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Old 04-03-2013, 08:28 AM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KimR View Post
I think it depends on how it was done. If they said grace out loud knowing full well that your family does not share their beliefs, then yes, that is rude, presumptuous, and disrespectful. However, if they simply bowed their heads and said a silent prayer, It think that is perfectly fine.
This is kind of how we are with DH's best friend. He says grace at every meal. He quietly bows his head and says his prayer to himself. WE, DH and I, don't make a big deal about it. It took the kids years, well into their teens, to catch onto what he was doing. When they did, they asked "uncle" T about it and that lead to a discussion on his beliefs.

If we had made an issue of it when they were younger, they wouldn't have been able to have the discussion they had with him. It's helped them to better form their beliefs.
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Old 04-03-2013, 09:56 AM   #32
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We're a very political family, so our children have known from the start that people have different views, values, and opinions. If we know we'll be going to someone's home who has very different views from us, we'll warn our youngest not to talk politics. The rest, we just take in stride and go with the flow.
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Old 04-03-2013, 10:03 AM   #33
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How do people feel about religious families/individuals coming into a non-religious home and praying before a meal? While I am a guest in someone's home I will be as respectful as possible. However, this happened to us recently and we felt extremely awkward having grace said in our home when we don't follow their belief system. We still aren't sure if we think that their actions were disrespectful, or if it's on us to make our guests comfortable... On the one hand it seems so harmless, but on the other, it really did make us uncomfortable in our own home.
We're a Christian family (well, my oldest DS is agnostic, but DH and I and our youngest are Christian), but we do not always say grace. I think if someone is dining at someone else's home and the host does not say grace, the person should just silently bow their head (or not, whatever they usually do) and say it quickly in their heads.
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Old 04-03-2013, 10:18 AM   #34
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I'm not sure I'm understanding here. Are you saying someone got tweaked over a prayer being said ............ On EASTER?
What is so confusing about it? I'm not religious, so why exactly do I have to like people praying in my house?

I also mentioned that I usually don't have a huge problem with it, but it was different in this particular case. It is a bit private but my main peeve is that my father is an extremely unfriendly and disrespectful man, we don't get along very well, mainly because I don't put up with his disrespectful rants anymore, calling me names and humiliating me isn't happening anymore, I can defend myself now as an adult.
So it seemed very ridiculous to me that he suddenly and for the first time in his life wanted to say a prayer, especially as I'm a 100% sure that he just wanted to impress my in laws. He made my childhood miserable, a two seconds prayer doesn't make him a better man.

And one more thing: you might want to consider cultural differences, as I'm not American. We don't have those strong religious movements, new born Christians and in your face religiousness, I've honestly ever known one family who says prayer before a meal, as it is very uncommon and makes many people uncomfortable.
I know it might be different from your ways, but it is how it is.
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Old 04-03-2013, 10:31 AM   #35
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Originally Posted by mimmi View Post
What is so confusing about it? I'm not religious, so why exactly do I have to like people praying in my house?

I also mentioned that I usually don't have a huge problem with it, but it was different in this particular case. It is a bit private but my main peeve is that my father is an extremely unfriendly and disrespectful man, we don't get along very well, mainly because I don't put up with his disrespectful rants anymore, calling me names and humiliating me isn't happening anymore, I can defend myself now as an adult.
So it seemed very ridiculous to me that he suddenly and for the first time in his life wanted to say a prayer, especially as I'm a 100% sure that he just wanted to impress my in laws. He made my childhood miserable, a two seconds prayer doesn't make him a better man.

And one more thing: you might want to consider cultural differences, as I'm not American. We don't have those strong religious movements, new born Christinas and in your face religiousness, I've honestly ever known one family who says prayer before a meal, as it is very uncommon and makes many people uncomfortable.
I know it might be different from your ways, but it is how is.
I definitely can understand why you'd be upset with your father's history and his sudden desire to pray. What I don't find clear is, were you celebrating Easter? If so, I don't see why a Christian prayer would be offensive (provided the words in it were not inclusive or were offensive in themselves). Most people I know who pray before meals only do so aloud when they're with their own family or if they're with friends who they know share their faith. If they're unsure, they'll usually just bow their heads and say a silent prayer.

As I'm sure you know, the United States is very diverse from one area to the next (even just a couple of miles at times!) and I'm often argued with that I'm not a Christian because I don't believe the bible is literal or because I accept other religions as being a way to God and heaven. So, there is a lot of misunderstandings here just between conservative Christians and liberal Christians, not to mention those of other faiths or agnostics or atheists.
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Old 04-03-2013, 10:50 AM   #36
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Tons of people celebrate Easter as a secular holiday, just as they do Christmas. Mystery solved. Christian celebrations of both holidays have co-opted traditions of much older religions as everyone knows. Bunnies, eggs, flowers, chicks, etc. Many people get time off from work around these dates and many schools have vacations. It's a good time to host family get-togethers. So I don't get the fake astonishment.
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Old 04-03-2013, 10:53 AM   #37
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Originally Posted by Liberty Belle View Post
I definitely can understand why you'd be upset with your father's history and his sudden desire to pray. What I don't find clear is, were you celebrating Easter? If so, I don't see why a Christian prayer would be offensive (provided the words in it were not inclusive or were offensive in themselves). Most people I know who pray before meals only do so aloud when they're with their own family or if they're with friends who they know share their faith. If they're unsure, they'll usually just bow their heads and say a silent prayer.

