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Old 06-19-2013, 11:11 AM   #16
EMAW_KSU
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What is the over/under of post before this thread gets closed?
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Old 06-19-2013, 11:15 AM   #17
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In the end of her article, it sounds like she doesn't regret staying home, just wishes she had kept her foot in the working world in some way. Probably not bad advise for women.

I am a SAHM, have been for 18 years. DH is an accountant and we knew what impact it would have on our finances, he made a spreadsheet for that! I was a teacher, so I wasn't making millions and knew I never would. It probably made the decision to stay home easier.

I still have kids at home, but at this moment, I do not regret the decision. It was the right decision for my family.

When I was home with young kids and we were counting every penny, a friend of the family that had recently become a Grandma said the saddest thing to me. She told me that her daughter wanted to stay home with her new baby girl, but just couldn't, because she was paid too well at work and just didn't want to give up the money. She told me that her daughter was making $70,000 and her son in law was making $120,000. This was about 1997. That made me very sad.
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Old 06-19-2013, 11:23 AM   #18
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Oh I have so much to say and none of it would be well-received.

I'm a SAHM, don't regret it in the slightest. The potential of a second income was never a factor and still isn't. We have a "traditional marriage" and I don't regret that either. SAHM does not = helicopter mom for me, either (I am very "free-range"). I don't think anything I do is "trivial," from my work at church to homeschooling to playing in the backyard. I feel sorry for this woman that she seems to have lost so much of herself.
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Old 06-19-2013, 11:23 AM   #19
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PrincessKsMom View Post
And we're off to the Judgmental Races! I'm out.


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Originally Posted by Poohforyou View Post
Oh yay, a SAHM being judgemental about a working mom . I didn't see that coming .

Since you chose to stay home and never actually experienced daycare you have no 1st hand experience by which to base your oh so misguided opinion. Unless children are sleeping 15+ hours a day they are spending time daily with their parents.


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You aren't trying to be respectful with what you said, not even remotely! My mom went back to work when I was a baby and no babysitter I had ever came close to replacing my mom! She (and my dad) raised me and my brother! Your statement is only YOUR opinion and it is not fact. I guess there is one stay at home mom who got bored today! BTW, I'm a SAHM too!


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I've worked in daycare, and continue to work in early childhood education, and I have never encountered a child who spent more hours awake in daycare than they spent awake with parents. Most kids I know who are daycare age are awake about 84 hours a week. Most kids in daycare spend about 30 hours a week there awake, and about 10 asleep.


I've never understood how time asleep at a daycare counts as raising a child but time asleep at home doesn't.

And with that, I bid this thread good day, sir...
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Old 06-19-2013, 11:42 AM   #20
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This is rehashed every couple weeks and always gets nasty.

Maybe this topic should be banned along with religion and politics.
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Old 06-19-2013, 11:48 AM   #21
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I'm an odd duck who was a SAHM for more than 30 yrs. Got married before I was out of high school, shoot I never even filled out a job application in my life.

Never felt that I missed out on anything by not working....I really do not know when I would have had time to work.

I do know had I worked I would not have had the time to shop the garage sales that saved me $1,000's of dollars in clothing for all of us. My DD's may not have had everything they wanted while growing up but they did have everything they needed an usually way more than needed because I bought it so cheap.

We still managed to go to Disney several times a year.

BTW I did marry an older man who was fairly well established when I married him an he made good money at his job. HE never wanted me to work he never knew when he'd have a day off wanted me there when he was off work along with there for the DD's while they grew up.

He is now retired, we retired in FL an living the dream of living near Disney.
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:03 PM   #22
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I will respectfully disagree with you. When children are spending more time in daycare than at home, the daycare workers are raising them, when they are very young. I don't consider sleeping as time spent with parents.
I agree with this
However, I know parents have to make tough choices and do what works for their situation. DH and I work opposite shifts because we did not want to go the daycare route but many parents have told us they could never do what we do. Families do what works best for them and it doesn't mean anyone is wrong because they do it differently.
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:10 PM   #23
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Oh, how shocking. A brief run-down of anti-SAHM talking points coming from a media source with an acknowledged progressive slant.

The judgment over this issue runs both ways. It is just more "acceptable" when it comes from people opposed to women leaving the workforce because those judgments speak to what our culture values most - money and independence - rather than in emotional or moral terms.
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:15 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colleen27 View Post
Oh, how shocking. A brief run-down of anti-SAHM talking points coming from a media source with an acknowledged progressive slant.

The judgment over this issue runs both ways. It is just more "acceptable" when it comes from people opposed to women leaving the workforce because those judgments speak to what our culture values most - money and independence - rather than in emotional or moral terms.
Whoa Nelly! So now if you're a working mom you're emotionless and/or immoral? I know plenty of SAHM's who are completely disconnected from their kids. Being a SAHM doesn't mean you've cornered the market on best parenting practices. No one on here, except the OP, was judging others' choices. Go back and read my original post. You do what's best for you and your family without judging others. End of story.

