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Old 04-21-2013, 09:44 PM   #16
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I disagree with everyone about waiting to take kids until they are older - I think you can have fun on trips with babies and toddlers too! I completely feel the OP's pain - my 16 month old DD is not the easiest person to travel with! But I think you have to adjust your expectations. I assume that she might be thrown off her schedule when we travel, and I plan for that. OP, I hope this trip helps you plan for future trips, now that you know how your kids deal with large time changes, etc.
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Old 04-21-2013, 09:54 PM   #17
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Realizing how hard a vacation was, when DS was little, is how I got my start with taking solo trips to Disneyland. We got back from our second big vacation (only the second we had taken of a TRUE vacation, and we did both trips inside of 3 months) and I was nearly having a nervous breakdown b/c I had not relaxed even one moment on the second trip (and barely at all on the first), and DH (who had indeed gotten to relax, because he's just a different person and worries about different things in different ways) realized I needed a vacation. Since that wasn't going to happen with them, he took a day off from work and he and DS got Man Time at home while I flew to CA.

Of course, if you're nursing the baby that's going to be harder than it was on me and DS, because DS was 3 and could handle going without mama milk for a couple days. So you might have to delay your solo trips.

So just try to both enjoy the moments you're getting AND try to partially live in the future when this will be a sweet memory, and all the "this is hard and sad" parts will be mostly forgotten.

I read SO much when DS was little. I kept a light on when nursing him to sleep and lying with him (he required my presence for quite awhile as he went fully into sleep), and I read and read and read. When I read the Harry Potter books now, I am surrounded by the sweet milky memories of us and of him as he went to sleep. Other books, too, but those especially (JK just kept putting out new books!).

Someday I bet the audiobooks will do the same with you.

Originally Posted by ThreeBeans View Post
How come their dad (or other mom) isn't sitting with them occasionally? I understand if you have to nurse the baby down for naps, but their other parent can supervise naptime while you lounge by the pool or go for a swim or take in some sights.
Babies sometimes simply do not accept the other parent. My son was the same. DS was probably 5 when he would accept the full bedtime routine from DH (apart from the "Man Time" trips when I ran away to Disneyland, which they generally spent in sleeping bags in the living room, to really help DS see that it was different and that he was allowed to sleep (though DS insisted that they had an "all nighter" during those times, LOL)). But even now if DS is having a bad night and needs someone's presence to get fully into sleep, DH will keep him up more often than not, because DH falls asleep and snores. I bring in my Kindle paperwhite and read until I know DS is sleeping.

On the other side, I could NEVER walk into DS's room to check on him (not even now) without him sensing me and waking up. DH could check on him all the time and never disturb him once DS was asleep, but not me.

Kids need different things from parents, sometimes! It might be the same thing for the OP.

Originally Posted by brymolmom View Post
We went from East Coast to DisneyLand when they were 6 and 7. And even that time difference was a huge hassle for the first 3 days (and it was only a 7 day trip). My kids were awake the first 2 days by 3 - 4 am and I was tired by the time we left for the parks at 8:45am.
It's the same time difference with the OP, going from Pacific to Hawaii time like you went from Eastern to Pacific.

As they say, this too shall pass, and like you said, you'll be back. During that trip, when the baby is the age of the older one, and the older one is so relatively big, you'll probably have a pang of how it was on this trip. Memory is funny that way. Just full of those bittersweet moments.

I hope you get some REALLY good sleep tonight, and can wake up refreshed and feeling good.

Oh, another thought...does the baby normally have a hard time in the carseat? If not, is it because of windy roads? Or maybe you are sitting in the back seat with her and she's not used to it? Can you perhaps drive? Or if she wants you to sit in the back, can you do so (squeezing in between the kids?)? Just something to change it up?

Of course, it could totally be teething, too. Evil evil teething. DS started teething at 4 months old and I swear it was a constant from then on. Heck, even now he's teething, though it's his adult teeth now, but he gets the same sorts of symptoms. Only difference is that he can express himself in words now, not just crying. Oh those teeth.
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Old 04-21-2013, 09:54 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Jenn View Post
I feel your pain! When my girls were 6 and 2 we did a big family cruise w/ my husband's side of the family. My little one fell asleep during dinner each night. I would carry her back to the room, and put them to bed and watch tv or just go to bed myself. My husband went to the shows, comedy club, dance party, and casino and strolled in each night around 1 to tell me how much fun he had! Ugh. It was a rough week, but it was his family and I wanted to let him have that time with them.

