Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS UpdatesDIS email updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read





Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 03-28-2013, 12:23 PM   #61
castleview
I'm on my 103rd attempt to grown my bangs out
I'm too impatient with the skillet
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 5,338

Quote:
Originally Posted by happygirl View Post
My spouse would have no problem with it, but I would never put myself in that position to get rumors started.
I'm on the parks commission and deal with one particular guy all the time. Good guy. We're friends with each other's families. If I have to meet him at the park to meet a contractor or go over somethings, I do. But sometimes if I feel it's been too long, we're the only ones there or it just doesn't feel right - I finish up and move on. He is also married with kids, but I'm sensitive about starting rumors. Plus I don't want to do anything to endanger my marriage. What you're doing is kind of pushing it imo. If I had that much time to hang out with someone else, I'd be rethinking my life.

Last edited by castleview; 03-28-2013 at 12:28 PM.
castleview is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2013, 12:25 PM   #62
2disneyboys
DIS Veteran
 
2disneyboys's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1,235

To me it's all about "intimacy" I have no problems w/ DH having friends & spending time with them, just as he has no problems w/ me spending time with my friends. And we both have some opposite sex friends. However, I do not and will not have a friendship with an emotional intimacy stronger then the emotional intimacy I share with DH. I am pretty sure he feels the same, but I can't speak for him most people confuse intimacy with the physical aspects of an affair, but to me emotional intimacy is just as or even maybe more important then the physical intimacy aspect.

SO, OP, while yes, I do trust my DH, his friends, and he trusts me & mine, and we do spend some alone time w/ our friends, I honestly don't think either of us would be comfortable with the other sharing such a strong and constant emotional connection as you described. I don't know for sure though, as we have been together since we were teenagers, so while we both have childhood friends, we are also each other's childhood friend and have a very strong & tight bond. I've said it several times before on this board... We are best friends, we make each other better and when we are apart, even when I'm annoyed with him (which does happen!), I still can't wait to see him again.

The important thing is how you, your DH, your friend and his DW feel about all of this. As long as the 4 of you are ok (100%) with it, then I can't say it's wrong. Different? yes, but Different does not mean wrong. Just be careful. I have seen first hand how tramatic an affair within a close unit (Friends/extended family etc) effects everyone in this unit and if never fails that the 2 that commit the affair say "we never meant for this to happen..we were just friends and then..."
__________________
~I apologize in advance for the many typo's you will find in my posts! It's an unfortunate result of adding most posts by a tiny phone screen. . ~

DH ME
DS#1 13 DS#2 10

Lots of Magical Memories between 1999 - 2012
Maybe another visit in 2013 ? I can only hope!
2disneyboys is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 03-28-2013, 12:45 PM   #63
ashley0139
DIS Veteran
 
ashley0139's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: LA
Posts: 1,323

I can't imagine counting out half the population for friendship just because of their sex. I take issue with the idea that every man in an opposite sex friendship wants to sleep with the woman. I think that's thinking very lowly of men. What, they have no control?

Also this doesn't take into account a lot of things. I'm sure a husband would be okay if the friend the wife was hanging out with were gay. What about the husband's female friend? If he automatically wants to sleep with her because she's a woman, does that matter? If you're in a same sex relationship, are you not allowed to be friends with members of the same sex? That seems unrealistic.

I just can't imagine telling someone who they could and couldn't be friends with. Would not happen.
__________________
All Star Movies October 7-13, 2009

Pre-Trip Report 2009: http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2293006

Pop Century October 19-26, 2011

Pre-Trip Report 2011: http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2796928
Trip Report 2011:http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=2867080
ashley0139 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2013, 01:07 PM   #64
kimblebee
now my thoughts will be worth 5 cents
 
kimblebee's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Posts: 2,518

It's interesting to see all the different viewpoints whenever this subject comes up.

