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Old 02-15-2013, 09:29 PM   #31
kimmyann
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My son (the middle child) is like that. His sisters just have glided through school with honor roll (even straight A's) while he can barely get through each grade level. I allowed him to get his GED, because it was either that or nothing at this point. Am I happy over it, hell no! But, I had to come to the conclusion of he is who he is & one of the first things I had to teach him is to not compare himself to others. It was hard when his sister would come home with straight A's while he barely passed, it was never easy.... I felt guilty either way. My only suggestion would be to get him all of the help you can & instill in him that who he is as a person is just as important as his learning ability.
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Old 02-15-2013, 09:47 PM   #32
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Honest question and I would probably agree that homebound school may help, but what is the long term impact? If anxiety is an issue now, how is it going to effect her in college or career life?

Now personally, I am against using medications, and firmly believe there are much better, long term options for dealing with anxiety.

She has a chronic illness (Type 1 diabetes which in it self is stress inducing), was diagnosed bi-polar recently (put on meds and moods are so much better), has learning disabilities, and dealing with the confusion of her sexuality. Her anxiety is currently school specific. She goes to a very small religious school. Unfortunately, we live in a town without a public school system so putting her in a different school is not as easy as it may seem.

We had hoped that getting the bi-polar under control (which meds seem to have done) would help with the school anxiety. Yet, it hasn't. So, currently homebound is an option that we are going to try. Which again gets complicated because we don't have a public school system (We have a School Board but no schools). I'm sure they have never been presented with this issue before so I'm sure they don't have the tools to help so it will get very interesting. So, this year we are choosing to pull her out of her current school but don't want to lose her entire freshman year of high school.
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Old 02-15-2013, 10:16 PM   #33
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No advice because I only have little ones, but lots of hugs & sympathy. DD1 is in her first year of preschool & is just starting to experience the social problems that every kid goes through... one night she was upset that "Sam laughed at me". I was almost in tears over it. This was the first time that someone had made her upset & I was unable to do anything about it... I know there's going to be many, MANY situations like this over the years and I just don't want to go through it. I don't want her to be sad or have hurt feelings. I want everyone to see her like I do & treat her like I do -- the most wonderful, beautiful, smart, loving little thing in the world.

It hurts so much to see our children hurt & struggle and not being able to fix it so my heart goes out to you & your son.
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Old 02-16-2013, 07:58 AM   #34
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Originally Posted by NYEmomma View Post


No advice because I only have little ones, but lots of hugs & sympathy. DD1 is in her first year of preschool & is just starting to experience the social problems that every kid goes through... one night she was upset that "Sam laughed at me". I was almost in tears over it. This was the first time that someone had made her upset & I was unable to do anything about it... I know there's going to be many, MANY situations like this over the years and I just don't want to go through it. I don't want her to be sad or have hurt feelings. I want everyone to see her like I do & treat her like I do -- the most wonderful, beautiful, smart, loving little thing in the world.

It hurts so much to see our children hurt & struggle and not being able to fix it so my heart goes out to you & your son.
Yep, It does hurt the first time.
At 3 years old, there was already a bona-fide and very masterful 'mean-girl' at DS preschoool.... OMG!!!! 3 years old....

I can remember I did let that bother me a little bit.

Hopefully, as a parent, you will learn to handle it by letting a lot of it go.
Kids will learn to handle things a LOT better if you give them a chance...

Too many over-involved parents of snowflakes out there!!!
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Old 02-16-2013, 09:52 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by kimmyann View Post
My son (the middle child) is like that. His sisters just have glided through school with honor roll (even straight A's) while he can barely get through each grade level. I allowed him to get his GED, because it was either that or nothing at this point. Am I happy over it, hell no! But, I had to come to the conclusion of he is who he is & one of the first things I had to teach him is to not compare himself to others. It was hard when his sister would come home with straight A's while he barely passed, it was never easy.... I felt guilty either way. My only suggestion would be to get him all of the help you can & instill in him that who he is as a person is just as important as his learning ability.
This is sound advice. I have a son (who is now in his 20's) who was equally challenging. He had a twin sister who was valedictorian of their graduating class, so he also had some real problems comparing himself to her. The middle and high school years were rough. We, too, spent a ton of time and money to help him work through his issues.

