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Old 02-12-2013, 07:15 PM   #16
LuvinLucifer
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She said that she went to a Catholic Charities agency, so I googled and found that at least some of them require that the adopters be infertile:

http://www.kentuckyadoptioncoalition...ouisville.html
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Old 02-12-2013, 07:19 PM   #17
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Her reasons for not wanting to get pregnant are only relevant if the adoption agency has requirements limiting adoptions to prospective parents that can't have their own. Otherwise, it is discrimination. I know several people that chose to adopt because of the unfortunate over-abundance of children available for adoption. Just because one of her reasons doesn't conform to the collective's irrelevant world view doesn't make her any less of a potentially good mother.
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Old 02-12-2013, 07:23 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by plutotek View Post
Her reasons for not wanting to get pregnant are only relevant if the adoption agency has requirements limiting adoptions to prospective parents that can't have their own. Otherwise, it is discrimination. I know several people that chose to adopt because of the unfortunate over-abundance of children available for adoption. Just because one of her reasons doesn't conform to the collective's irrelevant world view doesn't make her any less of a potentially good mother.
I'm pretty sure if a woman came in and said, "We've been trying for three years and I just can't get pregnant. But I'm just as happy to adopt, because being pregnant might ruin my figure," they would turn her down as well.
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Old 02-12-2013, 07:26 PM   #19
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Otherwise, it is discrimination. I know several people that chose to adopt because of the unfortunate over-abundance of children available for adoption.
There isn't an overabundance of babies available for adoption.
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Old 02-12-2013, 07:29 PM   #20
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There isn't an overabundance of babies available for adoption.
This is the key terminology here.

If the person the OP is talking about is getting even more specific with her race or gender requirements - it is even harder to find a placement.
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Old 02-12-2013, 07:30 PM   #21
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This is the key terminology here.

If the person the OP is talking about is getting even more specific with her race or gender requirements - it is even harder to find a placement.
Most private adoption agencies only place domestic infants.
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Old 02-12-2013, 07:35 PM   #22
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What some of us are saying is that a woman who wants to avoid pregnancy because it might ruin her figure is a BIG RED FLAG. It virtually screams, "not cut out to be a mother." The adoption agency worker probably had a hard time picking her jaw up off the floor after hearing that line. I can't even imagine a birthmother selecting a woman like that to mother the child she is relinquishing?
It just screams vanity to me.

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If someone has body image issues to this degree, they might not pass a psychiatric exam. I'm serious. There might be some serious issues there. What if they get a baby that gets sick or has a deformity later? They might really have an issue with that. You have to have someone who has the ability to cope. Someone who can't cope with the effects of pregnancy has major issues - this is a MAJOR LIFE CHANGE. If they can't take the effects of a pregnancy, how in the world will they handle a newborn and and parenting a child? They aren't living in reality.

I say don't put her on the list. Put infertile people on the list, lady who needs therapy due to body image issues goes to the back of the line until she proves she can get psych clearance and is going to regular therapy. I would not be responsible for sending a newborn into that house - either being associated with an adoption or surrogacy agency.
All adoptive parents skip the effects of a pregnancy (not necessarily by choice), yet it does not mean they are bad parents. They handle newborns and parenting just fine.

If the woman passes all of the other tests/criteria for adopting, then why not let her adopt? She just doesn't want to go through the experience of being pregnant. It's not something I'd do but I don't think it means she'll automatically be a bad mother. That's like saying a woman who goes through natural childbirth as opposed to having an epidural will make a better mother since she chose to feel the full effects of childbirth. And what about some of the movie stars in Hollywood who adopted? Are they all infertile?

I think people have all sorts of reasons for wanting to have a child, by adoption or regular pregnancy. As long as wanting to love and care for the child are at the top of the list of those reasons, that is what matters the most.
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Old 02-12-2013, 07:37 PM   #23
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Even infertile people get the brush off from agencies if the person makes their hinky meter go off.

When we were adopting from Russia, I knew of one woman (and her DH) who looked good on paper. She was actually Eastern European, was infertile, had no other children, a good income, etc. But agencies ran from her because it eventually became apparent she was looking for the PERFECT child. Perfect.

