Humiliated at the Reno Airport

[JessB320]

Originally Posted by Keli

I'm assuming mom and dad both had cell phones with them. First thing I would have done was call dh and let him know where I was going with the kids and why. If he later received a call from some over zealous and rude employee he would know where I was and be able to tell the agent that. Why didn't the agent just put her head in the bathroom and check if she was so worried about the situation?

That makes sense

[GordonD]

You were in a very tough situation, and you made the best call you could. I am sorry for the humiliation and the stress you must have felt. As a Dad of a 11 yo GIRL I have had to have had HER stand outside the mens room while I had to go, I did the same for her. At 11 she is more than capable yelling stranger danger if something happens.

Forgive, learn, and get back to life, your kids depend on you.

[badblackpug]

"I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die."

Seriously, OP, you way over-reacted. The ticket agent acted like a fool, and you fed her fire by having a total breakdown.

I've never been in the Reno airport, but if they were truly very near the restroom, then they could have just said, my mom is right inside changing the baby's diaper, then led the agent into the bathroom to you. If they were truly "right outside" of the bathroom.

[moonpie85]

Originally Posted by badblackpug

Seriously, OP, you way over-reacted. The ticket agent acted like a fool, and you fed her fire by having a total breakdown.

Exactly

[NHdisneylover]

Originally Posted by Baliezer

We were inside near the bathroom. The girls were sitting on a row of benches.



At the time I was scared because she threatened to call TSA. It was late and my girls had school today. I did not want any trouble. Just wanted to get home.



She pulled up our reservation from the information that my oldest gave her.

You know, this actually changes my opinion somewhat.

I still feel that MANY 10 or 11 year olds would be more than capable of sitting with luggage and a younger sibling for a few minutes at an airport. It just does not sound like yours are up to that kind of responsibility yet based on this (and/or that you were gone a LONG time).

I had been sort of assuming the kids had a cell phone on them and called their dad who then asked to speak to the agent. Silly me! I was tired and my mind just went to what would have happened with my kids If your kids were willing to give out their full names, or other info that allowed the agent to find your reservation, instead of just pointing out which bathroom you were in and telling the gate agent she could find you in there if she had questions, that makes it seem like they are not ready to be left as they were.

I DO think it is good that the girls stayed together and neither went looking for you as some PPs have suggested. My kids were always taught that there is safety in numbers and to stay together in such situations.



Also, I cry easily, and even I think you overreacted in a big way--and a way that is going to shake your little girls and make it harder for them to handle being alone in the future. I can't help but wonder if part of your reaction (crying and shaking at the time and feeling the vacation was ruined by this one little thing) is because there is a little more to the story than you want to share. Were the girls sitting there a LONG time? Did they act scared or did the little one cry for you? (I am thinking if you get so emotional so easily, maybe they did too)? Was the bathroom door clearly visible to the kids? Were the kids seated in an area meant for loading/unloading or otherwise "in the way" and unable to move aside with all the luggage? Etc.

[ForMyBoys]

Originally Posted by NHdisneylover

You know, this actually changes my opinion somewhat.

I still feel that MANY 10 or 11 year olds would be more than capable of sitting with luggage and a younger sibling for a few minutes at an airport. It just does not sound like yours are up to that kind of responsibility yet based on this (and/or that you were gone a LONG time).

I had been sort of assuming the kids had a cell phone on them and called their dad who then asked to speak to the agent. Silly me! I was tired and my mind just went to what would have happened with my kids If your kids were willing to give out their full names, or other info that allowed the agent to find your reservation, instead of just pointing out which bathroom you were in and telling the gate agent she could find you in there if she had questions, that makes it seem like they are not ready to be left as they were.

I DO think it is good that the girls stayed together and neither went looking for you as some PPs have suggested. My kids were always taught that there is safety in numbers and to stay together in such situations.



Also, I cry easily, and even I think you overreacted in a big way--and a way that is going to shake your little girls and make it harder for them to handle being alone in the future. I can't help but wonder if part of your reaction (crying and shaking at the time and feeling the vacation was ruined by this one little thing) is because there is a little more to the story than you want to share. Were the girls sitting there a LONG time? Did they act scared or did the little one cry for you? (I am thinking if you get so emotional so easily, maybe they did too)? Was the bathroom door clearly visible to the kids? Were the kids seated in an area meant for loading/unloading or otherwise "in the way" and unable to move aside with all the luggage? Etc.

