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Old 03-28-2013, 09:34 AM   #16
peainapod
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam81 View Post
I didn't realize you owned WDW?! Just because they are there doesn't mean you have to spend every minute with them.
Did I say I did? I don't want to spend ANY time with any family on vacation. To me, family vacations are no fun.

I am looking for a way to tell them nicely we do not want to do anything with them...
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:46 AM   #17
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If they have their heart set on it, there's not much you can do other than mitigate the impact. Just be upfront that you guys are planning your trip and while they can go at the same time, don't expect to spend the whole trip with you as your planning is already underway.

We went last year with my parents and my inlaws. I get along with them, but it was still a headache just trying to coordinate who was where at what time. We even tried to avoid it by setting dinner/lunch plans for everyone and just having us meet up with that - still ended up with a giant blob of people wandering around. I feel like we missed half the trip because we were ALWAYS waiting for my inlaws or "talking" about who was going to to what. We're now talking about going in September to "finish" our trip - without the inlaws.
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:48 AM   #18
Wishing on a star
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peainapod View Post
I am looking for a way to tell them nicely we do not want to do anything with them...
Don't try to tell them anything...
Really....
There is no way for that to work out well for you.
There is no 'telling' or 'mitigating' anything with people like this.

Hey, OP, Do they know where you are staying????

NOTE TO SELF: Never, ever, again, slip up and mention anything to anyone in that family!!!!!!! Knowledge is power.

Here is what I would do...
Tell them it looks like you will have to change your plans...
Change your location...
Stay somewhere different...

WDW is a HUGE place!!!!!

And DO NOT say one word to anyone else about it...

Always remember... Knowledge is power... never, ever give that power to those who would abuse it!!!

BTDT.... learned this lesson with my MIL early on... When she spilled the beans and therefore 'invited' some of their family to crash an annual reunion that we attend every year, which just happened to be fairly close.

Last edited by Wishing on a star; 03-28-2013 at 09:54 AM.
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:53 AM   #19
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On a related note, I just want to warn you about something that happened to us when friends decided to invite themselves on our vacation.

We had our trip planned and booked, including all our ADR's. Friends decided they wanted to vacation at the same time, with us, really. We only had 3 of our 5 children on this vacation, (2 oldest had work/college conflicts) so we booked POR. Our friends have a family of 6, so they wanted to stay at a value with 2 rooms and wanted us to switch resorts. No way, my boys love POR. So then the friends decided to stay at POR. She kept telling me she needed our reservation # so they could link the rooms together so we would be located near each other. (I knew this to be true from past vacations with other family and friends.) I never gave her my reservation number. I had requested a room near the food court, (back before that was a paid option) because I needed to have surgery on both feet, and was trying to have our room conveniently located. I knew it would be difficult to honor a request for the popular buildings if 3 rooms were involved. I repeatedly explained this to my friend.

We arrived a day before them, and when checking in, we were assigned building 26. I knew it was only a request to be in building 14 or 18 but I was still disappointed. When I politely asked if they had anything available in either of those buildings, imagine my surprise when the CM said she didn't have 3 rooms together in either of the buildings. Three rooms? I only needed one room!

The nice CM kindly explained, over and over, that they couldn't accommodate my request due to the size of our travel party and needing 3 rooms. She acted as if I just didn't "get it." Now, far more upset about the breach of trust involving my reservation than our room location, I kept insisting we were a party of 5 and only needed 1 room. It was silly, really... I think I know how many rooms and people I paid for.

Ugh... somehow my "friend" had talked them into linking our reservations together, even though they say they are required to have the reservation # to do so.

I totally blame my friend, yet Disney also had some responsibility here. I ended up having them move our room. When our friends arrived the next day, she was really mad our rooms were not near each other. She argued they were supposed to be linked together, making it seem Disney screwed up, so they offered her a FREE UPGRADE.

In the end, I knew I had to let go of any hard feelings, so all involved could enjoy the vacation.

