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Old 02-23-2013, 12:11 AM   #1
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My Heart is Broken

My DH of 41 years passed away last night. I still can't seem to believe it. He went into the hospital to have his spleen removed on 6 Feb and never left the hospital. The surgery went well and they moved him into the recovery room. About 45 minutes later the Dr came out and said his blood pressure was falling and they had to take him back into surgery because he must be bleeding inside. He got the bleeding stopped and they moved him to ICU. They thought he was going to die that night but he pulled through. He was moved to the floor on Monday, the 11th of Feb, and everything seemed to be looking up. He was talking and everything was good. On Friday night they needed to take him down for a scan and gave him some chemical to drink. He said he was scared and maybe he knew something. On Saturday all he did was sleep and the same thing on Sunday. He would not eat anything and just started to go downhill. On Wednesday I went to the site administrator and expressed my concern that he was not getting good care. They hurt his arm in ICU and no one seemed to do anything about it. I told the nurse but there seemed to be no concern. When his Dr showed up I showed him his arm and he ordered an X-ray. Later I asked for an ice pack and no one brought one. I also told them he said his arm was burning where the needles were and after no one showed up for over an hour and a half I went out to the floor and found a doctor. Apparently his vein had collapsed and the fluid was running into his arm. They could not find a vein to put a needle into and the site administrator came up at about 9 that night to see if she could do anything. She could not find a vein either. His blood pressure was dropping and I asked her why they couldn’t move him back to ICU. She went out and reviewed his records and 10 minutes later she came back with some people and said they were taking him to the ICU immediately. His kidneys were failing for a few days and why they didn't move him to ICU sooner I don't know. I beat myself up because I should have done something sooner but I trusted his Dr and the nurses. Stupid me. They got an IV started in his shoulder late on Wednesday night. They said they were going to start dialysis on Thursday so I went home for some much needed sleep. At 3am on Thursday they called and said he was having panic attacks and wanted me. I went in and stayed with him until they took him down for another X-ray and went to get something to eat. They called me and told me they needed to incubate him because he was stressing with his breathing. I got back to his room and he did not look good. He was sedated and I could not be in there. I ran home for a few minutes to get something and got the dreaded phone call. They had tried to put the dialysis tube in his shoulder but the blood clotted and his heart stopped. I called my daughter in Orlando and his sister in West Palm Beach. They got there in record time. They managed to get his heart started but it stopped again and after many attempts to get it started the Dr said he could feel his ribs cracking. We finally asked them to stop. Hardest thing I had to do. I thought his Dr would call me and express his sympathy but nothing. My sister-in-law works for a Dr and we are going to get a complete record of what went on. Site administrator was the only one who came to me and hugged me. She told me I should get all his records. I think she might know something since she was the one who ordered him to ICU. Why his Dr did not do it I don't know. I am thankful that God gave us 1 good week with him so that everyone could tell him how much they loved him. My oldest DD from WI was able to see him and the grandkids did facetime with him. If he had died the first night no one would have been able to do that. Thank you for letting me express my feelings. I have had very little sleep since all of this started. I know that with time it will get easier but right now it does not seem like it.
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:15 AM   #2
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I am so sorry! Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. You and your husband had 41 years together! That is amazing! I'm sure that you are hurting, right now. Please surround yourself with family, and know that there are lots of people here on the DIS that will hold you close in prayer. Bless you!

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Old 02-23-2013, 12:15 AM   #3
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I am sorry the people you trusted to help your husband failed.

Please know you did nothing wrong and try not to blame yourself

I am very sorry for your loss
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:16 AM   #4
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:17 AM   #5
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:20 AM   #6
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I'm so sorry
Be kinder than necessary-everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!
..................If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.


There's a great big, beautiful tomorrow shining at the end of every day!

I've been BOO'ED!!!

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Old 02-23-2013, 12:22 AM   #7
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I am so very sorry for your loss.

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Old 02-23-2013, 12:23 AM   #8
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God bless and have strength. Follow your intuition and get the records. I am so sorry for you and your family
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:27 AM   #9
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you're able to get some answers.
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:28 AM   #10
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So, so sorry for your loss and the story you told us. It sounds so scary and awful. I hope you can find some peace however you feel you need to pursue it. Bless you and your family.
Keep the Faith!! Peace and Love!!!


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Old 02-23-2013, 12:47 AM   #11
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Huge hugs to you. I hope you get some resolve and closure in this. Sending healing thoughts your way.
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:48 AM   #12
I've also crazy glued myself to many things
I'm calling it a victory. At least until next time
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My heart breaks for you reading this. I am so very, very sorry. Please be gentle with yourself as you go through everything. This was NOT your fault. Recriminations and "what if's" will not help and YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.

I know there's nothing that can be said to done to make it better. Scream at the world, if you need to. This wasn't fair. You don't have to be strong and whatever you happen to be feeling is okay.

I am so sorry.
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:56 AM   #13
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I am so sorry. I hope you are surrounded with your family and that you can all help each other to grieve and heal.
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:56 AM   #14
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Very sorry for your loss.
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Old 02-23-2013, 12:58 AM   #15
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I am so sorry for your loss.
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