She tried to adopt without an agency (which is what we wound up doing) and even the Russian faciltators wanted nothing to do with her. She cornered my poor DH in a Russian hotel lobby and grilled him about how we got "THAT" baby after seeing our blonde haired, blue eyed, healthy daughter......which was apparently exactly what she was looking for. She was not happy that we had gotten this baby and she hadn't.

The kicker is, on the way over to Russia, DH wondered aloud if the baby would be pretty. We didn't even have a firm referral. I told him I didn't care if the baby looked like a troll, so long as she was reasonably healthy, we were adopting her. He agreed.

I'd have given up a great figure to have or adopt a baby. I just wanted a baby to love and care for.

ETA: I have a feeling that even if the woman that DH met in Russia had somehow gotten our "perfect" DD, she would still not have been satisfied.
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Old 02-12-2013, 07:38 PM   #24
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If the woman passes all of the other tests/criteria for adopting, then why not let her adopt?
Because there is already a surplus of qualified potential adoptive parents who can't have kids any other way.
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Old 02-12-2013, 07:39 PM   #25
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Most private adoption agencies only place domestic infants.
Of course - but a lot of people don't realize that there aren't a lot of babies to go around for potential, good and willing parents.

Infertile or not.
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Old 02-12-2013, 07:52 PM   #26
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Originally Posted by sookie
I smell a troll on your board.

However, I think that Jillian Michaels has pretty much said she did this. But for the common person - it might seem easier in theory but won't happen. Would be easier to just get a surrogate if it comes down to it!
Was this after she came out? Because I have read that she has struggled with fertility issues for a long time. A quote(although not exact) "I can't ever seem to get pregnant. I'm in shape I eat right, I don't know why".
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Old 02-12-2013, 07:54 PM   #27
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Originally Posted by LuvinLucifer View Post
Because there is already a surplus of qualified potential adoptive parents who can't have kids any other way.
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Of course - but a lot of people don't realize that there aren't a lot of babies to go around for potential, good and willing parents.

Infertile or not.
Right, of babies.

But there is also a surplus of waiting children. Who continue to wait. And wouldn't it be a wonderful thing if the surplus of qualified potential adoptive parents who can't have kids any other way, were also open to having any child who needed a home as opposed to just a baby.

The woman in the OP's post can get pregnant, she just wants to adopt because she's vain about her body. Many people trying to adopt want a child to love and parent, because they can't get pregnant, but they only want a baby.

We all have different views and reasons for doing things. They are not all necessarily wrong.
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Old 02-12-2013, 08:05 PM   #28
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But there is also a surplus of waiting children. Who continue to wait. And wouldn't it be a wonderful thing if the surplus of qualified potential adoptive parents who can't have kids any other way, were also open to having any child who needed a home as opposed to just a baby.
Just because someone is infertile hardly means they are able to deal with the special challenges that accompany adopting older children in foster care, many of whom have been abused or have severe special needs. Most fertile people aren't. I know I wouldn't be able or even want to do it, so I'd be a hypocrite to expect differently from someone just because they are infertile.
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Old 02-12-2013, 08:07 PM   #29
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Right, of babies.

But there is also a surplus of waiting children. Who continue to wait. And wouldn't it be a wonderful thing if the surplus of qualified potential adoptive parents who can't have kids any other way, were also open to having any child who needed a home as opposed to just a baby.

The woman in the OP's post can get pregnant, she just wants to adopt because she's vain about her body. Many people trying to adopt want a child to love and parent, because they can't get pregnant, but they only want a baby.

We all have different views and reasons for doing things. They are not all necessarily wrong.
Without derailing this thread, it is perfectly normal to want a baby and not a tween or teen when it's your first go at parenting. The most normal and understandable thing in the world......

Some of us have had dealings with the foster care system in our states and want no part of it. Not because of the kids, but because of what the system does to them and how it works. If the states in question would free up foster care children for adoption at a reasonable pace and not keep them in foster care for 10+ years before making them available for adoption, it would make all the difference in the world.

I encourage you or anyone else to adopt an older, waiting child. You should probably look into it. As for me, I wanted a baby less than one year old.
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Old 02-12-2013, 08:10 PM   #30
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I know someone who is not infertile and in the midst of an adoption. Her reason is that she is afraid of going through childbirth (fear of pain etc).
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