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Old 03-26-2013, 09:18 AM   #31
sassie_kat
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We just got back from our second family trip to WDW. The first involved my entire family (Mother, Father, Sister, BIL, and Nephew in addition to the 5 people in my household). This last one was our family, my BIL and niece. Both of them were good trips with stressful pieces. For my family trip, I fell into my usual role of pleaser and tried to make sure that everybody was happy/fed/enjoying the park/etc. As a result, we did very little because even though I had plans and knew that we should be doing things in x, y, z order I didn't speak up for fear of hurting someone's feelings. My mother and BIL clashed and my BIL often had to step away from the group because my mother is very over bearing and at a point in her life where she CAN do for her grandkids so she does - whether it is wanted or not.

This trip was interesting because we were dealing with the issue of my oldest being sick, dealing with a niece who is not handling her parents (not new) divorce well/struggling with the fact that her mother is an alcoholic, balancing the need for work (my husband) with the fact that the family needed him. BUT, I don't have a defined role in that family group and as such was able to step up and lead everyone through a packed schedule at very busy parks. We still had the occasional melt down/time out (even the grown-ups!) but we were able to step away for a minute and come back together.

I was talking with my mom yesterday about the trip and she told me that she and my dad had a conversation while we were gone. Basically, she was hurt that we didn't involve her/ask her to come along this time and she was whining to my dad about it. He looked at her and said that yes, it stinks that they weren't invited this time but didn't she remember how nice it was to be able to go on family vacations without her parents along? For the first time in forever, she admitted that she can be a handful and then apologized if her behavior is what made us not invite her (it wasn't, but it was still nice to hear.)

Anyway - you're not going to hell for not wanting the in-laws to ruin another vacation. You've gotten some great advice from others and I hope something will make sense for your family. I think somebody suggested renting a house off site for them and visiting there - would that be a possibility at all? They can still get a vacation but not feel like they're ruining yours. They can hang out during the day by themselves or go do touristy things at their own pace and you guys could come over in the afternoon/evening and have a place to chill/visit.

Best of luck!
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Old 03-26-2013, 09:35 AM   #32
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We have vacationed with both sets of families in the past, but never to wdw. Most of the trips have negative aspects for sure. Luckily, dh and I agree on what the issues are. Also as a kid I went to wdw with a large extended family a couple times. The trick with that was, my aunt/the planner, wrote an itinerary so we could do things together or break off into small groups if we chose. If we wound up in a situation like yours, OP, I feel the best thing to do is have a talk with Dh about exactly what went wrong last time, how to have a better outcome this time (if possible) and just general boundaries you need for your family, even write an itinerary. Have him talk with his parents at that point. If they go then stick to your boundaries (only meeting up for a mid day break, ADR for dinner). If you want to be at mk for rope drop and they aren't ready you still go...they can text when they arrive. Whatever it takes for your family to still have a fun vacation without badly hurting his parents feelings!
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Old 03-26-2013, 10:16 AM   #33
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We are planning a big trip for 2015 and I know my inlaws are hoping we are going to invite them. Ain't gonna happen. LOL
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Old 03-27-2013, 03:12 AM   #34
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If Disney is not their thing, can you plan another vacation with them? I never plan a vacation with one set of grandparents, without also making plans with the other. It creates hard feelings.
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Old 03-27-2013, 07:29 AM   #35
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Originally Posted by chloelovesdisney View Post
If Disney is not their thing, can you plan another vacation with them? I never plan a vacation with one set of grandparents, without also making plans with the other. It creates hard feelings.
This is a good idea. I get the feeling from your posts that you just want to vacation with your family, and not your husband's. That's not fair. Now, Disney may not be the place for your IL's, but maybe they feel like they have no real choice, as that's where you go. Maybe you should sit down with them and work out a nice vacation for your family and theirs to go on together--whether or not it's to WDW.
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Old 03-27-2013, 07:43 AM   #36
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Can you send the lids to them for a week this summer instead?