I think this is harsh. If a uniformed employee came up to me and asked me for my flight info I'd give it to them, I'm not sure why you'd expect a child not to give it to them. It doesn't mean they aren't responsible enough to wait for your return, close by, for a few minutes. Plus OP said it wasn't a busy airport, that it was nearly empty. That changes things too as there isn't as much risk.

In a stressful situation, when you are tired and someone threatens to call security or accuses you of something I can see certain people crying... I'd probably just be pissed... but I can understand why someone would cry. Some people care VERY much about what others think of them so just the fact that the employee thought she was endangering her children could mean a lot to her and lead to tears and feeling like it put a damper on the whole vacation. I actually do understand that.

I will say though, in the OPs situation I would have allowed the 11 and 10 year old to wait with the luggage but I would have taken the 4 year-old with me. 4 is pretty young and 11/10 year olds can get distracted easily.

[PizzieDuster]

My daughter is 14. No way would I leave her anywhere at airport alone with luggage or/and in charge of siblings. She's a minor. The poop would have to wait until my hubby came back. It sounds like it wasn't just going pee pee...it seemed like a long time in the bathroom, which is noticeable. Ever watch youtube? Not only the thieves that hang out at the airport but also predators. No way. This has nothing to do with airport employees, agents, etc. Or crying.

Did you ever think about that maybe at 9:00 pm at night the young girls were a bit scared and uncomfortable, especially being questioned? How would the agent know if a man walked up to your 11 year old and said, come here, where's your mom, show me where she is, and they take off?
He could be wearing a uniform, he could be a pervert. Would she go with him because he's in uniform? Was the agent suppose to watch over them at 9:00 pm?

I must watch too much Dateline or had a cousin murdered by boys 15, 16, 17 and 18. Call me what you want...but no way. I wish it never happened and I wasn't so dang paranoid, over protective, whatever, but I can't help it. "Never thought it would happen to me" is always in the back of my head. I'm not willing to take that chance and be on the 5:00 pm news begging for my daughter's return. Where were you mom? Changing poop - that couldn't be so quick. Where was your husband? parking the car.

I would have thanked the agent for her concern. And apparently, her babysitting.

Hope some can understand....

[NHdisneylover]

Originally Posted by ForMyBoys

I think this is harsh. If a uniformed employee came up to me and asked me for my flight info I'd give it to them, I'm not sure why you'd expect a child not to give it to them. It doesn't mean they aren't responsible enough to wait for your return, close by, for a few minutes. Plus OP said it wasn't a busy airport, that it was nearly empty. That changes things too as there isn't as much risk.

In a stressful situation, when you are tired and someone threatens to call security or accuses you of something I can see certain people crying... I'd probably just be pissed... but I can understand why someone would cry. Some people care VERY much about what others think of them so just the fact that the employee thought she was endangering her children could mean a lot to her and lead to tears and feeling like it put a damper on the whole vacation. I actually do understand that.

I will say though, in the OPs situation I would have allowed the 11 and 10 year old to wait with the luggage but I would have taken the 4 year-old with me. 4 is pretty young and 11/10 year olds can get distracted easily.

Actually, I think the fewer people there were around the MORE dangerous it was. Busy places are generally safer--if for no other reason than there are more eyes to see an issue and more people to respond to a child calling for help. I missed that it was a "nearly empty" airport. Combine that with it being outside the secured area and presumably pretty near to the entrance from the curb and all of those factors make it a little less safe. Probably still fine, but a little less safe.

I'm sorry if it seems harsh. Again, I cry super easily. It is something I really dislike about myself, but I seem unable to stop it. I cry when I am angry too. Is it possible I would tear up in such a situation? Yes, sadly it is. Would I be "shaking" and still so upset about it later on that I would consider that to have ruined an entire vacation? Uh. no. That is NOT just an in the moment reaction.

[sam_gordon]

I think there were/are overreactions all the way around...

