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Old 02-11-2013, 01:58 PM   #31
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Originally Posted by luv4u859 View Post
I have been trying to MEET people, but I am not the type of person to go places by myself. I do not like it. I have been an only child all my life, I don't want to do things by myself anymore. That is why I joined the meetup.com website, you join groups and then GO OUT to meet them.
I know it is hard...I think the majority of people will tell you that going to these things by yourself is hard...but you need to push yourself. That first step is the hardest!

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Originally Posted by luv4u859 View Post
Thank you for commenting something nice. I am already in a funk and having people tell me there is more problems wrong with me is not helping. I am not making excuses I have no reason to. I am one of the nicest person ever. I will give someone the shirt of my back if they need it, but yet people still don't care about me. I am sick of texting my friend and nt getting a response no matter how many times I text her.
Then those friends dont deserve someone as nice as you!!!!! Give of yourself to people who can truly appreciate you. If you have that type of charity in your heart, than join a nonprofit charity that gives back and see if any friendships develop about that.

I know you are in a funk and it stinks No one hear is saying anything to be mean, they want you to snap out of your funk and realize your true potential!!!!! And just remember some people are soft with their words and some just say things straight up. You will get a mixture of that here...but I would think everyone wants good things for you.
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Old 02-11-2013, 02:42 PM   #32
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It's not that people are trying to make you feel badly,but people are giving you suggestions....probably ones that have worked for them in the past in a similar situation...and you are pooh-poohing all of them.

It will take some effort on your part to get on track.

That will include talking to a professional. It may include taking medication,f only for a while.

It will include "pushing" yourself a little and approaching someone even though you're shy & not used to doing that etc.

It may include finding a group that interests you and there you will find people with whom you have 1 thing in common which can be the basis for a conversation, which can become the basis for a friendship.

It may include going to a different doctor to see if there is something more that can be done to help your painful foot so that is one less thing you are delaing with.

But sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself isn't going to change anything.
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Old 02-11-2013, 03:18 PM   #33
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I agree with Disney Doll.
Especially about the situation with your foot.

I had a minor fracture... But, also, did not realize that another problem had developed. Long after the fracture should have healed, I was still in pain and wearing that dreaded boot. I went to another doctor and got the help I needed.

Like yours, it will not be the same as it was before... But, you know what, I still tell myself every day that wish I could do something about the pain in my two busted toes. They could probably be helped, but I have not been able to muster up the courage and motivation to face surgery again. I haven't been back to see a doctor.

Anyhow, you are probably a wonderful person!!!
In most every way.
But, I think that what folks here are trying to tell you is that there can still be things/issues/etc. that can really get in the way. And those are the types of things that are really best addressed by a good professional. It takes time and effort... digging deeper.

Anyhow, do think about seeing another good doctor about your foot.
I know what it is like to have pain to the point where it affects your mobility, I went thru that... that DOES suck.

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Old 02-11-2013, 04:27 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by luv4u859 View Post
I have been trying to MEET people, but I am not the type of person to go places by myself. I do not like it. I have been an only child all my life, I don't want to do things by myself anymore. That is why I joined the meetup.com website, you join groups and then GO OUT to meet them.
Right, but you quit that because the people are older than you.

There's no easy way to suddenly get friends if you won't make the effort. That means going outside your comfort zone and going somewhere alone, whether you like it or not. At least at the beginning. I'm not saying you should wander into a stranger's party and see who's there or that you need to sit in a restaurant by yourself. I'm saying, find something you like to do -- cook, act, listen to music, read, play with animals, whatever -- and go do that thing. The people who are doing that thing too are people who are potential friends. They might be older than you or younger than you or not the same type of person as you at all, except that they all like the same thing you do. So there's a start.

Either GO OUT and meet the people -- whatever their ages -- at meetup.com or figure out another way to go places. But clearly, you're going to have to do it by yourself at the beginning. Once you get a friend ... someone you've met at one of these places ... then the two of you can go out together to another event. And then you'll meet more people. But you are, unfortunately, going to need to go out by yourself a few times. There's really no way around that.

And yes ... you are making excuses. Every single suggestion someone has given you, you've had a reason why you can't do it or why it won't work for you. That's called making excuses.


