Death of a spouse and dating? How soon is too soon?

[eliza61]

It's been 5 months of widowhood for me and I'm happy that I can finally return to wdw without busting out into tears. I can imagine dating let alone remarrying.

[ilovejack02]

My Dad was married for 25 years and lost his wife in a car wreck. My mother was an employee of his at the time. After Dad's wife passed , my Mom and Dad were married with in a year ... 41 years later all is going well .. Dad is 87, Mom is 71. We all laugh and say if Mom passes first , Dad will be remarried with in the year. The ladies at church adore him, I am going to have to beat them off with a stick at the funeral .


My Aunt ( Mom's twin) lost her husband 5 yrs ago , She didn't date at all . Last May she met an amazing man that had lost his wife after a long illness about 3 months before . THey are now happily married and we are all so happy to see her happy once again. His family was hesitant ,but now are all on board, love my Aunt. I agree that the surviving spouse seems to grieve faster and now the end result , so ready to move on faster .

Some men , especially older , need to be married and seems to be the ones that were from happy relationships, from my experience.

[TB'sWidow]

Originally Posted by antmaril

I lost my husband to cancer almost five years ago. I have not yet dated. My husband and I had been together since we were 15 years old and I buried him on our 34th wedding anniversary. I just can't picture myself with anyone else.

I agree with the others who say men seem to really need to be married and that when they are widowed they "bounce back" sooner. Not always, of course. My father was the exception to that rule. My mother died suddenly at age 66. They had been married 47 years. He was widowed eight years before he got involved with another woman. They were together (did not marry) until he died at age 89.

Another one who agrees, my Dad got involved with the mother of a friend if mine within a month of my Mom passing on the other hand I have been a widow myself for 10 yrs now an I still have not dated not do I really want to an I was a widow at 39

[Sadie22]

I agree with padams. For some people who suffer through a long illness with a family member, the mourning started with the diagnosis. The surviving spouse may have passed through some of the stages of mourning before the ill spouse passes away. He or she has had a long time to contemplate what living without the ill spouse will mean, and perhaps what he or she will do when death actually occurs. So while those observing think it's too soon, for some individuals it is not. Now, if they rush out to get married to a total stranger, that's probably not a good thing. Just spending time with other people is healthy, however.

[antmaril]

Originally Posted by eliza61

It's been 5 months of widowhood for me and I'm happy that I can finally return to wdw without busting out into tears. I can imagine dating let alone remarrying.

I am very sorry for your loss.

[DebbieB]

In 1972, my grandmother (dad's mom) died from lung cancer in her late 50's, she had a woman who came in daily to take care of her at the end. She was a widow with a teenage son. My mom mentioned that it was strange that the woman was still coming around after my grandmother died. She started to suspect something was going on. My dad was furious at her for even thinking such a thing. Sure enough, 2 or 3 weeks later my grandfather announced he was marrying her! My grandparents had a happy marriage and my grandfather was the type of man who needed taking care of, he was probably in his early 60's. My dad's sister was furious! They wanted to get married immediately but waited about 6 months to calm down my aunt. His new wife shared a duplex with her sister and he moved in with her there. I was only a teenager and it was uncomfortable to have her around, she liked to drink. I did not like going there to visit or have her visit us. One time she was drunk and made the comment "when Debbie and Richie (her son) get married.....".

She died in 1994, after my dad died. Her sister called my aunt in Michigan and said "come get your dad". So my aunt took him to Michigan to live at a nursing home near her. From what my aunt said, he was chasing women around the nursing home! He died in 1999, I believe he was around 90. He was buried next to my grandmother.

When my dad died, my mom was in her late 50's. Someone made a joke at the funeral home about men are going to be chasing after her. That freaked out my brothers, they were really upset. I didn't have a problem with it. But she never did date again before she passed away about 12 years later.

[JessB320]

I worked with a gal in her late 20s who passed away after a 6 month battle with cancer. One month later her friend had moved in with the DH and 2 young children. They got married on the one year anniversary of the death- to replace a sad memory with a happy one for the kids. The whole thing creeped me out

[minniecarousel]

"One and done"

That describes me (& probably hubby too). I can't imagine training another husband at my age!

[LSmith]

Originally Posted by Janepod

Same thing for my dad when my mom died. It made us uncomfortable.

I was talking to a counselor about it then (dealing with the death of my mother) and he said that in general the happier someone has been in their marriage, the sooner they will start dating. It makes them bullish on relationships. People who have been unhappy will tend to want to be alone for a while.

But I agree OP, you can't know til you've walked in their shoes. Handling grief is so different for everyone and there is no right way.

I think my father brought a date to my mother's funeral. My parents had been together 40 years.

[ilovemk76]

If you bring a date to the funeral, they it is too soon.

[Disney Doll]

My opinion is that I think most people should take some time to mourn.

My experience is that most people don't do this.

Grief...you have to go through it, You can't go around it. It gets you eventually.

[snoopybabe]

Originally Posted by Disney Doll

My opinion is that I think most people should take some time to mourn.

My experience is that most people don't do this.

Grief...you have to go through it, You can't go around it. It gets you eventually.

Totally agree with this. I've been a widow for 18 months now & can't imagine dating someone else because I'm still in love with my husband. We were married for 24 years & he battled cancer on & off for 12. I'm still going through the grief process & I don't think it would be fair for myself, my family, or that person at this time.

[tinkerbellandeeyor]

I would say a year to a life time

[Tarheel Tink]

Originally Posted by eliza61

It's been 5 months of widowhood for me and I'm happy that I can finally return to wdw without busting out into tears. I can imagine dating let alone remarrying.

I am so sorry. I have not been on the boards much lately and did not know.

[low-key]

I think most would say a year, but how do you tell your heart it cant love sooner