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Old 02-13-2013, 07:43 PM   #121
North of Mouse
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Originally Posted by Mel522 View Post
I'm totally fine with adopting children as opposed to babies. I think anyone who only wants a baby is missing the point of being a parent. Babies are only babies for a very short time, and although it is an important time, it is not the only thing..
Spoken as someone that has never had a baby. It is a very important bonding time. Does that mean you cannot bond with an older child? No, it can be done, but I know some that have tried (by fostering, before adoption) and it has not worked out no matter how hard they tried. They wanted these siblings very badly.

An infant has no past to get over, deal with, so the family unit can go forward as one from the beginning. It doesn't take very long for an older child to have issues for different reasons (maybe being shunted around from several foster homes, and maybe back to biological home, then taken away etc, - just examples, not all to that degree, of course.) It is very sad, as they all deserve stable, loving homes, but not all can be adopted out, just fostered. This can happen within a short period of years in their lives also.

So, missing the point? Not really.
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Old 02-13-2013, 07:54 PM   #122
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Originally Posted by LuvinLucifer View Post
I never said infertile people make better parents. There are equally qualified infertile and fertile couples. That's why I don't see the problem with giving a preference to infertile people when all else is equal. Not only would this provide a loving home for the babies, it would give the chance at parenthood to someone who otherwise wouldn't have it.
First, the number of children without parents in this world is greater than the number of people wanting to adopt. There isn't a shortage of children looking for homes. As I said, if someone only wants a baby, they are missing the point of being a parent.

Second, although I physically can get pregnant, mentally I cannot. My only hope of becoming a mother would be to adopt.
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Old 02-13-2013, 08:16 PM   #123
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Originally Posted by Mel522 View Post
First, the number of children without parents in this world is greater than the number of people wanting to adopt. There isn't a shortage of children looking for homes. As I said, if someone only wants a baby, they are missing the point of being a parent.
As as been said over and over, there is no shortage of people looking to adopt BABIES. That is what private adoption agencies focus on. Adopting an older child out of foster care is a difficult process most people(fertile or infertile) aren't equipped for. Most of these children have special challenges the average person isn't prepared to deal with. Many have special needs that require special resources. Others have severe behavioral issues as a result of past trauma. It's extremely ignorant and insensitive to say that just because someone wants to raise a child from infancy(like most everyone else) instead of adopting teenage boys or a child with severe FAS on top of dealing with the challenges of biological families(many of whom who don't want to have their rights relinquished) they are "missing the point of being a parent."
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Old 02-13-2013, 08:16 PM   #124
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And many people answered your question about lesbian parents being held to that same standard. If you are biologically able to carry a baby, then yes, I believe adopting of infants should be offered to someone not able to first.
I believe that lesbian / gay parents are held to the same standard as an infertile parent, since they cannot physically have a child by themselves. Even though sperm is for sale or they can get a surrogate.

I think it is the intention of the "wrecking your body" that is so worrisome. For instance: I have a good friend that is fertile, but a pregnancy would make her very sick and could very likely lead to death for her or her baby. She will be adopting any children she has. Should she be treated badly? Nope. Same situation. She isn't infertile but she shouldn't be treated badly either.
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Old 02-13-2013, 08:28 PM   #125
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Originally Posted by luvmy3 View Post
I think people have their own personal reasons, and while I may not agree with them, the important part IMO is that a child is placed with a loving family. Not just making sure someone gets a chance to have an infant that they otherwise wouldn't get.
Loving home doesn't matter if the parents are crazy. That can lead to some screwed up kids. A request like this does really sound like a possible disorder related to body image.

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Was this after she came out? Because I have read that she has struggled with fertility issues for a long time. A quote(although not exact) "I can't ever seem to get pregnant. I'm in shape I eat right, I don't know why".
Good point! I think it may have been before she came out. The article has been taken down from the Women's Health Website - it ran in April 2010 - but some other websites reference it.

http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/...nancy-magazine

http://www.babyrazzi.com/2010/04/25/...ith-pregnancy/
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Old 02-13-2013, 08:52 PM   #126
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Originally Posted by LuvinLucifer View Post
Do you have a source for this because it doesn't add up? There are millions of people waiting to adopt a baby. There are aproximately 20,000 babies placed for adoption a year. It doesn't make sense there would be babies waiting to be adopted when there are so many people waiting to adopt. Any birth mother could call an agency and have thousands of profiles of couples wanting to adopt her child.
This isn't true. There are not "millions" of people trying to adopt and there are not "thousands" of couples for every infant. This is a huge myth. If you are open to different races and open to health issues, you can adopt an infant in the US without much wait. I did it in less than 6 months. I know others who have also done it all in less than a year. My son's birth mom tested positive for cocaine, the last test given before birth. He's perfectly healthy. There were infants going to foster care because they were not Caucasian the same week we got our DS. It is well known that African American babies are easier to adopt.
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Old 02-13-2013, 09:12 PM   #127
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This isn't true. There are not "millions" of people trying to adopt and there are not "thousands" of couples for every infant. This is a huge myth. If you are open to different races and open to health issues, you can adopt an infant
Why should someone wanting to adopt an infant need to be "open to different races and open to health issues"? Do you realize what the consequences/hardships/heartaches/toll on your health that *may* go with adopting an infant with health problems? Everyone is not equipped physically or mentally to handle such responsibilities. As for as an infant of a different race, that is a *very* personal choice. My dd has adopted two infants (after waits, and jumping through hoops) and one is of a different race than our family.

