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Old 06-19-2013, 12:35 PM   #31
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I was a SAHM for 14 years til our boys started middle school and then I only worked 25 hrs/ week (5 hrs/day) until they both graduated HS. They are 27 and 29 now. Do I regret it? No. Will I ever, No.

Best job I ever had and while we didnt' have everything, my kids still felt they were spoiled. We lived in townhouses until they were 9 and 11 and then bought our first single family home which wasn't the largest, nor the smallest, but was adequate. They survived not playing every sport or going on big vacations every year or even eating out a lot. We now have grown children and I work more hours and we play with most of it.

The biggest thing having one salary taught us was that we didnt' need two salaries to survive. I also have a pretty good paying job considering I didn't really have a paying job for 14 years. I did however, volunteer where I could at school and church and that looks good on a resume too.

Funny thing is, I don't know a single SAHM mom who couldn't find a good job when they decided they wanted to return to the work force.
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:39 PM   #32
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This article is sad. I think that so much of what ails society can be traced to two parent working families. I know I am starting something up but I believe it. Children need time--the time of one parent home. I am not naive enough to think we will ever go back to that but kids identify with peers more than parents now because there is little attachment parenting. Attachment parenting doesn't happen between six and eight in the evenings. It is in the mundane hours day in day out. Is it a sacrifice? Perhaps. But no one said raising kids wasn't work. Most things worth having are work.

I am highly educated and don't feel for a second that I erred in staying home. Will my job be done some day? Yes. Then DH and I will begin another chapter. Was it an expensive choice? Financially, yes, but so what. My earning potential is not even a thought when compared to raising my own three children. I didn't have them to delegate the job. They deserve better than that.
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:39 PM   #33
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bdcp View Post
I was a SAHM for 14 years til our boys started middle school and then I only worked 25 hrs/ week (5 hrs/day) until they both graduated HS. They are 27 and 29 now. Do I regret it? No. Will I ever, No.

Best job I ever had and while we didnt' have everything, my kids still felt they were spoiled. We lived in townhouses until they were 9 and 11 and then bought our first single family home which wasn't the largest, nor the smallest, but was adequate. They survived not playing every sport or going on big vacations every year or even eating out a lot. We now have grown children and I work more hours and we play with most of it.

The biggest thing having one salary taught us was that we didnt' need two salaries to survive. I also have a pretty good paying job considering I didn't really have a paying job for 14 years. I did however, volunteer where I could at school and church and that looks good on a resume too.

Funny thing is, I don't know a single SAHM mom who couldn't find a good job when they decided they wanted to return to the work force.
If I had a nickel for every time I have heard "I wish we could afford for me to stay home" or something to that effect.....We are not rich. I wouldn't even say "well-off." We have to budget and go without things, but we do this because we think it's best. Obviously I think it is best if I stay home with my kids, otherwise I wouldn't do it!
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:41 PM   #34
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While I think children can spend more time in daycare than with their parents, I don't think that's the norm. My own DD spends 8 hours a day 3 to 4 days a week at the sitter. Depending on the week that's 24-32 hours. Even excluding naps and sleeping at night she's at home and awake with DH and/or me far more than she's at the sitters. Of all my friends with kids, their situations are similar to ours. They aren't spending 60 hours a week in day care either, 40 hours at most and usually less.

I am not jealous in the least of SAHM's. I have a great full time job with great benefits and pay, with enough flexibility that I can attend to may family's needs without having to sacrifice financially. I really feel I've got the best of both worlds. If you want to SAH, great! More power to you and I hope you're happy in your choice. I'm certainly happy with mine.
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:43 PM   #35
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I will respectfully disagree with you. When children are spending more time in daycare than at home, the daycare workers are raising them, when they are very young. I don't consider sleeping as time spent with parents.
My kids have never been in a daycare but they are all in school. I can ASSURE you the school is not raising them - we are. I was not raised by teachers either, my parents raised me.
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:51 PM   #36
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And I respectfully disagree with you. I do not say that my daycare raised me, it was my parents who did so. Daycare provides a daytime babysitting and education service for children, just as their teachers in school will between the ages of 5 and 18.

