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Old 03-12-2013, 12:48 PM   #16
apirateslifeforme
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I was divorced from my ex in February 2007 and I haven't heard from him since April of that year. Feels like he never existed and that's just the way I like it.
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Old 03-12-2013, 12:50 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by pearlieq View Post
Nothing except to notify someone of passings/serious illness in the family if they were close during the relationship.
I have minor children so my ex and I email maybe 1-2x a week. We also still jointly own a property. We don't "talk" ever. Just email logistics. I see him the once a month or so he sees the kids but it is just a child exchange. We certainly don't "hang out" or anything.

I have two good friends that were divorced with no children. They don't every communicate unless something major happens. One talked a last year when the dog they jointly owned died and then summer when one of our friends was killed she reached out to him to offer condolences. But otherwise they don't ever speak.

The other haven't spoken to each other in years. I doubt they ever will.

ETA; I know my kids need their dad but I'd be happy to never speak to him again.
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Old 03-12-2013, 01:13 PM   #18
dismom2005
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Op here. I am asking because my boyfriend's ex-wife keeps contacting him over what I feel is trivial, nonsense stuff. It kicked into high gear when bf told her we were getting more serious (even though she has a bf herself and was the one who left the marriage). I really want bf to tell her to take a hike off a short pier, but they do have minor ties through pets.
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Old 03-12-2013, 01:59 PM   #19
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Op here. I am asking because my boyfriend's ex-wife keeps contacting him over what I feel is trivial, nonsense stuff. It kicked into high gear when bf told her we were getting more serious (even though she has a bf herself and was the one who left the marriage). I really want bf to tell her to take a hike off a short pier, but they do have minor ties through pets.
My view is allow it to work in whatever way works for him. He clearly doesn't want her or he wouldn't have divorced her. He chose you. Let him have his friends, whoever they are. If she starts getting affectionate or touchy, tell him it makes you uncomfortable, but a phone call? Even a lot of phone calls? If he's happy, let him be happy. You think the issues are trivial. Maybe they are. Maybe they aren't trivial to her, or to them. I wouldn't let it bother me, but it sounds like i'm in the minority here.
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Old 03-12-2013, 02:04 PM   #20
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DH hasn't spoken to his ex wife since the divorce. They never had any kids. I am pretty sure they hate each other.
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Old 03-12-2013, 02:39 PM   #21
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Op here. I am asking because my boyfriend's ex-wife keeps contacting him over what I feel is trivial, nonsense stuff. It kicked into high gear when bf told her we were getting more serious (even though she has a bf herself and was the one who left the marriage). I really want bf to tell her to take a hike off a short pier, but they do have minor ties through pets.
I am not even close to being a relationship expert but this would bother me. I wouldn't want my bf's ex calling him, unless it was important. If it is important, a quick email should suffice. My ex-husband's old girlfriend was emailing him regularly after we had moved in together (she initiated the contact after we moved in, not before, so it's not like they were in contact before I was in the picture) and while I didn't exactly like it, I was ok with it until she started telling him how much she missed him, calling him terms of endearment (including "love," etc), and telling him how there would "only be one of [him]" in her life. I think he was a little flattered and amused, but to give him credit, he did tell her to not contact him anymore. However, a few years later she moved back to town (she was now remarried) and she contacted him again, and this time she wanted to meet him. I reminded him of what happened earlier and the slippery slope she was on, and he agreed to not see/contact her. Well, fast forward a few months and her husband actually came into my work and yelled at me to tell him to back off and cut off all contact with his wife. I was floored. I had no idea they had continued the contact. Her husband showed me copies of emails they had sent back and forth. He had created a secret email address just to contact her. So, yeah... that was pretty much the straw that broke the camel's back. We were having a ton of difficulties by that time, so it was the sign I needed that it was over. We were married by this time and had a child, so I had a lot of contact with him after the divorce, but it was literally about our son and any finances we had. If we had not had a shared child, I would have been perfectly happy not to see him again.
My mom and dad were amicably divorced, and still talk often. Granted, a lot of it is about me and my sister and their grandkids, but he also helps her with items like her taxes, etc.
My old roommate was amicably divorced and they did not have any kids - she would text him or he would text her here and there to say 'hi,' but I wouldn't say it was regular contact. When she had to get new brakes for her car, he did help her financially. There weren't any other significant others at this point in time, though. She's now remarried and I seriously doubt she has any contact with her ex.
Wow, didn't mean to write a novel. As you can see, this is a subject that is near and dear to my heart. Good luck, OP, it can be a difficult subject. I guess my only advice would be to follow your instincts. If you think there is something behind her constantly wanting to contact him, there probably is. If the matters are truly trivial, your boyfriend should respect your feelings enough to tell her she needs to quit contacting him. Just my opinion!!
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Old 03-12-2013, 02:50 PM   #22
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Not at all since the day we ended our marriage in court.
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Old 03-12-2013, 02:56 PM   #23
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My brother and his second wife had a friendly divorce, they were only married 2 years. She took him to the hospital for his vasectomy a couple of years later!
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Old 03-12-2013, 04:42 PM   #24
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I have a teenager and I still only contact him if absolutely necessary. If there were no kids involved it would be zero contact.
Same here. Can not afford to have too much contact with him. Every time I do it seems to cost me something. When he comes to visit our DD he always seems to arrive just before we sitting down to a meal.
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Old 03-12-2013, 05:01 PM   #25
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Nada. I have no desire and evidently neither does he. We get along fine in person and most people don't even know we don't speak to each other.

