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Old 06-17-2013, 06:50 PM   #46
Nancyg56
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Originally Posted by tigercat View Post
So much for the Catholic church helping and supporting it's members. So much comfort and help was given to her by the church...NOT. Sounds like she has everyone turning their backs on her and her kids. Maybe that's why so many abuse victims stay with their abusers.
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I sympathize with this family but there is no way I would want my DGD in that school. Would you? It is so easy to chastise the school administration for trying to protect the children that are entrusted to them when we are not affected by the decision.

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What would people say if they let her return and her ex came to the school and other kids got hurt?
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It is truly a shame that the "system" has failed this mother as well as her children.

I wonder how many people who are criticizing the school would actually pay to send their own children to a school where they know that a domestic abuser may show up and possibly do harm to staff and/or students there?
I would not pay to send my child there. I would not have my DGD in any school that this had happened. I know that thi sis not fair to a victim, but until there better ways to protect children from people armed to theteeth then this is at least one answer.

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Sandy Hook had what they though was adequate security. How did that work out?

.
I am from CT, and we have had multiple lockdowns since Sandy Hook. No way would I knowingly enter my family into this. situation.

You know, I am puzzled. I post on the bathroom threads. You know the ones.....I will not let my boy out of my sight to use a public mens room, no matter how uncomfortable I make the people in the ladies room feel. My 8, 9 10 YO son could be molested, stolen, assaulted....in the bathrooms in Disney. How on Earth can people feel that protective, yet be critical of an administration that had to respond to a armed man who was clearly attempting to punish his family. Which one of you would be okay with your own child entering this school, day after day...just waiting for that guy to get out...and he will get out....get another weapon and finish the job?

If this was not a Catholic school, if it was a public school in your town, would you be critical? Would your child be in that building? I am not even going to think this one through. Not one of mine is expendable because of a principle
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Old 06-17-2013, 06:54 PM   #47
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All of those hypothetical examples are missing the most important aspect of this story...one of those hypothetical people coming to the school or place of employment and causing a disturbance. This story is being stretched way beyond what actually happened. In this situation, and not in the ones mentioned above, the threat wasn't hypothetical or "could happen". It did happen.

Also, like it or not, a school in the year 2013 will be more sensitive to the threat than many other places of employment and will react more severely.
Exactly. The problem is that the children involved are hypothetical in this discussion. They are not your, mine or any one of the above posters, so the reality is that to many, they are just not real.

Sandy Hook was a reality check that if someone really wants to get into a school building, kill as many people as his artillery can handle, it is inevitable that it wall happen. No administration is going to pretend that fair play trumps all those lives.
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:01 PM   #48
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Those of you who say the school should have kept her, what would you say if the husband showed up and shot up the place? So me would then complain that the school was not looking out for the children. Anyone remember Newtown?

From what I read in the school's response, they do feel for her, however, they have to protect the kids and staff.
Then I would be angry the husband didn't remain incarcerated.

I do remember Newtown... Had zip to do with domestic violence, but the son did have mental health issues. Should everyone who knows someone with mental health issues be fired? Because that's where you are going with this. Let he who has never known someone violent, or with a mental illness cast the first stone?
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:02 PM   #49
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I sympathize with this family but there is no way I would want my DGD in that school. Would you? It is so easy to chastise the school administration for trying to protect the children that are entrusted to them when we are not affected by the decision.





I would not pay to send my child there. I would not have my DGD in any school that this had happened. I know that thi sis not fair to a victim, but until there better ways to protect children from people armed to theteeth then this is at least one answer.



I am from CT, and we have had multiple lockdowns since Sandy Hook. No way would I knowingly enter my family into this. situation.

You know, I am puzzled. I post on the bathroom threads. You know the ones.....I will not let my boy out of my sight to use a public mens room, no matter how uncomfortable I make the people in the ladies room feel. My 8, 9 10 YO son could be molested, stolen, assaulted....in the bathrooms in Disney. How on Earth can people feel that protective, yet be critical of an administration that had to respond to a armed man who was clearly attempting to punish his family. Which one of you would be okay with your own child entering this school, day after day...just waiting for that guy to get out...and he will get out....get another weapon and finish the job?

If this was not a Catholic school, if it was a public school in your town, would you be critical? Would your child be in that building? I am not even going to think this one through. Not one of mine is expendable because of a principle
Neither article said anything about him being armed, just that he was in the parking lot, so they locked down the school.
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:06 PM   #50
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All of those hypothetical examples are missing the most important aspect of this story...one of those hypothetical people coming to the school or place of employment and causing a disturbance. This story is being stretched way beyond what actually happened. In this situation, and not in the ones mentioned above, the threat wasn't hypothetical or "could happen". It did happen.

Also, like it or not, a school in the year 2013 will be more sensitive to the threat than many other places of employment and will react more severely.
You're right, the ex-husband did come to the school. He drove around the school and into the parking lot but did not (according to any of the dozen accounts I have read) attack her, brandish a gun or otherwise threaten her. Given that, you are just as guilty of pulling hypotheticals out of ... the air as anyone when you compare this man to Adam Lanza. There is no indication that he targeted or threatened the children at the school.

You have seriously jumped the shark from a domestic abuse situation to a full-on guns a-blazin' assault on dozens of innocent children.
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:06 PM   #51
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Then I would be angry the husband didn't remain incarcerated.