You can't tear down others simply to get to the top of the pile. I wish you all well in whatever decisions you make and, more importantly, I hope our decisions are the best ones for our individual children and society in general. But I think the first decision we need to make as females is to stop tearing each other down. I'm no better of a parent for having worked than you are for having stayed home.
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:21 PM   #25
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There is some truth in what she is saying. I am happy with my choice to be a SAHM, but the reality is that when my kids are grown IF my husband and I were to divorce I would probably be left living at or below the poverty level. I would do my best to improve my circumstances, but re-entering the workforce after 20 years of being out of it wouldn't be easy. It is something for people to consider when they are making their choices.
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:21 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luv'sTink View Post
I will respectfully disagree with you. When children are spending more time in daycare than at home, the daycare workers are raising them, when they are very young. I don't consider sleeping as time spent with parents.
And I respectfully disagree with you. I do not say that my daycare raised me, it was my parents who did so. Daycare provides a daytime babysitting and education service for children, just as their teachers in school will between the ages of 5 and 18.

Regardless, I am always confused by people who believe that I can do a better job of "raising" my children than someone who actually has a degree in early childhood education.
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:25 PM   #27
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Whoa Nelly! So now if you're a working mom you're emotionless and/or immoral? I know plenty of SAHM's who are completely disconnected from their kids. Being a SAHM doesn't mean you've cornered the market on best parenting practices. No one on here, except the OP, was judging others' choices. Go back and read my original post. You do what's best for you and your family without judging others. End of story.
That's not what I'm saying at all, and I'm addressing the article that was posted not anything that anyone here has said.

All I'm saying that the reasons for staying in the workforce are quantifiable in terms that our culture values - earning potential, self-sufficiency, etc. The reasons to SAH are far less concrete and are at heart concerned with things our culture doesn't value as highly, such as emotional needs and quality of homelife. So from a cultural perspective, it is much more acceptable to say "Women shouldn't SAH because they irreparably damage their lifetime earning potential" than it is to say "Women shouldn't work because kids need more than a couple of hours a day with their parents". Note that I'm not personally making either argument, just observing the current state of the Mommy Wars. It is viewed as acceptable, even positive, to condemn the decision to leave the workforce, but never to condemn the choice to work no matter how poor the balance may be in any given situation.
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:26 PM   #28
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Regardless, I am always confused by people who believe that I can do a better job of "raising" my children than someone who actually has a degree in early childhood education.
Do you think that a child is better off "raised" by a teacher/daycare worker/babysitter with an early education degree than by a parent with no education degree?
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:31 PM   #29
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Colleen27 View Post
That's not what I'm saying at all, and I'm addressing the article that was posted not anything that anyone here has said.

All I'm saying that the reasons for staying in the workforce are quantifiable in terms that our culture values - earning potential, self-sufficiency, etc. The reasons to SAH are far less concrete and are at heart concerned with things our culture doesn't value as highly, such as emotional needs and quality of homelife. So from a cultural perspective, it is much more acceptable to say "Women shouldn't SAH because they irreparably damage their lifetime earning potential" than it is to say "Women shouldn't work because kids need more than a couple of hours a day with their parents". Note that I'm not personally making either argument, just observing the current state of the Mommy Wars. It is viewed as acceptable, even positive, to condemn the decision to leave the workforce, but never to condemn the choice to work no matter how poor the balance may be in any given situation.

My apologies. I completely misunderstood your post. I think deep down inside many of us play the "what if" game and occasionally question whether we made the right choice so it leads to us feeling insecure when others question our decision.

And while I may be slightly jealous of SAHMs I know I did what I had to do and due to certain circumstances that decision is confirmed for me frequently. It may not have been the dream I always had but it's worked out for the best for all involved. And I wish that for everyone. There's nothing worse than an unhappy, resentful mom because kids will know. And at the end of the day isn't really all about our children, their happiness and their productivity as citizens?
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Old 06-19-2013, 12:33 PM   #30
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I've worked in preschool and daycare and unless you have worked in a daycare or sent your child to one, you have no right to make any judgment about parents who work. And even if you HAVE experience with daycare, you still can't make those broad assumptions....some daycares are amazing while some are not.

The daycare I worked in was open 7:30-6. 99% of the kids who were there we're either there from 7:30-4 or 9-6.... So about 8 1/2 hours or so. And depending on age 1 1/2 to 2 hours of that was rest time.

So they spend about 40-43 hours per week with us....8-10 of those which are sleeping. But they are with their parents for the other 15-16 hours of the day AND 48 hours on the weekend. So how on earth are they spending more time at daycare than at home. So...about 125 hours at home, and abut 43 at daycare....if you think they are spending more time at daycare than at home, you might want to work on your math skills.

I don't have kids but I know I will NOT be a full time stay at home mom. Part-Time maybe for the first couple of years but I will never leave the workforce by choice. My personality would not allow it at all...and I have seen how hard it is for a women to get back into the workforce after an extended leave...I never want to deal with that. I want to be self sufficient financially and not rely on my future husband. I have some absolutely amazing role models in my life who are all absolutely amazing parents...some of the best I've ever met and their children are wonderful....and guess what....their parents work full time and always have.

Sometimes I feel like SAHMs think that if you don't stay at home for 18 years, then you shouldn't have kids. It's ridiculous.
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