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Old 02-13-2013, 10:41 PM   #136
Colleen27
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Originally Posted by JessB320 View Post
You speak of foster care taking a year or more to begin an adoption. Actually, 58% of adoptions from foster care are COMPLETED within a year. Private adoptions routinely take over a year to complete, so why does this factor in?
I'd be interested to know when the clock starts running for that analysis. I know several families who foster and a few who have had children removed and placed into foster care. It seems to me that TPR takes at least a year with the adoption process starting only once that is finished... So really that's 2 years, all told, the first year of which is spent bonding with a child that may or may not be returned to their abusive/neglectful birth parents rather than becoming adoptable at all. It really takes a special sort of person to do that, I think. It isn't something I could do - every foster mother I know has a story or two to tell about a child who was reunited with his/her parents only to suffer worse abuse, end up on the streets/in a gang/on drugs, or even dead.
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Old 02-13-2013, 10:43 PM   #137
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Some agencies and some countries require that parents cannot have children. At least that's the way it was when we were going through the process 19 years ago. Bolivia had lots and lots of babies available for adoption but if a couple had children, they were automatically disqualified.
Heads up for anyone looking to adopt. The laws may have changed but my friend whi is from La Paz says the orphanages have aisles of available babies.

For the record, I think the woman in the OP is at the very least too immature to have a baby. At worst, she's a lunatic.
The Mexican government will not allow girls who do not have birth certificates to be adopted. They are wards of the state untill 18 yrs old.
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Old 02-13-2013, 10:49 PM   #138
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The Mexican government will not allow girls who do not have birth certificates to be adopted. They are wards of the state untill 18 yrs old.


Bolivia has or did have lots of available babies for childless couples.
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Old 02-13-2013, 10:54 PM   #139
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Bolivia has or did have lots of available babies for childless couples.
The way I understand it Ontario was only allowing one per family but I know a couple who got an exemption and got a second. This was 15 yrs ago.
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Old 02-13-2013, 10:57 PM   #140
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Bolivia has or did have lots of available babies for childless couples.
My wife has done a good bit of volunteer work in Andes Mountain area orphanages. She takes toys there that are discarded by McDonalds and Burger King and says it's like handing them gold. She takes Santa suits there at Christmas time so they can have a Santa show up.
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Old 02-13-2013, 10:59 PM   #141
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Life isn't fair. If you're only open to adopting healthy white babies, your wait is going to be long. That's just how it is. In a perfect world, every couple would be able to have biological children. In an even more perfect world, there wouldn't be thousands of children all over the world in need of loving homes. There's no guarantee if you have a biological child they will be healthy. If you want to guarantee a white baby in 9 months, you have the option to get a surrogate.
Don't even talk to me about guarantees. I realize that giving birth does not guarantee a healthy child (I have a special needs child). I did not even say a white baby, you did! As I said, my dd adopted one of a race other than ours. From your post, doesn't sound like you read the OP's first post (the person she referred to could have her own child).

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Thank you. I was about to post this myself. Although many people who have not become parents via adoption are unaware of it, referring to biologically related children as "your own" as a means of differentiating them from adopted children, is insulting. It implies our children are NOT our own and they most certainly are. I realize most mean no harm by these words, but they can be very hurtful, especially to a child who hears themself referred to as "not their (parent's) own."
This is talked about here just to differentiate between giving birth to your child vs adopting. Some people will be offended by anything. My dd's sons are both aware they are not hers by birth, but adopted, and are very proud to have been *chosen* special. We speak of it a lot, and sure she & dh refer to them as *theirs*, but we are quick to say they're adopted. It's quite obvious with one of them anyway. They are *ours* period. What others might say or think doesn't bother us or them.

