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Old 02-13-2013, 12:38 PM   #61
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Originally Posted by jrmasm View Post
Life isn't fair.

The title of the thread is 'Fertile people adopting?' To that I would say of course. Why not? I really don't think the reason why a person chooses not to get pregnant should be relevant. And being infertile does not automatically make someone more deserving or guarantee that they will make a good parent.

IMO each case needs to be looked at individually.
Well said...
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:39 PM   #62
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True, but the question here is about fertile people adopting, not making use of a sperm bank.
And many people answered your question about lesbian parents being held to that same standard. If you are biologically able to carry a baby, then yes, I believe adopting of infants should be offered to someone not able to first.
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:40 PM   #63
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I don't fully understand why people seem to think that narcissism precludes someone from being a worthy parent. I really don't think the two are necessarily mutually exclusive.
I have known a couple of narcissists. Believe me when I say they are not good parents.
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:42 PM   #64
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I do understand what you are saying....
And, from experience, before we were blessed with DS, I might feel exactly the same way, somewhere inside.

But, even from this viewpoint, I do have to disagree.
I just don't see that being the biggest requirement/parameter.
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:44 PM   #65
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Originally Posted by soccerdad72 View Post
I don't fully understand why people seem to think that narcissism precludes someone from being a worthy parent. I really don't think the two are necessarily mutually exclusive.
Seriously?!?!?! Have you ever seen the results of a narcissistic person raising a child? Being a narcissist is the opposite of what is needed in a devoted, loving parent who focuses ON THEIR CHILD and not themselves.
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:44 PM   #66
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I moderate a forum on which one of our members wants a baby but complains that pregnancy will "ruin" her body, so she either wants to adopt or use a surrogate. She came on all upset recently because an adoption agency refused to deal with her because infertility has to be the primary cause of seeking to adopt. She was told that they have so many qualified prospective adoptive parents that they don't feel like it is fair or necessary to add fertile people to the list.

Do you think this is unfair discrimination? On one hand, there are already plenty of people waiting to adopt babies, but utimately would letting a few(because it's not like this woman is the norm) fertile people try to adopt give birth parents that much more options?

I personally can't feel too sorry for this woman and would prefer to place my child with someone who adopted for less trivial reasons.
Breastfeeding was the best diet and exercise plan I have ever found--six months after each of my kids were born, I was more fit and thin than I had ever been. BUT what the lack of sleep has done to my eyes and skin--whoa! This woman has issues.
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:46 PM   #67
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Just because you don't understand it, doesn't mean there aren't people who do feel that way. I have never had an intense desire to have children that are biologically mine. I don't really understand why you WOULD want to when there are so many children out there who need loving homes. Love makes a family, not biology. For me, it has nothing to do with changes to my body
I guess if you are fertile, but don't want to be pregnant, then you could adopt a "child". There are HUGE waiting lists for babies. If you want a baby, then get pregnant and have one, if you can't ,adopt, if you can but don't want to, adopt a child.
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:48 PM   #68
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I have known a couple of narcissists. Believe me when I say they are not good parents.
While that may be true, it's a pretty large leap of logic to take one statement made by an anonymous person and automatically assume that they wouldn't make a good adoptive parent.
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:49 PM   #69
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What about fertile gay women who want to adopt. Should they be allowed?
They can use a sperm donor just like other couples. Happens all the time. If for some reason they still can't get pregnant, then they follow the same rules. However, I happen to believe you are just stirring the pot, we all know what happened to the last thread about being gay. Guess you are trying to start another argument.
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:54 PM   #70
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I don't fully understand why people seem to think that narcissism precludes someone from being a worthy parent. I really don't think the two are necessarily mutually exclusive.
YOu can't be all about yourself and be a good parent. Sorry it doesn't work that way. A person with narcissism thinks only of themselves and no one else. I have known to many of them. There is a balance, a person with narcissism doesn't have that balance.
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:56 PM   #71
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True, but the question here is about fertile people adopting, not making use of a sperm bank.
so you are 100% trying to stir the pot. Trying to start a gay/heterosexual hate fest on these boards. Hasn't there been enough of that.
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:58 PM   #72
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YOu can't be all about yourself and be a good parent. Sorry it doesn't work that way. A person with narcissism thinks only of themselves and no one else. I have known to many of them. There is a balance, a person with narcissism doesn't have that balance.
Again, I don't disagree. I just think it's difficult to label someone as narcissistic simply based on one statement.
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Old 02-13-2013, 01:01 PM   #73
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Again, I don't disagree. I just think it's difficult to label someone as narcissistic simply based on one statement.
Ok, Gotcha
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Old 02-13-2013, 01:45 PM   #74
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I have a huge phobia of blood, pain, etc. I adopted and knew I would do so if I ever decided to start a family. I simply could NOT handle giving birth. Just not something I could do...
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Old 02-13-2013, 02:02 PM   #75
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I believe that private adoption agencies should be able to deny anyone their services for any reason they see fit. That said, I really don't see how it is anyone's business why a couple is choosing to adopt. I think that the woman in the OP sounds very narcissistic and if her main concern is her figure, she would likely not be a good mother, unless their are other factors at play that we are unaware of. For example, she could be recovering from an eating disorder and when she says she doesn't want to wreck her body, she might mean that she worries that seeing herself gain all of that weight could cause her to relapse and cause major damage to her body. Unlikely, but still a possibility. However, I think that if a couple is fertile but chooses to adopt for their own personal reasons, that is their business. Perhaps the woman was adopted and saw how good that was for her and wants to give another child that sort of opportunity. Maybe the father carries the gene for a rare but serious genetic disorder that he doesn't want to pass on. Again, I think that private adoption agencies should be able to discriminate as they see fit, but if I were running an agency, I would let the couple's reason for choosing to adopt be their own business.
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