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Old 02-27-2013, 02:55 AM   #46
EnduringWone
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Originally Posted by Buckalew11 View Post


In TN, they have a very fair way of figuring CS. My BIL only has to pay for one of his four kids so I'm sure he is thrilled about his timing in choosing divorce.
How is it fair for him to pay CS for only one of his four kids??
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Old 02-27-2013, 02:57 AM   #47
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Don't get me wrong he is very willing to pay child support he just wasn't expecting it to be so much. Trust me he wants to be the best Dad he can be. He just rented a house so both kids could have their own room when they stay with him now he's afraid he can't afford it. Plus we are still dealing with the death of my husband (his father) 7 months ago. I know all you single Moms have a different point of view but, my DS is trying to do the right thing he is just really worried about surviving on what money he has left.
He could get another job.

My husband was custodial (they are grown now) and there were times he worked three jobs to support his three children, while the mother went without paying most of the time. She would let it just pile up in arrearage and just before court she would pay most of it off and it would begin all over again.
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Old 02-27-2013, 02:58 AM   #48
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He works about 55-60 hours a week now. So it might be hard for him. I know I opened a can of worms here and everybody wants to say just shut up and take care of your children. It's just hard for me as his Mother we have had so much to deal with this past year. His Dad was only 50 when he died.
I am sorry for your loss.

Your son may be going through a tough time, but he will adjust.

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Old 02-27-2013, 03:01 AM   #49
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Divorce and child support/parenting plans aren't fun for any involved people also seem to jump on the " dead beat dad" band wagon so quickly. My only experiences have been quite the opposite , With dead beat moms- so i guess I've never understood this . My own dad raised us without any help of any kind from my mother. My DH and I have always had our older kids full time, and never got the child support their bio mom owed. Even with the courts and support enforcement we only got a fraction of the funds owed- we ended up paying our attorney more in fees than we received, what a headache.

There are great dads out there, I wish your son the best and hope he's able to adjust and keep the rental for his kiddos.


My husband was homeless with his three children when they were toddlers. Mom lived in a three bedroom, two bath house with engineer boyfriend and could afford payments on a Mustang GTS but not child support, which was 287 for three kids and her boyfriend paid for her essentials and more.
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Old 02-27-2013, 03:02 AM   #50
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What else could it mean?

For either parent? Not limited to Dads. I've known 3 dads who never complained. Both also went above and beyond for their kids.

Did your son try for custody since he did not want a divorce and she cheated? I know it would not be a guarantee but I have a female client who cheated and lost custody of her daughter.
There are both men and women that pay a ridiculous amount of child support and they have a right to complain.
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Old 02-27-2013, 06:40 AM   #51
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Originally Posted by stardebby View Post
He lives in North Carolina I'm not sure how they figure the amount but, he is really going to have a hard time. Plus the fact I live in Florida and he is pretty much by himself there. All he does is work and every day off he gets the kids so he feels like he had no life. I know divorce is hard on everyone but its breaking my heart to see him suffer.
Working and being with your kids if you have them is pretty much the definition of life as a grown up.
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Old 02-27-2013, 06:44 AM   #52
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Originally Posted by stardebby View Post
He works about 55-60 hours a week now. So it might be hard for him. I know I opened a can of worms here and everybody wants to say just shut up and take care of your children. It's just hard for me as his Mother we have had so much to deal with this past year. His Dad was only 50 when he died.
I'm very sorry to hear of the loss of your husband. Please accept my condolences. I'm sure that is making every emotion even harder to deal with. I'm sure your son will find away to meet his responsibilities to his children and manage a decent situation for himself as well. It might take some doing, but if he's an upstanding guy he can do it.
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Old 02-27-2013, 06:48 AM   #53
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All he does is work and every day off he gets the kids so he feels like he had no life.
Me too, and I'm not divorced. Being with my kids IS my life.
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Old 02-27-2013, 06:51 AM   #54
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So, and I really mean this just as a question---not meant to be loaded, if the father is the sole income and there is a divorce, he is legally obligated to give the kids the same lifestyle they had previously for two households? In other words, is he expected to basically keep his ex-wife in the same level house, car, pool memberships, etc because he shares custody with her and the kids might use those things on her days?

