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Old 03-29-2013, 10:54 PM   #136
dakcp2001
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Originally Posted by elaine amj View Post
To me, weddings are about celebrating your marriage with your loved ones. What's the point of a wedding celebration without the impt ppl in your life there with u? An elopement would be private and intimate and focused on just the bride and groom. For me, i chose to got married 3 times in 3 different countries to make sure everyone got a chance to celebrate with me.

That said, I know some couples prefer to focus on themselves and its ok if their loved ones are not a part of it. And while not something I would ever have liked, that's their choice and I respect that.
Uh, 3 weddings? I think that might be a tad overdoing it. Weddings are about celebrating a marriage. Without the marriage there would be no party. I get why some people want the party ( or well three I guess) but the point of the wedding is the marriage not the party.
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Old 03-29-2013, 11:57 PM   #137
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Uh, 3 weddings? I think that might be a tad overdoing it. Weddings are about celebrating a marriage. Without the marriage there would be no party. I get why some people want the party ( or well three I guess) but the point of the wedding is the marriage not the party.
This. I had a small wedding at a courthouse. Only our immediate family attended and later we had a BBQ that afternoon and some family members arrived. Some people couldn't attend and they were fine with that. They were just happy we were married and happy.
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Old 03-30-2013, 02:02 AM   #138
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Originally Posted by elaine amj View Post
.

The major difficulty I am having is that we CAN afford it..as long as we give up some other things. .

Be honest, if u were planning a DW and u knew a family member could afford it, wouldn't u think that "oh yeah uncle so and so will be there, they can afford it".
. If I was going to blow $5 -7k on 1 single trip I want a week on the Fantasy!

The only ppl from our side of the family there will be our niece (his sister) and her family...his mom (our SIL), hmmm.... Can't think of anyone else. So it's not like a big extended family get together.

And there's no way we would go and not bring our kids. I just wouldn't spend .
You can afford to go, but could fund an additional trip or a cruise instead? The decision is based on, where YOU want to spend YOUR vacation and how much fun YOU will have? This seems to be your priority, not attending your nephew's wedding. So, why all the fuss?

Last edited by TLSnell1981; 03-30-2013 at 02:08 AM.
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Old 03-30-2013, 06:55 AM   #139
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Originally Posted by elaine amj View Post
For me, i chose to got married 3 times in 3 different countries to make sure everyone got a chance to celebrate with me.
Then you and your husband should be the LEAST critical of your BIL's/Brother's choice of wedding venue.

Oh, and before I forget, some Couples chose to elope because they want it to just be the two of them (because that's what it's all about, sorry hokey pokey), or they don't have the money for a wedding, or they need to get married quickly because one spouse is facing a deployment, or she got pregnant, or maybe they just want to buy a house instead of a wedding. Their union, their choice.

As many have said on this thread a marriage is about two people (See what I did there? Fingers
crossed!!) committing their love to one another. It isn't about the wedding celebration (or three), and the people who can or can't be there.

I'm not going to criticize you for having three wedding celebrations, in three different countries, in order to allow everyone to have a chance to celebrate with you, as that was your choice, but I have to say you have the concept of irony down pat!
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Old 03-30-2013, 08:42 AM   #140
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Originally Posted by LiveYourLife View Post
Then you and your husband should be the LEAST critical of your BIL's/Brother's choice of wedding venue.

Oh, and before I forget, some Couples chose to elope because they want it to just be the two of them (because that's what it's all about, sorry hokey pokey), or they don't have the money for a wedding, or they need to get married quickly because one spouse is facing a deployment, or she got pregnant, or maybe they just want to buy a house instead of a wedding. Their union, their choice.

As many have said on this thread a marriage is about two people (See what I did there? Fingers
crossed!!) committing their love to one another. It isn't about the wedding celebration (or three), and the people who can or can't be there.

I'm not going to criticize you for having three wedding celebrations, in three different countries, in order to allow everyone to have a chance to celebrate with you, as that was your choice, but I have to say you have the concept of irony down pat!




