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Old 03-30-2013, 07:56 AM   #211
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Originally Posted by Soldier's*Sweeties View Post
I'm surprised it took this long for this thread to turn into one of those threads where men are basically weak with no self control.
No one said that anywhere. But, that said, men and women are different. Not sure why that hurts some people's heads so much. It's biology.

It's not even about self-control. It is however about being somewhat naive and thinking it can never happen.
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Old 03-30-2013, 07:59 AM   #212
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Originally Posted by bdcp View Post
No one said that anywhere. But, that said, men and women are different. Not sure why that hurts some people's heads so much. It's biology.

It's not even about self-control. It is however about being somewhat naive and thinking it can never happen.
It's been implied quite a few times. To me anyway...

It doesn't hurt my head at all.

I know full and well DH could cheat on me, and I him.
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Old 03-30-2013, 08:03 AM   #213
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Originally Posted by Soldier's*Sweeties View Post
It's been implied quite a few times. To me anyway...

It doesn't hurt my head at all.

I know full and well DH could cheat on me, and I him.
Yes, but do you put yourself in situations that it's more likely to eventually happen? Spending time alone with someone of the opposite sex, etc? Why put yourself or your spouse in that situation?

What's been stated is that men see women differently than women see men. Ask your husband.
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Old 03-30-2013, 08:07 AM   #214
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Originally Posted by bdcp View Post
Yes, but do you put yourself in situations that it's more likely to eventually happen? Spending time alone with someone of the opposite sex, etc? Why put yourself or your spouse in that situation?

What's been stated is that men see women differently than women see men. Ask your husband.
I don't need to ask him anything.

I just don't understand the last part. Him being a man doesn't change his morals. I guess that's where I get lost.
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Old 03-30-2013, 08:17 AM   #215
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I do not think that is what is being said here at all, Cassie.

I think the basic thought that one should protect their marriage as best they can, be aware that having intimate, close friendships with members of the opposite sex can often lead to trouble within a marriage and that NO ONE, male or female, is immune is more of what is being said.

The feelings were the same, if you recall, when we thought the OP was a female. Nothings changed. We're just saying it is wise to protect your marriage.

Adultery/affairs can happen to women as easily as to men.

I'm sure the OP's friend is getting MORE out of the friendship than the OP is. In general, women seek (when having an affair) more of an emotional bond instead of sex anyway. Sounds like she is definitely getting that within this friendship.

No one says you cannot have friends of the opposite sex. I think we're just saying the deepness of that relationship can cause some trouble on down the road. I've always gotten along better with men than women. I have male friends. But I will say that through the years more than a couple of them have tried to make it more than "friends." I'm ultra careful and not flirty.

I think it is a really good thing that the OP and his wife are on the same page. I feel very fortunate that DH and I are on the same page. That'd be a big deal within a marriage if you wanted to cultivate super close friendships with the opposite sex and your spouse was leery and jealous of that intimacy.

It obviously works for some people. It is flirty with disaster to others.
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Old 03-30-2013, 08:21 AM   #216
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Originally Posted by bdcp View Post
Yes, but do you put yourself in situations that it's more likely to eventually happen? Spending time alone with someone of the opposite sex, etc? Why put yourself or your spouse in that situation?

What's been stated is that men see women differently than women see men. Ask your husband.
Why is more likely to happen, just because a man and a woman happen to spend all that time together? A man, or a woman can cheat anywhere, anytime if they are the type that would cheat. Some people aren't that type and are perfectly capable of spending time with the opposite sex without it being "a situation where its likely to happen". I know my dh is one of them, and I know I'm one of them. If you cant say the same about yourself or your spouse that is your personal issue, not everyone's.
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Old 03-30-2013, 08:22 AM   #217
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Originally Posted by Buckalew11 View Post
I do not think that is what is being said here at all, Cassie.

I think the basic thought that one should protect their marriage as best they can, be aware that having intimate, close friendships with members of the opposite sex can often lead to trouble within a marriage and that NO ONE, male or female, is immune is more of what is being said.

The feelings were the same, if you recall, when we thought the OP was a female. Nothings changed. We're just saying it is wise to protect your marriage.