Sorry that was long, I just wanted you to be aware that others may be able to gain access to your reservation info. I know my friend didn't mean any harm, (it's not like she was trying to get my credit card #) she just wanted control and to get her own way. (She also wanted us to change park days and ADR's to accommodate them.)

Others will say... It's a big place and you can't control if they vacation at the same time, etc., but if you don't want your MIL camped out next to you for the week... be careful.
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:56 AM   #20
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peainapod View Post
Okay...so here is my dilemma..

My SIL called with the thought of us getting together sometime this year so they could meet our new baby. Included in this trip would be their 2 yo and their friends with a baby the same age as ours (I have never met the other couple) and my in-laws.

My MIL is a (insert the you know what word here LOL).I do not enjoy being around her, but I do it for my husband and my son. But, I do NOT want to vacation with her.....SIL knows how MIL is (MIL treats her the same) but still thinks I should be okay with it. I'm not and told her so. She ignored me and made me feel like a bad person for not wanting to go on a trip with my in laws who always like to start trouble and are the most judgmental people ever. Sorry, but I want my vacation to be relaxing.

Before SIL called,DH and I already decided we were going to WDW to celebrate our little one's 1st birthday next Feb. That will cost us around $4k for that trip.....with one income at the moment and lack of extra vacation time for DH after the disney trip, that doesn't leave much wiggle room for a second vacation in one year.

SIL wants to do a cruise or a disney cruise...personally I don't want to cruise with a 1 year old or younger (she possibly wants to do it when he is 6-9 months....) I am not a cruise fan in general. When I told her we already had vacation plans she asked where. SIL is not usually an intruding person so I thought nothing about telling her we are going to disney. She then invites their family, my in laws, and the other family to come with us without even asking my opinion

She doesn't understand that I want my son's first trip to disney to just be the three of us. I love my BIL and SIL but come on.... please don't invite yourselves on my trip. My first trip to wdw with my son is a once in a lifetime experience and I don't want to have to deal with anybody else and their kids while I am there. Know what I mean?

How do I politely handle this situation? My DH does not handle his family well (he is kind of a pushover....I am saying that in the nicest way. I love my DH dearly) so it is me who has to deal with this. Plus I think it is between my SIL and myself anyways.
I don't think it is that big of a deal, and can be great to have other family members on the trip. You can avoid them for most of the trip. Plan to spend one day at the park with them. At least you could have someone to watch your kid while you and your husband go on some rides, that your kid can't go on. You can still control your vacation, so see your in-laws when you want to. I don't agree with a PP who said that his is a once in a lifetime trip. Not sure how this is. Your child is very young. There will be lots of time for futures disney trips. Your 1 year old is too young to remember this one and to appreciate it.

When my youngest son was a year old, we took him and his older brother to Disneyland. My MIL, FIL, and BIL also came. I thought it was great. My wife an I got to go on any ride we wanted to because we had them to babysit the kids. We had a lot of fun.
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:58 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by BriarfoxinWA View Post
WDW is a big place. I'd say let them come. You could meet up for a dinner or two, but other than that there is nothing that says you have to be tour guide or hold their hand through the vacation.
Exactly.
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:58 AM   #22
Janepod
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wishing on a star View Post
Don't try to tell them anything...
Really....
There is no way for that to work out well for you.
There is no 'telling' or 'mitigating' anything with people like this.

Hey, OP, Do they know where you are staying????

NOTE TO SELF: Never, ever, again, slip up and mention anything to anyone in that family!!!!!!! Knowledge is power.

Here is what I would do...
Tell them it looks like you will have to change your plans...
Change your location...
Stay somewhere different...

WDW is a HUGE place!!!!!

And DO NOT say one word to anyone else about it...

Always remember... Knowledge is power... never, ever give that power to those who would abuse it!!!

BTDT.... learned this lesson with my MIL early on... When she spilled the beans and therefore 'invited' some of their family to crash an annual reunion that we attend every year, which just happened to be fairly close.
I think this is a childish way to handle the situation. Assuming you, OP, actually want to have a healthy relationship with your inlaws.

Just have your husband tell her the truth.
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Old 03-28-2013, 09:59 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by peainapod View Post
Did I say I did? I don't want to spend ANY time with any family on vacation. To me, family vacations are no fun.

