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Old 05-27-2013, 09:34 PM   #16
mhsjax
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Originally Posted by lizabu View Post
He's 18. You don't have a say. And for the poster who thinks if she's paying for college she gets to decide....what if the roles were reversed? Something happened and he was supporting you (paying the nursing home bills? Helping you out?)....does he suddenly get a say in your sex life? Didn't think so...it's just as silly an idea.
You can't compare the two. They are totally different.
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:39 PM   #17
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I'd let him go. And I'd let my hypothetical 18 year old daughter go, too. If you want to make a point about safe sex, consider offering to treat them something for the prom (limo ride?) in exchange for them letting you take them to get tested at a clinic. Together. The good folks working there will no doubt shower them with information about preventing pregnancy. I'm sure, at their age, I would have protested that we were exclusive and had no prior partners, that we trusted one another implicitly, so maybe one more mother-son chat without the girlfriend around, talking about the realities of young pregnancy and how he'd be on the hook for child support for 18+ years, would be called for. I'd also tell my child, if anything went badly on prom night, they could always call me and I'd come get them.

TBH, come prom night I'd be MUCH more concerned about drinking than I would be about sex. Drunk driving is far more likely to kill or maim than a couple of teenagers doing what teenagers have always done, that's the battle I'd choose to fight.
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:39 PM   #18
Robbi
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They're going to have sex whether you allow him to go or not. Your son will be going to college or moving on in some way. This would be a way for you to acknowledge that he's growing up. It really would mean a lot to him.
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:41 PM   #19
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I agree - he is 18. If he is having sex already - what does it matter if it is at the shore or back in your hometown?

If I was the mom of an 18 YO son who was having sex with his girlfriend (OR NOT HAVING SEX WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND) I would make darn sure that he has a clue about preventing an unwanted pregnancy, as well as any STDs

So - truth be told - I am the mom of a 19YO DD. She happens to know the ins/outs of pregnancy/STD protection, and the consequences if the protection fails. Of course - I could lecture all I want...the best lesson is a good friend of hers who ended up with a baby girl 3 weeks before she turned 19.

Of course - ESPECIALLY on prom weekend - I would be especially be discussing other things too. Driving, drinking, providing alcohol to minors. OH YES - my DD gets this lecture on a regular basis.
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:45 PM   #20
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Um, you have no control if your 18 year old son has sex, it isn't any of your business. It doesn't matter if they live at home or not. Time to learn boundaries and how parent and child dynamics change as the child becomes an adult.
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:48 PM   #21
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Well, I wouldn't be crazy about it, but to forbid it would be a bit like locking the barn door after the horse is gone.

I do think you should sit down and have a real talk with him about your feelings about the situation (not just prom night, but sex in general) but ultimately let him go. (And "let" is not quite the right word - the kid is 18, after all.)
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:54 PM   #22
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Real life scenario: Let him go. You can't stop him and he has been having sex anyway. Give him condoms and "the talk", let him know you disapprove, but know he is going to do it one way or another. Tell him that the girl needs to be on birth control too if they are going to be having sex or it is otherwise unacceptable.


Wishful mom scenario: Call the girlfriend's mom and ask her if her DD is on birth control. Let her know that the invitation has forced you into a situation where you have to worry about any "baby making" happening on prom weekend. Make sure she knows that they are doing the dirty. Tell her that she needs to make sure that her DD is on a reliable form of birth control like an IUD or depo-prova before they go. I'm sure that will go over like a box of rocks in the ocean. Haha!
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:56 PM   #23
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Well, he is 18. Not really someone you can give rules to anymore. He's old enough to drive, vote, enter the military, drop out of school, get a full time job, rent his own place, etc.
I hate when people don't read past the first few posts, but I had to comment on this. He may be able to do all of the things you mentioned, but he isn't! He still lives at home, he isn't in the military, he doesn't have a full time job, etc. He lives at home under his mom's roof and rules and is in high school. I hate when people say what an 18 y/o can do, but most aren't doing any of those things!