Fast forward (and I do mean fast), my girls are almost 16 and 12. We are going to Aulani in June and will be hiking, snorkeling, water sliding, kayaking and whatever else I can think of together as a family.

It gets better I promise!
It really does get better!
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Old 04-21-2013, 11:23 PM   #19
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Oooo, teething is right. Hylands teething tablets. Biochem PhD sis and hippie-granola SIL agree and middling me too. And you have made me glad I decided to wait until DS is 4 for our first Disney experience.

Yeah, like pps said, this too shall pass. Definitely have your hubby sit there and you go down and lounge at the pool and beach. Switch it up so you get the downtime you need. And you at least know for the future to perhaps keep your vacations more local and easier until your youngest is ready. It definitely gets a lot easier when they are older. Heck, mine finally pull their own carry-ons through the airport. I feel like I'm in heaven!

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Old 04-22-2013, 02:43 AM   #20

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Wow. You all have been so kind and supportive. I really appreciate that.

Bumbershoot is right on with so much about my baby. She only wants me, won't even take a bottle, preferring her milk right from the source. I can nurse her to sleep & sneak away for 10-15 minutes tops & then she'll wake up frantically crying for me. My older daughter was like this too, so I knew that I was going to be pretty much sole caregiver of the baby for at least the first year or two.

We are a two mom family and my wife really is understanding about my stress & sadness about the trip. She has taken the baby during a couple morning naps so I could go to the pool with my older daughter. That has been great, but I've been distracted knowing that baby will be crying herself to sleep and if I was there for her nap, that wouldn't be happening.

I was the one who encouraged my wife to site see. I didn't want both of us to loose out on our vacation. She did offer to take both kids tomorrow morning so I could have a massage, but the spa is booked.

The baby cries in the car seat at home too. It's awful and I really don't think there's a solution. I actually wonder if she feels sick in the car or if she's upset that I'm not holding her. My older daughter cried in the car seat until the day we turned her around to face forward. Then she was fine. The baby is a lap child on the plane, so aside from being a little cranky because she was bored, she was fine.

I'm feeling a bit better tonight. We splurged on dinner at AMA AMA (yum) where the baby knocked a full glass of water on me & the 3 yr old stole my dessert. Our server was fantastic, cleaned everything up & brought me a free dessert. We then walked on the beach during a beautiful sunset & the baby fell asleep in the wrap. My wife took my older daughter up to the room & I got some time to wander & relax while the baby slept.

Tomorrow is our last day & we have a cabana by the pool for the whole day. I'm planning on parking myself there & having the kids nap in the cabana while I enjoy the sun, view & adult beverages.

Thanks for the reassurance that it gets better. I told my wife tonight that I want to wait to come back to Hawaii until the baby is old enough to go to the kid's club for a few hours. This has absolutely been a "trip" not a vacation,but we've still had fun moments & I know I'll eventually look back at the pictures and love that my young kids got to go to such an awesome place.

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Old 04-22-2013, 03:51 AM   #21
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I feel your pain. Both my kids need/needed me to nurse them to sleep and will wake up often to check on me. When we did HI DD was around 18mos. I remember parking myself next to the pool in the shade and covering us up with towels so she could nurse and nap and I could still be out near the water. It is hard though - our last trip to Disneyland and I'm stuck in the room 3 hours a day while DD is riding rides .
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Old 04-22-2013, 07:27 AM   #22
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I feel your pain - my kids both went through (well DD2 is still pretty much in it!) a very intense and LONG mom-only phase. Vacations are in our column of "NO WAY" for our pro/con debate of having a 3rd. Its too bad that it's such a special and big vacation to be spent indoors - I hope you can go back when the kids are both at an age to enjoy it.

I just spent my first night away from my youngest, who is 2.5 and man, I feel like a new woman! haha - my poor DH who stayed with them while my mom and I went to NYC might not be feeling the same. hehe.
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Old 04-22-2013, 07:36 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by Iggipolka View Post
Wow. You all have been so kind and supportive. I really appreciate that.