Regardless, I am always confused by people who believe that I can do a better job of "raising" my children than someone who actually has a degree in early childhood education.
This is interesting. My dh always says school is in part a babysitting service. As a teacher I never really believed it until I homeschooled my dd this year. We finished two grades in about two thirds of the year. So I guess those long hours at school are really about child are. Especially when they roll out all day kindergarten.
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:51 PM   #37
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Do all of you SAH people who think daycare is raising children think that because your DH is at work all day long, he is not raising them?
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:55 PM   #38
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If I had a nickel for every time I have heard "I wish we could afford for me to stay home" or something to that effect.....We are not rich. I wouldn't even say "well-off." We have to budget and go without things, but we do this because we think it's best. Obviously I think it is best if I stay home with my kids, otherwise I wouldn't do it!
Well, I've had working moms say to me things like "must be nice", "wish my DH made enough for me to stay home" or something similar. Seriously? If you want to, you can figure out a way to do it. I know people who have done shifts as another poster said so that one of them was home when the kids were. We were far from "rich" during their growing up years. We are very comfortable now with two incomes and empty nest, but that is our reward as well as two healthy, happy, self-sufficient, adult sons.

Having never been dependent on two incomes means we can do more with two now.
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:55 PM   #39
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Do all of you SAH people who think daycare is raising children think that because your DH is at work all day long, he is not raising them?
No. Not all of that feel that way.
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:58 PM   #40
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It seems MOST of the things the woman in the article is complaining about don't really have to do with her decision to be a SAHM. She got 'sucked' into volunteer work....um, if you didn't have enough of a spine to say 'no' when you didn't want to do something, that has nothing to do with being a SAHM. There is no law against keeping up on technology w/o being paid for it. Her world narrowed...she helicopter parented....those were all choices she could have made differently, while still being a SAHM.

As for letting down those who came before her.....feminism was supposed to be about choices, not about invalidating choices.
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:59 PM   #41
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No. Not all of that feel that way.
I know not all SAHMs feel that way.

I know that if I decided to stay home, we would have to sacrifice. And one of the most important things we would have had to sacrifice is my DH's time at home, because he would have had to work extremely long hours to support us. It wasn't fair to expect him to miss out on all his time with the kids so that I could spend all my time with them.
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Old 06-19-2013, 01:01 PM   #42
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Originally Posted by bdcp View Post

Well, I've had working moms say to me things like "must be nice", "wish my DH made enough for me to stay home" or something similar. Seriously? If you want to, you can figure out a way to do it. I know people who have done shifts as another poster said so that one of them was home when the kids were. We were far from "rich" during their growing up years. We are very comfortable now with two incomes and empty nest, but that is our reward as well as two healthy, happy, self-sufficient, adult sons.
One mom friend I had was the worst about this...it seemed I could not have a conversation with her without her going to the "must be nice your husband makes so much" place. I would always say we make it work, this is important to us so we make it work. Then she lost her job and decided not to find another one...and they made it work. Now I hear her saying the same sort of things to people who ask her why she's no longer working.
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Old 06-19-2013, 01:03 PM   #43
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mickeyboat View Post
Do all of you SAH people who think daycare is raising children think that because your DH is at work all day long, he is not raising them?
Is he NOT raising them? No. Is he raising them as much as I am? No. I'm with them for 40 hours per week more then he is. We value our family time. DH even comes home for lunch most days. But he doesn't spend as much time with them as I do and that's just the truth.
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Old 06-19-2013, 01:09 PM   #44
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I will stick with my situation. Both me and my DW work full time. The kids went to daycare 2 days a week and our parents watched them the other 3 days. Considering that my values are the ones my parents instilled in me I have no problems with them instilling them into our children.

I believe it takes a village to raise a child!
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Old 06-19-2013, 01:17 PM   #45
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The author of this article seems really materialistic and overly concerned about money and status.

No wonder she thinks she made a mistake.

Money isn't everything.
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