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Old 05-03-2013, 07:16 AM   #1
Candleinthewind
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Question for those with a spouse that travels a lot?

Do you ever find that your routine is totally blown when your spouse is home on the weekends if they travel often? My spouse has been traveling quite a bit for nearly three years and some temp assignments last months. My spouse does not travel home every weekend.

There are even times when the phone rings while I am making or we are eating dinner when I don't even answer it. Don't get me wrong, I want nothing more than to be living together fulltime, but there are just times when I don't want to talk or it is not convenient.

I admit there is also a little jealousy because when my spouse comes home it is all about our kid and we need our alone time too. Frankly sometimes we are just both too tired!
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Old 05-03-2013, 07:52 AM   #2
clm10308
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Originally Posted by Candleinthewind View Post
Do you ever find that your routine is totally blown when your spouse is home on the weekends if they travel often? My spouse has been traveling quite a bit for nearly three years and some temp assignments last months. My spouse does not travel home every weekend.

There are even times when the phone rings while I am making or we are eating dinner when I don't even answer it. Don't get me wrong, I want nothing more than to be living together fulltime, but there are just times when I don't want to talk or it is not convenient.

I admit there is also a little jealousy because when my spouse comes home it is all about our kid and we need our alone time too. Frankly sometimes we are just both too tired!
My DH didn't travel, but her worked night shift and weekends for many, many years. Even when he finally moved to day shift he worked weekend for several more years. The kids and I had our routines, and when he was home unexpectedly everything would get messed up.

I am a person who likes routines and knowing ahead of time what is going to happen, him not so much.

He would do things like wake up late weekends and ask what we want to eat for breakfast at 10:00am when the kids got me up before 7. There were other minor irritations like him taking over the television when I watched a specific show that day, but he wasn't usually home, or because his eating schedule was different than ours he would have a big snack one hour before dinner and then not be hungry at dinner, so of course the kids didn't want to eat.

Job situations changed, and he now has a job with more traditional hours and days off. We have made new routines and get along fine. The only bad thing now is that he can't take off for long vacations now, so no more two week Disney trips.

Anyway, I think you are perfectly normal.
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Old 05-03-2013, 08:02 AM   #3
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Yes. My DH was active duty Navy for 4 years and I was alone for months at a time and those were much more difficult adjustments when he came back to DS and I. Then he left active duty and became a reserve officer which meant one weekend a month plus two weeks per year he was gone on active duty, plus he travels for work and we had two boys by that time. Then he retired 2 years ago (30 years service) from the Navy reserve and about the same time his work travel stopped and my house is dirtier, less organized, etc because I don't have a day to get the same things done that I used to when he wasn't here. He's traveling again for work, but usually only 3 days a week once or twice a month. Our boys are grown now so it's just the two of us living here, but things just don't seem to be getting done the same way they do when he's not here and it feels like he's in the way sometimes LOL.
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Old 05-03-2013, 08:03 AM   #4
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My wife doesn't do as much travelling as she used to, but for months at a time (she's a partner in a CPA firm), she's putting in 12-14 hour days, so often it's just me and our boys many nights. While I appreciate when she is home and is able to help me out, there are nights when yeah, she does throw off our routines, I will admit.
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Old 05-03-2013, 08:05 AM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Candleinthewind View Post
Do you ever find that your routine is totally blown when your spouse is home on the weekends if they travel often? My spouse has been traveling quite a bit for nearly three years and some temp assignments last months. My spouse does not travel home every weekend.

There are even times when the phone rings while I am making or we are eating dinner when I don't even answer it. Don't get me wrong, I want nothing more than to be living together fulltime, but there are just times when I don't want to talk or it is not convenient.

I admit there is also a little jealousy because when my spouse comes home it is all about our kid and we need our alone time too. Frankly sometimes we are just both too tired!
My spouse travels extensively - three months out, one month home. We live in FL and he works in the WDC area. We don't have small children, so it's no problem for me to take a flight up to see him every six weeks or so. The only change in my routine is that we have lunch everyday (I usually forget to eat), and if we plan to watch television we have to negotiate who watches what. We have very different tastes and one of usually ends up watching TV in the bedrooom. But since I'm retired, I really have no "schedule" to get messed up. About the phone, I have caller ID and an answering machine, so I rarely answer the phone anyway.

I find that we use his time home for Dr. and dentist appts., car and home maintenance, and visiting friends and relatives. It seems like we're hardly ever home.

Since your spouse seems to spend most of his free time with the kids, it may be helpful to declare every day after 6 or 7 pm to be kid-free or if the fancy strikes you, "Adults only!" Good luck!

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Old 05-03-2013, 08:35 AM   #6
Katy Belle
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DH doesn't travel much any more. He's gone only 2-4 nights a month now. We barely notice he's gone.

When the kids were little he traveled a lot. The first few days after he left would be rough and the first few days he was home were rough. Because the kids were little, our routines would change often, because the kids were changing so fast. DH would breeze in after being gone for several weeks and act like he knew how things were run around home. Used to irritate me so much!

What was equally as irritating was when he was working locally and would work late, but come home right before bedtime. A few times he called and said he was heading home, would be home in 30 minutes, and I told him to stay away for at least 45 minutes. If he came in right before bedtime, then the kids would end up staying up late and I was already exhausted!
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Old 05-03-2013, 08:50 AM   #7
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As an Army wife for the last 18 years I have to be flexible and give him all the support he needs, he give me support as well. I work part time now and I keep myself busy at my local church and dd dance lessons..
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Old 05-03-2013, 09:08 AM   #8
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My DH works an extremely erratic schedule. His regular shifts are between 24-48 hours long. Then he travels extensively for work, but we typically get only 2-6 hours of notice and then he's gone for anywhere between 3 days and 21 days.

Last year he was gone a total of 13 weeks straight just for special projects (it was weird... 3 days gone, 2 home, 14 gone, 1 home, 2 shift, 5 gone, 1 home, 14 gone, etc.). On his "days off" he is commissioned to train other individuals... for example even though yesterday was a "day off" he spent between 7am-5pm putting on a training.

We've had a lot of talks about scheduling and how that affects the family. We do have 2 small girls (6 and 3). I work really hard to provide a consistent routine for the girls amidst the chaos our work schedules bring to their lives (I work from home part time). And he has a lot of guilt for being gone as long as he is gone, so when he's home, he does everything he can to spend quality time with the kids; which often means missed bedtimes, treats, trips, lack of discipline, etc.

The two of us have had many a discussion about him respecting my routine, respecting the kids routine, and integrating back into family life seamlessly. It was rough last year when he was gone that long period of time and had a hard time re-integrating with each other and the family. He really disturbed our routines!! I just told him that he has to do his best to rein himself in and really work with me to help provide consistency when he is home. It really helped to have a good long talk about it and we both feel like this winter was a great one.

I expect that this summer will be a lot of the same, but to be honest, I feel much more prepared for this than I did last year. Last year I just "survived" and did the best I could. This year I'm ready for it.
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Old 05-03-2013, 10:16 AM   #9
Candleinthewind
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I feel bad when I don't want to talk, but we Skype IM many times a day. It is very irritating when there is a right now decision to be made and someone is not answering the phone.

There was talk of my spouse coming to work from home which is what I do and that would drive me even more bonkers!
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