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Old 02-11-2013, 04:28 PM   #35
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First off from your photo you are very nice looking. Please stop the inner voice that is saying you are ugly. Next, there are many, many people who do not have friends, or would like to have people in their immediate area to hang out with.

When people are replying that you should talk to a professional, I think they are hearing the sadness in your voice, and that frightens them.

I am 51 and two of my closest girlfriends are 23 and 22 years old. I went back to college to be a teacher. We had many classes together, and we just meshed. We hang out all the time, text..... This Saturday we are meeting at a scrapbook store so I can show them how to make cards. We are all going to be teachers together, and we have a strong bond, so don't rule out friends of different ages.

Please drop all of those so called friends who have not treated you kindly. Ask yourself if you would treat a friend like they are treating you? If not, it's time to let them go.

The best way to make friends is to have something where you run into the same people on a regular basis. That's why so many people suggested taking a class or Bible study. Since you can't go to your church's Bible study, would you consider going to another church? Maybe they have a women's Bible study. Is there some group or organization where you can volunteer? I have found that when you are sweating/working hard together, it is easiest to make friends.

Starting up a conversation with strangers is always tough. It's best to look for the person not engaged in a conversation with anyone else. That's the person who will be the most open to a conversation with you. Skip trying to break into any kind of a group, women huddled together in a circle.... look for the quiet person at the back of the room.

People are naturally attracted to a positive personality. They want to be a part of the fun. I realize this is so fake, but slap on a smile. It doesn't have to be a huge ol' grin, but fake it for the evening/afternoon. Make jokes. Talk about pleasant things....

I am sure you don't do this, but keep most personal information to yourself in any initial conversations. I am truly amazed at the personal things people say to me, a perfect stranger. Just keep it light and very surface level.

Truly remember you are not alone. There are so many lonely people out there waiting to be found. Someone posted about you needing to get out there and it's true. I know it's hard, and awkward, but you have to push. Maybe you could talk to your church leader about a women's group where you have wine and play Bunco..... Our church does that.

Another thought is to begin visiting nursing homes or church members who are shut ins. You would be giving them a friend and someone to talk to, and you will make friends too.

I hope this helps you brainstorm ideas. Remember to take care of yourself first. You deserve it!!!
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Old 02-11-2013, 05:08 PM   #36
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Just so everyone knows, I was having pains in my foot and made an appointment with my doctor, this was a couple months ago. I went, did an xray and everything was perfectly fine. There is nothing else he can do to make the pain go away. He gave me the option of taking the screw out but even with that it still would cause me pain. I have a very serious injury. No it does not hurt every day but when it rains or when I do to much yes it does cause pain and discomfort. I ran over the summer at an amusepark and was in pain for 2 weeks, its just the type of injury that I have. Its called an lisfranc injury and I am lucky that I am walking normal. It is something I have to just deal with in my life. I am going to try to push it a little more to try to do more with it.
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Old 02-11-2013, 05:15 PM   #37
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jill in Chicago View Post
First off from your photo you are very nice looking. Please stop the inner voice that is saying you are ugly. Next, there are many, many people who do not have friends, or would like to have people in their immediate area to hang out with.

When people are replying that you should talk to a professional, I think they are hearing the sadness in your voice, and that frightens them.

I am 51 and two of my closest girlfriends are 23 and 22 years old. I went back to college to be a teacher. We had many classes together, and we just meshed. We hang out all the time, text..... This Saturday we are meeting at a scrapbook store so I can show them how to make cards. We are all going to be teachers together, and we have a strong bond, so don't rule out friends of different ages.

Please drop all of those so called friends who have not treated you kindly. Ask yourself if you would treat a friend like they are treating you? If not, it's time to let them go.

The best way to make friends is to have something where you run into the same people on a regular basis. That's why so many people suggested taking a class or Bible study. Since you can't go to your church's Bible study, would you consider going to another church? Maybe they have a women's Bible study. Is there some group or organization where you can volunteer? I have found that when you are sweating/working hard together, it is easiest to make friends.

Starting up a conversation with strangers is always tough. It's best to look for the person not engaged in a conversation with anyone else. That's the person who will be the most open to a conversation with you. Skip trying to break into any kind of a group, women huddled together in a circle.... look for the quiet person at the back of the room.

