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Old 06-18-2013, 07:37 PM   #16
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You have the feeling he isn't really heading towards marriage, there's a good chance that's based in subtile cues he's been giving you. I've found that I'm almost always right when I have gut feelings about something like that but I can't ever pin point the things someone said to make me believe they feel a certain way about a subject.
Have a heart to heart. Then you'll know and can decide how to proceed from there. Good luck with everything.
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Old 06-18-2013, 07:39 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovemygoofy View Post
He told you he wasn't sure he was interested in marriage. You moved in; he got his way. Sounds like you should be having this conversation with him instead of people who can't give you the correct answer.
Agreed.

Also, you have involved your child in this. Sorry, but that stinks.
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Old 06-18-2013, 07:42 PM   #18
hereyago
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Um move out. He was up front and you moved in anyway. He is into you but not as you are into what you would like it to be.
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Old 06-18-2013, 07:43 PM   #19
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Oh my.....yeah, that is not committing at all.

Sorry you have put yourself into this situation, but I don't see marriage coming any time soon with this guy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmylittleboy2003 View Post
I moved in @ 6 months, we've been dating a year total. He said he wasn't saying he didn't want to get married again, but that he would know, at the time, if it was right!!
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:05 PM   #20
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You're right actually. See the quote below. It is one yeaxr total.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovemygoofy

I think the relationship is total 1 year. She moved in at 6 months and they have been living together another 5 months is the way I understood. (Im probably wrong though)
Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmylittleboy2003

I moved in @ 6 months, we've been dating a year total. He said he wasn't saying he didn't want to get married again, but that he would know, at the time, if it was right!!
Whoa, one year total??? You moved in at 6 months? I cant believe all the ppl who are telling you to move out/move on. Honestly, you've only been dating a year!!!! Holy moly thats only 12 months! I honestly dont know anyone, besides my parents and people their age, who got engaged so quick!

If you're going to break up with him just because he's not proposing quick enough, be sure that's the decision that you can live with.
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:16 PM   #21
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I'd def. give it much more time. 1 year isnt much these days, people are getting married older than they use to.

True story....

I was in the beginning of my separation when I met back up with the love of my life (for me, not him at the time we were best friends in hs we dated 1 week).

We clicked immediately though I had zero plans on dating for at least a few years but I didnt want to loose him. We moved in together after 5 or 6 months and all he talked about was marriage (would be his first at 28).

Fast forward two years and a long drawn out divorce my ex-DH passed from cancer before it was finalized. Then I didnt hear anything more about getting married for four years. Id bring it up occasionally and once said if your not interested please let me know so I can stop looking forward to it. Still nothing.

I watched an episode of Oprah about "he's just not that into you" and ran out and bought the book. I bookmarked 3 chapters that pertained to my situation but accidentally left it out one night (really not intentional) and the next morning he asked me "whats with that book?" I didnt have an answer I just laughed.

That weekend I had a ring on my finger... Mothers Day at IHOP

Either way together now 11 years married 6 and happy, we would prob be divorced if we got married after 1 year lol.
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:19 PM   #22
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She can still date him, but yes she needs to,move out,she has a kid so that changes things.
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:29 PM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hereyago View Post
She can still date him, but yes she needs to,move out,she has a kid so that changes things.
I'd agree with this.

If he's hesitant to get married, why should he? You live there. It's like being married but with no commitment. He's content with that.

Personally, I would not move in with anyone with the hope of getting married someday. I could see if he spoke of it and seemed excited about it but he's been burned before so you know that influences how he feels about being married. If this is nice enough, why would he want to take the risk.
And yeah, with a child, I'd move out on my own. But when it comes to kids and adult relationships, I'm funny like that.
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:32 PM   #24
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This just reminds me of when I was dating my DH. He had asked me to move in w/him. I asked him if he ever planned on marrying me one day. He said yes. I told him I'd move in when I had a wedding ring on my finger.

I was not going to be his housekeeper & cook w/no commitment for the future.