The baby cries in the car seat at home too. It's awful and I really don't think there's a solution. I actually wonder if she feels sick in the car or if she's upset that I'm not holding her. My older daughter cried in the car seat until the day we turned her around to face forward. Then she was fine. The baby is a lap child on the plane, so aside from being a little cranky because she was bored, she was fine.

oh momma, your reply just touched my heart. I can hear your love & empathy for your crying baby. I'm so glad you have such a supportive wife who wants to help & relieve your stress.

re: car seat- there might actually be some things that you can change. it is possible baby is uncomfortable in this specific seat. If babe is crying in the car- it could be at the wrong recline angle. or maybe a different angle would help.
it is also possible that switching to a rear facing convertible may alleviate some of this as well. when you get home & have free time, check out they have car seat techs on the board who are willing to help troubleshoot with you.

take a deep breathe & try to enjoy the rest of your vacation...soon enough you will be nursing your baby back in your own home. at least right now you can nurse in a tropical location
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Old 04-22-2013, 07:44 AM   #24
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I have three kids, 3, 3, and 9. We have travelled every few months since they were born. It is tough at times, but the family time is so worth it. There have been more than a few nights when I wished we were home beause one of the twins couldn't settle. Now I try to expect it and go with it a bit more. It does get easier, and I'm so glad we kept travelling. Even with the tough days, the time away is a gift. I would not want to travel without them; would miss them too much and I don't think the grandparents could handle the twins. Just modify your expectations, take it slow and know that as they grow, your difficulties will diminish.
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Old 04-22-2013, 08:24 AM   #25
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It seems to me that 9 months was just about the time my oldest had the most trouble separating from me. It just about pushed me over the edge. Of course, now that he's 20 I long for a little more of that closeness again.

I know this won't help you now, but I only regained my sanity by finally letting him cry it out one night. He cried for 45 minutes. The next night only 10 minutes. Then he blissfully slept through every night. I learned my lesson. When I had my next 2, I stopped nursing them to sleep. As sweet as it is, once they learn to associate nursing with going to sleep, you're sunk.

As I said though, you can't let them cry it out in a resort. So you'll make the best of it. Take a few pictures of you all on the beach. I guarantee one day your memory will selectively "forget" some of the bad parts of this trip and you'll remember some of the sweeter quiet moments.

Best of luck with a "do-over" somewhere down the line!
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Old 04-22-2013, 08:24 AM   #26
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Anyone else struggle with vacations with young kids, QUOTE]

Ab-sa-freaking-lutely !

Yes, we have the same troubles you are describing, to a T !

We started taking our family of 5 to Disney when the little boys were 2 and 3. We didn't go back for 2 years.

We went once last year and twice this year.

It does get better ! Things do improve ! Keep your chin up and just keep swimming
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Old 04-22-2013, 08:32 AM   #27
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Oh my, what a rough trip I know that a nursing baby cannot be left at home, so that is that, but your situation is exactly why I have no patience when a couple is criticized for vacationing without the children.

I think that if it is possible to leave the kids with the grands or someone else who is able to care for them, that is a great idea. Children do not need to be along on every vacation that takes place.

OP- it does get better, and I hope that you do get to enjoy some of your vacation. I agree that there is no reason for everyone to sit in the room if the baby only wants you, but I sure would be indulging in a little pity party of my own
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Old 04-22-2013, 08:46 AM   #28
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Sorry your trip isn't turning out the way you planned. I decided a long time ago that there are certain trips we will not do til kids are older or they can stay with family. We mostly stay close to home and do things in our comfort zone. Hope you enjoy the rest of your vacation.

Maybe for touring you can do a bus instead of driving the car that way you can wear the baby.
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Old 04-22-2013, 08:58 AM   #29
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Hoping today is great. Or at least fun.

We traveled all the time when ours were growing up. Some trips were better than others. In the end I wouldn't trade any of them.

I can't imagine NOT traveling with my kids when they were little.
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Old 04-22-2013, 09:28 AM   #30
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Your experience is very typical. I am so glad we are well past those days.

Some people love having babies, and everything about that time, but not us! DH and I realized that we are not "baby people" and we had a couple of disastrous "trips" when our boys were little. Our first GOOD family vacation was when we went to WDW and our kids were almost 6 and 4. It was still exhausting, but it was tons better than even the short 1-3 night mini vacations we'd tried in the earlier days.

It is a difficult adjustment from being an independent adult who can do whatever you want, to having to cater everything to the little ones in your life. Kids take over, and for the first several years, it's hard! Once they get to be KIDS though, and are past the baby/toddler stage, things fall into place and you don't feel as thought every single decision you make is based on their needs. You get to actually have vacations, and you get to actually do stuff that you want to do too.

Hang in there!
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