People are naturally attracted to a positive personality. They want to be a part of the fun. I realize this is so fake, but slap on a smile. It doesn't have to be a huge ol' grin, but fake it for the evening/afternoon. Make jokes. Talk about pleasant things....

I am sure you don't do this, but keep most personal information to yourself in any initial conversations. I am truly amazed at the personal things people say to me, a perfect stranger. Just keep it light and very surface level.

Truly remember you are not alone. There are so many lonely people out there waiting to be found. Someone posted about you needing to get out there and it's true. I know it's hard, and awkward, but you have to push. Maybe you could talk to your church leader about a women's group where you have wine and play Bunco..... Our church does that.

Another thought is to begin visiting nursing homes or church members who are shut ins. You would be giving them a friend and someone to talk to, and you will make friends too.

I hope this helps you brainstorm ideas. Remember to take care of yourself first. You deserve it!!!
thank you. I will try that. Like someone mentioned my neighbors when I first moved here I spoke and waved to people and got nothing back so why should I keep trying with them? whenever they see me they just stare at me, all but one of my neighbors. I will try to go out and do more things alone, but other than shopping what else can I do? all our libraries in my city are closed due to having no money. I really enjoy going to amusement parks but they are closed for the season right now. I really want to meet more people going there because I will have a different variety of people to go and hang out with. Right now its just my family, that's all I have.
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Old 02-11-2013, 05:16 PM   #38
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and I joined that page someone where recommended, I messaged a couple girls, hoping to get a reply from there.
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Old 02-11-2013, 05:56 PM   #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luv4u859 View Post
and I joined that page someone where recommended, I messaged a couple girls, hoping to get a reply from there.
good start

how about this website for volunteering

http://www.volunteermatch.org/

Maybe you can find a good match to go out and help others and that wont be too stressful on your foot
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Old 02-11-2013, 06:42 PM   #40
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I also feel this way alot (especially lately).
I have been going to therapy on and off, and my therapist basically lets me talk although she does "lead." I have "A-ha" moments, all by myself....and yes, I pay to talk to someone, but it helps to get my feelings out there. We set goals, baby steps.
I also agree with the possiblilty of a chemical imbalance, and trying meds. This can get frustrating too though, because trying to find the right med(s), dose, etc, takes time. And no one says you have to be medicated for life.

And I agree...you look pretty in your picture!
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Old 02-11-2013, 08:24 PM   #41
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Originally Posted by luv4u859 View Post
Just so everyone knows, I was having pains in my foot and made an appointment with my doctor, this was a couple months ago. I went, did an xray and everything was perfectly fine. There is nothing else he can do to make the pain go away. He gave me the option of taking the screw out but even with that it still would cause me pain. I have a very serious injury. No it does not hurt every day but when it rains or when I do to much yes it does cause pain and discomfort. I ran over the summer at an amusepark and was in pain for 2 weeks, its just the type of injury that I have. Its called an lisfranc injury and I am lucky that I am walking normal. It is something I have to just deal with in my life. I am going to try to push it a little more to try to do more with it.
I know you went to your doctor, but have you done any research on another doctor who might be able to help you? A second opinion....you never know....a different doctor may have gone to a different conference,learned a different technique, had more experience with your type of injury....maybe there's physical therapy that could help.

My DH has backproblems. When it flared up, he always went to a chiropractor and the chiropractor was very good at relieving the discomfort and getting him back into alignment. HIs most recent bout, the chiropractor just wasn't helping this time...he went to physical therapy which did help. Different modality, different result...it's not saying anything bad about your original MD but all MDs have different levels and types of experiences.

I would recommend a Orthopedic Podiatrist...one who has specific experience in the orthopedic care of the foot.

As far as meeting people...what do you like to do? Cook, sew, paint,write, exercise, hike, are you a political aficionado? Don't just think about going to something social like a movie or shoppig or whatever...think about something that interests you or think about a cause you want to get more involved in and then call and find out where the group meets... My late DFIL was diabetic and DH & I got hooked up with the ADA for a while and got involved in their local fundraising walk....met a LOT of nice people that way. Do you have a "cause" ...because most causes have a group and there you'll meet people that you KNOW you have at least one thing in common with, so you can have a conversation.
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Stop telling your God how big the storm is. Instead, tell the storm how big your God is.
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He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
You are his life, his love, his leader.
He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart.
You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion.
~~In loving memory of Teddy~~1994-2007~~

Last edited by Disney Doll; 02-11-2013 at 08:30 PM.
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Old 02-11-2013, 08:43 PM   #42
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Disney Doll

I know you went to your doctor, but have you done any research on another doctor who might be able to help you? A second opinion....you never know....a different doctor may have gone to a different conference,learned a different technique, had more experience with your type of injury....maybe there's physical therapy that could help.

