Disney Information Station Logo

Go Back   The DIS Discussion Forums - DISboards.com > Just for Fun > Coping and Compassion
Find Hotel Specials & DIScounts
 
facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS UpdatesDIS email updates
Register Chat FAQ Tickers Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read





Reply
 
Thread Tools Rate Thread Display Modes
Old 04-13-2013, 03:37 PM   #1
xipotec
Grinning Ghosts
 
xipotec's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,380

Pancreatic cancer

Hey everyone,

My wifes father was just diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. He has 6 months at most. Being in the medical field I do not think he has that long at all based on his symptoms. Maybe weeks at best.

My wife is extremely close to him and is the only caregiver available since
her other family is out of state.

I just do not know how to help here through this, everything i am doing to help feel meaningless.

Has anyone had experience with PC ? What was the progression? I feel my wife is burning herself out , and its destroying her.

We also had a major trip planned in 2 months , which we paid for, non refundable plane tickets.... I have no idea what to do about that!!

Also i was throwing her a surprise birthday party next month and most of those out of two. People were suppose to come. I am thinking of canceling it because all those people might have to be here for a funeral in a few months if it goes the way most people say it will!!

I could use some perspective from outside !

Thanks DIS
__________________
11/2013 POLY Confirmed!
11/2012 POLY! CONFIRMED!
12/2010 Polynesian
Before that too many to list
!


SOME IMAGINATION, HUH??? - Mickey Mouse
xipotec is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-13-2013, 03:48 PM   #2
Pea-n-Me
Survivor
Call me crazy but I prefer the single bath
Nothing beats the Magic of a Disney Resort!
Will DIS from the Potty
Alice, how's it hanging?
 
Pea-n-Me's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Southeastern Coast of Massachusetts
Posts: 21,920

I doubt that what you're doing to help your wife is meaningless. I'd say if you can lighten her burden around your home (? and family), it would free her up more to help her dad. She may be burning out, but it sounds it may only be for a short time, and she won't want to have any regrets later on about helping her dad, so I'd say, let her do what she feels she must. As for the trip and the party, I don't know. I probably wouldn't be in the mood for those if it were me, but she may be different. Have you talked to her about the trip? See how she feels on that, then you can gauge how she's likely to feel about the surprise party. Unless you're hiring a party planner, a lot of time and energy go into planning a party, and that energy is something I'd rather conserve to put into the care of my father right now (or in your case, supporting your wife), but again, that's me.
__________________



Post your best iPhone/smartphone pictures here!

All Star Music 2001/Polynesian Lagoon View Concierge 2002/Contemporary 2003/Disney Wonder 2003/Yacht Club and Disney Wonder 2004/Pop Century 2005/Dolphin and Pop Century MNSSHP 2005/Disney Magic and Pop Century 2006/Coronado Springs MNSSHP 2006/Dolphin and Disney Wonder 2007/Port Orleans Riverside 2008/Caribbean Beach 2009/Dolphin and Animal Kingdom Lodge Concierge 2011/Grand Floridian and Dolphin, MNSSHP 2013
Pea-n-Me is online now   Reply With Quote
|
The DIS
Register to remove

Join Date: 1997
Location: Orlando, FL
Posts: 1,000,000
Old 04-13-2013, 09:59 PM   #3
mommasita
I am like HELLO IT IS TEN OCLOCK...Anderson is on

Has a sweetie who is Furbilicious
 
mommasita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Montreal, Canada
Posts: 18,936
DISboards Moderator

I'm terribly sorry to hear this.

Cancer is a beast. Pancreatic Cancer (in my opinion) is a different kind of beast. I wish your family, extended and everyone the best.

Pea has offered great advice.
__________________
It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice.
mommasita is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-13-2013, 10:07 PM   #4
Friendofpluto
DIS Veteran
 
Friendofpluto's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Illinois
Posts: 580

My mom died from pancreatic CA. I would keep the routine going in everyone's life. I am sure her dad would not want her to not stop living because of this. Celebrate what time they have together. The party if he is up to it may be good. It will also be your wife's last Birthday with him. He may enjoy seeing other family members. The trip will depend how he is doing right prior.
Friendofpluto is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-13-2013, 11:07 PM   #5
xipotec
Grinning Ghosts
 
xipotec's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: NC
Posts: 1,380

She hit a wall today after a week straight of all day visits...feel asleep as soon as she got home.
All great advice, thanks guys
.
__________________
11/2013 POLY Confirmed!
11/2012 POLY! CONFIRMED!
12/2010 Polynesian
Before that too many to list
!


SOME IMAGINATION, HUH??? - Mickey Mouse
xipotec is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-14-2013, 08:03 AM   #6
Jn3va3
Earning My Ears
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 9

Very sorry that your family has to go through this. My mom died of Pancreatic cancer. When she was diagnosed, her medical team gave her only 3 months to live, but she held on for over 15 months. I think a lot of this has so much to do with attitude and faith and spirit; she was sure she could beat it.

She will definitely need some diversions periodically through this and as much help as everyone can give so she can spend some extra time with her father. But encourage her to still take a day off, do something for herself to get some down time and relaxation, she will be better able to help her dad and be there for this that way. The surprise party is probably a great idea, but you may have to forewarn the guest not to dwell on the cancer topic.

Talk to your wife and ask her what she wants to do. Let her take the lead on taking a trip or not. The best plan is probably to postpone if it is touch and go. That won't be as much about how strong her dad is but how much she will worry. When he passes she will definitely need something to take her away from this so a trip then may be much more beneficial than now. Call the airline and explain, they should let you reschedule for later given the situation.
Jn3va3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-23-2013, 03:49 PM   #7
VandVsmama
Mouseketeer
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 467

I am so sorry to hear about your loved one's cancer. Pancreatic cancer sucks. My mom died from it 2.5 years ago. She lived with it for 18 months before it took her life away. It was really hard emotionally.

I think that you should keep the surprise party. In fact, you should tell the sick relative about the party that you are planning because maybe it will give him something really cool to look forward to.

Keep everyone on the invite list and let them decide whether or not to attend the funeral. You may find that your out of town friends and family will uae it as an opportunity to say goodbye and I love you one last time.

I kind of did something similar when my mom was very very ill and I am glad I handled it that way. She had the chance to tell some very dear friends in person how much their love and friendship meant to her.

Your wife will definitely need your help with regards to taking care of HERself so that she does not burn out. She might need a caregivers support group. Feel free to send me a PM. I'd be happy to exchange emails with your wife about it because sometimes it helps to compare notes with someone who has "been there, done that."
VandVsmama is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply



Thread Tools
Display Modes Rate This Thread
Rate This Thread:

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

facebooktwitterpinterestgoogle plusyoutubeDIS Updates
GET OUR DIS UPDATES DELIVERED BY EMAIL



All times are GMT -5. The time now is 06:11 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.4
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.

Copyright © 1997-2014, Werner Technologies, LLC. All Rights Reserved.