I am looking for a way to tell them nicely we do not want to do anything with them...
How about this? Call the SIL and tell her you've talked with your husband and after some thought this family get together won't work for you, but thanks for thinking of you.
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:04 AM   #24
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I'm confused. You started off the post talking about some friends of your SIL coming with them on a get-together and then never mentioned those friends again. Then inserted the MIL into the mix. What happened to the first situation?
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:04 AM   #25
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To the OP: I am going to take your word for it that the in-laws are horrible people that you don't want to spend time with. In that case, I do understand your response to having them join you at WDW.

Having got that out, I would like to say that I've never understood this viewpoint of wanting to always have vacations be "alone" or "just the XXXX number of us" or something to that effect. I see it often on the DIS. Maybe this stems from being an only child and not having a large amount of people around me, etc. but some of my fondest vacation memories as a child AND as an adult are those trips that I've taken with a large group of people. Be it to the beach or to WDW. And these have been the BEST memories for my kids--even if my in-laws managed to irriate the crap out of me or if my dad annoyed me for three days or if my cousin had a bratty kid with us. Overall, those trips have the best memories.

On one hand, I sort of think it's great that your SIL wants to meet your new baby and be a part of his/her life. I also think that if you gotta vacation with the family, WDW is the place to do it. You have many, many excuses to get away on your own.

I'm also trying to see what's so special about a 1st birthday that it needs to be "just the three of us?" I realize there's just different strokes for different folks. Or maybe you are ALWAYS around family and you need to get away?
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:09 AM   #26
kirstenb1
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Everyone has their own budget, but $4000.00 for your trip would leave me a lot of wiggle room to save money.

Also, I notice you live in Georgia. I'd take the trip you planned. But I'd add a second budget trip for 3-4 days to include this extended family. If you're in Ga, you could easily drive down, stay in less expensive accomodations, and maybe only have 1-2 park days.
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:10 AM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rylee
On a related note, I just want to warn you about something that happened to us when friends decided to invite themselves on our vacation.

We had our trip planned and booked, including all our ADR's. Friends decided they wanted to vacation at the same time, with us, really. We only had 3 of our 5 children on this vacation, (2 oldest had work/college conflicts) so we booked POR. Our friends have a family of 6, so they wanted to stay at a value with 2 rooms and wanted us to switch resorts. No way, my boys love POR. So then the friends decided to stay at POR. She kept telling me she needed our reservation # so they could link the rooms together so we would be located near each other. (I knew this to be true from past vacations with other family and friends.) I never gave her my reservation number. I had requested a room near the food court, (back before that was a paid option) because I needed to have surgery on both feet, and was trying to have our room conveniently located. I knew it would be difficult to honor a request for the popular buildings if 3 rooms were involved. I repeatedly explained this to my friend.

We arrived a day before them, and when checking in, we were assigned building 26. I knew it was only a request to be in building 14 or 18 but I was still disappointed. When I politely asked if they had anything available in either of those buildings, imagine my surprise when the CM said she didn't have 3 rooms together in either of the buildings. Three rooms? I only needed one room!

The nice CM kindly explained, over and over, that they couldn't accommodate my request due to the size of our travel party and needing 3 rooms. She acted as if I just didn't "get it." Now, far more upset about the breach of trust involving my reservation than our room location, I kept insisting we were a party of 5 and only needed 1 room. It was silly, really... I think I know how many rooms and people I paid for.

Ugh... somehow my "friend" had talked them into linking our reservations together, even though they say they are required to have the reservation # to do so.

I totally blame my friend, yet Disney also had some responsibility here. I ended up having them move our room. When our friends arrived the next day, she was really mad our rooms were not near each other. She argued they were supposed to be linked together, making it seem Disney screwed up, so they offered her a FREE UPGRADE.

In the end, I knew I had to let go of any hard feelings, so all involved could enjoy the vacation.