My DH has backproblems. When it flared up, he always went to a chiropractor and the chiropractor was very good at relieving the discomfort and getting him back into alignment. HIs most recent bout, the chiropractor just wasn't helping this time...he went to physical therapy which did help. Different modality, different result...it's not saying anything bad about your original MD but all MDs have different levels and types of experiences.

I would recommend a Orthopedic Podiatrist...one who has specific experience in the orthopedic care of the foot.

As far as meeting people...what do you like to do? Cook, sew, paint,write, exercise, hike, are you a political aficionado? Don't just think about going to something social like a movie or shoppig or whatever...think about something that interests you or think about a cause you want to get more involved in and then call and find out where the group meets... My late DFIL was diabetic and DH & I got hooked up with the ADA for a while and got involved in their local fundraising walk....met a LOT of nice people that way. Do you have a "cause" ...because most causes have a group and there you'll meet people that you KNOW you have at least one thing in common with, so you can have a conversation.
No because even when I looked up people who had the same problem, they are 3 years in and still have pain. People just need to listen to me when I say things. I know what I am talking about. I am lucky I got away with only one screw. It is just the type of injury I have, no seeing another doctor will change it. Not all orthopedics will even touch the type of injury I had. When I first saw my doctor he told me he does not like these because they are so bad. Also when I went to the ER the night of the accident, they told me "minor" break, when I went to the doctors he said its not minor and that many ER doctors don't know that it is very severe. Look it up lisfranc injury.

I do like to cook. Over the summer I was looking for classes at michaels or ac Moore to learn to make different things. I would love to do that, right now it's tough tho because I work all day and that's when there classes are.
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Old 02-11-2013, 08:56 PM   #43
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Perfect example of someone who claims to be my friend, round a color run to do. Asked if she wanted to go and I got the run around saying she would be scared when the people put the paint on her, but then in the same breath asked me if I wanted tickets to sesame place, which is for kids, which I do not have. Her and her sisters have kids, plus I have a season pass to sox flags great adventure.
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Old 02-11-2013, 08:57 PM   #44
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hello,

i understand, it is really hard to make new friends. i don't have many either, mostly because i am so busy. i work, intern, take night classes and have 3 kids. the time will come when you won't be so busy and then you will be able to do some of the other things mentioned.

i will say getting active in my church really opened up the doors for me to meet some new people. do i see or talk to them every single day...no, but i know there are people there when i need them and who i can have a friendly chat with on sunday. that being said, i had to be the one to put the effort in. i was the one who knew i needed something more than i had. no one who doesnt know you is going to realize you need some companionship.

what your feeling is normal, life was never meant to be lived alone! everyone needs someone else!

maybe visit different churches each sunday until you find one closer to you that you mesh with (im in philly, how far away are you in jersey? we have lots of people from jersey at my church!)

volunteering was another great suggestion. find something you are passionate about. you like kids, there has got to be an agency/organization out there waiting for your skills and heart!

stopping those voices in your head that tell you you are fat and ugly is going to be one of the hardest things you will ever do, but once you do you will thank yourself for the rest of your life. you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and you are beautiful! HUGS!!!!!
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Old 02-11-2013, 09:01 PM   #45
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I will not lie and say this is not crazy and that I would be really scared if I was on board. No power, phone wouldn't work and nothing to do. Yeah I would be really scared, but that isn't saying I'm gonna cancel mine, I'm going on my 2nd carnival cruise in July and I can't wait. Things happen that sometimes people have no control over. I shouldn't stop you from living your life.
I saw your post above on the cruise forum that you are going on your second Carnival cruise this July and you are looking forward to it...that is great. Sounds like fun and that you enjoyed it last time. Are you going alone or with someone? A cruise is a great place to meet people. And I think you should take your own advice...a bit of adversity should not keep you from living your life.

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