I am not opposed to people living together but I knew for us if I did DH would have been content with that arrangement and it's not what I wanted.
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:37 PM   #25
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Buckalew11 View Post
I'd agree with this.

If he's hesitant to get married, why should he? You live there. It's like being married but with no commitment. He's content with that.

Personally, I would not move in with anyone with the hope of getting married someday. I could see if he spoke of it and seemed excited about it but he's been burned before so you know that influences how he feels about being married. If this is nice enough, why would he want to take the risk.
And yeah, with a child, I'd move out on my own. But when it comes to kids and adult relationships, I'm funny like that.
I dont agree, I almost want my kids to move in before marriage just to know what your really getting yourself into. If she is serious enough to want to marry this guy then to me its fine that her kid is involved, not as if shes dating around and seeing which guy her kid likes.

Now if this didn't pan out then I wouldn't move in so fast with someone again with a kid involved even though I did. The prob is that in the beginning men (sig others) are absolutely amazing and I think she should at least take a few years before getting married. The first year is the best, nothing goes majorly wrong usually. Have a few years and a few problems to see how things will really be.
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:42 PM   #26
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If your goal was marriage, then you shouldn't have moved in with him without a ring and a date. Of course, I'm someone who doesn't believe in living together and wouldn't do it without a wedding ring. My feeling is, if you're ready to move in together, you're ready to get married.

My DS (27) and his now wife (27) have been married 2 months. They moved in together with the understanding that marriage is where it was going. Two years from first date til wedding.

Ultimatums can backfire, but I think they really give you the unvarnished truth also. Don't waste your time on someone who doesn't think you're worth marrying.

Some people don't get it, but plenty of marriages work out great without ever living together. You do not need to test drive a relationship by living together before marriage. It's all about commitment. Especially when there are kids involved, it's not fair to them. Parents need to put their kids ahead of their own needs before they commit to someone.

Living together doesn't necessarily tell you everything about someone. Someone who wants to hide stuff about themselves can do it whether you live together or not. Too many buy into the test drive crap.
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Old 06-18-2013, 08:52 PM   #27
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Why would anyone want to get married. You get to "play house" without any of the real responsibilities. Sorry, but living together is a bad idea, for this reason. I would MOVE OUT.
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Old 06-18-2013, 09:05 PM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Buckalew11 View Post
I'd agree with this.

If he's hesitant to get married, why should he? You live there. It's like being married but with no commitment. He's content with that.

Personally, I would not move in with anyone with the hope of getting married someday. I could see if he spoke of it and seemed excited about it but he's been burned before so you know that influences how he feels about being married. If this is nice enough, why would he want to take the risk.
And yeah, with a child, I'd move out on my own. But when it comes to kids and adult relationships, I'm funny like that.
This!!!

Parents dating is rougher on kids than our culture is willing to admit. Kids are a game changer. They deserve stability. Moving in should not happen until both grown ups are ready to make a serious commitment.
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Old 06-18-2013, 09:10 PM   #29
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Originally Posted by Kat77 View Post
This!!!

Parents dating is rougher on kids than our culture is willing to admit.
So agree with this and the preceeding posts. You guys need to talk, although I think he's already offered his opinion. People, both you and him deserve to be in relationships where both people have the same goals.
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Old 06-18-2013, 09:17 PM   #30
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I am what most people would consider conservative and old fashioned about the order in which people do things, but I'm always amazed at how conservative and old fashioned so many DIS women are about the marriage decision. He tells people "He has a plan?" Really? Why would it be a secret from one party? I just don't get the whole proposal thing. Why would a couple not be communicating about this very important decision and have that plan together?

Why on earth is it up to the man to bring marriage? Ask him if he wants to get married and either start planning to do so or know that it's probably not going to happen. Being in a relationship where you are following the whims of the other person would not be for me.

To me, equality means discussing and making decisions together, not one person having a timeline they keep secret while the other waits in the dark.
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