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Old 05-02-2013, 11:59 AM   #1
*JoGo*
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Teens and Hair: is this my hill?

My son is 13. His hair is driving me, dh, my mom NUTS. His hair is very thick and coarse. I think if his hair was thin and fine like mine, it would look better. He insists on long hair. It's always in his eyes. It's extremely shaggy. It has no shape/style -- it's just THERE. He looks a lot better with shorter hair. I'm not talking a high and tight, but a normal men's cut. His hair is eating his head!! He looks like the muppet Beaker with Barkley the Dog's hair!

We did tell him awhile back that he needed to shower more often if he was going to have longer hair. He will show me Emo/scene hairstyles. I do not think I'm old (31) or out of touch or closed-minded, I just think they look ridiculous!! And he's not into his clothes/appearance otherwise. Maybe if he was begging for skinny jeans, Tom's, Chucks, vneck Tshirts, eyeliner, etc, I'd think well, the hair matches the clothes. Sometimes I wish he'd be more concerned with what he wears.

All this to say...
Is this the hill I want to die on?
I try to let my boys express themselves how they want. It's not hurting anyone. Hairstyles are not permanent. Then I also think back to when I was 13 and holy heck, I wish my mom had done something about MY hair/clothing choices. I've never been a girly-girl and my hair was awful. No one is seeing those pictures! On the other hand, when he's 31, I can pull out the pictures and say "remember when your hair ate your head?".

Basically, his hair is driving us MAD. And I know it's ridiculous. And I know ppl are going to say it's his hair, why do you care... Imagine sitting next to someone that smacks their gum all day long. That's how we feel! And he looks really unkempt. I imagine people seeing him and wondering why we don't make him do something with that mop.
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:03 PM   #2
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No. Hair is NEVER the hill to die on. It's a phase he's going through, and for most teens hair is a big part of their identity. Just let it run its course.

FWIW I can't stand that shaggy look either. now I know how my grandparents must've felt watching my parents in the 60's...dang hippies. Get a haircut! But they all managed to survive and grow into productive healthy adults.

Let it go. The more of a deal you make of it, the more your son will dig his heels in over it.
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:07 PM   #3
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If he keeps it clean and it isn't keeping him from any opportunities, let it go. His peers will eventually convince him to change it.
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:08 PM   #4
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My boys have the same kind of hair- very thick and coarse. DS 17's is more straight, while DS13's has more of a wave to it. They both went through the long hair phase. I hated it! It didn't lay nice, and it made their head look twice as big! It didn't have that nice, soft, sweeping over the eye look that they were going for. Not at all.

They have since figured it out. They both get a 2 on the sides, 4 on the top at the barber. So much easier, and they look so much better with short hair like that!!
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:13 PM   #5
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I've always been of the opinion that hair isn't worth battling over, especially with a teen. I've got 2 sons. The oldest always kept his head buzzed, if there is more than half an inch, he's off to the barber. My youngest hasn't had more than a basic trim since he was 7. Neither one is the hair that I would pick for them, but they're the one who has to wear it, not me.
If it bothers you that much, try bribery. While I'm not a big fan of bribing kids, the reality is that he has no problems with his hair - its your issue, not his. If he's willing to be bribed then you know that it's not that important to Him,which will give you more leverage in the future (and he might decide he likes the new look if he gets positive feed back from his peers). If he's not willing to be bribed, give it up - he's made it his hill to die on, so you won't win the battle without damage to your relationship.
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:13 PM   #6
Southernmiss
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *JoGo*
My son is 13. His hair is driving me, dh, my mom NUTS. His hair is very thick and coarse. I think if his hair was thin and fine like mine, it would look better. He insists on long hair. It's always in his eyes. It's extremely shaggy. It has no shape/style -- it's just THERE. He looks a lot better with shorter hair. I'm not talking a high and tight, but a normal men's cut. His hair is eating his head!! He looks like the muppet Beaker with Barkley the Dog's hair!

We did tell him awhile back that he needed to shower more often if he was going to have longer hair. He will show me Emo/scene hairstyles. I do not think I'm old (31) or out of touch or closed-minded, I just think they look ridiculous!! And he's not into his clothes/appearance otherwise. Maybe if he was begging for skinny jeans, Tom's, Chucks, vneck Tshirts, eyeliner, etc, I'd think well, the hair matches the clothes. Sometimes I wish he'd be more concerned with what he wears.

All this to say...
Is this the hill I want to die on?
I try to let my boys express themselves how they want. It's not hurting anyone. Hairstyles are not permanent. Then I also think back to when I was 13 and holy heck, I wish my mom had done something about MY hair/clothing choices. I've never been a girly-girl and my hair was awful. No one is seeing those pictures! On the other hand, when he's 31, I can pull out the pictures and say "remember when your hair ate your head?".

Basically, his hair is driving us MAD. And I know it's ridiculous. And I know ppl are going to say it's his hair, why do you care... Imagine sitting next to someone that smacks their gum all day long. That's how we feel! And he looks really unkempt. I imagine people seeing him and wondering why we don't make him do something with that mop.
No. Not this hill. Oldest ds had hair almost to his shoulders and in his eyes at that age. By highschool he was getting really short haircuts and still does. I actually would like to see him have a bit more hair.

