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Old 03-29-2013, 08:35 AM   #1
JLiz
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Question for adoptive parents

I am over the moon; my sisters-in-law just adopted their adorable son yesterday.

My DH (his sister is one of the new moms) and I want to get our new nephew a "welcome to the family" gift. But, we have no idea what would be appropriate/most well received.

We were thinking some cool toy, but we aren't sure what. He is 9. We were also thinking clothes but those don't sound very exciting for a 9 year old little boy. Also, wouldn't that have been met when he was in foster? Wouldn't he "need" toys more? We were also thinking something sentimental, but again, does a 9 year old really want that?

So, those of you that have welcomed new members to your family, especially from foster, what do you suggest?

Also, any words of advice for the role of aunt and uncle would be greatly appreciated. Our new nephew has been through a lot already in his few years. I want him to know he is welcomed and loved but I also want to honor his first family. I don't want to push too hard and overwhelm him, also.

Thanks!
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Old 03-29-2013, 08:52 AM   #2
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Congratulations!!!! A close friend of mine & her DH adopted 2 older girls. That is so great they gave an older child a good home! When they adopted, someone sent them an Edible Arrangement. I thought that was a creative idea as a welcoming gift. For a 9 year old, he may need more clothes than he came with - maybe a gift card so he can pick them out? Legos or nerf guns would be popular for his age.

I was never able to think of a good sentimental gift for them but maybe someone else has ideas.
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Old 03-29-2013, 08:53 AM   #3
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What about a get-to-know-you outing? You could do passes to the zoo or miniature golf or something that you could all do together.

Or something for his new room, maybe? Your SILs may have already set that all up, but if if it's still in progress, you could get him pictures for the walls of his favorite sports team or something.

Is he changing schools to move in with them? A sweatshirt or jacket with the team name or school colors might give him a little boost fitting in.
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Old 03-29-2013, 08:59 AM   #4
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I think a lot of it depends on the people involved. What do they like to do? Maybe a gift certificate for a fun outing? Or a restaurant? Or something they can do together at home, like a classic "family" game? Or a "family board" message board? Idk, I think it would just depend on what they have and what they, individually, like. There are lots of things that 9 yr old boys like to do, but you don't know if the parents would want him doing those things. (Like video games and such.) You can probably never go wrong with a clothing gift certificate because there are so many things you have to have on hand for a young boy, but they outgrow them so fast. I love classic Anorak jackets from LLBean - they come in so handy and last a long time, I generally buy them on the big side so they can get a few years out of them. (And this is usually the only time of year you can find them. Gap has them, too.) Does he like sports? Summer's coming - do they have a pool, or beach nearby? What about tickets to a ballgame?
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Old 03-29-2013, 09:07 AM   #5
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One of my all time most favorite adoption gifts is The Tigger Movie.

In case you haven't seen it: Tigger is on a search for his family tree. (Of course, that's literal, he's looking for a tree.) He fully expects it to be full of Tiggers that look and think and act just like him.

What he eventually learns, of course, is that family is the people who love you, regardless of whether or not they look like you.

I give it as a gift every time I hear of an adoption; I've given it twice since September.

On a similar theme, how about starting his new family tree?? Inlude a branch for what you know about his biological family, and a whole lot of branches for his new, "forever" family.

And, for what it's worth, we celebrate my son's Gotcha Day each January-- the celebration of the day we picked him up from his flight from Korea. He gets to choose the restaurant (and inevitably chooses Japanese. Its' a two-fer: he loves it and his sisters hate it )
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Old 03-29-2013, 09:10 AM   #6
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Congratulations!

I think I'd do two things. The first is an outing, which I think is a great idea. It might even be nice to gift it to just him and the moms, so they can spend a fun day together and start making memories. Baseball season is about to start: tickets to a game, maybe?

I also like the idea of clothes, but especially of clothes he gets to choose himself. I'm not sure what his foster situation is like, but the foster kids I know didn't always have a lot of choice. Getting to pick things that he likes, for himself, might be super cool.
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Old 03-29-2013, 10:26 AM   #7
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We adopted DD when she was five. Yes, she had clothes. However, other than the outfits that her most recent foster family had purchased, they were not nice clothes. She needed pretty much everything new.

When DD first moved home, our entire family met at the zoo. This gave her a chance to play and have something to do without being too overwhelemed at all the new people.

Have they decorated his room yet? Maybe buy a cool poster that he could hang up.

I think I would choose a theme (Star Wars lego, maybe?) and get a t-shirt, pajamas, and a toy.
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Old 03-29-2013, 11:03 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aliceacc View Post
One of my all time most favorite adoption gifts is The Tigger Movie.

In case you haven't seen it: Tigger is on a search for his family tree. (Of course, that's literal, he's looking for a tree.) He fully expects it to be full of Tiggers that look and think and act just like him.

What he eventually learns, of course, is that family is the people who love you, regardless of whether or not they look like you.

I give it as a gift every time I hear of an adoption; I've given it twice since September.

