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Old 05-03-2013, 12:15 PM   #31
KristaTX
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Did anyone happen to see this article? This will depress you, but make you like Tom Hanks even more. http://www.vulture.com/2013/04/leadi...ests-dont.html

For people who don't shop at Chico's and Coldwater Creek type places, where do you shop? I don't shop there either (my MIL shops at Coldwater Creek!), but I also don't shop at Aberstinky and Stench, Forever 21, or really anywhere in the mall besides Dillards on occasion.

I don't work in an office setting, so most of my clothes these days tend to come from Kohl's, Target, and Lands End's more sporty stuff. I also will buy lots of colors of the same shirt if I find something I really like, or several pairs of the same jeans if I find some that fit great.

I used to get a lot of clothes at Eddie Bauer because I've always been more into preppy and outdoors/sporty clothing (I'm kind of a tom-boy), but I don't like their clothes very much anymore. Either I got old, or they, like everyone else, started gearing their stuff to people in their late 20s/early 30s.

I'm 42, married for 22 years, and have no children. I am way more comfortable now with my age than I was when I turned 37. 37 was the hard year for me for some reason. But that article I mentioned above really was depressing. It makes me want to start boycotting movies where the leading lady should be playing the daughter of the leading man instead of his love interest.
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Old 05-03-2013, 01:13 PM   #32
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I also turn 40 in July and I am dreading it. I am a single mom with two young (8 and 6) kids and this next birthday is just not something I am looking forward to. I know I look younger than I am but still. Yuck.
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Old 05-03-2013, 01:30 PM   #33
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I turned 40 last June, and it's not so bad. (I turned 40 on our family vacation -- our first Disney cruise -- nobody can be miserable on Castaway Cay! That definitely took the sting out of it a little.)

I have never been a fashion plate but I don't think I look worse now than I did in my 30 -- and maybe a little better. I've lost a bit of weight and have been exercising more. I work from home so I mainly live in t-shirts/shorts/jeans. However, a lot of my "nice clothes" come from Ann Taylor or Ann Taylor Loft.
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Old 05-03-2013, 01:47 PM   #34
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I will be 40 in a month and I am looking forward to it! Age is just a number to me. I have a wonderful 10 year old daughter, an amazing older (45) husband and have some great friends and a decent job- what's to be afraid of? I love my life.

I still feel like a college student and pretty much dress like one too! I still wear my birkenstocks, my levi jeans and a sweatshirt and hardly ever style my hair or wear makeup. I shop at Target and JCP and still love Disney as much as I did when I was a kid. I'm 20 pounds heavier than I was when I was in college, but I'm comfortable where I am. I acutally feel better about myself then I did in my 20's.
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Old 05-03-2013, 01:47 PM   #35
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I hope the responses keep on coming because DW and I will be 40 next month. I know we both feel like kids but the reflection in the mirror gives subtle hints to the contrary. We're keeping young by partaking in 5Ks, half and full marathons and I'm even now into triathlons.

Just remember, it's not the exterior looking back at you in the mirror but what's below the surface that matters.

OH, BTW, it's not 40yo rather 40 years of marriage and we are really enjoy being 62 with 63 approaching very quickly. Wouldn't have it any other way.

Happy Birthday and keep on grabbing for the rings as you go around the carousel of life.
Happy Anniversary John VN! DH and I will celebrate 47 years this month and I swear it doesn't feel like it's been that long! Our BABY turned 40 last month, and we have another daughter who will be 46 in September. All three of we women must have inherited good genes because we each look 10 years younger than our actual ages and we dress and live that way too.

To the OP, turning 40 isn't a bad thing. By then we've established who we are and what we stand for and won't stand for, and live our lives accordingly. I think I felt a little relief when I turned 40 - the hard part was over! To me personally, the hardest thing was that my body started to slowly deteriorate; at first it was little things (magnified by a difficult menopause!) but has now developed into a full-fledged neurological problem, but I'm dealing with it and my doctor says my attitude is major factor in the success of my treatment.

Embrace and enjoy your birthday - it's the beginning of an exciting new phase of your life! Many good wishes for 40 more great years!

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Old 05-03-2013, 02:20 PM   #36
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I'm 41 and I admit I'm struggling in the clothing area. I pick stuff out and then rethink it, thinking its too young. Like right now I have 2 graduations this month, one is my DS's HS graduation, so I go look at dresses and then think I'm looking at ones that are too young then I look at say Ann Taylor and they are too old, I'm stuck! I have longer hair too, the only one who gives me crap about it is my dad. I told him I'll cut it when Brooke Shields cuts hers!
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Old 05-03-2013, 02:36 PM   #37
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I turn 40 in June, and you think you have it bad -- I'm going to be a first time mom 3 months after that. Talk about feeling old compared to all the moms in my neighborhood. But on the flip side, had two toddlers here this weekend, and yes...it was tiring, but I also had about 100 times more patience for them than I did with my nieces and nephews when I was 20-30.

