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Old 02-11-2013, 09:30 PM   #46
luv4u859
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mmouse37

I saw your post above on the cruise forum that you are going on your second Carnival cruise this July and you are looking forward to it...that is great. Sounds like fun and that you enjoyed it last time. Are you going alone or with someone? A cruise is a great place to meet people. And I think you should take your own advice...a bit of adversity should not keep you from living your life.

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I am going with my nana, mom and little cousin who will be 13. I am very excited about it, can't wait. I mostly do things with my family and sometimes I don't mind it because I have an HILARIOUS family, but sometimes I want friends to do things with to.

Oh and I also just got told by my "friend" that my problem is I jump from guy to guy, which I DO NOT DO, the guy I just stopped seeing, I known him for 10 months and was seeing no one else the whole time.
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Old 02-12-2013, 09:45 AM   #47
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Perfect example of someone who claims to be my friend, round a color run to do. Asked if she wanted to go and I got the run around saying she would be scared when the people put the paint on her, but then in the same breath asked me if I wanted tickets to sesame place, which is for kids, which I do not have. Her and her sisters have kids, plus I have a season pass to sox flags great adventure.
Then stop complaining about these supposed "friends" and drop them. Poof. Done. Easy.

Go back and read through this thread ... you've gotten lots of suggestions from people, but you just keep coming back and complaining about this "friend" or that "friend" or how what people are suggesting won't work. You haven't said a single positive thing. It seems that all you want to do is complain and feel sorry for yourself and talk about how rotten your friends are. Which could actually be the reason why you're finding it hard to make friends.

Are there any suggestions or ideas here that you consider to be ideas you can use? I'd love to see you write one totally positive post!

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Old 02-12-2013, 11:40 AM   #48
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I remember your thread a couple of years ago on the Coping and Compassion Board. It doesn't sound like you've gotten any real help for your anxiety issues. It could be driving people away if they've also been trying to help you and you're not appearing to help yourself. It's also a state of mind when you wave to someone and they don't wave back. You can choose to think they don't like you, or you can choose to think maybe they didn't see you, or something like that, and be friendly anyway the next time. If you close yourself off to others with negative thinking, it will affect not only how you see the world, but how they see you. You can learn to change this, but it takes some work. Please get some help with this so you don't have to live feeling this way for all of the years ahead of you. It doesn't have to be like this.

Back in 2011 you had migraines. Now your pain seems to be focused on your foot. Not saying your pain isn't real, because I'm sure it is, but many people have to learn to live with chronic pain issues in one way or another. Or other problems. You can let it bring you down, or you can find a way to make lemonade out of lemons. Someone posted about this guy a few weeks ago here on the Dis. I found his story to be inspirational, and even had my kids watch it. I hope it may be helpful to you, too. (Or someone else here.)

http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclas...All-Odds-Video

PS I hope you take my post in the way it was intended to be, which is helpful.
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Old 02-12-2013, 12:54 PM   #49
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Originally Posted by WDSearcher
Then stop complaining about these supposed "friends" and drop them. Poof. Done. Easy.

Go back and read through this thread ... you've gotten lots of suggestions from people, but you just keep coming back and complaining about this "friend" or that "friend" or how what people are suggesting won't work. You haven't said a single positive thing. It seems that all you want to do is complain and feel sorry for yourself and talk about how rotten your friends are. Which could actually be the reason why you're finding it hard to make friends.

Are there any suggestions or ideas here that you consider to be ideas you can use? I'd love to see you write one totally positive post!

Read through the thread I did write positive things. I joined that group and was waiting on replies, I said I will try to do different things in my area. I guess you didn't see that post

And that girl I rarely talk to her, she randomly texted me saying we should hang out more AND THAT IS WHY I asked her about the color run.
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Old 02-12-2013, 12:56 PM   #50
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Originally Posted by Pea-n-Me
I remember your thread a couple of years ago on the Coping and Compassion Board. It doesn't sound like you've gotten any real help for your anxiety issues. It could be driving people away if they've also been trying to help you and you're not appearing to help yourself. It's also a state of mind when you wave to someone and they don't wave back. You can choose to think they don't like you, or you can choose to think maybe they didn't see you, or something like that, and be friendly anyway the next time. If you close yourself off to others with negative thinking, it will affect not only how you see the world, but how they see you. You can learn to change this, but it takes some work. Please get some help with this so you don't have to live feeling this way for all of the years ahead of you. It doesn't have to be like this.