My best friend is a guy. We are coming up on 17 years of friendship this year. He is married and has 5 kids and I am in a relationship now after being divorced and alone for a long time. There has never been any fooling around and there never will be. A few years ago I asked him to act as my big brother and look out for me when I need it and he is doing a great job

I was his friend waaaay before his wife came along and I know she had a hard time accepting that we were just friends. She is fine with it now because we have hung out a few times and hopefully she sees I have NO interest in him that way. I personally don't know how she puts up with him LOL

My boyfriends best friend is a girl who he actually dated. I have no problem with it at all because I trust that there is nothing going on.

My friend lives out of town so we don't get to see each other as much any more. He comes over every 2 months I'd say. My daughter and boyfriend are gone for the night and he never brings his wife. It is our time to be together to talk and just hang out. I tell him pretty much everything and he tells me quite a bit too. We are just super close friends, thats it.

He was over last weekend, and before we came home for dinner we went to Canadian Tire and Safeway to do shopping. Didn't give it a second thought.
__________________
GO JETS GO
kimblebee is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2013, 01:08 PM   #65
Candleinthewind
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mall of America
Posts: 196

Quote:
Originally Posted by castleview View Post
If I had that much time to hang out with someone else, I'd be rethinking my life.
So if you were a stay at home parent and your kids were gone all day at school, you would not have any friends during the day?

Who is someone who is a Dad going to hang out with since the majority of stay at home parents are female? It is also telling that some females will have very intimate and familiar talks with a female companion but somehow that is forbidden of the listener is a male. Interestingly neither of us share anything we would not also share with our respective spouses.
Candleinthewind is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2013, 01:10 PM   #66
Candleinthewind
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mall of America
Posts: 196

Quote:
Originally Posted by kimblebee View Post
He was over last weekend, and before we came home for dinner we went to Canadian Tire and Safeway to do shopping. Didn't give it a second thought.
We are so routine that both the breakfast place and Chinese place we go to for lunch know exactly what we are going to order!
Candleinthewind is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2013, 01:28 PM   #67
chobie
Fish are friends, not food
My beautiful, smart, awesome daughter changed my tags!
Would you please stop making my head hurt today?
 
chobie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: 3 hours from wdw!
Posts: 9,311

It depends. My husband had many female friends from work both married and single that I have had no problem with him spending alone time. However, last year his brother was dating this woman who was half our age and very attractive, and after they broke up she continued to email my husband. I did have a problem with that because he only met her a few times, had nothing in common with her and they were no more friendly than she and I were, yet she didn't email me. So, for that one anyway, I would have a problem with alone time.


I would never forbid my husband from contacting her but I told him it bothered me and he agreed if the tables were turned, it would bother him too.


Most of my male friends have been gay. So, it's not been an issue for my husband so far.

So, I guess it comes down to whether I feel like the woman is competition or not. So, not very enlightened, of me, but I feel how I feel.
chobie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2013, 01:44 PM   #68
Buckalew11
2013 1/2 Marathon Finisher!!! Woohoo!!
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: East Tn
Posts: 15,731

Quote:
Originally Posted by Candleinthewind View Post
Not confirmed but we think at least half of the married female tennis players are all having affairs with other.
What?
__________________
Brenda: DISing since 2/2000


There's a great big beautiful tomorrow
Shining at the end of everyday
There's a great big beautiful tomorrow
And tomorrow is just a dream away
Buckalew11 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2013, 01:59 PM   #69
huskies90
DIS Veteran
 
