Pancreatic cancer - The DIS Discussion Forums

xipotec · 04-13-2013, 03:37 PM

Hey everyone,

My wifes father was just diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He has 6 months at most. Being in the medical field I do not think he has that long at all based on his symptoms. Maybe weeks at best.

My wife is extremely close to him and is the only caregiver available since
her other family is out of state.

I just do not know how to help here through this, everything i am doing to help feel meaningless.

Has anyone had experience with PC ? What was the progression? I feel my wife is burning herself out , and its destroying her.

We also had a major trip planned in 2 months , which we paid for, non refundable plane tickets.... I have no idea what to do about that!!

Also i was throwing her a surprise birthday party next month and most of those out of two. People were suppose to come. I am thinking of canceling it because all those people might have to be here for a funeral in a few months if it goes the way most people say it will!!

I could use some perspective from outside !

Thanks DIS

Pea-n-Me · 04-13-2013, 03:48 PM

I doubt that what you're doing to help your wife is meaningless. I'd say if you can lighten her burden around your home (? and family), it would free her up more to help her dad. She may be burning out, but it sounds it may only be for a short time, and she won't want to have any regrets later on about helping her dad, so I'd say, let her do what she feels she must. As for the trip and the party, I don't know. I probably wouldn't be in the mood for those if it were me, but she may be different. Have you talked to her about the trip? See how she feels on that, then you can gauge how she's likely to feel about the surprise party. Unless you're hiring a party planner, a lot of time and energy go into planning a party, and that energy is something I'd rather conserve to put into the care of my father right now (or in your case, supporting your wife), but again, that's me.

mommasita · 04-13-2013, 09:59 PM

I'm terribly sorry to hear this.

Cancer is a beast. Pancreatic Cancer (in my opinion) is a different kind of beast. I wish your family, extended and everyone the best.

Pea has offered great advice.

Friendofpluto · 04-13-2013, 10:07 PM

My mom died from pancreatic CA. I would keep the routine going in everyone's life. I am sure her dad would not want her to not stop living because of this. Celebrate what time they have together. The party if he is up to it may be good. It will also be your wife's last Birthday with him. He may enjoy seeing other family members. The trip will depend how he is doing right prior.

xipotec · 04-13-2013, 11:07 PM

She hit a wall today after a week straight of all day visits...feel asleep as soon as she got home.
All great advice, thanks guys
.

Jn3va3 · 04-14-2013, 08:03 AM

Very sorry that your family has to go through this. My mom died of Pancreatic cancer. When she was diagnosed, her medical team gave her only 3 months to live, but she held on for over 15 months. I think a lot of this has so much to do with attitude and faith and spirit; she was sure she could beat it.

She will definitely need some diversions periodically through this and as much help as everyone can give so she can spend some extra time with her father. But encourage her to still take a day off, do something for herself to get some down time and relaxation, she will be better able to help her dad and be there for this that way. The surprise party is probably a great idea, but you may have to forewarn the guest not to dwell on the cancer topic.

Talk to your wife and ask her what she wants to do. Let her take the lead on taking a trip or not. The best plan is probably to postpone if it is touch and go. That won't be as much about how strong her dad is but how much she will worry. When he passes she will definitely need something to take her away from this so a trip then may be much more beneficial than now. Call the airline and explain, they should let you reschedule for later given the situation.

VandVsmama · Yesterday, 03:49 PM

I am so sorry to hear about your loved one's cancer. Pancreatic cancer sucks. My mom died from it 2.5 years ago. She lived with it for 18 months before it took her life away. It was really hard emotionally.

I think that you should keep the surprise party. In fact, you should tell the sick relative about the party that you are planning because maybe it will give him something really cool to look forward to.

Keep everyone on the invite list and let them decide whether or not to attend the funeral. You may find that your out of town friends and family will uae it as an opportunity to say goodbye and I love you one last time.

I kind of did something similar when my mom was very very ill and I am glad I handled it that way. She had the chance to tell some very dear friends in person how much their love and friendship meant to her.

Your wife will definitely need your help with regards to taking care of HERself so that she does not burn out. She might need a caregivers support group. Feel free to send me a PM. I'd be happy to exchange emails with your wife about it because sometimes it helps to compare notes with someone who has "been there, done that."

04-13-2013, 03:37 PM	#1
xipotec Grinning Ghosts Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: NC Posts: 646	Pancreatic cancer Hey everyone, My wifes father was just diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He has 6 months at most. Being in the medical field I do not think he has that long at all based on his symptoms. Maybe weeks at best. My wife is extremely close to him and is the only caregiver available since her other family is out of state. I just do not know how to help here through this, everything i am doing to help feel meaningless. Has anyone had experience with PC ? What was the progression? I feel my wife is burning herself out , and its destroying her. We also had a major trip planned in 2 months , which we paid for, non refundable plane tickets.... I have no idea what to do about that!! Also i was throwing her a surprise birthday party next month and most of those out of two. People were suppose to come. I am thinking of canceling it because all those people might have to be here for a funeral in a few months if it goes the way most people say it will!! I could use some perspective from outside ! Thanks DIS __________________ 11/2013 POLY Confirmed! 11/2012 POLY! CONFIRMED! 12/2010 Polynesian Before that too many to list! “When hinges creek in doorless chambers, and strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls; wherever candlelights flicker, though the air is deathly still… that is the time when ghosts are present; practicing their terror with ghoulish delight!”