He did graduate from high school (sometimes I wonder how!) and supports himself now. He has a good group of friends, now that he is out on his own. To the OP, it does get better! Know that you are not alone.
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Old 02-17-2013, 06:39 AM   #36
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I think I've been that kid too when I was little.
I've been bullied ever since kindergarden, till I finally left school.
Have very little social skills, that's why I'm online so much, it's so much easier to talk to someone online then in real life.

I'm extremely shy, and scared of other people really, and I always think whenever I'm walking around somewhere that people are just looking at me.

No friends when going up.

It's good to hear the therapy is helping, and your sons anxiety is much better now!

I think it's great to read that you feel so bad that you can't help him the way you would like to.

My parents didn't care about me at all, and just let me be when I was a kid.
Didn't make things better, I can tell you that.
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Old 02-17-2013, 09:54 AM   #37
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Originally Posted by moorhunhe View Post
I think I've been that kid too when I was little.
I've been bullied ever since kindergarden, till I finally left school.
Have very little social skills, that's why I'm online so much, it's so much easier to talk to someone online then in real life.

I'm extremely shy, and scared of other people really, and I always think whenever I'm walking around somewhere that people are just looking at me.

No friends when going up.

It's good to hear the therapy is helping, and your sons anxiety is much better now!

I think it's great to read that you feel so bad that you can't help him the way you would like to.

My parents didn't care about me at all, and just let me be when I was a kid.
Didn't make things better, I can tell you that.
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Old 02-17-2013, 10:01 AM   #38
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Originally Posted by moorhunhe View Post
I think I've been that kid too when I was little.
I've been bullied ever since kindergarden, till I finally left school.
Have very little social skills, that's why I'm online so much, it's so much easier to talk to someone online then in real life.

I'm extremely shy, and scared of other people really, and I always think whenever I'm walking around somewhere that people are just looking at me.

No friends when going up.

It's good to hear the therapy is helping, and your sons anxiety is much better now!

I think it's great to read that you feel so bad that you can't help him the way you would like to.

My parents didn't care about me at all, and just let me be when I was a kid.
Didn't make things better, I can tell you that
.


My son will never be able to say that about us. We never just "let him be." I often wonder if we are doing the right thing with him, but the single biggest thing I hear from adults who grew up with these issues are that they wish their parents would have helped more and offered more direction and guidance. My son has come a LONG way in his 15 years and I believe it is for the better.
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Old 02-17-2013, 12:00 PM   #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moorhunhe View Post
I think I've been that kid too when I was little.
I've been bullied ever since kindergarden, till I finally left school.
Have very little social skills, that's why I'm online so much, it's so much easier to talk to someone online then in real life.

I'm extremely shy, and scared of other people really, and I always think whenever I'm walking around somewhere that people are just looking at me.

No friends when going up.

It's good to hear the therapy is helping, and your sons anxiety is much better now!

I think it's great to read that you feel so bad that you can't help him the way you would like to.

My parents didn't care about me at all, and just let me be when I was a kid.
Didn't make things better, I can tell you that.
Do you mind sharing your age? I'm sorry that your parents weren't there for you and I hope that you are able to find some peace . I feel like I let this go too long because conventional wisdom is to give guidance but let kids handle the social scene themselves. It's taken me a while to realize that my son just isn't going to figure this out without clear, specific guidance, and he's burning bridges in the meantime. Just to clarify, my son isn't isolated or shy, actually he has the opposite problem. He'll bust up into a group of teens and join readily in a conversation, but since he doesn't understand awkwardness he often says odd or even rude things and doesn't realize it unless people get really mad!

I wish we could have a Dis meet at WDW for awkward kids, of course we probably couldn't tell the kids this, especially the teens.
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Old 02-17-2013, 12:05 PM   #40
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Our DS is very, very quiet. I've seen him at school functions and he quietly talks to those he has known for years but he has a hard time talking to new people. He sometimes got teased a little by classmates because he was often so "invisible". They all seemed to like him and none of it was cruel teasing so I didn't worry too much about it.

