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Old 02-13-2013, 09:19 AM   #46
soccerdad72
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I don't fully understand why people seem to think that narcissism precludes someone from being a worthy parent. I really don't think the two are necessarily mutually exclusive.
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Old 02-13-2013, 10:23 AM   #47
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Originally Posted by Wishing on a star View Post
I have been in a position to know a little about adoption and adoption-issues.

IMHO, any woman who would make the statement about 'ruining their body' would/should not be considered an appropriate adoptive parent.

Period...
End of story...

It is NOT about whether this woman is able to carry a child.
There is no 'discrimination' card to be played here.

IMHO, it is all about whether this woman is considered fit to be a parent to an adopted child.

Being a parent, under any circumstances, can be the hardest thing one ever faces in life. Adopting an innocent young child, means putting something besides one's shallow, narcissistic, desires FIRST. And this would be point-one when an agency decides whether a woman/couple meet the requirements necessary to be appropriate adoptive parents.
I *so* agree 100%
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Old 02-13-2013, 10:25 AM   #48
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Originally Posted by Art 1
What about fertile gay women who want to adopt. Should they be allowed?
My neighbors are lesbians they have 4 kids they didn't need to adopt. Sperm is for sale.
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Old 02-13-2013, 10:27 AM   #49
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I have a coworker who got pregnant intentionally but the whole time was so self concious of her body. If someone came in, she would not want to get up from behind her desk. She whined the whole time. I really think she's anorexic. That was 20 years ago and she is still bone thin. She did not have another child.
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Old 02-13-2013, 10:42 AM   #50
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This is one of thereasons why I personally do not wish to be pregnant. My mom had terrible pregnancies and lost a baby. Ive learned about and seen too many terrible things go wrong in pregnancy. Just because of those things does not mean i would make a bad mother or wouldn't be willing to make sacrifices for my (potential) child.
My mother lost more than one baby, had two very hard pregnancies (one was twins) and nearly died twice. It didn't stop me or my sisters from having children. There is not too many *desires* stronger IMO than when a woman wants to have a baby! When (if) you reach that point, then you will not think of *what could happen* but will just want to get pregnant with your baby (this is saying that their is nothing medically wrong, of course). This opinion comes with lots of experiences. There will always be exceptions.


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I also don't want to go through a pregnancy, partially for what it will do to my body. I would like to be a mother someday, I would just prefer to adopt. That doesn't mean I would be a bad mother, just that I don't want to be pregnant.
Can't understand vanity/sacrifice of pregnancy discomfort, whatever, having a stronger pull than wanting to have your own baby, if you truly want one, but you say you feel that way, so guess there is.

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Originally Posted by ashley0139 View Post
Just because you don't understand it, doesn't mean there aren't people who do feel that way. I have never had an intense desire to have children that are biologically mine. I don't really understand why you WOULD want to when there are so many children out there who need loving homes. Love makes a family, not biology. For me, it has nothing to do with changes to my body
Now that is the strangest excuse I have ever heard for not wanting your own biological child (the exception being a medical issue in you/family that would contradict it). There are lots of people (because of fertility issues/health) that their *only* option to have a child is to adopt (my dau. one). There is a *long* waiting list, so where do you see all these healthy infants to adopt? If you are willing/can/desire an older child, or one with issues/special needs, etc. maybe that is true. They come with other *stresses* than pregnancy to deal with.
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:03 AM   #51
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Originally Posted by North of Mouse View Post
If you truly feel that way, you probably would not enjoy motherhood either. It too, takes a *toll* on the wear and tare of your body Maybe when a few years have passed, when you truly want a baby bad enough, what pregnancy will do to your body (or perceived to do) will be the least of your thoughts and will not matter at all. I never once thought like you do, but trust me, when I wanted a baby, I didn't care what it took Being pregnant with dh & my babies was the greatest thrill we could ever have had. Why wouldn't someone want a baby to look like them, and truly be a part of each one
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My mother lost more than one baby, had two very hard pregnancies (one was twins) and nearly died twice. It didn't stop me or my sisters from having children. There is not too many *desires* stronger IMO than when a woman wants to have a baby! When (if) you reach that point, then you will not think of *what could happen* but will just want to get pregnant with your baby (this is saying that their is nothing medically wrong, of course). This opinion comes with lots of experiences. There will always be exceptions.




Can't understand vanity/sacrifice of pregnancy discomfort, whatever, having a stronger pull than wanting to have your own baby, if you truly want one, but you say you feel that way, so guess there is.