Middle ds is 15 and has the Bieber hair that swoops in his face. He has beautiful blue eyes and I hate that I can't see them but again it's his hair.

Ds 13 likes to get his head shaved and it looks good on him.

I had a motto when they were little that if they dressed themselves in miss matched clothes I didn't make them change on most days with the hope that as teens they wouldn't go crazy! So far so good!
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:14 PM   #7
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I would emphasize hygeine but not make an issue of the hair. Pretty soon he'll find someone he's attracted to, and he'll then be a LOT more concerned about his appearance, including his hair.
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:17 PM   #8
Sheree Bobbins
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He's making a statement with his hair. This is who he is. I think teens should be allowed to express themselves through their hair. I sense the more you try to control him, the more he is going to resist you and keep the hair that way. It's so true, you should pick your battles and this is not the hill you want to die on. Talk it over with your friends if you need to discuss this.
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:19 PM   #9
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I must be the odd ball - my son as thick coarse hair and it looks so much better to me when it is longer. He usually wears his hair cut with #4 clippers and it just does not look right to me. Still, it is his hair and he can keep it short if he wants to. Makes his father happy with the short hair.
OTOH - my daughter keeps hers in the sweeping cut and dyes it different colors (blue, black, navy, etc.) Hair is not a hill I am willing to die on.
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:22 PM   #10
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Ditto the others - as long as it's clean, let it go.
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:23 PM   #11
JKMJ441724
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thanks for the post.

My son will be nine in a few days and we have the same fight with him. I call him Shaggy Jack at home or Bieber on the baseball field (makes him nuts in front of his friends). He goes to a private christian school so I asked his teacher "how long are y'all going to let his hair get before you make him get it cut?"

The teacher gave me a very confused look.
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:24 PM   #12
RadioNate
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I love longer hair on boys. I was upset when my thick haired nearly 12 year old cut his.

So NO. I would make some hygiene rules. Wash it daily (what 13 year old isn't showing daily....ewww) and brush/comb it. Otherwise, I would not care at all.

Take him to a decent salon. Get it cleaned up into a 'real' style and as long as he follows the hygiene rules I wouldn't give it a second thought.

Drugs, alcohol, horrible friends, abusive relationships...all hills. Long hair? NO WAY.
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:26 PM   #13
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OP, know just how you feel.

DS kept his hair long and shaggy through the 9th and part of 10th grade. His hair is thick and course and curly. His nickname was/is "Shaggs" or "Shaggy" because of his hair--given to him by his friends in high school.

I just told him as long as he washed it regularly he could have it any way he wanted. Without us saying anything, he wanted it cut in the last half of tenth grade and has kept it semi short since then. (course then we went through all the color changing! )

I wouldn't worry about it too much. The more you fuss the more determined he may become in keeping it long. I honestly think ds went through all the color changing (bleached, black, half bleached/half black, blue, green and purple) simply trying to find something to shock us with his hair. We never said a word about the lenght--except keep it clean or about the color except that I required it be done professionally so his hair would not fall out.
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:30 PM   #14
Southernmiss
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RadioNate



Take him to a decent salon. Get it cut into a 'real' style

.
Good point. The barber the guys use isn't as good as a salon with our 15 year olds hair because ds needs someone who knows how to style it and the barber just doesn't.
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Old 05-02-2013, 12:30 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *JoGo* View Post
My son is 13. His hair is driving me, dh, my mom NUTS. His hair is very thick and coarse. I think if his hair was thin and fine like mine, it would look better. He insists on long hair. It's always in his eyes. It's extremely shaggy. It has no shape/style -- it's just THERE. He looks a lot better with shorter hair. I'm not talking a high and tight, but a normal men's cut. His hair is eating his head!! He looks like the muppet Beaker with Barkley the Dog's hair!

We did tell him awhile back that he needed to shower more often if he was going to have longer hair. He will show me Emo/scene hairstyles. I do not think I'm old (31) or out of touch or closed-minded, I just think they look ridiculous!! And he's not into his clothes/appearance otherwise. Maybe if he was begging for skinny jeans, Tom's, Chucks, vneck Tshirts, eyeliner, etc, I'd think well, the hair matches the clothes. Sometimes I wish he'd be more concerned with what he wears.

All this to say...
Is this the hill I want to die on?
I try to let my boys express themselves how they want. It's not hurting anyone. Hairstyles are not permanent. Then I also think back to when I was 13 and holy heck, I wish my mom had done something about MY hair/clothing choices. I've never been a girly-girl and my hair was awful. No one is seeing those pictures! On the other hand, when he's 31, I can pull out the pictures and say "remember when your hair ate your head?".

Basically, his hair is driving us MAD. And I know it's ridiculous. And I know ppl are going to say it's his hair, why do you care... Imagine sitting next to someone that smacks their gum all day long. That's how we feel! And he looks really unkempt. I imagine people seeing him and wondering why we don't make him do something with that mop.
It wasn't one I wanted to die on. My son is now 19, but at 13 (maybe 12?) he decided to grow his hair out. For the next couple of years, we only saw one eye.

He now wishes we would have stopped him...lol, but it was important to him then, so we let him do it. We also let him wear the heavy, hangy black pants with chains all over them, but he had to buy them himself.

By the time he was 15, he was dressing in Polo and Abercrombie (and still is, Polo more than Abercrombie).
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