Adultery/affairs can happen to women as easily as to men.

I'm sure the OP's friend is getting MORE out of the friendship than the OP is. In general, women seek (when having an affair) more of an emotional bond instead of sex anyway. Sounds like she is definitely getting that within this friendship.

No one says you cannot have friends of the opposite sex. I think we're just saying the deepness of that relationship can cause some trouble on down the road. I've always gotten along better with men than women. I have male friends. But I will say that through the years more than a couple of them have tried to make it more than "friends." I'm ultra careful and not flirty.

I think it is a really good thing that the OP and his wife are on the same page. I feel very fortunate that DH and I are on the same page. That'd be a big deal within a marriage if you wanted to cultivate super close friendships with the opposite sex and your spouse was leery and jealous of that intimacy.

It obviously works for some people. It is flirty with disaster to others.

Maybe I just read into some of the comments differently.

I agree that there is a point where it is crossing the line, but I don't think deep friendship is where MY line is drawn.

If people saw the relationship I have with DH's cousin they would be shocked! He is one of my very best friends...DH knows and doesn't care. Maybe because they are also very close.
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Old 03-30-2013, 08:30 AM   #218
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Originally Posted by Soldier's*Sweeties View Post
Maybe I just read into some of the comments differently.

I agree that there is a point where it is crossing the line, but I don't think deep friendship is where MY line is drawn.

If people saw the relationship I have with DH's cousin they would be shocked! He is one of my very best friends...DH knows and doesn't care. Maybe because they are also very close.

Hey, if it works for you...that's great. Really. Because close friends aren't easy to come by. As terrible as it sounds, I have a client, right now, having an affair with her DH's cousin. They're all close but the DH is catching on. It's been sad to watch and hear of how it all started and where it is now. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it does happen.
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Old 03-30-2013, 08:33 AM   #219
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I would have to say no, my husband and I would not be ok with it. We are each other's best friend. We understand each other better than ANYONE else, even family. We don't need a friendship outside of our marriage that would be that close with anyone, much less someone from the opposite sex. Sure we have friendships of the opposite sex at work, mutual friends etc. but not that close. Co workers are friends at work to talk to and our mutual friends we hang out with together. I would never be close to someone else of the opposite sex because I wouldn't really feel the need to, my husband is that person. He goes to the grocery store with me, I go to Lowe's with him. To be honest we both work a lot during the week so the limited time we do get to see each other is pretty much only on the weekends. I don't really have time for anyone else.

Having said that, your business is your business. If you are both ok with it then I say who cares what other people think? I would just be careful to make sure you aren't "emotionally" cheating like someone suggested. That can be a very slippery slope.

IMO - I wouldn't do it, but your relationship with your spouse is YOUR business. Don't live your life based on other people's judgmental attitudes
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Old 03-30-2013, 08:33 AM   #220
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Buckalew11 View Post
Hey, if it works for you...that's great. Really. Because close friends aren't easy to come by. As terrible as it sounds, I have a client, right now, having an affair with her DH's cousin. They're all close but the DH is catching on. It's been sad to watch and hear of how it all started and where it is now. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it does happen.
I know it happens.

I REALLY am sure it wouldn't happen with us. We are not(at least I am NOT) attracted to him at all. That is a big factor for me, personally. I know not everyone feels that way though.
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Old 03-30-2013, 08:37 AM   #221
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Originally Posted by Soldier's*Sweeties View Post
I'm surprised it took this long for this thread to turn into one of those threads where men are basically weak with no self control.
I'm not sure where you're reading that. Every time a man or woman cheats, chances are they're cheating with someone of the opposite sex, who has equally as little self-control and/or morals.

It takes two to tango.

Your spouse could be the best man on the face of the planet, but that doesn't mean he's interacting with women who care about his marriage, and vice versa.

