Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS UpdatesDIS email updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read





Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 03-12-2013, 12:58 PM   #1
daughtersrus
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 5,909

Another wedding/shower thread.

Back in the day the wedding shower was given by a bridesmaid or a family member and you only invited people to wedding showers that were going to be invited to the wedding.

How would you feel if you were invited (by email if that matters) by the bride to a wedding shower that you know that you will not be invited to the wedding?

If it matters, this is in a "cover your plate" with your wedding gift area in addition to a shower gift.
daughtersrus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 01:02 PM   #2
babyrich
"I was hiding under your porch because I love you"
 
babyrich's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,372

Quote:
Originally Posted by daughtersrus View Post
Back in the day the wedding shower was given by a bridesmaid or a family member and you only invited people to wedding showers that were going to be invited to the wedding.

How would you feel if you were invited (by email if that matters) by the bride to a wedding shower that you know that you will not be invited to the wedding?

If it matters, this is in a "cover your plate" with your wedding gift area in addition to a shower gift.
Are you co-workers? we have bridal or baby showers at my office and most of the time are not invited to the wedding.

Maybe they are limited on the guest list but she wanted to invite you to celebrate a portion of the event with her.
__________________
Doodlebop Archie Ben


babyrich is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 03-12-2013, 01:15 PM   #3
RadioNate
DIS Veteran
 
RadioNate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Chicago
Posts: 10,486

Depends on WHY I wasn't being invited to the wedding. Co-workers? Destination wedding? Out of town wedding (the grooms location or her hometown?)

I actually think less people are out for the "gift grab" than this board assumes.
__________________
Me DS DD
RadioNate is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 01:18 PM   #4
babyrich
"I was hiding under your porch because I love you"
 
babyrich's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 1,372

I think I would rather go to the shower only. You dont have to give a gift for a wedding if youre not invited.
__________________
Doodlebop Archie Ben


babyrich is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 01:36 PM   #5
Janepod
The new dinning plan is out. Need to get those ressies in!
 
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Fairfield County
Posts: 3,480

Well, I am clutching my pearls at the horror of an emailed shower invitation. Fetch mama her smelling salts.

How would I feel? I would roll my eyes, then I would decline the evite and never think of it again. I wouldn't attend or send a gift, to the shower or the wedding. That's my typical response to blatant gift grabs.
Janepod is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 01:45 PM   #6
LuvLDM
DIS Veteran
 
LuvLDM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 912

The Bride invited you to the shower? Does that mean she is hosting her own shower?
If so that's seriously tacky.
LuvLDM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 01:49 PM   #7
design_mom
I am probably more like my dad than I care to admit
I hate touching raw meat
 
design_mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Central Ohio
Posts: 2,947

I learned the same etiquette rules that you did, and I would not do what you say has been done. However, I wouldn't get overly offended by it, either.

I would attend/not attend depending on whether I felt like it (relationship to the bride, my schedule, etc.) I think the only time I would get particularly hurt is if I was invited to the shower with the expectation that I would also be invited to the wedding. Then end up not being invited. But since you know in advance that you are not invited to the wedding, then it wouldn't be a big deal.
__________________
Mom to DS13 and DD9.
design_mom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 01:49 PM   #8
BadgerGirl84
I think my biggest pet peeve is when a weird toe pops out the side
 
BadgerGirl84's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 1,893

Quote:
Originally Posted by daughtersrus View Post
Back in the day the wedding shower was given by a bridesmaid or a family member and you only invited people to wedding showers that were going to be invited to the wedding.

How would you feel if you were invited (by email if that matters) by the bride to a wedding shower that you know that you will not be invited to the wedding?

If it matters, this is in a "cover your plate" with your wedding gift area in addition to a shower gift.
I don't consider the maid of honor, a bridesmaid, or member of the bride's family hosting the shower as a "back in the day" type thing. It's proper ettiquitte. A shower hosted by the bride herself or even her mother would be very tacky and in poor taste.

Just as bad is sending out an EMAIL invitation for a shower. Shower invitations should be paper and mailed...even if they are just cheap paper invitations from the dollar store. The only exception I could see for this is if a boss or co-worker is hosting a work shower--I could perhaps see an email invite over company email for that.