Back in 2011 you had migraines. Now your pain seems to be focused on your foot. Not saying your pain isn't real, because I'm sure it is, but many people have to learn to live with chronic pain issues in one way or another. Or other problems. You can let it bring you down, or you can find a way to make lemonade out of lemons. Someone posted about this guy a few weeks ago here on the Dis. I found his story to be inspirational, and even had my kids watch it. I hope it may be helpful to you, too. (Or someone else here.)

http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclas...All-Odds-Video

PS I hope you take my post in the way it was intended to be, which is helpful.
Well my migraines are hereditary, there's nothing I can do about that, I take medicine when they come on and it goes away. My pain in my foot is not often but it is there and it is very real.
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Old 02-12-2013, 12:59 PM   #51
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You are all just seeing what I am writing here. You want me to be positive but then people on here are being rude to me. People have there moments when they are down, but the only way to go is up. No one knows my everyday life. I AM LOOKING FOR THINGS TO DO IN MY AREA. I am going to do the color run. I am going to try to do more, but I refuse to kiss anyone's behind.
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Old 02-12-2013, 01:07 PM   #52
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Who is being rude to you? I've read through all the posts here and I haven't seen anyone be rude to you. It's a discussion, and you asked for help and advice. On your other thread, you begged for help. People are trying to help you. Once again, you're choosing to see people being rude. That can be a sign of depression, ie negative thinking. There is help available for this.
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Old 02-12-2013, 01:14 PM   #53
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First off from your photo you are very nice looking. Please stop the inner voice that is saying you are ugly. Next, there are many, many people who do not have friends, or would like to have people in their immediate area to hang out with.

When people are replying that you should talk to a professional, I think they are hearing the sadness in your voice, and that frightens them.

I am 51 and two of my closest girlfriends are 23 and 22 years old. I went back to college to be a teacher. We had many classes together, and we just meshed. We hang out all the time, text..... This Saturday we are meeting at a scrapbook store so I can show them how to make cards. We are all going to be teachers together, and we have a strong bond, so don't rule out friends of different ages.

Please drop all of those so called friends who have not treated you kindly. Ask yourself if you would treat a friend like they are treating you? If not, it's time to let them go.

The best way to make friends is to have something where you run into the same people on a regular basis. That's why so many people suggested taking a class or Bible study. Since you can't go to your church's Bible study, would you consider going to another church? Maybe they have a women's Bible study. Is there some group or organization where you can volunteer? I have found that when you are sweating/working hard together, it is easiest to make friends.

Starting up a conversation with strangers is always tough. It's best to look for the person not engaged in a conversation with anyone else. That's the person who will be the most open to a conversation with you. Skip trying to break into any kind of a group, women huddled together in a circle.... look for the quiet person at the back of the room.

People are naturally attracted to a positive personality. They want to be a part of the fun. I realize this is so fake, but slap on a smile. It doesn't have to be a huge ol' grin, but fake it for the evening/afternoon. Make jokes. Talk about pleasant things....

I am sure you don't do this, but keep most personal information to yourself in any initial conversations. I am truly amazed at the personal things people say to me, a perfect stranger. Just keep it light and very surface level.

Truly remember you are not alone. There are so many lonely people out there waiting to be found. Someone posted about you needing to get out there and it's true. I know it's hard, and awkward, but you have to push. Maybe you could talk to your church leader about a women's group where you have wine and play Bunco..... Our church does that.

Another thought is to begin visiting nursing homes or church members who are shut ins. You would be giving them a friend and someone to talk to, and you will make friends too.

I hope this helps you brainstorm ideas. Remember to take care of yourself first. You deserve it!!!
I loved this post!
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Old 02-12-2013, 01:14 PM   #54
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Originally Posted by luv4u859 View Post
You are all just seeing what I am writing here. You want me to be positive but then people on here are being rude to me. People have there moments when they are down, but the only way to go is up. No one knows my everyday life. I AM LOOKING FOR THINGS TO DO IN MY AREA. I am going to do the color run. I am going to try to do more, but I refuse to kiss anyone's behind.
I don't think anyone is being rude to you. We don't know your every day life and people can only give advice/suggestions based on what you are telling us. You asked for help and people are trying to do that.
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Old 02-12-2013, 01:28 PM   #55
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People are not being rude. Offering help does not mean just making everything positive with rainbows and kittens. It can mean beng direct about what they see coming from you and your posts. Sometimes it hurts to hear what people really think but that doesn't mean it is not constructive.
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Old 02-12-2013, 01:35 PM   #56
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I don't think anyone has been rude. But if you were hoping that posters would just tell you that it was everyone else's problem for not being friends with you, then this is probably not the right place for you to post.

People have said that you are attractive and a good person, a worthwhile human being. However they have also given suggestions for things to try, including suggestions that require introspection and taking a good look at yourself to see how you may be contributing to the problem.

