Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS UpdatesDIS email updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read





Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 05-27-2013, 06:26 PM   #16
The Mystery Machine
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Missouri
Posts: 45,358

Let it go one ear and out the other.

In the future don't plan things in the morning with them unless it is a movie, event, etc. that has a specific start time.

I would tell you to plan things for later in the day if you want to "get together" with the afternoon-evening gang.
The Mystery Machine is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2013, 06:29 PM   #17
Wishing on a star
DIS Veteran
Another proud Southerner!
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 14,276

OP, it is not about either family having to change ( or 'push' as you called it ) schedules.

Simply understand that families are different (although I am just iike you, and can not even imagine wasting away the day, sleeping until noon, and not even being able to make any halfway firm commitment..... BTDT with one family)

What you will really have to do is insist on a plan.
But, it has to be one that meets THEIR schedule, as well as yours.
It will just have to be afternoon or evening plans.
Since you often head out for the day well before they are even out of bed.. just remind them that it would be a good idea of you could make plans the day before. Winging it just might not work. Those "maybe we can get together.... maybe I'll call..." types of situations will need to be avoided.

Just let her know, "Let's make a plan now, because by the time you call tomorrow, we may be miles from home...."
Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

If she truly is expecting you to be sitting there, literally, at her beck and call..
That is RUDE.
Not sure that is a friendship that I would work very hard to maintain.

While you may not like, or understand, their life-style.
You simply can not expect them to even try to be up early because that is what works for you, and meets your preferences.

There has to be a middle ground.
Wishing on a star is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 05-27-2013, 08:33 PM   #18
Hrhpd
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 2,765

Quote:
Originally Posted by dipastor View Post
Hi there. Number one... We LOVE Disney and anything having to do with Disney.

Okay, got that out of the way. I'm posting here because everyone on these boards has been so helpful with Disney stuff. Now, need advice on Friends.

I've known my close friends (not Disney people) for #1 for 46 years, #2 for 30 years. I had children later than them. I have dd6, ds8, ds10. They have 13 yo's (one has twins, the other has 13 yo, 9yo).

We are on different schedules. My kids wake up between 5:30 and 6 everyday. Their kids sleep past 11. Today we were supposed to get together. My family had already been up for hours. We didn't want to wake the other two families so we waited for their calls.. and waited and waited. friend #2 finally called at 11:00. She said her kids were still sleeping. She is always asking me to push my kids schedule but doesn't reciprocate. So at this point my family is going stir crazy...I'm having adult ADHD and want to get moving and friend #1 hasn't even called yet. I told my friend we were on different schedules and I would meet her for lunch some time. I had messaged both moms the night before on some fun outdoor places we could go.

My family then went on a 2 hour nature hike (wonderful time) and spent some time in a quaint town for late lunch/early dinner. They (friend #1 and #2) were probably going to eventually get to an indoor trampoline place (which was an hour away from us).

What would you do? Suck it up, push your kids and get out of the house on a beautiful Monday Memorial Day to go 1 hour to an inside trampoline place or choose the great outdoors?? Would you try to save the day with your family by getting out or wait and wait and wait until the other families get their acts together?

I'm at wits end because these two friends have kids the same age(13 yo's) and never want to try anything new. We have some wonderful outdoor places near our home town including Longwood Gardens, Tyler Arboretum, Grounds for Sculpture, etc.. My one friend said... My kids don't hike. Really? Even my 6yo does it. They climb rock hills at Hawk Mountain in PA. They love it.

Okay, advice, feedback?
Thanks.
Everybody has different likes and dislikes. Just because your family loves hiking, does not make it wrong that the other families do not. Just like you do not care for indoor activities, it doesn't make you wrong, just that your families have different priorities.

You have done what you can by inviting them. I would just keep doing what is right for your family without judging the other families.

Perhaps once of twice during the summer, do something on their schedule if you want to see them. You cannot control what they do, so don't expect reciprocation, you will only get frustrated and annoyed. You can only control your schedule.

I would just keep inviting them: ie, we are going hiking at 7am if you want to join us. If they say no, we are sleeping in, you can always do your hike in the morning and them meet up with them later in the afternoon. Or just do what is right for your family.
Hrhpd is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2013, 08:42 PM   #19
minkydog
DIS Cast Member
hey! I've got two college degrees and a steady job. if I wanna watch mindless TV, so what?
DIS Official Rum Taster
I used to be in the all-natural camp.
 
minkydog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: North GA
Posts: 16,506

Sounds like you need to make some friends who like the things you like and don't object to an early start. And no way would I be waiting around on them for hours! I'm sure they are nice people but you have to honor your family's needs.
__________________
Never underestimate the determination of the mother with a handicapped child
minkydog is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2013, 08:49 PM   #20
cari12
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,064

