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Old 06-20-2013, 10:56 AM   #121
Social Worker Sue
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Originally Posted by cari12 View Post
I agree with this, in the early years kids need their parents first and foremost.
This is true. A young baby does not need to be exposed to other children. A young baby does not need social skills. They don't need to be in a daycare for 40 hours a week. They need a parent to bond with.

But sadly, some parents have to drop their 6 week old at daycare in order to pay the bills. Is it ideal? No. But it is necessary for some people.
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Old 06-20-2013, 11:11 AM   #122
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I haven't read any of the replies, but I think the saddest part of the article was when she said "My kids think I did nothing"

Wow, just wow.

I've seen this first hand. Friends when I was growing up who laughed at their mom and spoke about her as if she was a dummy who knew nothing, all because "she doesn't work". She cleaned, cooked did laundry, ironed... but to her kids, that wasn't work, and wasn't worth anything.

Sad indeed...
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Old 06-20-2013, 11:40 AM   #123
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Originally Posted by moon View Post
I haven't read any of the replies, but I think the saddest part of the article was when she said "My kids think I did nothing"

Wow, just wow.

I've seen this first hand. Friends when I was growing up who laughed at their mom and spoke about her as if she was a dummy who knew nothing, all because "she doesn't work". She cleaned, cooked did laundry, ironed... but to her kids, that wasn't work, and wasn't worth anything.

Sad indeed...
Ungrateful, uninformed kids. I easily work harder at home than I ever had to at work.
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Old 06-20-2013, 11:52 AM   #124
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Originally Posted by moon View Post
I haven't read any of the replies, but I think the saddest part of the article was when she said "My kids think I did nothing"

Wow, just wow.

I've seen this first hand. Friends when I was growing up who laughed at their mom and spoke about her as if she was a dummy who knew nothing, all because "she doesn't work". She cleaned, cooked did laundry, ironed... but to her kids, that wasn't work, and wasn't worth anything.

Sad indeed...
I'm guessing that attitude came straight from their father, and their mother allowed it. It sounds like an abuse situation. Sad.

I was a SAHM for many years, as was my mother and grandmother before me. We were also women who were educated, active in our community, kept up on world issues and politics, etc. We were treated as equal in our relationships and never had issues of being seen as dumb by our kids.
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Old 06-20-2013, 11:55 AM   #125
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Sorry, yeah, I was not clear. If there is a specific choice between what my kids need and what I want, I will choose my kids' needs.

We did not know my son had the special needs he does until he was a bit older. It was at that time that I stopped working.

If I did not need to stay home and they were thriving at school, etc....I might still be working.

I don't begrudge any parent working, that wasn't my intent, but for ME, when I realized what my son needed, I chose to be with him and help him more than stay in my job.

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Except you said you worked full time when they were little...so were you "choosing" your career over your children then? Maybe I don't understand your wording....I just don't think it is such a simple "choice" of either children or career... and working moms aren't necessarily choosing a career over their kids.
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Old 06-20-2013, 12:13 PM   #126
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These arguments are pointless because each camp has tightly held beliefs. No amount of back and forth discussion is going to sway the other side. Live and let live.
I agree. Except that the stats say that most women spend some time working full time, part time and stay at home.

Women need to get off one another's back and quit dissecting every personal statement as an attack. I know that is hard but to make the world different for our grand kids.
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Old 06-20-2013, 12:23 PM   #127
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moon View Post
I haven't read any of the replies, but I think the saddest part of the article was when she said "My kids think I did nothing"

Wow, just wow.

I've seen this first hand. Friends when I was growing up who laughed at their mom and spoke about her as if she was a dummy who knew nothing, all because "she doesn't work". She cleaned, cooked did laundry, ironed... but to her kids, that wasn't work, and wasn't worth anything.

Sad indeed...
DH's Mom was a SAHM and SIL has no respect for it and even implies that her Mom must have hated it! She also says that people should name their kids names that would look good on an office door??? By the way, she's not married and does not have kids so she is clearly the authority on the subject LOL
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Old 06-20-2013, 12:43 PM   #128
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I agree that good parenting often means prioritizing things that are important to the kids over things that are important to the adults. And I agree that in some cases a parent leaving a job they love to be home with a special needs child might be an example of that.