Now that is the strangest excuse I have ever heard for not wanting your own biological child (the exception being a medical issue in you/family that would contradict it). There are lots of people (because of fertility issues/health) that their *only* option to have a child is to adopt (my dau. one). There is a *long* waiting list, so where do you see all these healthy infants to adopt? If you are willing/can/desire an older child, or one with issues/special needs, etc. maybe that is true. They come with other *stresses* than pregnancy to deal with.
You seem to have a real problem with a woman not wanting her own biological child. Maybe you should stay off threads about adoption.
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:08 AM   #52
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my DH used to work with a young man who was adopted for this very reason.

the parents were very well to do. He was raised by the help and the parents were hands off and distant. Narcissism such as this can lead to so much more: not wanting to give up your way of life, not wanting to give up your social life, not wanting to give up your busy and prestigious career.

this young man was terribly socially inept - at the very least. All the money and things/education they could buy him did not help him.

I am not saying you give this type of possible parent an automatic no, necessarily. However, I do think they need to be looked at closely and not necessarily be put at the front of the list. JMHO.
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:13 AM   #53
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I don't think that is fair at all...
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:22 AM   #54
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Originally Posted by Gumbo4x4
I think she needs to go to the back of the line. BTW, anyone concerned about pregnancy wrecking her body seems to be pretty delusional about the sacrifices required of parenting.
^Exactly what i was thinking ;0)
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:23 AM   #55
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I don't think that is fair at all...
Life isn't fair.

The title of the thread is 'Fertile people adopting?' To that I would say of course. Why not? I really don't think the reason why a person chooses not to get pregnant should be relevant. And being infertile does not automatically make someone more deserving or guarantee that they will make a good parent.

IMO each case needs to be looked at individually.
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:31 AM   #56
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Originally Posted by jrmasm View Post
Life isn't fair.

The title of the thread is 'Fertile people adopting?' To that I would say of course. Why not? I really don't think the reason why a person chooses not to get pregnant should be relevant. And being infertile does not automatically make someone more deserving or guarantee that they will make a good parent.

IMO each case needs to be looked at individually.
ITA
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:53 AM   #57
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My neighbors are lesbians they have 4 kids they didn't need to adopt. Sperm is for sale.
True, but the question here is about fertile people adopting, not making use of a sperm bank.
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:54 AM   #58
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I don't know about fertile people adopting as far as "fairness" to those that aren't fertile. I can see both sides to an extent. But I do lean more towards fairness to those that aren't fertile. They don't have a choice.

Just my opinion.

I do want to mention that not wanting to wreck your body (with pregnancy) is kind of a losing battle. Time will have an effect too. You can't stop that. "Not wanting to wreck your body", comes across as very superficial. If it was for medical reasons, I could see it. But just for looks? Not so much. That's just me. Seems like if you are that concerned about wrecking your body, you'd be the first to get it back in shape (hollywood). Anyway, a woman's body is meant to procreate.

The whole wrecking your body thing reminds me of that saying, I forget how it goes exactly --- something like at the end of my life I want to look like I had the time of my life. I guess there is a range for defining ,"time of my life".
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:05 PM   #59
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Regardless of her reasoning, it's ridiculous that an adoption agency won't help her because they don't think she's worthy because she is fertile.

Would it be better if she said she didn't want to increase the population but wanted to parent a child in need of a family?
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Old 02-13-2013, 12:31 PM   #60
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Regardless of her reasoning, it's ridiculous that an adoption agency won't help her because they don't think she's worthy because she is fertile.

Would it be better if she said she didn't want to increase the population but wanted to parent a child in need of a family?

Yes, IMHO, it would... very much so.

I do not think that 'fertility' is the issue here, AT ALL.

I believe that whether this woman is deemed sound/fit to be a parent is the issue here.
She seems to have no interest in using her body, energy, etc... to meet the needs of a child. Which should always be first priority.
She seems, only, to be looking for a child to meet her desires.

If there are those here who do not understand adoption and the associated issues and processes.. then, maybe that is so.
But, motivation and fitness to meet the needs of a child... However great that child's needs my end up being... that is very important.
If this woman did, indeed, make that statement to somebody who is experienced in adoption, and is bound to look out for the child's best interests.
She seems pretty much clueless.

The very FIRST thing that one might get asked when they begin to pursue the official process of adoption is "Why.... and Why now..."

Last edited by Wishing on a star; 02-13-2013 at 12:38 PM.
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