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Old 03-30-2013, 09:26 AM   #222
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Originally Posted by Devilsangel7681 View Post
I would have to say no, my husband and I would not be ok with it. We are each other's best friend. We understand each other better than ANYONE else, even family. We don't need a friendship outside of our marriage that would be that close with anyone, much less someone from the opposite sex. Sure we have friendships of the opposite sex at work, mutual friends etc. but not that close. Co workers are friends at work to talk to and our mutual friends we hang out with together. I would never be close to someone else of the opposite sex because I wouldn't really feel the need to, my husband is that person. He goes to the grocery store with me, I go to Lowe's with him. To be honest we both work a lot during the week so the limited time we do get to see each other is pretty much only on the weekends. I don't really have time for anyone else.

Having said that, your business is your business. If you are both ok with it then I say who cares what other people think? I would just be careful to make sure you aren't "emotionally" cheating like someone suggested. That can be a very slippery slope.

IMO - I wouldn't do it, but your relationship with your spouse is YOUR business. Don't live your life based on other people's judgmental attitudes
I agree with everything you stated, except I think judgmental attitudes run both ways and exist from experiences both good and bad.

There is a line. It appears the line and when it is crossed is different for lots of people and that's the rub. Maybe some people don't give that line much of a thought (and are surprised when it crops up and bites everyone on the butt). Infidelity happens for a reason. When you are investing/getting something outside of the marriage roots take hold.

Even teens know about developing relationships. When they suspect something is not right with their girlfriend/boyfriend they'll ask, "Is he talking to you?". They don't mean small talk. That's the way they catch a stray. * Not the same as an adult relationship. * Not saying males and females shouldn't talk. Just drawing parallels that even teens know when something is amiss.
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Old 03-30-2013, 09:48 AM   #223
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Originally Posted by luvmy3 View Post
Why is more likely to happen, just because a man and a woman happen to spend all that time together? A man, or a woman can cheat anywhere, anytime if they are the type that would cheat. Some people aren't that type and are perfectly capable of spending time with the opposite sex without it being "a situation where its likely to happen". I know my dh is one of them, and I know I'm one of them. If you cant say the same about yourself or your spouse that is your personal issue, not everyone's.
We all have our own morals and values....set our boundaries accordingly. Some believe casual sex is okay, DH and I do not belong to that group. A cheater is either a member of that club, or already has serious issues in their relationship. A spouse can cheat anytime and anywhere, leash laws won't prevent it.
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Old 03-30-2013, 10:29 AM   #224
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Have no problem with it at all.

My DH's best friend from years back is female. We have watched eachother's kids grow up, babysat for eachother, gone camping together (often he goes camping and fishing with her and her kids and our kids, and I don't go - not much of a camper ) - she's like part of the family. I know for a fact that they watch movies together most evenings when I am at work, etc. Doesn't bother me a bit. I am glad he has someone to keep the kids from driving him batty LOL.

I maintain a good relationship with a couple of my ex-boyfriends from high school. I don't see them very often because they don't live nearby, but when they come to town, I have gone to dinner with them and/or their spouses. One of them lives about 50 miles north of me, and if one of my friends and I feel like making the drive we will occasionally go up to his house to visit him. My DH doesn't care.

We have 20 years of marriage under our belts, and trust eachother without reservation.
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Old 03-30-2013, 12:04 PM   #225
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If I'm trying to eat well I don't go hang around McDonalds just because they have free wi-fi.
I don't get this. I drive a lot and pass at least a dozen McDonalds every day but I haven't had a McDonalds hamburger since 1974.

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Your spouse could be the best man on the face of the planet, but that doesn't mean he's interacting with women who care about his marriage, and vice versa.
If me and my spouse know what WE care about, what difference does it make what somebody ELSE cares about.

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. A spouse can cheat anytime and anywhere, leash laws won't prevent it.
This is the best line in this whole thread.

If you think your spouse might cheat, I can see why you wouldn't want him/her hanging out with a member of the opposite sex.

If you trust your spouse, you probably don't care who he/she hangs out with.

I have to wonder though, if simply having a woman around makes your husband untrustworthy, do you also lock up the liquor and prescription medicines when you aren't around.

Heck, if the whiskey is in the cabinet ALL the time, it just has to be an incredible draw.

Can he not stop by the Porsche dealership because he is so weak he will probably buy one?
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