Needless to say he sees friends very rarely now that he has started at college. He's at a local community college and he hasn't really made any friends there. Most of his high school friends have scattered to the military or colleges or wherever. He will be going to a four year college next year but I wonder if it will improve.

He doesn't seem to be particularly unhappy but I think that he is sometimes lonely. I don't really see what we can do for him but it makes me sad.
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Old 02-17-2013, 12:24 PM   #41
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I teach at a private school that specializes in helping kids who learn differently. It is amazing how many students come in totally "broken." Their self esteem is shot, they have no confidence and often times they are frustrated and angry. After awhile in a "safe" environment they typically blossom. By safe I mean an environment where they are challenged to the best of their ability, given chances to succeed and know that they will not be teased.

I have seen my share of heartbreaking stories. It really doesn't get easier but I can say with the right combination I have also seen drastic changes. Keep looking
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Old 02-17-2013, 12:52 PM   #42
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Our DS is very, very quiet. I've seen him at school functions and he quietly talks to those he has known for years but he has a hard time talking to new people. He sometimes got teased a little by classmates because he was often so "invisible". They all seemed to like him and none of it was cruel teasing so I didn't worry too much about it.

Needless to say he sees friends very rarely now that he has started at college. He's at a local community college and he hasn't really made any friends there. Most of his high school friends have scattered to the military or colleges or wherever. He will be going to a four year college next year but I wonder if it will improve.

He doesn't seem to be particularly unhappy but I think that he is sometimes lonely. I don't really see what we can do for him but it makes me sad.
My son had issues that fell more in the mild asperers category and had no friend's in HS to hang with. He did great with his online friendships for the most part but face to face, no.

He went away to a 4 yr college and it was amazing change in his entire demeanor. He has great friends and it is wonderful.
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Old 02-17-2013, 12:57 PM   #43
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I am right there too. I have 3 kids and all three have challenges, no gliding here! My brother's kids, 3 girls, are the kind that seem to have it all, beautiful, smart, talented, etc. I'm in constant contact and I don't see any struggles. Then there are my kids, at least one child a day is having one issue or another, the days it's all three I just want to pull my hair out. My youngest has auditory processing disorder, I saw another poster mention their daughter has it too, my middle daughter is home schooled this year because of all her issues and she hates it, my oldest is a senior and his grades are total crap and he has no drive at all, no idea what to do with his future. My DH and I were both very good students and very driven and we just don't get it. Sigh.
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Old 02-17-2013, 12:59 PM   #44
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My son had issues that fell more in the mild asperers category and had no friend's in HS to hang with. He did great with his online friendships for the most part but face to face, no.

He went away to a 4 yr college and it was amazing change in his entire demeanor. He has great friends and it is wonderful.
I thought that going away to college might help a lot. Commuter schools just aren't the same.

It seems like a sociable individual can make friends anywhere. It's so different for the shy ones though.
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Old 02-17-2013, 01:02 PM   #45
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And I don't believe anyone glides through life. You just don't see their struggles because you don't see them everyday.
There are some that do. I have a friend that calls me after talking to her friend with the dd that not just glides, she enhances it with a triple lutz. And I have two very close friends with kids that glide. Not future valedictorian, but grades, athletics and friendships come easily. Sure, not a perfect life, but it sure makes high school easier. Yes, there are some that 'fake it' (my friend's dd13 who looks like she glides but has major anxiety, or dd15s friend who looks like she glides, but does it so the favoritism her parents shower her older sister with seems more like her choice).

Then there's those threads on the DIS. Like the one about scholarships. That will make you feel like your kid is a loser for being simply above average.

I'm very lucky. My dd15, when she struggles, it is generally temporary. And we've found ways to work thru it. But it isn't easy, getting your kid through high school.

For those of you with kids that struggle with so much more, my heart goes out to yuo.
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