But there are also plenty of families,like mine, where putting the kids' needs first means working outside the home.

Right now I work at a job I hate. I would love to walk away from it and spend more time with my son, while expanding my small private practice.

I am confident that I could do it and that I'd be a happier person if I made that choice. But the person who would sacrifice is my child. If I did so, I'd lose the excellent health insurance that currently covers his expensive medical care for his chronic medical needs. I'd probably need to scale back on rent by trading in our 2BR in a top school district, for a 1BR in lesser district, and I'd probably need to take on debt while I established myself, which would mean less resources for college in a few years.

SAHMs aren't the only ones who prioritize what's best for their kids.
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Old 06-20-2013, 01:29 PM   #129
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I understand a lot of what the author was talking about. But every choice has it's pros and cons. It is sad that her children don't realize that she did indeed work hard all of those years but just didn't bring home a paycheck.

I became a SAHM because I didn't make a lot of money and between gas for the car, equipment upkeep, uniforms and daycare, I would have been paying out about as much as I was bringing in. If I would have cleared even $6000 more a year after daycare expenses I probably would have kept working but it didn't make sense monetarily at the time. I knew that being out of the workforce for 8-10 years would make it difficult for me to find a job. I have about a year to go until I can start looking for part-time work that still allows me to be home when the kids get home from school and where I still have the ability to shuttle them to their activities. Oh, and I'll be 40. Ha. Good luck with that, right?

I don't regret our decision. For us it was the only choice that made sense. Eventually I want to contribute to our income with actual dollars and I will find a way to do that down the road.
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Old 06-20-2013, 01:34 PM   #130
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I understand a lot of what the author was talking about. But every choice has it's pros and cons. It is sad that her children don't realize that she did indeed work hard all of those years but just didn't bring home a paycheck.

I became a SAHM because I didn't make a lot of money and between gas for the car, equipment upkeep, uniforms and daycare, I would have been paying out about as much as I was bringing in. If I would have cleared even $6000 more a year after daycare expenses I probably would have kept working but it didn't make sense monetarily at the time. I knew that being out of the workforce for 8-10 years would make it difficult for me to find a job. I have about a year to go until I can start looking for part-time work that still allows me to be home when the kids get home from school and where I still have the ability to shuttle them to their activities. Oh, and I'll be 40. Ha. Good luck with that, right?

I don't regret our decision. For us it was the only choice that made sense. Eventually I want to contribute to our income with actual dollars and I will find a way to do that down the road.
Her children being unappreciative is her fault. Or her perception. My kids knew what i did. They understood the importance of volunteer work. They knew what it was to clean toilets.

Whiny lady.
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Old 06-20-2013, 02:04 PM   #131
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Originally Posted by Granny square

Her children being unappreciative is her fault. Or her perception. My kids knew what i did. They understood the importance of volunteer work. They knew what it was to clean toilets.

Whiny lady.
I wasn't whining. Didn't mean for my post to come off that way.

My kids aren't grown but they are at the age where they are coming to the realization that the world doesn't revolve around them. I agree that if a parent doesn't instill that in their children then yes, it is their fault if their children don't appreciate their contribution to the family whether one of the parents stays at home or not.

Still, I can understand her regret but in my opinion there is no reason to waste time on what might have been. Live for the present, not for the past.
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"When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of disaster, I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers–so many caring people in this world." - Fred Rogers
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Old 06-20-2013, 02:05 PM   #132
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Oh no!!! I'm so sorry!!! I was talking about the op!! I'm sorry!!

Hahnana! Panicked! Not the op but the writer!
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Old 06-20-2013, 02:10 PM   #133
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Oh no!!! I'm so sorry!!! I was talking about the op!! I'm sorry!!

Hahnana! Panicked! Not the op but the writer!
I think you mean the woman who wrote the article and not the OP.
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Old 06-20-2013, 02:11 PM   #134
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Originally Posted by Granny square View Post
Oh no!!! I'm so sorry!!! I was talking about the op!! I'm sorry!!

Hahnana! Panicked! Not the op but the writer!
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Old 06-20-2013, 02:11 PM   #135
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I think you mean the woman who wrote the article and not the OP.
Lol, I totally panicked in trying to apologize!

Thank you!!
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