places without prompting, which caused some tears.

My contribution was to have them discuss routes first, and to suggest she talk out loud about where she was planning to turn, etc.
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Old 09-29-2013, 03:56 PM   #23
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1/2 of a .25 Xanax- for you not him.
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Old 09-29-2013, 03:59 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pigeon View Post
We're in the middle of this. Dh is doing most of it as he is much calmer. One problem they had is that dd has my sense of direction, which is to say I can get lost in our driveway. Dh was expecting she'd know how to get places without prompting, which caused some tears.

My contribution was to have them discuss routes first, and to suggest she talk out loud about where she was planning to turn, etc.
I don't know what your DD has done while you are driving and she is a passenger, but my DS never knew how to get anywhere either and we chalked it up to his always texting or listening to his music with buds in, and never paying attention to where we are going. I finally told him that he needed to unplug and watch what I did and where I went.
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Old 09-29-2013, 04:51 PM   #25
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Yes, have a driving school teach him.
I agree! I don't think parents should EVER teach their own kids how to drive!
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Old 09-29-2013, 05:55 PM   #26
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I did most of the teaching of our dd. The one thing I did through the whole process was talk to her about what could happen, what to look out for when I was driving. I started her out in an empty parking lot and we then moved on to an industrial park after hours. All kinds of roads and no traffic. We then worked our way up to real roads and traffic. She did very well. Practice as much as you can. Let your child drive in all kinds of weather and all kinds of roads. Stay calm...hard, I know. DD got her permit in August and was a licensed driver the next April. The only points she was marked off were for parallel parking and parking on a hill.

My ds is only 14 and I am already starting out having the talks about driving and what he needs to know before he gets behind the wheel.
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Old 09-29-2013, 06:22 PM   #27
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I agree! I don't think parents should EVER teach their own kids how to drive!
The driving schools, at least around here, are crap. DS21 didn't get in a car with the driving instructor until classroom was almost finished. They learned very little in classroom (and in one famous episode, spent most of the time making a steering wheel with a paper plate), and when they finally did get behind the wheel, the instructor showed up late to pick him up almost every time, dropped him off early, and didn't do much. DS17 did his classroom with a private company over the summer so he could get his permit - wouldn't have gotten school DE until second semester, so he wouldn't have gotten his license until he was nearly 18 (which is this November).

I taught both my boys how to drive (DH would NOT make a good driving instructor). We started out in the high school parking lot, so they'd get a feel for the car - how hard to press the accelerator, how long it took to brake, how it felt to turn - in and out of parking spaces,forward, backward. We drove around the neighborhoods a lot.

But the biggest piece of advice that I gave them both was that you can't control ANYTHING or ANYBODY else - only what you yourself do, and how you react to anything that happens. Want to avoid an accident? Be VERY aware of what's around you, how other people are driving, what the weather's like, and behave accordingly. Both have turned out to be excellent drivers, passed their tests on the first try. Neither have had accidents (well, DS21 was hit by someone who ran a stop sign - so not his fault - with me in the passenger seat, on his way to driver's ed) or tickets, and I think it's because I stressed that advice every time we got in the car.

Good luck!
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Old 09-29-2013, 06:23 PM   #28
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Drivers school.
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Old 09-29-2013, 06:28 PM   #29
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I agree! I don't think parents should EVER teach their own kids how to drive!
I'm the opposite. I would never trust a driving school to teach my child to drive, at least not completely. All of the ones I looked into give the student a whopping six hours on the road. I can't imagine that is enough for anyone to be prepared to drive alone. It is a good start, but I hope nobody relies on them entirely.
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Old 09-29-2013, 06:47 PM   #30
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LisaR

I'm the opposite. I would never trust a driving school to teach my child to drive, at least not completely. All of the ones I looked into give the student a whopping six hours on the road. I can't imagine that is enough for anyone to be prepared to drive alone. It is a good start, but I hope nobody relies on them entirely.
I hired a driving school to teach my mom how to drive- we could book as many hours as we wanted- I had them twice a week for an hour at a time for months! So it was 8 hours a month for at least six months and then they took her for her road test too.
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