I'm not sure, however, where people are getting this idea of what you can and can't do now that you're 40. I think it's pretty widely accepted now that you don't have to go for the helmet cut and sport cullotes. What I DO think is that people can pretty quickly spot the "desperate" 40 year old -- who dresses like they're 20 b/c they're desperate to BE 20, desperately seeks validation from the opposite sex b/c they're terrified their looks are going, parties perpetually like they're at a frat function, etc. I've especially seen the latter a few times and it is painful how they need to prove what great fun they're having (and usually acting like obnoxious jerks in the process). Seriously, if a person's life and relationships at 40 are in as much chaos as a confused 20 year old, then why wouldn't they want to grow up?

On the flip side, I don't think people give much of a glance at people who seem comfortable in their own skin. Whether you're dressing in so-called "young" fashion or just comfort, going out or staying in, if it's what you are happy with and you could give a rats about anyone else's opinion...well...to me, that's where 40+ kicks butt and people respect that. But if you run around trying hard to hide your real age, then it tends to just highlight your real age. In all things, grace, dignity and self-respect are ageless

Just last summer when my insanely hip 16 year old niece was visiting, I made some joke about remembering fondly the days when I wasn't double the size she is now. And she said to me, "Maybe you aren't, but you know what...you OWN it. You always look good." I am overweight, don't dress in top fashion (let alone the same shops as her), I wear comfy clothes and shoes, and half the time my hair is pulled up. So seriously, if a 16 year old can say that to me with a straight face, then I must be putting the right vibe out there. So there you go...do what you want. But OWN it

Last edited by branv; 05-03-2013 at 06:44 PM.
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Old 05-03-2013, 03:47 PM   #38
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Originally Posted by branv View Post

I'm not sure, however, where people are getting this idea of what you can and can't do now that you're 40. I think it's pretty widely accepted now that you don't have to go for the helmet cut and sport cullotes. What I DO think is that people can pretty quickly spot the "desperate" 40 year old -- who dresses like they're 20 b/c they're desperate to BE 20, desperately seeks validation from the opposite sex b/c they're terrified their looks are going, parties perpetually like they're at a frat function, etc. I've especially seen the latter a few times and it is painful how they need to prove what great fun they're having (and usually acting like obnoxious jerks in the process). Seriously, if a person's life and relationships at 40 are in as much chaos as a confused 20 year old, then why wouldn't they want to grow up?

On the flip side, I don't think people give much of a glance at people who seem comfortable in their own skin. Whether you're dressing in so-called "young" fashion or just comfort, going out or staying in, if it's what you are happy with and you could give a rats about anyone else's opinion...well...to me, that's where 40+ kicks butt and people respect that. But if you run around trying hard to hide your real age, then it tends to just highlight your real age. In all things, grace, dignity and self-respect are ageless

Just last summer when my insanely hip 16 year old niece was visiting, I made some joke about remembering fondly the days when I wasn't double the size she is now. And she said to me, "Maybe you aren't, but you know what...you OWN it. You always look good." I am overweight, don't dress in top fashion (let alone the same shops as her), I wear comfy clothes and shoes, and half the time my hair is pulled up. So seriously, if a 16 year old can say that to me with a straight face, then I must be putting the right vibe about there. So there you go...do what you want. But OWN it
I turned 40 in September and I was gonna write this wordy, poorly articulated post, but branv said it better than I can. Own it. You can't stop it, so you might as well make the best of it. I will say that while I wish I felt as centered in my 20's as I do now, I have to accept that I wouldn't feel as centered now if I hadn't been exploring where my center is in my 20's and 30's.

I also find that I just don't give a s**t about a lot of the things that seemed so important in my 20's and 30's. I'm not as interested in censoring myself, putting up with BS, or playing games. I don't feel the need to really cater to anyone else's agenda. I don't know that I'm ready to go all "I am woman hear me roar" or sit in a drum circle about it...I just don't care to do it anymore. And that's really nice. (although I admit it could be a slippery slope into "get off my lawn" territory)

As for what we're supposed to look like in our 40's? Confident is always sexy. While I think the tide is turning a bit, young and hot still sells and that's what we see. It's tough to be surrounded with images and marketing of 20's beauty when you aren't ever going to see 20 again. You already know what you don't want to look like, so don't do that.

Okay...I got all wordy anyway. 40 will be okay - you can't stop it. Mourn your 30's if you need to, do what you've gotta do to feel okay about it, but just know that for most people things only get better as they age.

Ann
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Old 05-03-2013, 04:14 PM   #39
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Age is just a number. We are in our 60's and you would never know it. We haven't slowed down at all. I am in better shape now than I was 10-15 years ago. People are shocked to learn how old we are.
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Old 05-03-2013, 04:57 PM   #40
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As for what we're supposed to look like in our 40's? Confident is always sexy. While I think the tide is turning a bit, young and hot still sells and that's what we see. It's tough to be surrounded with images and marketing of 20's beauty when you aren't ever going to see 20 again. You already know what you don't want to look like, so don't do that.