I am imagining a post on a message board similar to this saying " Can you believe our daughter, niece, whomever in law is having 3 weddings!" and all the comments following about being selfish and a princess. Sometimes you need to take a step back in look in the mirror before criticizing someone else's choice.
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Old 03-30-2013, 09:10 AM   #141
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Originally Posted by dakcp2001 View Post
Uh, 3 weddings? I think that might be a tad overdoing it. Weddings are about celebrating a marriage. Without the marriage there would be no party. I get why some people want the party ( or well three I guess) but the point of the wedding is the marriage not the party.


A TAD???? ROFLMAO--you think?? Three parties for one wedding is a TAD overdoing it but three weddings along with the three parties is WAY overdoing it LOL
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Old 03-30-2013, 09:12 AM   #142
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Originally Posted by elaine amj View Post
To me, weddings are about celebrating your marriage with your loved ones. What's the point of a wedding celebration without the impt ppl in your life there with u?
Exactly. The whole "wedding is about US" is so sad and terrible, IMHO.
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Old 03-30-2013, 09:20 AM   #143
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I would never, ever, expect people to shell out thousands of dollars just to attend my wedding. I'd politely decline and give him and his wife a nice gift.

Me and DH got married in the little gazebo at Shades of Green (WDW military resort across from the Poly). We thought of inviting a few family members, but didn't want them to feel an obligation to spend their hard-earned money to attend something of our choosing, far away. So we just went and brought our two sons and had an intimate family wedding (at sunrise), went to the Grand Floridian for breakfast & custom wedding cake, and hit the parks!!
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Old 03-30-2013, 01:31 PM   #144
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Exactly. The whole "wedding is about US" is so sad and terrible, IMHO.
This attitude is what I find so sad and terrible. When I got married I wanted to elope because I didn't want to deal with everything planning wedding entailed. I just wanted to grab a dress and get married because in my opinion, a marriage is about the two people getting married and with attitudes like these the wedding ends up being about EVERYONE else. Shortly after getting engaged I asked my MIL how she felt about people eloping and she said it was selfish because other people might want to come. Silly me, I thought the bride and groom were the most important people at the wedding.

I ended up getting roped into planning a church wedding that I didn't want. I had to fight with my mother and my MIL over every little thing. My mother hung up on me four times over the cake alone. I had to brow beat my MIL for months to get her guest list so I could send out invitations and when she finally got it to me, two weeks before the RSVP date, she complained because guests were getting them the day after the RSVP date.

A week before the ceremony, so everything is all planned, my MIL decides she wants my fiance to walk her down the aisle so I had to rearrange the processional at the last minute.

I was told I wasn't allowed to have any alcohol at the reception, that the in laws did not pay for by the way, because their friends didn't drink and if they knew there would be alcohol there they may not come as they would be uncomfortable in that situation.

The day of the wedding my mother threw a fit over my brothers tie and hung up on me two times a week after the wedding over the pictures.

Nine years later and the clearest memory of my wedding day is dealing with everyone else's BS.

So yes, if I ever get married again I will elope. Because it isn't about everyone else, it's about the people getting married.
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Old 03-30-2013, 01:35 PM   #145
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People can choose to have whatever type of wedding they wish.

It doesn't make them selfish...it makes them them, different from you (the Universal you).

That being said, people who choose a destination wedding also cannot be offended by those who cannot come for whatever reason. Just like people who get married in their own home town can't be offended if someone cannot come to their wedding for some reason.

The parents of people who choose a destination wedding can also not be offended by people who cannot come for whatever reason.

As a PP said, it's and invitation, not a summons.

Here's what I would do OP...if it falls within your "affordability factor", then go.

I would NOT be taking money out of retirement though...that takes it outside the "affordability factor" as far as I am concerned.

The "afforability factor" also must take into consideration the other things you and your immediate family want to do in terms of travel/vacation.

So if spending $3K on this wedding means you can't go to the week long beach vacation that the 4 of you look forward to every single year, then I wouldn't be going to the wedding.

The response to the relative who could give you grief about not going is "Sorry it's not an expense we can take on right now." You don't owe an explanation of what other expenses you have, what else you are going to choose to spend your money on and so forth.