Making friends isn't easy, especially when you are shy. I'm very shy and have an anxiety disorder and went through a period when I had no friends. I realized I had 2 issues - I made myself seem unapproachable even though it was just shyness, not snobiness. I also drove people away with my woe-is-me attitude. People want friends who make them feel happy, not bummed. And even if the sadness and loneliness isn't being spoken, it comes out in body language and repels people.

My mom finally had to tell me the problem was with me, not the rest of the world. It was not an easy message to hear, and it hurt, but it was true. It was enough of a push to get me to do things I hated - make eye-contact, smile, or say hi to new people. I also tried to consciously portray confidence and happiness. I didn't magically get new friends. But eventually I said hi to the right person who was also looking for a friend. She is now my BFF. And that success gave me the confidence to keep going and I now have a few close friends and feel like I have a satisfying social life.

It's up to you how you take the advice on these boards. You can look at it as people being rude. Or you can look at it as some good advice, which includes some things that are hard to hear but could really help you.
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Old 02-12-2013, 01:41 PM   #57
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StitchesGr8Fan
I don't think anyone has been rude. But if you were hoping that posters would just tell you that it was everyone else's problem for not being friends with you, then this is probably not the right place for you to post.

People have said that you are attractive and a good person, a worthwhile human being. However they have also given suggestions for things to try, including suggestions that require introspection and taking a good look at yourself to see how you may be contributing to the problem.

Making friends isn't easy, especially when you are shy. I'm very shy and have an anxiety disorder and went through a period when I had no friends. I realized I had 2 issues - I made myself seem unapproachable even though it was just shyness, not snobiness. I also drove people away with my woe-is-me attitude. People want friends who make them feel happy, not bummed. And even if the sadness and loneliness isn't being spoken, it comes out in body language and repels people.

My mom finally had to tell me the problem was with me, not the rest of the world. It was not an easy message to hear, and it hurt, but it was true. It was enough of a push to get me to do things I hated - make eye-contact, smile, or say hi to new people. I also tried to consciously portray confidence and happiness. I didn't magically get new friends. But eventually I said hi to the right person who was also looking for a friend. She is now my BFF. And that success gave me the confidence to keep going and I now have a few close friends and feel like I have a satisfying social life.

It's up to you how you take the advice on these boards. You can look at it as people being rude. Or you can look at it as some good advice, which includes some things that are hard to hear but could really help you.
I am nice to people tho. I do not look angry or mad in public. I smile and I am happy. I do smile at people. Funny thing is yes I may be shy in the beginning but once I get comfy with people I never stop talking lol and I am funny. It's just finding people.
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Old 02-12-2013, 01:41 PM   #58
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Old 02-12-2013, 01:50 PM   #59
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OP, please read your last post and re-read.
I am sorry if you want to think that this is 'being rude/mean'.
As that is not the case, with my posts, or anyone else's here.

The 'kiss anyone's behind' language says a lot.

To tell more, I know somebody in my life who sounds a lot like you sound.
They have anxiety issues, some depression/bipolar, etc. (all admitted and diagnosed)

And, the way you are posting rings SO many bells.
While this person is a wonderful person in many ways. She has a really good heart!
But, her issues get in the way.
If the people she is interacting with are not always and constantly patting her on the back, reciprocating every single word, text, action, gift, etc.. Her issues kick in, and she might have the same reactions that you are having. It is like a cycle of anxiety/anger/pulling-away.....

(I fully believe that some part of this person's issues come from abandonment issues...
which I have not heard any thing from you that would indicate that this is true in your case.)

Please do not over-react, or react in a negative way, and or pull/away.... Only because others are not saying and doing exactly what might be most comfortable for you.

I am with everyone else here who continues to advise that, even a wonderful and worthwhile person like yourself, can sometimes benefit from some outside/professional assistance and encouragement!
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Old 02-12-2013, 01:53 PM   #60
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Read through the thread I did write positive things. I joined that group and was waiting on replies, I said I will try to do different things in my area. I guess you didn't see that post

And that girl I rarely talk to her, she randomly texted me saying we should hang out more AND THAT IS WHY I asked her about the color run.
You say positive things -- like how funny your family is, or how you joined a group -- but you always follow it with something negative. That's what I meant. It's hard to get a read on you because you seem to kind of enjoy telling people how rotten your friends are, but you never comment on other peoples' ideas about how to make friends except to say which ones won't work.

Maybe if you would just respond about some of the suggestions you've received. For example ...

What about volunteering? Have you thought about that? Lots of people volunteer on weekends or evenings, so work hours shouldn't be an issue.

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