Seeing that you know you are on a different schedule than them, I would only make plans with them in the afternoons as then you know they will be up, then if you choose you can do something fun in the morning with your family of early risers.
We went to Disneyland with a family of late sleepers (and we are not) and we still got to the park at opening and did a bunch of stuff and them met them at 11:30am for lunch at Ariel's Grotto. Then spent the afternoon together. It was a very fun day for all.
__________________


Oct 2009 DLH
Oct 2012 DLH
cari12 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2013, 08:52 PM   #21
Tozzie
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 3,156

In your first post you stated you were friends with one for 46 years and the other for 30 years. Having been friends all that time did they suddenly change or did you suddenly change? Have you always been the one to go along when one suggests something? I think since you have been friends for so long you want your kids to be friends and that isn't going to happen especially growing up in different areas and going to different schools. It also appears from your post you expect their children to like things that your family like, who doesn't hike? I don't hike, never did and never will I think it is boring and not something I would choose to do. You need to stop making plans trying to include all the families and socialize with your friends, and leave the kids out of it.
Tozzie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2013, 08:57 PM   #22
WDW in Pearls
Monograms and Minnie Ears
 
WDW in Pearls's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Lehigh Valley, PA
Posts: 484

Quote:
Originally Posted by Aliceacc View Post
The kids aren't friends, it's the adults who are.

I would suggest that everyone get sitters, and the adults get together for a nice dinner out.
This. No 13 year old wants to hang out with a 6 year old. They will make their own friends just like you did. Why not enjoy some kid free time? It will eliminate a lot of the stress and will be healthy for all parties involved.
__________________
Disney Inn 1988 Polynesian 1989-1993, Club Level 1995-1996, 2000-2001
Grand Floridian Club Level 1994 Pop Century 2008 Dolphin 2011
Wilderness Lodge 2012 and 2013First Disney Cruise in 2014??


WDW in Pearls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2013, 09:08 PM   #23
RadioNate
DIS Veteran
 
RadioNate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Chicago
Posts: 10,637

It doesn't seem like the OP likes her friends much or seem to respect their lifestyle.

Choices: Make new friends. Suck it up. Don't try to involve "families" see your friends for adult nights on occasion.

Of course my kids weren't up until at least 10am today. lol To ME that was a wonderful day.
__________________
Me DS DD
RadioNate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-27-2013, 10:34 PM   #24
Robbi
DIS Veteran
 
Robbi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 3,694

You've been friends with the moms for many years. Y'all just plan girl's dinners and get together w/out the kids.
When I was a young girl, I hated being outside. I loved reading, drawing, painting, and going to the movies. If my mom told me we were going hiking, I would not have been happy. My brothers, on the other hand, would have loved hiking.
Robbi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2013, 07:07 AM   #25
aprilgail2
Ikea- Swedish for CRAP
 
aprilgail2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Posts: 19,851

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poohforyou View Post
Op, I have a 13 yo. When she was the age of your kids she would have been up early and all for a hike. The muckier the better. Now at 13 her priority on a day off from school with no homework is to sleep and then lay around the house. She might be up for a trip to the mall or to hang out with friends but that's about it.

Honestly I think it would be very difficult to do a family activity given the range of ages you're dealing with. I'd find time to spend just with my friends and not try to force a family outing.
Same for my 13 year old- she sleeps until noon on weekends and then takes 2 hours to get up and dressed and ready to go out! If she was headed to the mall that might get her up an hour earlier! There is no way she would want to hike anyplace other than around a mall LOL. When she was 6 and 8 sure hiking, bike riding, anything "dirty" but now there is no way she would want to be sweaty and dirty.
I don't know many 13 year old that would want to hang around with a 6 and 8year old either. If you are friends with the parents then make it an adult evening out and leave the kids home.
__________________
The world is a magical place full of people waiting to be offended by something!
aprilgail2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2013, 09:40 AM   #26
FigmentChick
DIS Veteran
 
FigmentChick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 1,920

OP, I think you did nothing wrong and, had I been you, I would have been out and enjoying the sunshine long before you left (and, yes, I'm diagnosed ADHD).

The three families have different schedules and your friends are going to have to understand that. And, if they don't, just do adult things together for awhile. Let them lecture, just try to ignore it. You are doing nothing wrong by your family and that's your priority.