On a similar theme, how about starting his new family tree?? Inlude a branch for what you know about his biological family, and a whole lot of branches for his new, "forever" family.

And, for what it's worth, we celebrate my son's Gotcha Day each January-- the celebration of the day we picked him up from his flight from Korea. He gets to choose the restaurant (and inevitably chooses Japanese. Its' a two-fer: he loves it and his sisters hate it )
Also an adoptive mom and I would NOT give the Tigger movie. My kids found it disturbing.

I would ask the new parents for suggestions.
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Old 03-29-2013, 11:20 AM   #9
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What about a GC to a local potrait studio so they can have a Family potrait done?
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Old 03-29-2013, 11:25 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PollyannaMom View Post
What about a get-to-know-you outing? You could do passes to the zoo or miniature golf or something that you could all do together.

Or something for his new room, maybe? Your SILs may have already set that all up, but if if it's still in progress, you could get him pictures for the walls of his favorite sports team or something.

Is he changing schools to move in with them? A sweatshirt or jacket with the team name or school colors might give him a little boost fitting in.
I was thinking of an outing as well. Maybe it could culminate in your nephew picking up something he'd like. I think at 9 most kids have definite likes and dislikes and I think he'd like the idea that you care enough to take that into consideration.
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Old 03-29-2013, 11:28 AM   #11
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Watch the last episode/season of Parenthood.

DH is adopted, but was placed as a baby (4ish months old) so no solid advice on that front.

As the mom to a 9 year old (girl), I can tell you what I think would be an awesome aunt move - take him shopping, and tell him you want to get him something up to XX$. Then let him choose, and it'll be a cool/fun experience for both of you, and really open up the dialogue between you. He would see that what he thinks matters to you, and that you take his preferences into consideration, and that you're willing to accept him for him. Then take him out for ice cream or Fro-yo and make it a bi weekly routine with him. He will be able to look forward to it, and COUNT on you being there for him. I think that over time, that would do the most to solidify your relationship with him than any gift would.

Congratulations Auntie!!!
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Old 03-29-2013, 11:43 AM   #12
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Thank you all so much for the suggestions!

I should have clarified in the OP...we are 4 hours away so any gift would be mailed. We will be getting together in a couple months for a trip to WDW. As much as I would love to have a standing bi-weekly for-yo date, we're just too far (great suggestion though).

Nephew and his new moms have had many outings and sleepovers so they know each other well already. We just wanted something to mark the "official" joining to the family. Although, I don't think it's truly legally official yet but in our hearts, he's ours.
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Old 03-29-2013, 11:46 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by Pigeon View Post
Also an adoptive mom and I would NOT give the Tigger movie. My kids found it disturbing.

I would ask the new parents for suggestions.
Can you elaborate on what/why your kids find disturbing, please.
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Old 03-29-2013, 12:26 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by JLiz View Post
Thank you all so much for the suggestions!

I should have clarified in the OP...we are 4 hours away so any gift would be mailed. We will be getting together in a couple months for a trip to WDW. As much as I would love to have a standing bi-weekly for-yo date, we're just too far (great suggestion though).

Nephew and his new moms have had many outings and sleepovers so they know each other well already. We just wanted something to mark the "official" joining to the family. Although, I don't think it's truly legally official yet but in our hearts, he's ours.
I didn't know that you guys lived far away...

When my neices moved away, we started skyping/facetimeing every week. Sunday, after dinner seems to be the right time for us. Sometimes it's an hour long talk, sometimes it's just a few mins before they have to run out to some play or a training session, but we try to at least touch base. This week, they're in Mexico, and we'll be on the road, so we've rescheduled for later in the week, one evening after they get home from school and we get home from the national park (back to the hotel).

It's something... (seriously, watch the last episode of Parenthood from this season - the whole season dealt with the adoption of Victor - and the impact on not only the immediate family adopting him, but cousins, aunts and uncles. The season finale really tied it all together nicely! I LOVE that show!!!)
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Feb 2012 - Wilderness Lodge. Terrific escape from the SuperBowl!

*missing having a ticker... I wanna go back!

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Old 03-29-2013, 12:48 PM   #15
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I think I would send him a basket or box of cool stuff. Maybe include some age appropriate books, a DVD, a toy or whatever else he might like (ask the moms if there are any particular themes or characters he likes). Something like a Star Wars or Harry Potter Lego kit? You might also include a few really cool t-shirts (ask if he likes any particular sports, teams, movies, etc.). That way you're getting him some clothes, but not the kind he might consider boring! You also might include a few snacky items (again, ask the moms what he likes and whether it's OK to send food). Maybe a few little bags of fun popcorn, goldfish crackers, fruit snacks, etc. My kids always loves getting that kind of stuff and it was special when they would say, "I'm going to have one of my snacks from Auntie!" Lastly, include a fun card telling him how glad you are that he's joined your family. Let him know you're looking forward to spending time with him at WDW. Congrats on your new nephew!
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