Having said all that, I honestly can't imagine forbidding him to go. What would be the point? He is going to continue to have sex with or without this weekend away.
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:57 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lizabu
He's 18. You don't have a say. And for the poster who thinks if she's paying for college she gets to decide....what if the roles were reversed? Something happened and he was supporting you (paying the nursing home bills? Helping you out?)....does he suddenly get a say in your sex life? Didn't think so...it's just as silly an idea.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hereyago
Um, you have no control if your 18 year old son has sex, it isn't any of your business. It doesn't matter if they live at home or not. Time to learn boundaries and how parent and child dynamics change as the child becomes an adult.
I agree with the above 100%!! OP, he is an adult now. You cannot control when or how often he has sex. He will do it with or without your consent! Its his prom. Plus her mom will be there for crying out loud!! I'd let him go. What point are you trying to make but not allowing him to go? You really think you're keeping him safe, sexually, by not allowed him to go?
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:58 PM   #25
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hello everyone, i would like some other opinions...

my son is 18 and going to prom this coming friday with his g/f of a little over a year. her mother wants him to go with them to their shore house after the prom and stay the weekend there. she will be there to supervise.

i know they are having sex, and i am not ok with it, although her mother is. she said they will not be sleeping in the same room at the shore. truthfully i dont have any faith in that happening.

i believe that if i say ok to him going just because it is prom they will expect it to be ok any other time.

his father (my ex) seems to think he should be able to go. i dont think he realizes our daughter may ask the same question when it is her turn for prom....

her mother is really badgering me about this and will not let up.

opinions, thoughts or comments?
If they've been together for over a year and her mom is going, yes I'd let them go. I'd be sure to continue to have the conversations about having safe sex etc., but face it, he's an adult, he can do what he wants. You already know they're having sex, and although you may not approve, honestly it's really not your choice to make. I would just keep stressing the importance of being responsible etc. At 18 I'd "let" either my son or daughter go in this situation, and I'm a pretty "controllingish" want to make sure nothing bad happens etc. parent. Like I said, he's 18, it's just not really your choice anymore, and I think it'd really do good if you were to discuss it with your ds, explain the importance of being responsible etc., and leave it up to him. Good luck.
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Old 05-27-2013, 10:06 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by mhsjax View Post

You can't compare the two. They are totally different.
How exactly are they different? In each case one adult is supporting another adult who has the legal right to do what they please. Being a parent doesn't change that even though I'm sure many parents wish it did.
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Old 05-27-2013, 10:10 PM   #27
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He's 18 and (I'm assuming) just weeks away from high school graduation. He's in a long term relationship that you know is sexual. What are you hoping to accomplish by prohibiting him from going away with his gf and her mom?

Have a talk with him about safe sex, and about the potential consequences of underage drinking or any other partying that might go on. And then trust him to exercise good judgment even if he isn't making the choices you want him to make.
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Old 05-27-2013, 10:14 PM   #28
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Personally I would hand him a jumbo pack of protection and let him go.

You are not going to stop him or it happening.

I was a teenager once and the more my dad said no the more I wanted to do it.
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Old 05-27-2013, 10:16 PM   #29
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He is an adult.
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Old 05-27-2013, 10:16 PM   #30
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Usually the girlfriend's mom is the more protective one.

You know they're already having sex? Why are you so sure of that? Honestly, they're going to have sex whether you let him go to their lake house or not. It's his prom night - let him go have fun. He'll be off at college in a few months, anyway, and for all you know they'll be spending the night together all of the time then.

Boy/girl sleepovers were somewhat common back when I was in high school, but we'd never share beds (at least not planned). The boys would have a room and the girls would have a room. So you might request that your son go, but he can sleep on the couch. (Whether or not he actually does it - who knows? But it will give you peace of mind.)

But sit him down and give him the sex talk. Even if you have already. It's your right as a parent to make him feel as uncomfortable as possible. You can't control whether or not your son has sex, but you can encourage him to use protection (go ahead and buy the condoms) and not do it until he knows the time is right.
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