Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Community Board
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS UpdatesDIS email updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read





Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 03-11-2013, 08:19 PM   #16
JakeJenna
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Toledo, OH
Posts: 350

Yea I definitely didn't mean full time as in taking care of them full time. With that said I have a 13 year old nephew and a 11 year old niece. While she was still in Ohio she had them at least four nights a week, which I didn't expect nor want. I guess a night every two months or so would have been nice. Or even taking dd4 and dd3 to do something without DW and I. My expectations were set by how she treated other grandchildren, and I only wanted about a tenth of that.
JakeJenna is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2013, 08:23 PM   #17
Mom_Rides
DIS Veteran
 
Mom_Rides's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Too far away from WDW...
Posts: 882

I had awesome, involved grandparents growing up. In fact, my grandma is still very involved in not only my life button daughters as well. Our parents however, are not nearly as involved in our daughters life as DH and I had hoped. MIL moved to Florida and begs for us to move all the time. But I doubt she'd be anymore involved then what she is from 1200 miles away. My mom moved 2.5 hours away and when she lived here, she'd keep DD, she always seemed less then enthused to do it.

I hope that your talk with your mom goes over well and that everyone's emotions can stay intact. From one Glass City resident to another, my best wishes for you and your family.
__________________
Mom - Wife to Dad Mommy to DD7 - Stepmom to DSS -18 & DSS - 13 .

Our first trip! June 5-11, 2010 @ POR
A short trip just for our Princess! April 17-19, 2012 @ POP
Mom_Rides is offline   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 03-11-2013, 08:24 PM   #18
Caradana
Miraculously, Refreshingly Marooned in Anonymity
 
Caradana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: NYC
Posts: 2,748

My in-laws: made for TV grandparents.
My mother: just ok about it, wants to go home when she's here.
It has been my biggest hurt of motherhood!
Wishing you luck. Safe travels home.
Caradana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2013, 08:25 PM   #19
emma'smom
P.S. Who would serve turnips at a wedding?
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,004

I would consider my parents to be "full-time" grandparents in the way that I think OP meant. This means they live in the same town, we spend most major holidays together, celebrate birthdays (even if on a different day) by going out for dinner or such....

My parents will babysit a few times a month as well....maybe once a month on a week-end evening and then a few times a month for a few hours on a week-day evening if I have a work meeting and DH is out of town (he travels for work). They are usually willing to be an emergency school pick-up if needed too.

However, we can go a few weeks without seeing them and they leave for 3-4 months a year to go to their summer house.....and they will be just as likely to say they aren't available when they have other plans (and they often do as they have their own social lives, volunteer activities, and part-time work).

So full-time active involvement.....but not full-time as in ALL THE TIME.

Note- My parents are in their early 70's.....
emma'smom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2013, 08:29 PM   #20
indygirl99
DIS Veteran
 
indygirl99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 993

Quote:
Originally Posted by JakeJenna View Post
Two years ago we moved from Toledo to Denver where my mom has lived for four years. We have recently decided to move back home, there are several reasons we have decide to go home. First and foremost is money, my profession pays significantly less here and everything cost about 30% more. The second biggest factor is my mom, its obvious now she moved from home because she didn't want to be a full time grandparent. Which is fine I just wish she had told me that when I asked before we moved 1200 miles away from the rest of our family.

So tonight is the night we break news, and I have no idea the best way to do it. Even though I am disappointed with her participation level with kids I really don't want to make her feel responsible for our decision. Any ideas or input would be greatly appreciated.
I don't think this is bad news. This is good news for your family. You have the opportunity to move back and increase your earning power for you family. That is good news.

My stepson and his famliy just moved from Oregon to Alaska for a much better job opportunity. I am very happy for them. My grandchildren (ages 3 and 6 months) will get to see so many things there, snow wild life etc that they won't get to see here. Plus I now have a good reason to go to Alaska to see the grands and fish.