As I'm sure you know, the United States is very diverse from one area to the next (even just a couple of miles at times!) and I'm often argued with that I'm not a Christian because I don't believe the bible is literal or because I accept other religions as being a way to God and heaven. So, there is a lot of misunderstandings here just between conservative Christians and liberal Christians, not to mention those of other faiths or agnostics or atheists.
We had lunch because it was Easter, but we usually don't emphasize the religious part, same with Christmas, I'm sure there are other people out there who treat those days more as family get-togethers.
I'm absolutely sure that this prayer wasn't only my father's first but also his last one, it was a cheesy and totally unnecessary show for my in-laws and I didn't appreciate it at all.

It doesn't really matter, I've stated that, while I was a bit miffed, I didn't make a big deal about it and it's over anyway.
I just didn't get the confusion by the PP quoting me.
I'm a bit uncomfortable with the discussion going off topic because of me, so let's get back to the original questions.
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Old 04-03-2013, 10:59 AM   #38
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And here we go.

Which is pretty much why so many young folks who get turned off by religion. I know JW's who will argue that the previous posters definition is absolutely wrong and swear their rendition is the true one.
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Old 04-03-2013, 11:04 AM   #39
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(Here, I'll lighten the mood for y'all...)

My DMIL never "sits" at a meal, she's always scurrying around serving her husband, etc.

They came to see us when DS was maybe 3, we all sat down to eat (except her), DFIL went to dig into his food, and DS proclaimed politely, "We don't eat in this house until EVERYONE is at the table."

DMIL looked like a deer caught in the headlights, but actually sat and ate her first meal all the way through without leaping up.

When we go to their house, he still doesn't understand why she never sits down....

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Old 04-03-2013, 11:07 AM   #40
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And this thread is about to be closed .... GOOD JOB Nchulka


I love the Christian Police .. I can tell the rest of you do too ...


PS .. and I am a Christian , but certainly not going to tell others who, what , when , where and why . I know, I know that must make me a BAD Christian lol. You know that whole casting stones thing ; ). We all have also heard about living in glass houses.



As far as Op 's original question, I let most things roll off my back when visiting family. No need for me to make a big deal out of a few different opinions on what things kids should be allowed to do or not do. If I have to make a big deal out of it, then most likely I would not be visiting or having that family visit us.

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Old 04-03-2013, 11:32 AM   #41
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Well, bless your heart.


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Old 04-03-2013, 11:33 AM   #42
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LOL and you are the authority Why?

I know christians who will swear YOU are the very lost and will quote you bible chapter and verse backing them up.

so I'll say backatcha. You may call yourself one yet doesn't make you one either.

LOL and yet one wonders about the decline in attendance for organized religion here in this country? Personally I think maybe those who are "lost" as you call it are probably better off.

I find it so ironic that after "Christians" finish insulting you they turn right around and tell you how sorry they feel for you and how they are "praying" for you. LOL Go figure.

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Old 04-03-2013, 11:34 AM   #43
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As far as how the kids behave--I generally agree with PPs that the "stricter" rules apply. That said, my kids did know that I would let them watch TV shows at other people's houses that we did not put on at home, or eat more junk food, etc.
I don't recall ever having any specific rule setting conversation--it just seemed natural over the years and with things that were "typically age appropriate" but just not our thing, they knew that these things were not 100% off limits, just something we did not do at home--and we usually talked about why once in a while.

About praying: At the homes of others, we sit quietly and respectfully while they pray. At our own home, I would expect that if someone wants to pray they would do so VERY quietly, or silently to themselves while we went about our business. This is the case with both my in laws and a friend of DDs. We do show our respect by being quiet (passing things without talking, etc) if/when we notice what they are doing.
I think it would be rude of someone to loudly pray and try to include the whole table in it, ask others to bow their heads, etc if that person is the GUEST at the home of a non praying person.

About Easter--We are not Christian and we celebrate it as a cultural thing and as a fun way to welcome spring, etc. We also celebrate Passover most years. My kids know the religious and other cultural history behind both holidays

About Christianity--I always thought the definition of such was that the person believed Jesus Christ was the son of God. That's it. Beyond that --there are MANY ways to take that, MANY ways to interpret the teachings etc. One of the awesome things about the US is that we all get to decide for ourselves what we believe. It makes me sad when some people are so disrespectful of others' beliefs that they tell the person they are not even what they feel themselves to be.

As far as politics or smoking, etc--we mostly tell our kids to just not comment---HOWEVER we also teach our kids it is okay to stand up for deep seated beliefs. So, for example, if family says something disparaging about a certain race or about homosexuals, etc we will ask them to respect our differing beliefs on those topics and not say anything else around us and let them know we will leave if it keeps up. I have no problem reminding them that by insulting my best friend they are insulting me too and I will not stick around to be insulted.
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Old 04-03-2013, 11:40 AM   #44
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Our children by default would ask us if they were allowed to do something that a relative invited them to do if we don't normally allow it. I don't even think we had to discuss it. Everyone just sort of tell into the "stricter rule" practice.
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Old 04-03-2013, 11:43 AM   #45
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Quote:
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LOL and you are the authority Why?

I know christians who will swear YOU are the very lost and will quote you bible chapter and verse backing them up.

so I'll say backatcha. You may call yourself one yet doesn't make you one either.

LOL and yet one wonders about the decline in attendance for organized religion here in this country? Personally I think maybe those who are "lost" as you call it are probably better off.

I find it so ironic that after "Christians" finish insulting you they turn right around and tell you how sorry they feel for you and how they are "praying" for you. LOL Go figure.

I agree with all you said except please dont lump all Christians together, most of us are much more tolerant than what can be portyrayed!
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