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Old 05-27-2013, 03:02 PM   #16
DawnM
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Who are these teen girls calling? Does the 6 year old have a cell phone? Or are they calling you?

If they are calling you, tell them you have to leave in 20 min. and will send the girl back over immediately so that they can take her with them.

However, I would be more inclined to just be "busy" every time she comes over and not let her in.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiawolfe View Post
Background: we have two daughters, 6 and 8. DH and I are both high school teachers, so summer is a time for us to spend lots of family time and relax.

New neighbors down the street have a 6 year old daughter who is NOT a nice girl. While at our house, she tried to push my daughter down the stairs twice. She comes over at meal times because she has been left alone and is hungry. Her teenage siblings have her come over, and then call to say that they are going shopping/golfing/movies/whatever and will be home in a few hours.

I am extremely nonconfrontational and don't know what to do. Whenever my kids have other friends over this other girl comes over and ruins their playdates with her behavior. DH and I really don't want to deal with this all summer. As a working mom, I have some sympathy for my neighbor because she needs her child to be watched, but my summer is not her free daycare.

Suggestions??? I'm sure lots of you have had similar experiences.
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Old 05-27-2013, 03:03 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by cheer25mom View Post
Tell her she cannot come over. Problem solved. Seriously, you need to stand up for your family and tell her to o home.
YEP.

I'm sorry you're in this tough spot!
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Old 05-27-2013, 03:05 PM   #18
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You are worried about confrontation with a 6 year old? You need to be the adult here and put your foot down. Tell the little girl your kids cannot play right now and send her home. When her siblings call, say COME GET HER SHE CANT STAY. You need to nip this in the bud NOW or you will be dealing with this all summer. Keep sending her home. Eventually she will stop coming or her mom will want to talk with you, and you can tell her then why. BUt the problem needs to be dealt with. If you keep doing what you have been doing, you will keep getting what you have been getting.
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Old 05-27-2013, 04:59 PM   #19
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"Sorry Susie, DD can't isn't available right now", followed up with a call to Mom to let her know you prefer that playdates be arranged in advance. Same message to the teens. If they are all playing outside, I like the previous poster's advice--everyone outside is the responsibility of their parent/caregiver. You might want to go over that with the mom.

I do feel sorry for the kids, the teens likely don't want to babysit and the 6 year old needs a playmate. But that doesn't mean a daily playdate at your house.
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Old 05-27-2013, 05:09 PM   #20
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Have the conversation with the mom, not with the 6 year old.

If you don't open your door, then she's unattended and could get hurt or into trouble. Let mom know that the siblings aren't watching her.

Oh, and I'm another high school teacher who doesn't love confrontations. It's not an issue at school; I can develop the kinds of relationships with my students that rarely make confrontations necessary. My kids work from bell to bell and tend to enjoy my math classes; it's very rare that confrontations come up.
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Old 05-27-2013, 05:12 PM   #21
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I don't wanna sound rude but you are a HS teacher and do not wanna deal with confrontation. How do you survive a day in school?
Why would you ever think that might make you sound rude?
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Old 05-27-2013, 05:16 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tiawolfe View Post
Background: we have two daughters, 6 and 8. DH and I are both high school teachers, so summer is a time for us to spend lots of family time and relax.

New neighbors down the street have a 6 year old daughter who is NOT a nice girl. While at our house, she tried to push my daughter down the stairs twice. She comes over at meal times because she has been left alone and is hungry. Her teenage siblings have her come over, and then call to say that they are going shopping/golfing/movies/whatever and will be home in a few hours.

I am extremely nonconfrontational and don't know what to do. Whenever my kids have other friends over this other girl comes over and ruins their playdates with her behavior. DH and I really don't want to deal with this all summer. As a working mom, I have some sympathy for my neighbor because she needs her child to be watched, but my summer is not her free daycare.

Suggestions??? I'm sure lots of you have had similar experiences.
You know what to do. And it mostly involves what to NOT do.
Best of luck.
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Old 05-27-2013, 05:20 PM   #23
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It doesn't matter how or why the girl is out in the neighborhood with NO adult or teen at home.

