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Old 02-09-2013, 03:38 PM   #196
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How did this thread get to be about finances and SAHMs?

This is a custody issue between a separated couple. Sorry, if Dad is supposed to see them on the weekends he needs to do so. It is not unreasonable for the mom to have expectation that she should be able to make some plans on occasion while the children are with their father - whether she works or not doesn't have anything to do with that.

The uproar about the Dad doesn't have to do with him working, it has to do with the OP's "my poor son doesn't get any time to himself because he's always working and DIL doesn't deserve any expectation of time to herself and should be available at all times for childcare" assumptions. The uproar would be the same if DIL was a working mom.
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:40 PM   #197
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Depends. We lived in base housing for a couple of years at the last posting, and I was a SAHM then. When that no longer worked for our family financially, I got a part-time job, then a full time job. The last few years of his military career we lived in a home that OUR income provided. See how that works? You want a home of your own, you work to provide it. If one income won't do it, then you either stay where you can live on one income (i.e, OP's DIL living with her daughters at her parent's house) or you get a J.O.B. to provide a better living situation for your family.

If OP's son, DIL and their children are satisfied with the living arrangements, swell. But don't bash the OP's son for not being man enough or mature enough to put a roof over his family's head when he is doing what he can, and then give her a pass while she is not contributing to the family income in order to change the situation. Fair is fair.

But don't you feel he should provide himself a home where his children can come stay with him, instead of living in a bachelor pad where his children cannot?
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:40 PM   #198
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Originally Posted by FayeW View Post
If OP's son, DIL and their children are satisfied with the living arrangements, swell. But don't bash the OP's son for not being man enough or mature enough to put a roof over his family's head when he is doing what he can, and then give her a pass while she is not contributing to the family income in order to change the situation. Fair is fair.
ITA. I see a man who is doing what he can to financially support his family. I see a man who is missing out on getting to be a dad because he had to take a job in another town, and a second job that keeps him busy on Saturdays.
Maybe if the wife got herself a job to help support their family, he could have stayed local and be spending that much more time being a dad.
Oh, and FWIW, I'm a SAHM.
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:41 PM   #199
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Originally Posted by phorsenuf View Post
But don't you feel he should provide himself a home where his children can come stay with him, instead of living in a bachelor pad where his children cannot?
He should, but maybe he cant do that and provide for them, when he is the sole provider.
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:45 PM   #200
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He should, but maybe he cant do that and provide for them, when he is the sole provider.
Doesn't she live with her parents though? I'm so confuzzled.
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:48 PM   #201
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Depends. We lived in base housing for a couple of years at the last posting, and I was a SAHM then. When that no longer worked for our family financially, I got a part-time job, then a full time job. The last few years of his military career we lived in a home that OUR income provided. See how that works? You want a home of your own, you work to provide it. If one income won't do it, then you either stay where you can live on one income (i.e, OP's DIL living with her daughters at her parent's house) or you get a J.O.B. to provide a better living situation for your family.

If OP's son, DIL and their children are satisfied with the living arrangements, swell. But don't bash the OP's son for not being man enough or mature enough to put a roof over his family's head when he is doing what he can, and then give her a pass while she is not contributing to the family income in order to change the situation. Fair is fair.
Base housing is housing paid by your income. It was part of your DH's job.

The DIL did have a job and then lost it. She was trying to help and they still had to live in grandma's house.
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:48 PM   #202
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Doesn't she live with her parents though? I'm so confuzzled.
I think so, but he still has to financially support his girls. I got the impression that he needed this well paying job in order to do that. I could be confuzzled too though
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:51 PM   #203
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But don't you feel he should provide himself a home where his children can come stay with him, instead of living in a bachelor pad where his children cannot?
Why would you think that? Of course he should, if his income will stretch far enough to allow him to be able to pay the rent on a place without needing roommates, and still be able to provide for the needs of his children while they live with their mother.
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:52 PM   #204
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I haven't read through all of the thread, but at leads she wants him to visit his children. I have seen many that do everything they can to stop it. So, I think he should feel lucky and should probably try to find child care arrangements when you can't watch them when he has them.
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Old 02-09-2013, 03:55 PM   #205
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Base housing is housing paid by your income. It was part of your DH's job.
No kidding. What's your point?
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Old 02-09-2013, 04:03 PM   #206
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What I can figure out is during their adult life they have never had their own home.

What I can tell you is what will happen if they go to court. I've been in this situation.... nearly exactly.

Since she has the kids what amounts to 6 days a week she will get primary custody.

He does not have a home suitable for children. He will be told that he cannot have overnight visitation with them until his primary residence is suitable for children.

His child support payment will reflect that the mother has the children 7 nights a week. In other words, it will be HUGE.

The difference here is, what the mother lists as her primary residence, ie: her parents house, is a suitable home for 2 young girls. What the father lists as his primary residence is an apartment he shares with unrelated males. The court will not allow overnight visitation based on that.

So, how the mother supports herself, as long as it's legal, has no bearing on whether, or not, she has a suitable home for her children. It has no bearing on how much support he has to pay (support is based on HIS income alone) His amount of support of the children will also not negate his responsibility to provide an appropriate home.
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Old 02-09-2013, 04:07 PM   #207
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But of course he could always lie and say he lives with his mother, thus granting him overnight visitation.
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Old 02-09-2013, 04:09 PM   #208
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But of course he could always lie and say he lives with his mother, thus granting him overnight visitation.
Sure he could...but wouldn't his wife make it known to the court that he's lying?
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Old 02-09-2013, 04:09 PM   #209
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Exactly, my BIL had to rent an apartment to be able to have his 4 kids be able to spend the night. He was living in a one bedroom apt. over his business.
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Old 02-09-2013, 04:34 PM   #210
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She has two young children.
They are the OP's son's children.
And, not only should she be completely responsible for them 6-7 days a week, with no father present, but she should now also get off her duff and help support them so that this guy can go live in a bachelor pad, and do whatever he wants, with no responsibility at all

Wow... Just freakin' WOW.
O M G....

I am so glad that the courts do not see it that way.

She IS supporting them.
She has made a responsible decision to allow her mother to help provide acceptable housing, food, child-care, so that she will not have to work 40-60 hours a week and have her children live in a tiny, sub-standard place somewhere.

Some of the comments here, just can't even begin to wrap my head around them.

This man isn't working and providing for his family... He is off shirking responsibility, playing care-free bachelor, while estranged wife and mommy handle everything.
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