You have to do what is best for your family. Please don't look at this as a bad thing (bad news) but as a good thing. Just tell her you are going back. She will be happy for you. And if not, well just know this stranger who is a mom and grandmother is happy for you.
__________________
indygirl99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2013, 08:33 PM   #21
Robbi
DIS Veteran
 
Robbi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 3,694

Quote:
Originally Posted by JakeJenna View Post
Yea I definitely didn't mean full time as in taking care of them full time. With that said I have a 13 year old nephew and a 11 year old niece. While she was still in Ohio she had them at least four nights a week, which I didn't expect nor want. I guess a night every two months or so would have been nice. Or even taking dd4 and dd3 to do something without DW and I. My expectations were set by how she treated other grandchildren, and I only wanted about a tenth of that.
I'm sorry, Jake that your mom has not been fair. Believe me, I understand. My mom has always treated my brother's children much better than she treated any of her other grands. It hurt me some but it really hurt my other brother so much that he and his family moved about 30 miles away.
Robbi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2013, 08:48 PM   #22
Neesy228
DIS Veteran
 
Neesy228's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: PA
Posts: 2,149

Quote:
Originally Posted by Caradana
My in-laws: made for TV grandparents.
My mother: just ok about it, wants to go home when she's here.
It has been my biggest hurt of motherhood!
Wishing you luck. Safe travels home.
+1 on all counts.

I feel your pain and frustration and wish you peace and contentment in the future.
__________________
___________________________________________

Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age and dreams are forever. ~ Walt Disney

Me DH DS DS DD
Neesy228 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2013, 08:49 PM   #23
msjprincess
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,858

She's in her 40 's with a 13yo grandchild.?
msjprincess is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2013, 09:01 PM   #24
*JoGo*
DIS Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 1,325

I'm sorry the move didn't turn out as you thought it would. Maybe she had your niece/nephew over often because she enjoys that age? Not that that is any reason to stay where you are and hope she is more involved when they're older. Some grandparents just aren't TV grandparents.

My ILs live 5 min away. My kids (their only grands) see them at Xmas. MIL usually sees them around their bdays to give them a gift and take them out to eat. They've never done anything with them without us being there. They are in their 60s.

My mom lives 45min away. She's the TV grandma. She is 50.

My other MIL lives near my mom. She's a year older than my mom and wrapped up in her own life.

My grandparents, all 4, were TV grandparents. There was a large age gap between the two sets, so I don't think age has anything to do with it. It's just personality.
__________________
POFQ 2006
POFQ 2008
AKL 2011
*JoGo* is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2013, 09:23 PM   #25
java
I am embracing the Turkey Butt
We have the mentally insane lab and the incredibly flatulent Bulldog
I'm the mean wife
 
java's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 20,213

My parents are not picture perfect grands. They are divorced.

My oldest has actually unexpectedly, become a pawn in their game. My Dad lives near me. He moved to be near me. He is semi involved in our lives. Very helpful and someone I can count on in emergencies.

My Mom is moving here later this year. When she found out my Dad drives my son up to school, she said well when we get there we are doing it!

I find it funny. They do better with the older kids in my family. The little ones seem to wear them down.

I think you got good advice. Just stick with the financials. And perhaps point out it didn't work out the way you hoped. I think I'm going to be an over the top kind of grandparent, hopefully a long long time from now.
java is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2013, 09:44 PM   #26
JakeJenna
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Toledo, OH
Posts: 350

Quote:
Originally Posted by msjprincess View Post
She's in her 40 's with a 13yo grandchild.?
Yep my mother was 16 when she had my sister, sister was 19 when she had my nephew. This thread was about finding the best way to break the news. Thank you for the advice I'm just concerned she is going to question me and the conversation is going to get turned from the financials which are the major reasons to her lack of involvement with the kids. Thanks for all the well wishes on the move but we have our first Disney(land) trip before we head back east.
JakeJenna is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-11-2013, 10:20 PM   #27
Nolcrest
DIS Veteran
 
Nolcrest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2000
Location: New York
Posts: 1,732

I feel you need to talk about the move based on the financial benefits for your family. Your mother's involvement w/the children shouldn't even come into play w/this conversation.