I do remember Newtown... Had zip to do with domestic violence, but the son did have mental health issues. Should everyone who knows someone with mental health issues be fired? Because that's where you are going with this. Let he who has never known someone violent, or with a mental illness cast the first stone?
he is going to get out. That is the reality. This guy has a proven track record in the way he intends to follow through, and with that in mind, You would send your kids to that school?

As I said, this is addressing what has already occurred and attempting to mitigate any danger to the students in this school. This is not how do we deal with teachers who are victims of abuse. This is what happened because a teacher's spouse came to her school intending to do harm. One act was private and did not take place with threats in a school. Big difference IMO.
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:08 PM   #52
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Neither article said anything about him being armed, just that he was in the parking lot, so they locked down the school.

My mistake. I have to admit my reaction is the same. I would not ever take the chance with my family. Not my children, not my grandchild.
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:10 PM   #53
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If the California schools are like most others, no, she simply didn't have her contract renewed. She wasn't fired.

That's what I was thinking - she was contracted to teach this school year, which she was paid for even though she wasn't in the school, and the school chose not to bring her back for another year.

The article says the husband has had a history of DV for 20 years - I would guess this isn't the first time something like this has happened. Also speaks to the decision making of the teacher, if the charges over the past years have involved her and she continues to go back.
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:28 PM   #54
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So you're only obligated to do what's right when it's safe and convenient? Was it right when the white families kept their kids home when the blacks were being integrated into schools? And using the Catholic theme, was it okay for Peter to deny Jesus because it was safe? And what is this teaching our children about standing up to bullies? That's the big thing in the news and yet given the opportunity to, the Catholic church in this instance has turned its back on someone in need, as has the entire school. Now she has been victimized and shunned and taught that she is bad and not worthy. So how does she provide for his children and keep them safe? The more I think about this, the more I'm disturbed by their "answer" to the situation.
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:39 PM   #55
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If the California schools are like most others, no, she simply didn't have her contract renewed. She wasn't fired. She didn't do anything wrong, but represent a large risk to the school. It's not fair to the other kids or parents to ask them to attend school when they know that the ex is already willing to violate a restraining order violently.
I agree everyone I work with crosses their fingers that they have a job next year
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:44 PM   #56
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Not really sure how I feel about this. While on the one hand I think it's abhorent, on the other I can't imagine how I would feel if my child was in this school. Curious to hear other points of view.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/0...6pLid%3D330387
I think they are protecting all the other students in the school with this action. He did show up at the school and caused enough of a disturbance to render a lockdown. The school can't guarantee it won't happen again and needs to think first and foremost about the safety of the students.
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:45 PM   #57
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So if you have chosen to be a teacher you better make sure you keep your domestic violence private and just suck it up. How man teachers are now going to stay in an abusive relationship for fear of losing their job? How many are going to be another statistic? There are other ways to handle this. Move schools and keep it private. Make sure they are informed by law enforcement when her fine upstanding ex is released. Somehow I think the divorce played a factor. They just aren't saying it.
It wasn't just a secret, he came to the school and in doing do puts the other students in potential danger.
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Old 06-17-2013, 07:56 PM   #58
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Seriously...where does it stop? Sally tells teacher that she saw Daddy hit Mommy the night before. Should Sally be kicked out of school because daddy has a bad temper and could come to the school? Teacher X was a victim of rape and testified against her attacker...should she be fired, because the offender might come after her? The SUPERINTENDENTs husband gets drunk one night and slaps her around and she calls the police...will she get fired too? (All hypothetical)

Take away the whole school environment....what about other potential employers this abused woman may have? The same scenario they are trying to avoid can happen at any place of business, so I guess nobody should hire her because of the risks she carries with her?

What about her kids? If schools start denying enrollment to children because of their parents actions, how are they going to get the education they deserve?

I can understand the school trying to protect the other children...but where do you draw the line?
It doesn't appear that she was fired for being abused, she was let go because her ex came to the school and is a threat to the safety of the other students.
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Old 06-17-2013, 08:02 PM   #59
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So you're only obligated to do what's right when it's safe and convenient? Was it right when the white families kept their kids home when the blacks were being integrated into schools? And using the Catholic theme, was it okay for Peter to deny Jesus because it was safe? And what is this teaching our children about standing up to bullies? That's the big thing in the news and yet given the opportunity to, the Catholic church in this instance has turned its back on someone in need, as has the entire school. Now she has been victimized and shunned and taught that she is bad and not worthy. So how does she provide for his children and keep them safe? The more I think about this, the more I'm disturbed by their "answer" to the situation.
What would your answer be? What would you say to the families in that school> The parents of the students. The other teachers and staff?

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It doesn't appear that she was fired for being abused, she was let go because her ex came to the school and is a threat to the safety of the other students.
This is where I would draw the line.
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Old 06-17-2013, 08:09 PM   #60
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What would your answer be? What would you say to the families in that school> The parents of the students. The other teachers and staff?
I'm honestly not sure but I think it bothers me more so because it is the Catholic church and I don't feel like they are following their own teachings. Just seems wrong to turn your back on someone in need and it sends the wrong message to the students.

I also wonder, as another poster stated, where it will end.
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