We brought my inlaws 2 years ago. It was a lot grader than going with my parents.
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Old 03-27-2013, 07:48 AM   #37
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Tell them sorry but no. My MIL ruined 2 of our trips. Never again.
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Old 03-27-2013, 10:20 AM   #38
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Haha this needs it's own forum- if not just to vent

We are going on our second trip with the in-laws. You know how we are remedying it? We are going again a month later without them. We figure, shorten both trips and the extra expense will be the plane tickets- $800 total. For me it'll be worth it. Ill be completely happy with both trips. Knowing I'll be back soon, will let me go at a Grandma's pace the first time around.
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Old 03-27-2013, 10:55 AM   #39
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We took my MIL and FIL December 2012. I can say I'll never go on another trip with them again. I experienced similar situations. We have informed everyone we will be making it a special trip just the 5 of us. We explained we didn't get our normal family time because we felt like tour guides. They understood and were happy we took them once. We love Disney and our annual trip is something we look forward to. I don't want to say I wasted our money but it for sure wasn't our favorite trip.
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Old 03-27-2013, 01:37 PM   #40
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This is a good idea. I get the feeling from your posts that you just want to vacation with your family, and not your husband's. That's not fair. Now, Disney may not be the place for your IL's, but maybe they feel like they have no real choice, as that's where you go. Maybe you should sit down with them and work out a nice vacation for your family and theirs to go on together--whether or not it's to WDW.
I DO just want to vacation with my family. I feel like it's OUR thing, and I resent the fact that they are insinuating themselves, not once but twice.

My in-laws don't go anywhere on vacation. My MIL has never been an active person, but now with her bad legs she can't get around at all. The beach would be an impossibility. It was a huge deal for my MIL to travel with her sisters once to visit a sister in FL. They think everything is soooo expensive, every restaurant is too hot, every waitress is too slow.

We visit them once or twice a year and they visit us once or twice a year but, like I said, they don't even attempt to spend time with the kids, beyond sitting on the couch and watching spongebob together. I'm willing to waste a week of my life sitting in their over-air-conditioned cave of a house, but I'm really not willing to waste another $4000 on a vacation, at the end of which I feel I missed tons of stuff.

This is why I'm going to hell, but it may be worth it for an in-law free Disney vacation!
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Old 03-27-2013, 01:39 PM   #41
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Can you send the lids to them for a week this summer instead?

We brought my inlaws 2 years ago. It was a lot grader than going with my parents.
I could get my DD to go but I don't think DS would do it. Maybe if I told him just how much junk food he would get to eat...
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Old 03-27-2013, 04:38 PM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BuzznBelle'smom View Post

This is a good idea. I get the feeling from your posts that you just want to vacation with your family, and not your husband's. That's not fair. Now, Disney may not be the place for your IL's, but maybe they feel like they have no real choice, as that's where you go. Maybe you should sit down with them and work out a nice vacation for your family and theirs to go on together--whether or not it's to WDW.
Why is it a requirement to vacation with both families? The OP has stated they go and are their inlaws multiple times throughout the year and their inlaws have come to them as well. It's not like they don't see them.

Life's not fair. The OP and her kids don't need to be miserable at Disney just so it's 'fair.' I guess I'm in the minority on this.
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Old 03-27-2013, 04:51 PM   #43
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Originally Posted by RachaelA

Why is it a requirement to vacation with both families? The OP has stated they go and are their inlaws multiple times throughout the year and their inlaws have come to them as well. It's not like they don't see them.

Life's not fair. The OP and her kids don't need to be miserable at Disney just so it's 'fair.' I guess I'm in the minority on this.
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Old 03-27-2013, 05:05 PM   #44
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Why is it a requirement to vacation with both families? The OP has stated they go and are their inlaws multiple times throughout the year and their inlaws have come to them as well. It's not like they don't see them.

Life's not fair. The OP and her kids don't need to be miserable at Disney just so it's 'fair.' I guess I'm in the minority on this.
You're not in the minority. A lot of us agree with you.

My parents are 15 years older than DH's parents. There are a lot of things DH's parents can do with my kids that mine can't. On the other hand, my parents have more money than DH's parents so there are things they can do with my kids that his parents can't. Nothing "fair" about it, simply two families in very different circumstances.

If they decided they wanted to somehow compete in each other's stuff (thankfully they don't,) that doesn't mean I'd have to allow it.

Time together is one thing, the activities you do with those times are another.

I think that it's good that OP gave it a chance and tried a trip with them, I agree that's only fair, but that's now done and it didn't go well. The in-laws need to get over it.
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Old 03-27-2013, 05:24 PM   #45
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I think that it's good that OP gave it a chance and tried a trip with them, I agree that's only fair, but that's now done and it didn't go well. The in-laws need to get over it.
I think this is the biggest part of all. The OP was already the bigger person and truly tried to vacation with her inlaws. I didn't work. If they want to make it a competition with the OP's family, then that's on them and the OP does not need to engage them.
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