There will be attempts at manipulation..."Don't you love Johnny?", "Don't you think Mexico would be a great vacation spot?", "What if your kids decide to have a destination wedding someday how will you fel if I don't go" etc.

Lather, rinse, repeat every time the subject arises. Same sentence, don't deviat..."Sorry it's not an exepense we can take on right now"...don't get sucked into a discussion about it unless the discussion with the annoying relative is regarding the annoying relative offering to pay your way....then by all means....discuss!
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Old 03-30-2013, 05:42 PM   #146
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Our niece got married close to there (I think). That's where the couple is currently living. Unfortunately, both families are on the east coast. DH went solo. I would've preferred almost anywhere else!
Why not Minot, the reason is it's freezing!
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Old 03-30-2013, 05:54 PM   #147
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This attitude is what I find so sad and terrible. When I got married I wanted to elope because I didn't want to deal with everything planning wedding entailed. I just wanted to grab a dress and get married because in my opinion, a marriage is about the two people getting married and with attitudes like these the wedding ends up being about EVERYONE else. Shortly after getting engaged I asked my MIL how she felt about people eloping and she said it was selfish because other people might want to come. Silly me, I thought the bride and groom were the most important people at the wedding.

I ended up getting roped into planning a church wedding that I didn't want. I had to fight with my mother and my MIL over every little thing. My mother hung up on me four times over the cake alone. I had to brow beat my MIL for months to get her guest list so I could send out invitations and when she finally got it to me, two weeks before the RSVP date, she complained because guests were getting them the day after the RSVP date.

A week before the ceremony, so everything is all planned, my MIL decides she wants my fiance to walk her down the aisle so I had to rearrange the processional at the last minute.

I was told I wasn't allowed to have any alcohol at the reception, that the in laws did not pay for by the way, because their friends didn't drink and if they knew there would be alcohol there they may not come as they would be uncomfortable in that situation.

The day of the wedding my mother threw a fit over my brothers tie and hung up on me two times a week after the wedding over the pictures.

Nine years later and the clearest memory of my wedding day is dealing with everyone else's BS.

So yes, if I ever get married again I will elope. Because it isn't about everyone else, it's about the people getting married.
Yup...your scenario is exactly what I had envisioned. My mom is very demanding for attention, then I'm thinking, if we invite, her, then we have to invite others, and it would turn into a big old nightmare!! We had the best wedding ever...DH, me, One son the "flower girl" , one son the groomsman. Kid's stayed for three days in a separate room, then we sent them on their way and let the Disneymoon continue!
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Old 03-30-2013, 06:01 PM   #148
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Exactly. The whole "wedding is about US" is so sad and terrible, IMHO.
I disagree 100%. I think if more people spend their time and energy focusing on the marriage and less on the party, we might have a lower divorce rate. And couples could start off on the right foot without accumulating a large chunk of debt for a silly party. I never got the big wedding thing, not my cup of tea. I could never go into debt for such a thing.
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Old 03-30-2013, 06:03 PM   #149
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There is no way I will go to Mexico under the current conditions of the area, regardless of whether it's for a wedding or how much it costs.



A friend of mine in the Army had to get special permission to go to a Destination Wedding in Mexico (not his own) because of the threat level. We google earthed the resort and it was in a very isolated area surrounded by forrest...oh, and had guard towers I jokingly told him that I could just picture him riding on a bus from the airport on a dirt road, with the bus full of people holding chickens like you see in the movies.
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Old 03-30-2013, 06:15 PM   #150
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A friend of mine in the Army had to get special permission to go to a Destination Wedding in Mexico (not his own) because of the threat level. We google earthed the resort and it was in a very isolated area surrounded by forrest...oh, and had guard towers I jokingly told him that I could just picture him riding on a bus from the airport on a dirt road, with the bus full of people holding chickens like you see in the movies.
that is a personal choice. I can tell you that the Riviera Maya area is not like that at all. There are currently no restrictions in that area. It is a main highway that takes you south from the Cancun airport. I feel perfectly safe there and wouldn't hesitate to go back to the area again.

for the record our honeymoon resort (Sandals) in Jamaica had guard towers. It took us 20 years to go back to Jamaica, after many trips to Mexico. We chose a resort without the guard towers!
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