1) I think the SW employee overreacted by yelling at you. I see no problem with parking kids that age on a bench with luggage next to them and taking a younger child to the bathroom, even if the bathroom is down the hall. "Don't move. If something happens, yell & scream".
2) I think you overreacted by letting this interfere with your opinion of your vacation. I can't tell if this happened on the way to vacation or the way home. I would probably grumble until I got on the plane, but then forget about it (until I post here LOL).
3) I think some posters have overreacted by criticizing you, including saying a call to CPS would be warranted. REALLY? And having a problem with the child informing a (presumably) uniformed employee with a name & dad's phone number? Nope. Am I concerned that a predator is stalking airports disguised in uniforms? Absolutely not.

[dogluva]

Originally Posted by indygirl99

What bothers me is she was able to get enough information out of your daughter to get flight information and your husbands phone number to be able to call him and tell him she was concerned that they were alone. Instead of your daughter telling her you were in the bathroom changing her sisters diaper.

This alone speaks to the ability of your daughter to make decisions in an international airport that involves her and her siblings safety. It sounds like your daughter is expected to grow up to fast. 11 is way to young to be responsible for 2 other people and luggage in an international airport.

Where I am from the second call would have been made to security and the third call would have been to child protective services. And yes they would have been very late to school the next morning.

Really? Protective services? She didn't abandon her kids! I think they have bigger fish to fry than his! This poor woman did nothing wrong. All my 11 year olds were very capable of watching two younger siblings for a few minutes. I really don't know what is happening to our society and am really glad most of my kids are grown.

[dogluva]

Originally Posted by meowmarie

Sure, because CPS has enough employees checking up on the children that are being locked in closets, beaten, and/or not fed by their caregivers that they can send their extras to look after the older children waiting for their mother to get out of the airport bathroom.

I work in a city school and this call would have been laughed at! Please, at least she is changing her kids diaper-some of the kids I have seen sit in dirty diapers all day. I love these posts where someone always chimes in about calling "child protective services".

[luvmy3]

Originally Posted by sam_gordon

I think there were/are overreactions all the way around...

1) I think the SW employee overreacted by yelling at you. I see no problem with parking kids that age on a bench with luggage next to them and taking a younger child to the bathroom, even if the bathroom is down the hall. "Don't move. If something happens, yell & scream".
2) I think you overreacted by letting this interfere with your opinion of your vacation. I can't tell if this happened on the way to vacation or the way home. I would probably grumble until I got on the plane, but then forget about it (until I post here LOL).
3) I think some posters have overreacted by criticizing you, including saying a call to CPS would be warranted. REALLY? And having a problem with the child informing a (presumably) uniformed employee with a name & dad's phone number? Nope. Am I concerned that a predator is stalking airports disguised in uniforms? Absolutely not.

[indimom]

Let it go, OP. I understand why you are upset, but just take a deep breath and relax. I would have changed my child too. I can just imagine what airport employees or passersby would have said if you had just stood around with your children, waiting on your husband, and one of them was leaking poo.

In fact, that would make quite a thread on the Dis, I'm sure!
"OMG, you won't believe what I saw at MCO when we were arriving in Orlando, some woman was just standing to the side in the airport with four kids and the youngest had POOP running down her legs. Seriously, disgusting! People are so nasty! And WHY was she allowing the child to remain in that condition? I had half a mind to contact airport security and have it dealt with. In fact, someone should have called CPS!"

Laugh it off and go on with your life. You are a good mom. You did nothing wrong. That said, I'd let the agent off this time too. I have no idea how nasty her tone was or anything, but sometimes you just get people at a bad time. Or maybe she thought this was a typical dirty diaper that could wait. Who knows?

I'd just try to relax and forget the whole thing!

[mombrontrent]

I don't think the OP did anything wrong. I would have done exactly the same thing. I leave my 10 year old DD in charge of my DD6 for short periods of time all the time. They walk to school together, go to the park together, stay home alone together for an hour or so, no big deal for them to sit outside an airport bathroom for 5 min

[wvjules]

Based on the OPs super-sensitivity (stood there and cried, sat there humiliated and shaking), I'm not so sure the gate agent was as loud and irate as the OP made it sound. And I think the worst thing the girls witnessed was their mother not being able to stand up for herself, not that she got reprimanded by a gate agent. They learned that when something like that happens, the reaction to have is to cry and be humiliated instead of sticking up for yourself.