04-13-2013, 03:48 PM	#2
Pea-n-Me Survivor Call me crazy but I prefer the single bath Nothing beats the Magic of a Disney Resort! Will DIS from the Potty Alice, how's it hanging? Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Southeastern Coast of Massachusetts Posts: 19,647	I doubt that what you're doing to help your wife is meaningless. I'd say if you can lighten her burden around your home (? and family), it would free her up more to help her dad. She may be burning out, but it sounds it may only be for a short time, and she won't want to have any regrets later on about helping her dad, so I'd say, let her do what she feels she must. As for the trip and the party, I don't know. I probably wouldn't be in the mood for those if it were me, but she may be different. Have you talked to her about the trip? See how she feels on that, then you can gauge how she's likely to feel about the surprise party. Unless you're hiring a party planner, a lot of time and energy go into planning a party, and that energy is something I'd rather conserve to put into the care of my father right now (or in your case, supporting your wife), but again, that's me. __________________ Post your best iPhone/smartphone pictures here! All Star Music 2001/Polynesian Lagoon View Concierge 2002/Contemporary 2003/Disney Wonder 2003/Yacht Club and Disney Wonder 2004/Pop Century 2005/Dolphin and Pop Century MNSSHP 2005/Disney Magic and Pop Century 2006/Coronado Springs MNSSHP 2006/Dolphin and Disney Wonder 2007/Port Orleans Riverside 2008/Caribbean Beach 2009/Dolphin and Animal Kingdom Lodge Concierge 2011

04-13-2013, 09:59 PM	#3
mommasita I am like HELLO IT IS TEN OCLOCK...Anderson is on Has a sweetie who is Furbilicious Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Montreal, Canada Posts: 18,330	I'm terribly sorry to hear this. Cancer is a beast. Pancreatic Cancer (in my opinion) is a different kind of beast. I wish your family, extended and everyone the best. Pea has offered great advice. __________________ It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.

04-13-2013, 11:07 PM	#5
xipotec Grinning Ghosts Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: NC Posts: 646	She hit a wall today after a week straight of all day visits...feel asleep as soon as she got home. All great advice, thanks guys . __________________ 11/2013 POLY Confirmed! 11/2012 POLY! CONFIRMED! 12/2010 Polynesian Before that too many to list! “When hinges creek in doorless chambers, and strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls; wherever candlelights flicker, though the air is deathly still… that is the time when ghosts are present; practicing their terror with ghoulish delight!”

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04-13-2013, 10:07 PM	#4
Friendofpluto DIS Veteran Join Date: May 2010 Location: Illinois Posts: 574	My mom died from pancreatic CA. I would keep the routine going in everyone's life. I am sure her dad would not want her to not stop living because of this. Celebrate what time they have together. The party if he is up to it may be good. It will also be your wife's last Birthday with him. He may enjoy seeing other family members. The trip will depend how he is doing right prior.

04-14-2013, 08:03 AM	#6
Jn3va3 Earning My Ears Join Date: Apr 2013 Posts: 2	Very sorry that your family has to go through this. My mom died of Pancreatic cancer. When she was diagnosed, her medical team gave her only 3 months to live, but she held on for over 15 months. I think a lot of this has so much to do with attitude and faith and spirit; she was sure she could beat it. She will definitely need some diversions periodically through this and as much help as everyone can give so she can spend some extra time with her father. But encourage her to still take a day off, do something for herself to get some down time and relaxation, she will be better able to help her dad and be there for this that way. The surprise party is probably a great idea, but you may have to forewarn the guest not to dwell on the cancer topic. Talk to your wife and ask her what she wants to do. Let her take the lead on taking a trip or not. The best plan is probably to postpone if it is touch and go. That won't be as much about how strong her dad is but how much she will worry. When he passes she will definitely need something to take her away from this so a trip then may be much more beneficial than now. Call the airline and explain, they should let you reschedule for later given the situation.

Yesterday, 03:49 PM	#7
VandVsmama Mouseketeer Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Tucson, AZ Posts: 277	I am so sorry to hear about your loved one's cancer. Pancreatic cancer sucks. My mom died from it 2.5 years ago. She lived with it for 18 months before it took her life away. It was really hard emotionally. I think that you should keep the surprise party. In fact, you should tell the sick relative about the party that you are planning because maybe it will give him something really cool to look forward to. Keep everyone on the invite list and let them decide whether or not to attend the funeral. You may find that your out of town friends and family will uae it as an opportunity to say goodbye and I love you one last time. I kind of did something similar when my mom was very very ill and I am glad I handled it that way. She had the chance to tell some very dear friends in person how much their love and friendship meant to her. Your wife will definitely need your help with regards to taking care of HERself so that she does not burn out. She might need a caregivers support group. Feel free to send me a PM. I'd be happy to exchange emails with your wife about it because sometimes it helps to compare notes with someone who has "been there, done that."