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Please see my last post I believe I address all of your questions but yes AVAILABLE as in actively ready to be adopted. You risk having a special needs child no matter if you adopt from foster care, privately, internationally, use a surrogate, or give birth yourself!! But, no not all babies in foster care are special needs, not by a long shot.
Yes, I know giving birth doesn't guarantee a healthy child, but not many people (if any) will intentionally *ask* for one. Also, a two year old child is *not* an infant, it's a child. How many *infants* (usually referred as up to 6mos.) are available for adoption vs. the 12% of two year olds that you mentioned in a post above?
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:02 PM   #142
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Originally Posted by North of Mouse View Post
Why should someone wanting to adopt an infant need to be "open to different races and open to health issues"? Do you realize what the consequences/hardships/heartaches/toll on your health that *may* go with adopting an infant with health problems? Everyone is not equipped physically or mentally to handle such responsibilities.
Anybody that wants a child, whether they wish to adopt or wish to conceive and carry on their own, needs to be open to the idea of a possibility of a baby with health issues. There are no guarantees anywhere. Even if it is your choice to adopt a healthy baby, they could develop any number of things later on. Race is obviously a different issue.

(Not directing this specifically at you, North of Mouse, your post just made me think of it so I am throwing it out there )
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:02 PM   #143
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My wife has done a good bit of volunteer work in Andes Mountain area orphanages. She takes toys there that are discarded by McDonalds and Burger King and says it's like handing them gold. She takes Santa suits there at Christmas time so they can have a Santa show up.
Please thank her for me. She's wonderful!
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:06 PM   #144
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Please thank her for me. She's wonderful!
OK, but just doing what we are all supposed to do and that is help people. Especially the innocent. Those children are full of love and very giving. They actually take turns playing with those junky toys and freely share amongst themselves.
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:08 PM   #145
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I am an adoptive parent. The thing people need to understand in that in the U.S. (my children are domestically adopted so I can't speak for foreign adoption) it is quite possible and also quite probable to have a healthy infant within a year. Both of my younger children were privately adopted, and their adoptions were finalized within 6 months of them coming home. We waited 10 months for our daughter, and 3 for our son. There are a few key elements, though.

1) you need to be open to any race or gender.
2) you need to be willing to take the child even if there are health problems.
3) you need to be willing to have an open adoption.


The waiting period after taking the children into your home to finalizing the adoption varies from state to state.

No one "has" to take a child of a different race or with health issues. Understand though, that healthy caucasian babies are very rarely voluntarily placed so the waiting list for them is longer.
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:12 PM   #146
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Yes, I know giving birth doesn't guarantee a healthy child, but not many people (if any) will intentionally *ask* for one. Also, a two year old child is *not* an infant, it's a child. How many *infants* (usually referred as up to 6mos.) are available for adoption vs. the 12% of two year olds that you mentioned in a post above?[/QUOTE]




I'm not sure what you mean by your first sentence, is that what you meant to write? As to the second part that 12% is for children UNDER two years of age. A infant is a child up to 12 months actually, so let's say 6% of children are infants (under 12 months) that is still roughly a bit more than 6,000 infants in foster care right now that are waiting for adoption, to me that's a large number.
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:34 PM   #147
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As as been said over and over, there is no shortage of people looking to adopt BABIES. That is what private adoption agencies focus on. Adopting an older child out of foster care is a difficult process most people(fertile or infertile) aren't equipped for. Most of these children have special challenges the average person isn't prepared to deal with. Many have special needs that require special resources. Others have severe behavioral issues as a result of past trauma. It's extremely ignorant and insensitive to say that just because someone wants to raise a child from infancy(like most everyone else) instead of adopting teenage boys or a child with severe FAS on top of dealing with the challenges of biological families(many of whom who don't want to have their rights relinquished) they are "missing the point of being a parent."
I am sorry if I came off as insensitive, that was definitely not my intention. I just find it hard to believe that someone who wants so badly to be a parent, only wants to adopt an infant. I feel sorry for the children out there who need homes. Once they hit a certain age, no one wants them anymore. No wonder they have problems. Through no fault of the children, the parents, or the prospective parents, there is a huge problem with the foster care system in America, and it is unfortunate.