My niece is in the finalizing stages for papers to *finally* get her baby girl. Parental rights have finally been terminated after almost a year. She was so desperate that she & dh were willing to foster this baby from 3mos. old with the constant fear each day that she could be taken from them. *That's* how hard it is to find an infant. No, it is *not* a myth!
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Old 02-13-2013, 09:13 PM   #128
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Originally Posted by LuvinLucifer

Do you have a source for this because it doesn't add up? There are millions of people waiting to adopt a baby. There are aproximately 20,000 babies placed for adoption a year. It doesn't make sense there would be babies waiting to be adopted when there are so many people waiting to adopt. Any birth mother could call an agency and have thousands of profiles of couples wanting to adopt her child.
Ok I'll break it down for you. Basically there are 107,000 children nation wide that are in foster care, available and awaiting adoption. 39% of those children are under 3 and 12% are under two. That makes almost 13,000 children under the age of 2 in foster care who are available and waiting to be adopted.

Also I saw your yahoo article, well I wouldn't base my opinion on yahoo as the tend to contradict themselves. Here's an example; an article talking about how to adopt babies from foster care.

You speak of foster care taking a year or more to begin an adoption. Actually, 58% of adoptions from foster care are COMPLETED within a year. Private adoptions routinely take over a year to complete, so why does this factor in?

You talk about foster care babies not being healthy, while there is a chance a baby was exposed to drugs while in utero, there is also a chance a baby gain through private adoption could have been exposed to drugs, or have genetic malformations or a host of other things that could lead to them not being "healthy."

Here is also a good article on the myths of adopting from foster care, myths include not being able to adopt babies, adoptions taking excessive amounts of time, and all children available being unhealthily.



http://www.resolve.org/national-infe...-to-adopt.html

http://www.fosteringconnections.org/...s_Adoption.pdf

http://voices.yahoo.com/ten-tips-ado...81.html?cat=25
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Old 02-13-2013, 09:20 PM   #129
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Originally Posted by North of Mouse View Post
Why should someone wanting to adopt an infant need to be "open to different races and open to health issues"? Do you realize what the consequences/hardships/heartaches/toll on your health that *may* go with adopting an infant with health problems? Everyone is not equipped physically or mentally to handle such responsibilities. As for as an infant of a different race, that is a *very* personal choice. My dd has adopted two infants (after waits, and jumping through hoops) and one is of a different race than our family.
Life isn't fair. If you're only open to adopting healthy white babies, your wait is going to be long. That's just how it is. In a perfect world, every couple would be able to have biological children. In an even more perfect world, there wouldn't be thousands of children all over the world in need of loving homes. There's no guarantee if you have a biological child they will be healthy. If you want to guarantee a white baby in 9 months, you have the option to get a surrogate.
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Old 02-13-2013, 09:22 PM   #130
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Originally Posted by JessB320 View Post
Really? Then they need to look into the foster care system. In my city alone there are over 100 babies ( all under 12 months) that are available for adoption, and yet they stay in over crowed private and group foster homes because no one wants them. Most have been in the care of the state from the day they were born.
Healthy babies? Or babies born with addictions and other issues that will need specialized care for a lifetime? And are they adoptable, or is the state still focused on reunification with birth relatives? I can't fault people who don't feel like they can take on those special challenges, or who don't think they could handle bonding with a baby for months or even years only to see the child sent back to biological family.
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Old 02-13-2013, 09:23 PM   #131
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For what it's worth: my 14 year old adopted son IS my own.
Thank you. I was about to post this myself. Although many people who have not become parents via adoption are unaware of it, referring to biologically related children as "your own" as a means of differentiating them from adopted children, is insulting. It implies our children are NOT our own and they most certainly are. I realize most mean no harm by these words, but they can be very hurtful, especially to a child who hears themself referred to as "not their (parent's) own."
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Old 02-13-2013, 09:26 PM   #132
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Thank you. I was about to post this myself. Although many people who have not become parents via adoption are unaware of it, referring to biologically related children as "your own" as a means of differentiating them from adopted children, is insulting. It implies our children are NOT our own and they most certainly are. I realize most mean no harm by these words, but they can be very hurtful, especially to a child who hears themself referred to as "not their (parent's) own."
I think most people are aware of this, but for this topic of conversation, it is being used to distinguish a biological child versus an adopted child. No one is questioning if the adopted child is yours. Something will always offend someone, you have to look at what is being discussed.
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Old 02-13-2013, 09:27 PM   #133
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Originally Posted by Colleen27

Healthy babies? Or babies born with addictions and other issues that will need specialized care for a lifetime? And are they adoptable, or is the state still focused on reunification with birth relatives? I can't fault people who don't feel like they can take on those special challenges, or who don't think they could handle bonding with a baby for months or even years only to see the child sent back to biological family.
Please see my last post I believe I address all of your questions but yes AVAILABLE as in actively ready to be adopted. You risk having a special needs child no matter if you adopt from foster care, privately, internationally, use a surrogate, or give birth yourself!! But, no not all babies in foster care are special needs, not by a long shot.
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Old 02-13-2013, 09:31 PM   #134
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Originally Posted by ashley0139

Life isn't fair. If you're only open to adopting healthy white babies, your wait is going to be long. That's just how it is. In a perfect world, every couple would be able to have biological children. In an even more perfect world, there wouldn't be thousands of children all over the world in need of loving homes. There's no guarantee if you have a biological child they will be healthy. If you want to guarantee a white baby in 9 months, you have the option to get a surrogate.
Excellent !! Yes, exactly
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Old 02-13-2013, 09:32 PM   #135
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Some agencies and some countries require that parents cannot have children. At least that's the way it was when we were going through the process 19 years ago. Bolivia had lots and lots of babies available for adoption but if a couple had children, they were automatically disqualified.
Heads up for anyone looking to adopt. The laws may have changed but my friend whi is from La Paz says the orphanages have aisles of available babies.

For the record, I think the woman in the OP is at the very least too immature to have a baby. At worst, she's a lunatic.
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