What happens when one income doesn't support two households...but the father is obligated to support this as the sole-income of the original marriage?

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He is not going to be able to have the same lifestyle he did when he was married. That is one of the things that come with divorce. Even if the mother works they are now supporting the kids and two households with the same income. Living expenses go up when you divide the household. That's the way it works.
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Old 02-27-2013, 06:54 AM   #55
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Originally Posted by stardebby View Post
He lives in North Carolina I'm not sure how they figure the amount but, he is really going to have a hard time. Plus the fact I live in Florida and he is pretty much by himself there. All he does is work and every day off he gets the kids so he feels like he had no life. I know divorce is hard on everyone but its breaking my heart to see him suffer.
Geez, he has to provide for his children and see them every day. My heart is breaking for him too.

Que the tiny violins.
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Old 02-27-2013, 06:56 AM   #56
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Originally Posted by EnduringWone View Post


My husband was homeless with his three children when they were toddlers. Mom lived in a three bedroom, two bath house with engineer boyfriend and could afford payments on a Mustang GTS but not child support, which was 287 for three kids and her boyfriend paid for her essentials and more.
There are pigs of both genders.
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Old 02-27-2013, 07:07 AM   #57
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OP, I am sorry for your loss.

We ALL complain about things we have to pay for, everyone would like to have more money, that is life. I would love to not pay the power bill, but I do, and I enjoy the warmth when the heat kicks on.

I don't know why people are attacking YOU (especially the two that cant seem to leave you alone in this thread), you are not responsible to pay the child support or make your GROWN child pay the support. You also have the right to feel sorry for your child. Sounds like he is doing the right thing in supporting them, even though some on this thread already have him not paying child support or supporting his children in any way.

I get tired of laundry, dishes and so on and yes, sometimes I even complain about it, imagine that! I will take time to adjust, hopefully for the kids, you and your son, it will all work out to a new normal very soon.

Edited to add; My $3.79 a month child support didn't pay for much and I was making minimum wage, so don't even go there.
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Old 02-27-2013, 07:32 AM   #58
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OP, I have sympathy for your son to a point. My brother has been divorced for 3 years and under similar circumstances. He isn't happy about paying child support and he questions where the money goes all of the time. I've told him time and time again to just let it go. There's nothing he can do about it and he will be a happier person if he doesn't dwell on it.

Your son's first obligation is to his children and then to himself. It was great that he wanted to rent a place that would allow the kids to each have their own room when they are with him. But he should have made sure that he could afford it before he signed on the dotted line. Live and learn. Pay the price for your mistakes and move on.

He may not feel that he has a life because his days off will now be spent with the kids. Well, the ex has them all of the other times...for homework battles and day-to-day problems. She has to get them up and out the door every school morning and she has to come home from work and get a meal in their stomachs without getting a moment to herself. There's no tag team parenting going on when you're a single parent. He gets to be the fun parent who takes them to the movies, or roller skating or other weekend activities.

There's no doubt about it. Divorce sucks. But the most innocent casualties of divorce should not be the ones who are made to suffer the most. Your son needs to adjust to his new reality just like the kids do. And while I understand you're hurting for him, adjusting his budget is going to be his problem.
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Old 02-27-2013, 07:43 AM   #59
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Does he not have 50/50 custody? That seems to be the norm here and consequently affects the amount of child support...and of course provides more time with the kids.
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Old 02-27-2013, 08:02 AM   #60
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Does he not have 50/50 custody? That seems to be the norm here and consequently affects the amount of child support...and of course provides more time with the kids.
I'm a fan of this. I like for the parents to switch off weeks or some other form where they each get to spend equal time with their kids. If each parent has the child an equal amount of time, then they are both equally responsible for providing for the child both emotionally and financially and no child support should end up needing to be paid.
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