I can completely understand where you are coming from on the issue of fertile people adopting. I have family who has gone through infertility and seen the hardship they faced. It is something I do not wish on anyone. But, I have also seen complicated pregnancies. Most of the women I know who have been pregnant have had problems. Everything from miscarriages, to still births, and even a cousin who died during child birth. The idea of pregnancy is terrifying to me. I don't doubt that I would have a different view on the issue if I had been surrounded by normal pregnancies.
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Old 02-13-2013, 11:44 PM   #148
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I am sorry if I came off as insensitive, that was definitely not my intention. I just find it hard to believe that someone who wants so badly to be a parent, only wants to adopt an infant. I feel sorry for the children out there who need homes. Once they hit a certain age, no one wants them anymore. No wonder they have problems. Through no fault of the children, the parents, or the prospective parents, there is a huge problem with the foster care system in America, and it is unfortunate.

I can completely understand where you are coming from on the issue of fertile people adopting. I have family who has gone through infertility and seen the hardship they faced. It is something I do not wish on anyone. But, I have also seen complicated pregnancies. Most of the women I know who have been pregnant have had problems. Everything from miscarriages, to still births, and even a cousin who died during child birth. The idea of pregnancy is terrifying to me. I don't doubt that I would have a different view on the issue if I had been surrounded by normal pregnancies.
I wanted a BABY less than a year old. I had good reasons. I wanted the child to have as little experience with multiple caregivers as I could get. The more times a child changes hands, the more they learn that no one can be counted on to be there for them at all times. They learn adults are not reliable. They start to have trust and attachment issues and it should come as no surprise.

I also wanted to experience the joy of watching my child learn to talk and walk, etc. Those are precious memories and I treasure them. I wanted her as young as possible so that I could make her KNOW that Mommy was always going to be there for her and if she had been shuffled from place to place, who would blame her for not believing that. I simply wanted as much time with her as possible, to experience as many of the "firsts" as possible. That is COMPLETELY normal. Just because I could not give birth did not mean I wanted to miss out on her early childhood.

We adopted her at just under a year and I would have loved to have gotten her sooner, but we traded those months for a certain, final adoption process. Again, it is NORMAL to want to spend as much time with your child as possible, from the earliest age.
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Old 02-14-2013, 12:08 AM   #149
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Ok I'll break it down for you. Basically there are 107,000 children nation wide that are in foster care, available and awaiting adoption. 39% of those children are under 3 and 12% are under two. That makes almost 13,000 children under the age of 2 in foster care who are available and waiting to be adopted.
How many of those children are infants without severe special needs of which parental rights have been terminated? Seriously, it makes no sense why people would go through a private adoption agency and wait to be chosen by a birth mother if there were all these babies waiting to be adopted.
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Old 02-14-2013, 12:15 AM   #150
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This is from the state of MN's adoption resource site:

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Over the past years, the number of healthy infants waiting for adoption has decreased. In most cases, there are more than enough prospective adoptive parents waiting for the limited number of infants available for adoption. Adopting an infant can involve lengthy waits and hefty adoption-related fees.
http://www.mnadopt.org/howtoadopt.html

Every source I can find states that there are more than enough people waiting to adopt infants, and every site for waiting children only lists older children and those with severe special needs. There are actually 200 people waiting to adopt babies with Down Syndrome, so it's the more difficult disabilities.

And there are millions of people waiting to adopt:
Quote:
In 2010, there were somewhere between one and two million couples in the United States waiting to adopt a child. Each year there are approximately 50,000 children placed for adoption in the U.S., and about 20,000 international adoptions are completed each year.

Read more: How many people are waiting to adopt a baby? | Answerbag http://www.answerbag.com/q_view/2092595#ixzz2KwSr4phB
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