First, wow, lots of us in the same boat! Misery loves company!

I guess what I quoted is what bugs me....that to me sounds like "so you're 40, accept that you are no longer attractive" I'm sure that's not what the post meant, but that's what I mean. I don't feel all of a sudden not pretty anymore, I don't feel like my body is falling apart, and I know I could get away saying I'm in my early 30's if I chose to.
I do like that I'm not interested in staying out all night anymore, I will like a band now even if they aren't "cool", I have no desire to go to the coolest bar anymore and I'm happy to stay in more, but still love to hang out in my dive bars when I feel like it. Things like silver strands in my hair don't bother me at all. Today I wore a dress with my Vans (gym shoes). It's an outfit I would have worn when I was young, but I still dress like that now.

I got carded the other day for wine, then the checkout lady said "time is treating you very well" and it should have been a compliment to me, but all I heard was "wow, you're old, thank god you don't look it" or something like that.

I can't put into words what's bothering me really, it's just that stupid number.

I'm just being vain and silly, I realize that. I'm not one to freak out about anything much (other than my pets), so I'm allowing myself to wallow for a while. And I think it's great there's a bunch of you who never felt like this and I know there's nothing I can do, it's better than the alternative, age is just a number, but still....ugh!

This too shall pass...I have no choice!

Thanks all!
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Old 05-03-2013, 05:12 PM   #41
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First, wow, lots of us in the same boat! Misery loves company!

I guess what I quoted is what bugs me....that to me sounds like "so you're 40, accept that you are no longer attractive" I'm sure that's not what the post meant, but that's what I mean. I don't feel all of a sudden not pretty anymore, I don't feel like my body is falling apart, and I know I could get away saying I'm in my early 30's if I chose to.
I do like that I'm not interested in staying out all night anymore, I will like a band now even if they aren't "cool", I have no desire to go to the coolest bar anymore and I'm happy to stay in more, but still love to hang out in my dive bars when I feel like it. Things like silver strands in my hair don't bother me at all. Today I wore a dress with my Vans (gym shoes). It's an outfit I would have worn when I was young, but I still dress like that now.

I got carded the other day for wine, then the checkout lady said "time is treating you very well" and it should have been a compliment to me, but all I heard was "wow, you're old, thank god you don't look it" or something like that.

I can't put into words what's bothering me really, it's just that stupid number.

I'm just being vain and silly, I realize that. I'm not one to freak out about anything much (other than my pets), so I'm allowing myself to wallow for a while. And I think it's great there's a bunch of you who never felt like this and I know there's nothing I can do, it's better than the alternative, age is just a number, but still....ugh!

This too shall pass...I have no choice!

Thanks all!
Oh my goodness! That's not what I meant at all! And I guess I should have clarified - I didn't mean I'm confident all the time or that I don't look at myself and wonder where my 20-year old self went. I do chafe at being 40. And I did indeed feel how you do now and I don't think it's vain and silly. But I'm also almost a year into being 40 and apparently that condition isn't going to change.

I took your original post to mean that you were feeling like 40 means packing it in, throwing on a pair of elastic waist jeans, and calling your sexy self done. What I meant in my response is that that is not the case at all and that there's a certain amount of confidence that comes as we get older. It was meant as a good thing. You're the only one who can decide if she's going to pack it in and I'm getting that you don't want to do that.

You can wallow and I am happy to hand you a glass of wine and mourn the passing of time with you. But there are good things that are associated with the passage of time and I was just trying to convey that. I meant no disrespect to how you're feeling at all.

Ann
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Old 05-03-2013, 06:11 PM   #42
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No, I know you didn't meant any disrespect, I'm just showing you how my mind warps things that people say!

Thanks for the advice and the commiserating, I appreciate it.
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Old 05-03-2013, 06:14 PM   #43
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I got carded the other day for wine, then the checkout lady said "time is treating you very well" and it should have been a compliment to me, but all I heard was "wow, you're old, thank god you don't look it" or something like that.
Oh yeah. That so needs to become one of those things that you just don't say to people. It's like how you NEVER look at someone and say, "So, when is your baby due?" or assume that someone is pregnant and say something regarding it.

It's really annoying when a 22 year old finds out that you are 40+ and says, "WOW, you look great for your age!!!". It's fine if you say "She looks great for someone her age" to somebody else. But not directly to the person you are speaking of. It just means "You're so old, but you don't look old."
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Old 05-03-2013, 06:24 PM   #44
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I'm turning 40 in March and I'm looking forward to it. I was depressed when I turned 30 but it turned out my 30s were way better than my 20s. So now I think my 40s will be way better than my 30s. Plus spending my birthday at Disney followed by a Disney Cruise should help. My oldest is 18 and my youngest is 12 so they will all be grown before I hit 50.
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