huskies90's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 1,258

I think it is hard to decipher these sort of threads because there is so little context around it. Every case is going to be different and every relationship is different. As a person who was in a seeminly strong 18 year marriage only to find his spouse cheating on him with a male "friend", I will say that you may think you know someone but really, you never know. Many of the stories on here where "friends" make passes or end up becoming intimate together - emotionally or physically - is very common. On the other hand, situations where the friends are long time buddy's from yesteryear and it remains that way also happen all the time. In my case, as with many that end the way mine did, the friendship was only a symptom of many many other issues in the relationship - things like not having the same things in common or not wanting to do things together. As with everything, YMMV.
__________________
Dec 1977 Offsite - Jan 1990 Offsite - Jan 1991 Offsite - Nov 2004 All Star Movies- Nov 2005 Port Orleans Riverside - Dec 2005 Animal Kingdom Lodge - Jambo House - Aug 2007 Coronado Springs/Royal Pacific - June 2008 Yacht Club - Feb 2009 Port Orleans French Quarter - Nov 2009 Disneyland Hotel - Aug 2010 Beach Club/Hard Rock Hotel - Nov 2010 Swan - Dec 2010 All Star Music - Dec 2010 Animal Kingdom Villas - Kidani Village - March 2011 Saratoga Springs - Aug 2011 All Star Sports - Aug 2011 Boardwalk Villas - Nov 2011 Saratoga Springs - Jan 2012 Bay Lake Tower - July 2012 Grand Californian - Aug 2012 Beach Club Villas - Nov 2012 Old Key West - Aug 2013 Old Key West - Sept 2013 Contemporary - March 2014 Animal Kingdom Villas - Jambo House - July 2014 Boardwalk Villas - July 2014 Bay Lake Tower
huskies90 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2013, 02:08 PM   #70
nd5056
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Windy City
Posts: 964

Quote:
Originally Posted by Candleinthewind View Post
We are so routine that both the breakfast place and Chinese place we go to for lunch know exactly what we are going to order!
and

Quote:
Originally Posted by Candleinthewind View Post
So if you were a stay at home parent and your kids were gone all day at school, you would not have any friends during the day?

Who is someone who is a Dad going to hang out with since the majority of stay at home parents are female? It is also telling that some females will have very intimate and familiar talks with a female companion but somehow that is forbidden of the listener is a male. Interestingly neither of us share anything we would not also share with our respective spouses.

Based on the fact you started this thread, I think you're in emotional relationship with this guy, even if you don't realize it. And this thread is to reassure not you, but your spouse that "this is not what you think it is". But I think that the "line" has been crossed already...

.
nd5056 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2013, 02:28 PM   #71
Candleinthewind
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mall of America
Posts: 196

Quote:
Originally Posted by nd5056 View Post
Based on the fact you started this thread, I think you're in emotional relationship with this guy, even if you don't realize it. And this thread is to reassure not you, but your spouse that "this is not what you think it is". But I think that the "line" has been crossed already...
Nah. I was just skyping with my spouse who is out of town and who has no problem when I asked about it.

It is interesting that some people are not ok with it, but seriously that is what makes life so wonderful. We all are different!
Candleinthewind is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2013, 02:38 PM   #72
nd5056
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Windy City
Posts: 964

Quote:
Originally Posted by Candleinthewind View Post
Nah. I was just skyping with my spouse who is out of town and who has no problem when I asked about it.

It is interesting that some people are not ok with it, but seriously that is what makes life so wonderful. We all are different!
Cool!

Many of my close circle of friends marriages ended up in divorce because of those "friendships" within the circle...

BTW, why did you ask in the first place?

Just being confused here...

.
nd5056 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2013, 02:46 PM   #73
Candleinthewind
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Mall of America
Posts: 196

Quote:
Originally Posted by nd5056 View Post
Cool!

Many of my close circle of friends marriages ended up in divorce because of those "friendships" within the circle...

BTW, why did you ask in the first place?

Just being confused here...

.
One of my friend's friends said something yesterday evening at Bible study about it.
Candleinthewind is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2013, 02:53 PM   #74
Gumbo4x4
Note to the ladies who forgot to check - we don't mind. Signed, "The guys"
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Missouri, USA
Posts: 13,475

Quote:
Originally Posted by ashley0139 View Post
I can't imagine counting out half the population for friendship just because of their sex. I take issue with the idea that every man in an opposite sex friendship wants to sleep with the woman. I think that's thinking very lowly of men. What, they have no control?.


Just to clarify, there is a significant difference between having friends of the opposite sex and having one special friend of the opposite sex with whom you spend a great deal of time with one on one.

I won't weigh in on the debate except to say it does not appear anyone here has major concerns with the former, while many do have concerns with the latter.
__________________
Gumbo4x4 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-28-2013, 02:56 PM   #75
nd5056
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Windy City
Posts: 964

Thanks for satisfying my curiosity.

nd5056 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 04:21 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.