The minute this seems to be the case... I would be calling the proper authorities. (they would have to arrive quickly enough to verify the situation... because your hear-say would not be enough to warrant any complaint or action.

I would be very worried about any 6 year old in that situation. And, wouldn't be shy about reporting it.
This is a SIX year old. Even if it is the teens trying to pull one over.... The mom should be checking and calling... Why is she not aware?
I can not, ever, under any circumstances, imagine not being aware of my 6 year old's whereabouts and well being.

And, if those responsible are actually calling, and saying, hey, we're gone... see ya' later...
Why are you not having them to come pick up the girl immediately...
Or finding a way to contact the girls mother/parents.

This is not just about a girl who is annoying or not-well-behaved.
This sounds like a child at risk.

I agree with those who are saying that a teacher should know all about how to handle such a situation.

Unfortunately, the moment the girl is in your house, that is implied consent.

Do not be hesitant to say "Sorry, my girls can not play right now...". Followed by checking a short while later to see if any adults or teens are at her home.
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Old 05-27-2013, 05:48 PM   #24
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I don't think the 6-year-old is being left at home alone. I think the older siblings are there, but while she's playing with the OP's children, they are calling saying they have somewhere to go and hoping the OP will say, "Oh, she's playing with my girls, go ahead and run your errand, and I'll watch her."

I would not jump straight to calling the authorities without first talking to mom about what's happening. She may think the older sibs are acting responsibly, and will absolutely fix the situation as soon as she learns of it. I can't see putting the little one through the fear of being taken away from her family over bad manners.


As to the original question, we have a very child-rich neighborhood, which we usually love! But there have been summers where I've put a flip sign on the door in order to ensure a little family time. The green side would say "____ can play," and the red side "_____ can't play." Even pre-readers can understand by the colors after you explain it once.
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Old 05-27-2013, 06:01 PM   #25
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Talk to the mom about what the teens are doing. She may not know... A friend of my youngest (4yo) was often home with her older brother (16) when her mom had on-campus classes. Older brother would bring little sister over here and then call to say he was going out and would pick her up when he got back (always before his mom got home). I didn't mind - I like this little girl, she's my youngest's best friend, and honestly it is easier having an extra around for DD4 because she can be pretty high-maintenance when bored. But older brother eventually got in big trouble when his mom and I got to talking and she realized what he was doing... She was paying him to watch his little sister and did not appreciate that he was collecting that pay for doing nothing!
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Old 05-27-2013, 06:02 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Uncle Remus

Call the mother and tell her the teens aren't watching or feeding the kid. And stop answering your door when that kid comes over.
Lol. Great advice! I agree. You really need to talk with the mom.
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:20 PM   #27
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To the OP - you will need to nip this in the bud NOW. Otherwise - this will be a problem all summer long.

Just tell the girl - I'm sorry, this is not a good time for us.

"lather, rinse repeat"
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:32 PM   #28
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Just tell her to go home! I really do not understand why people will not do this to other people's children. I think it comes from the whole snowflake/can't say no thing. Kids show up at my door all the time. I tell them no! They're not scarred for life by it.
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Old 05-27-2013, 09:36 PM   #29
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I agree with not letting her in the door. If Susie shows up, tell her "I'm sorry, but this isn't a good time. We'll call you when we don't have other plans." Repeat every time she comes over. If it doesn't stop quickly, let her siblings and parents know that Susie continues to come over uninvited and that request that she not come over unless she's been specifically invited.

I would let the mother know what's going on with the siblings before calling CPS.
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Old 05-27-2013, 10:19 PM   #30
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You & DH are both teachers & don't know how to deal with a child doing something that you do not approve of? Don't know what to say to child? Don't know how to talk to the parents? What do you do with kids in your class? This is your house. Your rules.

Let's start with the words NO & don't do that. No, you can not come in. You need to go back home now.
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