Sorry that was long, I just wanted you to be aware that others may be able to gain access to your reservation info. I know my friend didn't mean any harm, (it's not like she was trying to get my credit card #) she just wanted control and to get her own way. (She also wanted us to change park days and ADR's to accommodate them.)

Others will say... It's a big place and you can't control if they vacation at the same time, etc., but if you don't want your MIL camped out next to you for the week... be careful.
You handled that VERY well! I try not to hold grudges, but that would not sit well with me AT ALL. I think I would have been a ticking time bomb the whole trip!

I took a trip to Vegas with my girlfriend back in my early 20's, and although we had some funny stories, we fought a lot of the time. We didn't often see eye to eye on what we wanted to do or where we wanted to go. She was more "dominant" so I usually went along with it. We ended up with free airline tickets because we volunteered to be bumped from our flight. The thought of going anywhere else on vacation with her was unbearable, so I used it for a solo trip to San Diego. She was mad, but I had an awesome time (without her)!

I hope you can do what YOU feel is best OP. Even if all goes fairly well on a trip with them, it's just as bad having to fret the entire time about when the ball is going to drop. Tense vacations are not vacations in my opinion.
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:16 AM   #28
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Oh, my former MIL was a huge pita. We took a trip to DL together once and I thought they were going to deny her admission in to the park, that's how difficult she is I totally feel for you not wanting your MIL to tag along.

I don't like that your SIL is dismissive about how you feel about your MIL. She doesn't have to agree, but she could be more respectful, even if it messes up *her* plans for vacation. I'd say something like, "I think it's great that you can put aside how you feel about MIL and deal with her. If I lived in Boston I might be able to do the same, but she's on my doorstep and I just can't do that. I respect how you feel, I'd love it if you could respect how I feel. I'm not going to spend my vacation with her." It's not an unreasonable thing for you to say. You want to spend time just with your DH and child as a family. No need to apologize for that

Is there any sort of tension between you and your SIL about visiting where you live? Could she not come there first for a few days, then go on her trip with her friends? My guess is your SIL might be torn between family obligations and taking a vacation with her friends, because like you she's only got so much $ and so much time for vacation. If you lay it out there and ask her about it, you two might talk and find a solution that works.

GL!
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:16 AM   #29
luvmy3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Christine View Post
To the OP: I am going to take your word for it that the in-laws are horrible people that you don't want to spend time with. In that case, I do understand your response to having them join you at WDW.

Having got that out, I would like to say that I've never understood this viewpoint of wanting to always have vacations be "alone" or "just the XXXX number of us" or something to that effect. I see it often on the DIS. Maybe this stems from being an only child and not having a large amount of people around me, etc. but some of my fondest vacation memories as a child AND as an adult are those trips that I've taken with a large group of people. Be it to the beach or to WDW. And these have been the BEST memories for my kids--even if my in-laws managed to irriate the crap out of me or if my dad annoyed me for three days or if my cousin had a bratty kid with us. Overall, those trips have the best memories.

On one hand, I sort of think it's great that your SIL wants to meet your new baby and be a part of his/her life. I also think that if you gotta vacation with the family, WDW is the place to do it. You have many, many excuses to get away on your own.

I'm also trying to see what's so special about a 1st birthday that it needs to be "just the three of us?" I realize there's just different strokes for different folks. Or maybe you are ALWAYS around family and you need to get away?
I am an only child and I grew up taking vacations with my entire family and they were great. Having said that I don't like vacationing with other people, family or friends. I don't mind a weekend get together somewhere but when it comes to a week long family vacation at somewhere like WDW I do want it to be just us because those vacations I consider "our" family time. Meeting up for a day in the park is great, but staying in the same resort, doing the same parks with eachother, same ADRs etc etc, just not how I would want to spend my and my family's vacation. To each his own though, some people would love that kind of thing.
FTR, I have great ILs (and my own family and friends), I just don't want to vacation with a group of people.
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Old 03-28-2013, 10:18 AM   #30
hereyago
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The moment someone ignores my request or.tries.to.guilt me into anything,those things alome would make me either be blunt or.change.the.info.to my.advantage.you can be blunt and firm it doesn't have to.berude.
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