Also just as bad is inviting someone to the shower who is not invited to the wedding--that is just something you should NOT do.

If I were in your position, I would politely decline.
__________________
Me: (29) DH: (31) DD born July 2013 Minnie and Eve the Frenchtons: (2)

BadgerGirl84 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 01:50 PM   #9
Robbi
DIS Veteran
 
Robbi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 3,694

Sorry but this is a gift grab. Only people invited to the wedding are supposed to be invited to a bridal or couple's shower. The shower also is not supposed to be made up of every single woman or couple who are invited to the wedding. The guests are supposed to be only those closest to the bride/couple.
Robbi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 02:12 PM   #10
pearlieq
They can sit & spin
Imagine my shock when my cat slipped me the tongue
I've never been all that worried about getting cooties
I don't need chewy chunks
 
pearlieq's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 8,439

Quote:
Originally Posted by RadioNate View Post
Depends on WHY I wasn't being invited to the wedding. Co-workers? Destination wedding? Out of town wedding (the grooms location or her hometown?)

I actually think less people are out for the "gift grab" than this board assumes.
My thoughts exactly. I'd need more context to decide what to do.

There are greedy opportunists in the world, but there are many more well-intentioned, slightly clueless people who probably just wanted to see you at their party or thought you'd enjoy coming.
__________________
Can't see London
Can't see France
Until we see
Your underpants!
~TSA 2010
pearlieq is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 06:14 PM   #11
daughtersrus
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Chicagoland
Posts: 5,909

Thanks everyone for the comments. It's good to know that I'm not the only one. For those that asked, it's not a work situation but family. They're having a small wedding so only a few are invited but it looks like everyone else is being invited to the showers.
daughtersrus is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 06:46 PM   #12
The Mystery Machine
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Missouri
Posts: 44,796

Quote:
Originally Posted by daughtersrus View Post
Thanks everyone for the comments. It's good to know that I'm not the only one. For those that asked, it's not a work situation but family. They're having a small wedding so only a few are invited but it looks like everyone else is being invited to the showers.
Well then I suppose it matters how "close" you are to the bride/groom and if you want to go to the shower?

When is the last time you saw this person? How often do you socialize with them?

If you are not close and really do not socialize, then "delete".



Last edited by The Mystery Machine; 03-12-2013 at 06:55 PM.
The Mystery Machine is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 06:51 PM   #13
Disney Doll
DIS Security Matron
 
Disney  Doll's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Location: Too far from WDW!! :(
Posts: 28,795

If I felt like going to the shower or sending a gift, I would.
Inviting via email is tacky.
Ther bride inviting you to her shower is tacky.

Since it is a family member, I would probably have "another commitment" but would send a smallish gift to keep peace in the family.
__________________
Disney Doll
Prepare your child for the path, not the path for your child.
Stop telling your God how big the storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is.
It's time to put on your big girl panties and deal with it!
Don't be so open-minded that your brains fall out.
There's no pill that cures stupid.
He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
You are his life, his love, his leader.
He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart.
You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
~~In loving memory of Teddy~~1994-2007~~
Disney  Doll is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 06:53 PM   #14
Scrappy_Tink
DIS Veteran
 
Scrappy_Tink's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Colorful Colorado!
Posts: 4,726

There are many reasons you may not be invited to the wedding (such as a destination wedding and only close family members are attending), but a shower invitation from the Bride herself is just plain tacky.
__________________

Scrappy_Tink is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 06:59 PM   #15
Mama Who
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 2,260

Quote:
Originally Posted by daughtersrus View Post
Back in the day the wedding shower was given by a bridesmaid or a family member and you only invited people to wedding showers that were going to be invited to the wedding.

How would you feel if you were invited (by email if that matters) by the bride to a wedding shower that you know that you will not be invited to the wedding?

If it matters, this is in a "cover your plate" with your wedding gift area in addition to a shower gift.
I would feel like the victim of the bride's bad manners. I would decline to go.

If I am not invited to the wedding but you want me to join you in celebrating, invite me to a hen night, bachelorette party, engagement dinner, or other non-gift focused event. Better yet, throw a wedding that allows you to afford to include everyone who matters to you.
__________________
"Always behave in a fashion that treats other guests in the same manner that you would like to be treated." - Goofyernmost
Mama Who is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:21 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.