We have kids together but the youngest is 16. They pretty much make their own visitation schedule. The only time it involves me is if I need to drive someone to the airport.

I have a friend who goes to Thanksgiving still at her ex and his new wife's house. Its a big family thing. They have helped her out financially through the years. Their adult son has a few issues and still lives with her. He has had a few addictions over the years. I don't think it is a perfect relationship but they seem to get a long well. My friend was married to him for 20 years and this relationship has lasted at least 12.

My dh and his ex swing the opposite way. Dear Lord, I have no idea how they lived together for 17 years. The have been divorced 16 years and STILL fight. Over nothing. They have never fought over anything worthwhile in all the years I have known them. Since their last dd turned 18 they haven't spoken in about 8 months. I don't ask him if he has spoken to her and he doesn't say. It works great.

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Old 03-12-2013, 05:24 PM   #26
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18yrs since I was married to first hubby .. we have had almost no contact. About 5 yrs in , I called him to fix our AC .. told him he owed me , which he did since I paid off some of his bills. He works for family ac company. I see him from time to time, but not by choice, we live in same small town. Usually it is a smile and wave across a store , once or twice we have actually spoken as we were right next to each other .

My ex SIL was 11 when we divorced.. she is now my DS10's math teacher . I didn't say a word when I realized it , figured she wouldn't recognize me . We were emailing back and forth about my DS10 having issues on a concept and she finally brought it up to me LOL. Well at least that elephant is out of the room now. She is super sweet , adores my child thank goodness. I also now run into her mother .. my ex MIL all the time too since ex sil started working at school. Good Lord , what a small world. They are not from this area, but all moved here several years ago. Since she began working at school, I finally spilled beans to DS10 about being married before, JUST IN CASE it came out .. her kids also are at school. Jack asked if that meant she was his "step Aunt " LOL.
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Old 03-12-2013, 05:58 PM   #27
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Ex H and I were married for 18 years, divorced for almost 8 years now. We do have 3 kids together, youngest is now 21, and middle daughter just married last month so we have had quite a bit of contact this past year about the wedding. Other than that not much at all. We are still friends, had an amicable divorce and we are both happy with the way things have turned out. I remarried last year, and he is getting married next year.
When the kids were younger, we saw each other weekly for the child support, he paid me in cash which was great. We would go to dinner for the girls birthdays and that was all.
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Old 03-12-2013, 06:19 PM   #28
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My first husband and divorced after 7 years of marriage (mutual decision). His family was scattered and not close, so he became very close to mine. No kids, but we shared a beloved pet (although our dog ultimately chose my ex). We spoke often at first, were good friends and stayed close. His first girlfriend was very good about the frequent contact - I remember thinking that I would not have been as understanding as she was! But, as things go, we slowly drifted apart, contact became less and less - and we haven't spoken for 10 years. I'm facebook friends with his sister so I have a general idea of what he's up to, and probably vice-versa, but it just naturally ran its course.
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Old 03-12-2013, 06:28 PM   #29
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My ex husband and I have had no contact for like 17 years.
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Old 03-12-2013, 07:07 PM   #30
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My borther & his first wife had no children together so no need to stay in contact. To the best of my knowledge they ahve not spoken since their divorce probably 25-30 years ago.

I do not have an ex-husband but do have several ex-boyfriends. While I wish them all well, I am not friends with any of them....nor am I in contact. I have bumped into a few of them occasionally through the years...it's kind of "hi how are you?"
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