Also, just wanted to add that I have a 13 year old and she must be the exception to the rule. She's up by 6 every day (even weekends....we all are) and she still loves to hike. I took my kids to the Skyline Drive last year and she keeps asking when we'll go back.
__________________


Mar 2006 & Oct 2007 - off-site
Oct 2009 & Oct 2011 - POR, Oct 2013 - OKW
FigmentChick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2013, 09:54 AM   #27
Laura66
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: B. Heights, Ohio
Posts: 1,454

I don't think you mean to - but you do come off a little judgemental of their lifestyle. Like perhaps you think they are lazy. And maybe that is why your friend has countered with remarks you feel we're offensive.
My 2 older children are in college and when they don't have to be anywhere they will stay up until 2 or 3 and sleep until noon plus if they can! My 11 year old will definitely stay up late and sleep in on weekends and during the summer.
I have a few friends who feel the need to tell me how wrong this is or how could you waste the day. Blah blah - not nice. My real friends don't do this.
We have a big age difference with our kids so we often do things with just adults or just my husband and I and the youngest or the two of us and the oldest. We also love dong things all together and make a point to do so.
What's the big deal if they meet up with you later in the day? That's a win win for everyone. Just say we will be doing x at this time and y at this time. We'd love for you to join us if that works!
No one lifestyle is right or wrong. Surely if you like these people as much as you say you do the important thing is spending that time together enjoying each others company! Find a time/place/activity that works for you all!
Laura66 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2013, 11:29 AM   #28
dipastor
Mouseketeer
 
dipastor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Phila., PA
Posts: 95

Quote:
Originally Posted by RadioNate View Post
It doesn't seem like the OP likes her friends much or seem to respect their lifestyle.

Choices: Make new friends. Suck it up. Don't try to involve "families" see your friends for adult nights on occasion.

Of course my kids weren't up until at least 10am today. lol To ME that was a wonderful day.
Aw come on... be nice.
I was just looking for feedback. I do love my friends. Thanks everyone for your input. I can put this one to rest. The note was out of frustration and yes... I pretty much always go up their way. They rarely come into the city.
I guess it was a friendship issue... when you are friends with someone for a long time, you go through a lot. When you add kids to the mix (especially all diff. ages) things change. I was really thinking was it reasonable or unreasonable to save the day's activities and get going on our own.

I do appreciate all the input on this one.
thanks.
d

Last edited by dipastor; 05-28-2013 at 03:03 PM.
dipastor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2013, 12:21 PM   #29
ariel71
For all my luck, the Google car would drive by right then, and when I want to sell my house next year, all people would see is a yard full of flamingos when they Google the address.
 
ariel71's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 283

I don't have kids, but as a single woman whose friends are all married, half with children, I certainly understand how complicated it is to navigate changing dynamics.

You weren't wrong at all to go out and do something with your family - it seems like you didn't really have plans (saying "lets get together" isn't a plan). I do think people are right in saying to not be judgmental about how their families operate. Also, there's no point in trying to include the kids. They have no relationship with each other, aren't in the same age group, and enjoy different activities. I would also ensure that you have firm plans in the future - who, what, where, when.

Most importantly, BOTH sides need to make concessions to maintain a friendship. It's not fair to you to always have to go to them. The only way to even things out is for you to have a frank discussion with them about sharing the load. Maybe it's as simple as they're uncomfortable with city driving, maybe it's that they really aren't that considerate. If all of you can't work out some sort of mutually beneficial arrangement, then you need to decide if you'll continue to suck it up or put the relationship on the back burner for now.
ariel71 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-28-2013, 01:19 PM   #30
RadioNate
DIS Veteran
 
RadioNate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Chicago
Posts: 10,637

Quote:
Originally Posted by dipastor View Post
Aw come on... be nice.
I was just looking for feedback. I do love my friends. Thanks everyone for your input. I can put this one to rest. The note was out of frustration and yes... I pretty much always go up their way. They rarely come into the city.
I guess it was a friendship issue... when you are friends with someone for a long time, you go through a lot. When you add kids to the mix (especially all diff. ages) things change. I was really thinking was it reasonable or unreasonable to save the day's activities and get going on our own.

I do appreciate all the input on this one.
thanks.
d

Another question, have you had a long time friend and realized, for t
I'm sorry if you thought I was mean.

I don't think going off on your own is unreasonable at all. But TO YOU that is 'saving the day' and to them it isn't.

You want them to respect your way, loving the outdoors, getting up early etc. but you were very negative about them and their choices of "fun" while using positive, flowery language to describe the things you like.

I understand you were frustrated. Your families just operate differently. People have different ideas of 'fun.' The places you want to try sound fun, to you. They and their kids have different ideas of what's "fun." You need to respect that just as much as they need to respect yours. There is NOTHING wrong w/doing things alone. I would expect that to be the norm.

Find a 'family' activity. Like an occasional afternoon BBQ (1-2x a year.) At your house. Then your kids can go to sleep. Plan adult activities. A monthly 'girls' dinner. You live far away from them. Find some friends closer to you who enjoy the activities you do if you want some adult company. If not, just do your thing.
__________________
Me DS DD
RadioNate is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:33 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.