And ask yourself, are you truly moving because of the financial benefit or are you doing it to punish your mother because you aren't happy with her style of grandparenting. Just a thought. As someone once told me, you can't change other people. You can only change how you react to other people.

Keep the focus on what's best for your family.
__________________
Nolcrest is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 02:07 AM   #28
NHdisneylover
Lanyards are taking all my poor organizatioanl skills
mice and such creatures tend to like to travel aorund
 
NHdisneylover's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Heidelberg, Germany (formally from New Hampshire)
Posts: 13,956

I would wait until you have a job offer from Toledo (Assuming you are not moving without one) and then just happily announce that you (or your DH) got a great offer for more money back in Toledo and have accepted and will be moving. Make it about the job, and not about her.

Quote:
Originally Posted by JakeJenna View Post
Yea I definitely didn't mean full time as in taking care of them full time. With that said I have a 13 year old nephew and a 11 year old niece. While she was still in Ohio she had them at least four nights a week, which I didn't expect nor want. I guess a night every two months or so would have been nice. Or even taking dd4 and dd3 to do something without DW and I. My expectations were set by how she treated other grandchildren, and I only wanted about a tenth of that.
I never expected that ANY childcare went along with being a good grandparent. I wonder if part of your mom's issue is that she does not like feeling obligated? To me, involved grandparents call or email if far away and drop by for occasional visits, holidays, kids' games, etc if near by. They make a point of getting to know their grandkids. They can do that without ever offering child care--and while it is an awesome bonus for the parents if they DO offer, and some grandparents really enjoy time with their grandkids when the parent are not there, I do not think it should EVER be expected.
__________________
Hadley

My blog about my wanderings and ramblings in Europe, Disney and where ever else life takes me:

http://hadleyswanderingsandramblings.blogspot.de/
NHdisneylover is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 03:39 AM   #29
JakeJenna
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Toledo, OH
Posts: 350

Quote:
Originally Posted by NHdisneylover View Post
I would wait until you have a job offer from Toledo (Assuming you are not moving without one) and then just happily announce that you (or your DH) got a great offer for more money back in Toledo and have accepted and will be moving. Make it about the job, and not about her.



I never expected that ANY childcare went along with being a good grandparent. I wonder if part of your mom's issue is that she does not like feeling obligated? To me, involved grandparents call or email if far away and drop by for occasional visits, holidays, kids' games, etc if near by. They make a point of getting to know their grandkids. They can do that without ever offering child care--and while it is an awesome bonus for the parents if they DO offer, and some grandparents really enjoy time with their grandkids when the parent are not there, I do not think it should EVER be expected.
I have an open job offer in Ohio when I get back I can start whenever I'm ready(per former boss). I've never asked my mother to have my kids over for the night the one time she did her spouse offered. It's more about spending alone time with them than actually babysitting. I guess I just have such fond memories of all the great times I had with my grandmother that I feel bad for my kids that they won't have the same. I just feel like she told me what I wanted to hear to get me to Denver just so she would have someone close enough to have around when she wanted to spend time with us. She is still my mother and has suffered from depression in the past so I really don't want her to feel its her fault and fall back into it.
JakeJenna is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-12-2013, 05:31 AM   #30
dogluva
DIS Veteran
 
dogluva's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: north of Boston, MA
Posts: 1,654

Quote:
Originally Posted by carrie1626

I would want to move back to Toledo, to make more money and be closer to other relatives, too. Was this a case of her BEGGING you to move to where she was, or you doing just doing so to be closer to her.

A GRANDPARENT by late 40's and you think she should have known about being a full-time grandparent............. Your mom is barely middle age. . I'm in my early 50's and my kids are in college and I'm a young 50's, go out on weekends too. Not available for babysitting YET!!
I agree. I am 45 and my youngest kids are not even grown! I have a 24 year old so I had him relatively . I can't imagine being a "full time" grandmother in a few years! I hope to have a few years with my husband before my grandchildren come along. Did you and your mother have kids very young? Nothing wrong with that but your mom may just want some time to take care of herself-she is young! Good luck!
dogluva is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 11:47 PM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.